Voyager Caption Contest #54: Wait an Hour After You Eat

[Yeoman Randi]

Welcome back fellow Voyagers! It's time to dust off the last contest and announce da winnas!

Running away with the Matrix Award we have this:

Tuvok: I fail to see the logic in referring to you as "Agent Smith."

I always KNEW Janeway had a secret side to her...

JANEWAY: I've pick the design I want for my tramp stamp.

Next time you fly, remember the 3 oz rule.....

Kim: "Well, I'll be damned! Oddly enough, viles of nitroglycerin are not on the TSA's banned items list! Enjoy your flight, sir!"

Couldn't pick a single winner for this photo, so we have these two entries sharing the "WTF is that Award"~

Janeway - Screw it. Let's just shoot it now, and we'll all be home for dinner.

And this one........

Tuvok: I'll remotely use the array to return us to the alpha quadrant...

Janeway: No, we can't let this fall into the wrong hands.

Tuvok: Then we can rig a timer to...

Janeway: Nope.

Tuvok: Team of redshirts?

Janeway: No.

Tuvok: Do you even want to go home?

Janeway: You can not imagine the credit card debt I've racked up. I can't go back.

This entry wins the "Little Wise Guy" Award:

(Shuttlecraft rises out of the swamp)

CHAKOTAY: I...I don't believe it...

HARRY: That, is why you fail...

This week's morning cawfee spew once again draws from the classics~and you know how I'm a sucker for the classics!

Tuvok: THERE ARE FOUR DOCTORS!

And this entry caused a little projectile vomiting making it win the EWWWWW award:

Janeway: "How many times have I told the EMH he needs to clean up after he does a liposuction?"

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Congratulations to da winnas and thanks to everyone who played! You all ROCK!


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And now, for your captioning pleasure i offer these tasty tidbits~ just remember to wash your hands when you are finished!

As always i'll let this brew for two weeks. Until then have fun, set a course for home and ENGAGE!

 

[Candlelight]

It took a while but Ensign Kim finally got promoted.

"Either get me out of here or find this Matlock person"

"Trust me Captain, they're harmless, it won't kill you."

*creature kills the Captain*

Torres: "And... done"
Janeway: "Hooray! Beer tonight lads!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Yeoman Randi!

Veridian IV astronaut (OS): "Hey, come take a look at what we found on Veridian III!"

"Okay, one more round of Yahtzee, and then it's back to the mud wrestling pit!"

Janeway: "These three claim they are humans abducted from Earth in the late 1930s! See if the library computer has any historical data on Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Jerome 'Curly' Howard."

Janeway: "Yes, Starfleet does accept members of all species! It's just that...I don't think we have any uniforms on board that will fit you!"

Torres: "I'm afraid it's beyond repair, Captain. So, that's it. No more holodeck!"
Janeway: "This is going to play hell with the crew's sex lives."

 

[Isis]

Yeoman Randi, thanks for the win!

Janeway (OS): "Hmmm, the sign says Bones. Couldn't they think of a more original name?"

Janeway (to self): "This is the last time I'll attend a singles mixer in the Delta Quadrant."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway said she needed a skeleton crew to run the ship.

 

[BlobVanDam]

Janeway - well this isn't quite what I expected when I told the holodeck I wanted a bed with "Bones" on it.

Janeway - I'm sorry, I just naturally assumed that when you said it was your most popular holodeck orgy program for the past 40 years, that the people would have been holographic too.

Janeway - Oh hello Doctor. I didn't see you come in. How long have you been standing there?
Doctor - Long enough to see what you were doing with that Hadrosaur's head bone.
Janeway - You tell anyone, and I'll delete your holomatrix.
Doctor - Hey, you should see the things Tom Paris gets up to in here with that "proton pistol".

Be'lanna - Yep, there's your problem, captain. Someone burned out holodeck 2's matrix by creating too many male strippers at once.
Janeway - Very good work, Be'lanna. Now let's erase all records of this incident, and forget this ever happened. If anyone needs me, I'll be investigating this further on holodeck 1.

 

[LeadHead]

Doctor: Based on my cursory analysis on the left eye socket, I'd say this man was a pirate.

Hugh went undercover in the void hoping to leave the plot holes of "I, Borg" and "Descent" behind him.

Janeway: When you said I'd be seeing dinosaurs, I didn't think this was what you had in mind.

Janeway regretted allowing the Doctor to assist in programming her next holographic boyfriend.

B'Elanna: I'm sure I can fix this.

Janeway: Wait, we all need to stare at it for at least another hour.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Janeway, OS: Doctor, I nee-
...have you updated your visual matrix?
The Doctor: Just call me 'Bones'!

Janeway: Well?
The Doctor: He's certainly TALL enough to replace Mr. Paris, but I really can't see a dinosaur M.D.

Janeway: Let me know if we need additional personnel. I'm not above a little kidnapping.
Torres: Captain, I assure you, your coffee maker will be operational within a few hours.

 

[LeadHead]

Does this guy have any Spare Ribs?

Janeway: Let me get this straight, a replicator will kill an ENTIRE CREW if it's not made properly?!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Mikey: "It's One-Eyed Willie!"

Janeway: "Alright Mr. Paris, I haven't had a decent lay in years. Let's get this over with before the Doctor cures you."

B'elenna: "The coffee machine's busted, captain-"

Janeway: "Cannibalize life support and the warp core."

Tuvok: "Captain, I'm not certain that is a wise course of action-"

Janeway: "DO IT."

 

[LeadHead]

Dinosaur: Computer, delete Janeway and EMH.

Janeway and EMH vanish

Dinosaur: Finally some peace and quiet.

 

[Finn]

Paris: But Captain, you were the one who started it the last time....

 

[Gepard]

Janeway: "Alright Mr. Paris, I haven't had a decent lay in years. Let's get this over with before the Doctor cures you."

Oh, wow.

 

[Mistral]

EMH: "It followed me home-can I keep it?"

 

[Captain Zog]

Two hundred years after being cast adrift in the Delta Quadrant, the sole remaining Voyager crewmate finally makes it back home.

Kate Mulgrew: "The financiers of this series really needs to invest more money into the alien cosmetics. I mean, THESE are supposed to be Borg, for cripes sake!"

Janeway: "Unbelievable. And I always thought dinosaurs were make-believe, like gay people and non-English-speaking humans."

Chakotay (amused): "Good thing you installed CCTV in your quarters, B'leanna."

Torres: "So that's what Tom gets up to when I'm not home."

 

[Kirby]

Sure everyone loved Joe Carey and he would be missed, but on a positive note, it was steak night!

Torres: Here's your problem, the technobabble-inator is off line, causing the plot-activator to burn out. I can replace it, and have the reset button running again in a few hours.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

The Doctor took his new nickname, "Bones", a little too seriously when he reprogrammed his appearance.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: What the hell is this?

EMH: The remains of the Sainted Geoff Peterson.

JANEWAY: Who?

EMH: Only the greatest AI ever to have existed. A role model for all who followed.

JANEWAY: Space it!

EMH: In your pants!

 

[Isis]

Janeway: "Until now, I hadn't realized that Mr. Tuvok brought along his mother-in-law on this trip."

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Thanks for the win!!

Janeway: (os)Neelix? What are you doing??

Neelix: (os)I found the morgue!! We'll never go hungry again!!

Janeway throws up

Janeway: Oh look! A frog!!