caption contest 42: frontin' in my ride

Announcer: "You are listening to the Columbia Broadcasting System. We interrupt Orson Welles and his weekly Mercury Theatre program to bring you a very special news bulletin."

Vosk: "Attention Puny Earthlings! This is your Martian Overlord speaking! Resistance is Useless! Our invasion force is already crossing the Brooklyn Bridge and will be here at any moment..."

 

ARCHER:"Target the TODAY SHOW studios, Malcolm...two photonic torpedoes!!

Roker's fat ass won't go down with just one!!"

 

VOSK:"Hogan has a WHAT underneath the WHAT and is hiding WHO!?!?"

 

Zis veek, on a very special Blossom, Six has a shocking secret; that threatens to involve Joey. Zis very special episode is "Smokink is for Losers". That is all.

 

Fay Wray: "Shrieeeeeeeek!"

Kong: "Oh totally....

HEY! You're killing the romance here!

Move that piece of junk outta the way, will yeah?

Me and my woman are trying to enjoy the view!"

 

KING KONG: The George Lucas "Special Edition"

 

"Dear camp...tonight's movie will be THE LENI RIEFENSTAHL CHRONICLES. And Father Mulcahey will be taking entries for next week's raffle drawing in Tent #12."

 

"...and after being forced to watch The Sound of Music a total of nine times, I discovered where my loyalties really lied."

 

"Tell Schulz he either pulls guard duty tonight...or he gets sent to the parallel-timeline Russian front!"

 

Rudy Guiliani's secret weapon that cut NYC crime so drastically...

 

(singing) "Springtime for Hitler...."

 

AXE Body Spray

Strong enough for an untermenschen...

But made for an Aryan.

 

"Theeeeeeee sun'll come out, tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow......there'll be sun...."

 

"...and round up the assholes who keep sending me crates of visine!"

 

In the parallel timeline created by Vosk, riding the Red Eye took on a new and truly creepy meaning.

 

TRAVIS:"Scanners are picking up Les Moonves...bearing 104 mark six!!!"

ARCHER:"FIRE EVERYTHING!!!!!"

 

Background Technician: "You do realise stockings and suspenders are not an authentic part of that uniform?"

Vosk: "Don't give me that! You remember those historical broadcasts we intercepted on our long journey to Earth...

(starts singing)

What good is sitting alone in your room? Come to the Cabaret."

Technician: "Yes... but... don't you think a Captain in the SS would wear pants while on duty?"

 

"Transmit zis to ze civilians Von Smallhausen. Ze painting of ze fallen Madonna wiz ze big boobies will be delivered to ze Gestapo offices, or Halloween will be cancelled. Zat is all."

"Can I take zis mask off now Herr Flick."

"Silence. You will now commence Operation 'Scare ze children and steal all their candy.'"

"Yes Herr Flick"

 

Evil Archer: "Cyclist. 7 o'clock."

Major Reed: "Got a lock. Firing."

Evil Archer: "No wait! I thought you we're asking how I like to exercise every morning?"

Major Reed: "Oh... now that is a pity."

 

ARCHER:"Target the Garfield and Popeye balloons. Phase cannons at maximum beam yield!

That Santa bastard can suck on THIS at the end of this parade!!! FIRE!!!"