All conspiracy theories are false.
Why? Because there is a conspiracy to prevent conspiracies.
1815. The Congress of Vienna. While the foreign ministers of the Great Powers of Europe were negotiating peace, the heads of their secret services were also meeting--in secret, of course--to discuss the underlying causes of the French Revolutionary and Napoleonic Wars.
Their chief researcher, Abbé Augustin Barruel, presented convincing evidence that the French Revolution was the product of a conspiracy by philosophes, Freemasons, and the Bavarian Illuminati to overthrow Christianity. What is more, these secret societies, while temporarily defeated, were growing in power once again.
Since these fanatical conspirators could only be defeated by extra-legal means, a new and secret Crusading order was founded--the Sovereign Military Order of the Sacred Heart of Jesus--generally referred to by the cryptic initials SCI (for Sacratissimum Cor Iesu). Endowed with vast wealth, and a law unto itself, the SCI devoted itself to secretly combating the conspiratorial hydra.
Today, the power of the SCI is practically limitless, and its reach is global. Because of the tireless efforts of these silent guardians--this anti-conspiratorial conspiracy--the world is conspiracy-free.
But, in order to keep its own existence a secret, the SCI secretly encourages foolish and implausible conspiracy theories. By keeping conspiracy theorists busy chasing phantoms, the SCI's disinformation campaign both neutralizes a potential threat, and makes the whole concept of conspiracy seem ridiculous.
