Favorite humorous dialogue exchange.

Some of my faves:

"Blood Oath"
Quark is complaining to Odo about the drunken Klingon patron (whom we learn is none other than Kor) repeatedly fighting and losing the battle (which he mispronounces and Odo corrects) of Klakh d'kel Brakht. Quark says that he threatened to turn off the power to the holosuite, and in return the patron threatened to kill him. After another short exchange.
Odo: Turn off the power.
Quark: He'll kill you.
Odo: No, he said he'll kill you.


"Star Trek First Contact"
Riker: Tough little ship.
Worf: Little?!

"The Motion Picture"
McCoy: Spock, this child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth. Now what do you suggest we do? Spank it?


"The Search for Spock"
Kirk holds up the Vulcan salute
Kirk: How many fingers am I holding up?
McCoy: That's not very damned funny.
Kirk: Your sense of humor's returned.
McCoy: Like hell it has. (sees Kirk produce a hypo). What's that?
Kirk: Lexorin.
McCoy: Lexorin? What for?
Kirk: You're suffering from a Vulcan's mind meld, doctor.
McCoy: That green blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all those arguments he lost!



"The Undiscovered Country"
On Rura Penthe, in the prison barracks....Kirk gets his first (and last) big screen kiss. (No, The Voyage Home does not count) and McCoy just rolls over in disbelief. After Martia leaves.....

McCoy: What is it with you?
Kirk: Still think we're finished?
McCoy: More than ever.


During the "escape" from the mines, Kirk and McCoy are astonished and more than a little disturbed at Martia's abilities to shapeshift.
McCoy: (on seeing the hairy creature Martia again). Isn't that the same girl you....?
Kirk: Don't remind me.


And now for a humerus bit of dialogue:
Spock: Jim....I can't. My legs are broken.


10-q!

 

ST III
Turbolift: LEVEL, please.
Scotty: Transporter room.
Turbolift: THANK you.
Scotty: Up your shaft!


ST IV
Cabdriver: Hey, why don't you watch where you're going, you dumbass!
Kirk: Well...a DOUBLE dumbass on you!


Also, the entire bit in ST V about Chekov and Sulu being lost in the forest.
"Sulu, look...the sun's come out...it's a miracle."

 

Actually, this is the part that gets me every time I love how DeForest gets himself involved there.

 

What also sold that line for me was Sulu's quick look up with his eyes as Chekov says it. Takei always had a good knack for facial expression....like in Trek IV when he's piloting the chopper, and he accidentally turns on the wipers...the quickness with which he demonstrates his surprise is priceless.

BTW, Mr. Laser Beam, I like that quote for your signature.

Suddenly, I am inspired to make another quote, alas, spoken by no one, but you saw it here, first:
"Those who beat their vacations into to timeshares, will vacate for those who didn't.". -Martok2112.

 

From "This Side of Paradise":

 

Needs no introduction:

"Spock, where the hell's the power you promised me?"
"One damn minute, Admiral."

 

The only good thing from "Spock's Brain":

McCoy: I never should have connected his mouth.

 

KIRA: The station's criminal element has been busy this week.
ODO: Nothing out of the ordinary. Three petty thefts, two incidents of disorderly conduct, one assault.
KIRA: Ijarna's wife hit him again? Why does he stay with her?
ODO: Skip to item twelve.
KIRA: Public lewdness.
ODO: The same night Ijarna reported the assault, I found him and his wife (gesture) behind the information kiosk on the second level.

I thought that exchange was not only kind of funny, but it also was a rare example that males can be victims of assault too

 

Almost any exchange when McCoy is goading Spock about being logical.

Deja Q:

Q: How can I prove that I am mortal?
Worf: Die.

 

Kirk, Bones, and Spock in the corridor at the end of the episode.
Kirk to Spock: "Are you casting me in the role of Satan?"
As Kirk and Bones surround Spock: "Is there anybody on this ship that even remotely resembles Satan?"

 

An excellent scene, not just for its humorous value, but also for its slap back at the network when they wanted Roddenberry to get rid of, or change Spock because they felt that he looked like an image of Satan. Thankfully, Roddenberry didn't cave.

 

I think the Doctor from Voyager is one of the most humorous characters in all of Trek!

Kes: On my home-world it's much simpler. You choose a mate for life. There's no distrust, no envy, no betrayal.
The Doctor: Your world must have very dry literature.

Seska: I won't play these games with the trick of light.
The Doctor: Sticks and stones won't break my bones, so you can imagine how I feel about being called names.

 

not an exchange, per se, just a great single line (from DS9 Playing God):

SISKO: "Phasers on stun Chief O'Brien, I want those voles taken alive"

 

Even though I dislike DS9's mirror episodes for the most part, here's one exchange:

O'Brien: Shields are down to 40%. That cruiser has us in weapons range. Do we make a run for it?
Sisko: We run alright, RIGHT at it.
O'Brien: Ahhh, "Pattern Suicide!"

 

In "Singularity" , Archer is sharing with a Trip the preface he's writing for his father's biography. And Trip is distracted with readings he's taking for a new Captain's chair.
ARCHER: What do you think?
TUCKER: Sounds good.
ARCHER: Let me read you the rest. (Tucker is intent on the scan results on his monitor.)
TUCKER: I really need to get to work on this.
ARCHER: It's just a few more pages.
TUCKER: How many more?
ARCHER: Nineteen.
TUCKER: Nineteen? Are you writing the preface or the book?
ARCHER: I've got a lot to say.
TUCKER: No kidding.
ARCHER: What's that supposed to mean?
TUCKER: If I may, sir, it's a little longwinded.
ARCHER: You're lucky you're a decent engineer because you obviously don't know anything about writing.
TUCKER: I'm not the ONLY one.

 

I like that whole exchange where Tip and Archer play "geography" and Trip says Draylax, and that baffles Archer, so Archer answers Xanadu LOL

 

Because racism is funny.

 

This.

 

Wait. ...... What?!

 

With each passing year, making fun of Spock because of his ears or his green blood becomes less and less funny and comes off more like the casual racism that I think it really was. Calling Spock a green-blooded, inhuman whatever is pretty close to calling him a red-skinned savage. Making fun of his ears is like making fun of the shape of a person's eyes. Even arguably the best episode of TOS was not immune to falling into this trap, with the "joke" of explaining Spock's appearance by his supposedly having had an accident with a mechanical rice-picker. I love TOS, but this way of speaking of outsiders is a sign of the times in which it was made, that sadly aren't all that different from the times we live in now. I really don't believe that people in an enlightened future would speak about each other that way, but clearly YMMV.