Would Chris Hansen help keep my childhood from being raped?

[Jayson]

Between the upcoming Trek movie with new versions of "Kirk,Spock,McCoy" and "GiJoe" that has Cobra Commander in a lousy new outfit and makes the Joe team a international crime fighting team instead of a American team workingo out of "The Pitt." I feel like I might be violated in some upcoming trips to the movie theater.

Is their anyway I can contact Hansen and see if he would come with me to the movies to protect my inner-inocence? He can sit up in the projector room or whatever it is called and if the movie in question ever does something that might make my inner child feel uncomfortable he can turn the movie off and protect me!

Jason

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Is their anyway I can contact Hansen and see if he would come with me to the movies to protect my inner-inocence? He can sit up in the projector room or whatever it is called and if the movie in question ever does something that might make my inner child feel uncomfortable he can turn the movie off and protect me!

 

[Mr. B]

Unless he has a time machine to go back and wipe Abrams Trek out of existence, I think you're screwed... involuntarily.