I think we may have overlooked an important factor in the success or failure of Trek XI with the average moviegoer. Just the other day, I was talking with a friend (a mostly non-Trekkie) about the upcoming film, and I found something odd about his reaction. See if you notice:
Me: So I’m really looking forward to the newest Trek film…
Him: They’re making another one of those? Oh, right. I saw the trailer for it.
Me: It looks pretty cool. I’m really happy that Trek is making a comeback.
Him: Comeback? Wasn’t there one of these films, like, a year or two back?
Me: Actually, that was Nemesis. Nearly six years ago. It didn’t do too well at the box office. That’s why the creative staff has been completely replaced; you may have noticed one of the names in…
Him: …Oh! Yeah, yeah. That J.J. guy. He did that monster film, what, Poppyseed?
Me: Cloverfield.
Him: Right.
Me: Anyway, you know the new one’s got Kirk and Spock in it, right? They cast Sylar from Heroes as Spock.
Him: Really? Cool! I love Heroes! You know, I remember watching some of those old Trek episodes as a kid. My dad would have them on, or whatever, and I’d sit down and watch with him sometimes. Might be kinda fun to see this movie, then. Dr. Spock was neat.
Me: …Mr. Spock, actually. Dr. Spock is a child psychologist.
Him: I knew that. Hey, you know what’s funny? I just remembered -- every time the ship would land on some planet, one of those redshirted background guys would get it from some evil alien! Isn’t that funny?
Me: [laughing weakly, like I haven’t heard this a million times] Yeah, that is funny.
Him: Do you think they’ll do something like that in the new film? I always got a kick out of that as a kid. I hope they bring one of those guys back. Like, the exact same actor. Really.
Me: Uh, well, they’re casting all new people for these roles, except for an older Spock, who will still be played by the original actor.
Him: Wait, what? No! How can this be the same show I watched as a kid if they recast critical roles????? This is awful!!!!!!
Me: Um, I just said the original Spock is...and, uh, well, several of the original actors are dead, and…
Him: I don’t care! [he checks IMDB] Look! The background actors are still alive! See? Right here. It lists them! David Ross…Paul Baxley…Ron Veto. He was a security guard! I remember him! Why isn’t he in the movie?
Me: Uh…well, they…
Him: I was SO going to watch this, but now? I don’t know! I don’t know! Why has God forsaken me?
[He stands on a table, gets a running start, flings himself through a plate glass window and plummets 50 stories to his doom.]
So now I’m worried that Trek XI might fail to connect with the average moviegoer. I hope Abrams isn’t making a mistake. So do you think we should start a petition to get Ron Veto included in the film? It could only help box office.
Discuss.
(You can PayPal condolence money to the estate of my late friend at episodenull@yahoo.com.)
Me: So I’m really looking forward to the newest Trek film…
Him: They’re making another one of those? Oh, right. I saw the trailer for it.
Me: It looks pretty cool. I’m really happy that Trek is making a comeback.
Him: Comeback? Wasn’t there one of these films, like, a year or two back?
Me: Actually, that was Nemesis. Nearly six years ago. It didn’t do too well at the box office. That’s why the creative staff has been completely replaced; you may have noticed one of the names in…
Him: …Oh! Yeah, yeah. That J.J. guy. He did that monster film, what, Poppyseed?
Me: Cloverfield.
Him: Right.
Me: Anyway, you know the new one’s got Kirk and Spock in it, right? They cast Sylar from Heroes as Spock.
Him: Really? Cool! I love Heroes! You know, I remember watching some of those old Trek episodes as a kid. My dad would have them on, or whatever, and I’d sit down and watch with him sometimes. Might be kinda fun to see this movie, then. Dr. Spock was neat.
Me: …Mr. Spock, actually. Dr. Spock is a child psychologist.
Him: I knew that. Hey, you know what’s funny? I just remembered -- every time the ship would land on some planet, one of those redshirted background guys would get it from some evil alien! Isn’t that funny?
Me: [laughing weakly, like I haven’t heard this a million times] Yeah, that is funny.
Him: Do you think they’ll do something like that in the new film? I always got a kick out of that as a kid. I hope they bring one of those guys back. Like, the exact same actor. Really.
Me: Uh, well, they’re casting all new people for these roles, except for an older Spock, who will still be played by the original actor.
Him: Wait, what? No! How can this be the same show I watched as a kid if they recast critical roles????? This is awful!!!!!!
Me: Um, I just said the original Spock is...and, uh, well, several of the original actors are dead, and…
Him: I don’t care! [he checks IMDB] Look! The background actors are still alive! See? Right here. It lists them! David Ross…Paul Baxley…Ron Veto. He was a security guard! I remember him! Why isn’t he in the movie?
Me: Uh…well, they…
Him: I was SO going to watch this, but now? I don’t know! I don’t know! Why has God forsaken me?
[He stands on a table, gets a running start, flings himself through a plate glass window and plummets 50 stories to his doom.]
So now I’m worried that Trek XI might fail to connect with the average moviegoer. I hope Abrams isn’t making a mistake. So do you think we should start a petition to get Ron Veto included in the film? It could only help box office.
Discuss.
(You can PayPal condolence money to the estate of my late friend at episodenull@yahoo.com.)
Am I bad trekkie? I assume this is a parody of the people who insist that Shatner MUST be in this movie.
