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Who would win after a month in a beard growing competition?

Guy Gardener

Guy Gardener

Fleet Admiral
Admiral
The blokes got together, thought it would be a laugh.

Would Janeway try to put the breaks on this bout of harmless distinctly male fun?

I mean because it hardly looks professional, does it? A well kept beard is a well kept beard, but this would be racing follicles.

Tuvok is over a hundred years old. The more you shave, the stronger the bristle gets.

Kim might not be off his training razor yet?

Would Neelix be a complete bastard and serve nothing but soup?

Neelix has a thin layer of velvet over his skin. It's supposed to be right? Even if it's just pancake paint on Ethan... Despite having hair on his head... And Whiskers. Does he have whiskers? But Talaxians might not have facial hair that grows like human facial hair grows?

Would the Doctor cheat?

Or at least keep pace to seem like part of the gang?
 
Guy Gardener said:
The blokes got together, thought it would be a laugh.

Would Janeway try to put the breaks on this bout of harmless distinctly male fun?

I mean because it hardly looks professional, does it? A well kept beard is a well kept beard, but this would be racing follicles.

Tuvok is over a hundred years old. The more you shave, the stronger the bristle gets.

Kim might not be off his training razor yet?

Would Neelix be a complete bastard and serve nothing but soup?

Neelix has a thin layer of velvet over his skin. It's supposed to be right? Even if it's just pancake paint on Ethan... Despite having hair on his head... And Whiskers. Does he have whiskers? But Talaxians might not have facial hair that grows like human facial hair grows?

Would the Doctor cheat?

Or at least keep pace to seem like part of the gang?
Click to expand...

Janeway would love the beard contest and would definitely bet. Tuvok would win, but he wouldn't participate because there would be no logical reason to be part of such foolishness. Janeway would tease him for it.

Neelix would never be a complete bastard unless Tuvok did a Mind Meld link between Neelix and Seska.

The Doctor would definitely alter his program to participate, but instead of cheating, he would become obsessed with how intellectual it made him look thereby deciding to keep it permanently. He would then quickly become addicted to stroking it to appear even more pompous. This habit would ultimately lead to several mistakes because he cannot function as a doctor if he has to stroke his beard constantly. The crew would tolerate his behavior until one tragic day where stroking his beard leads to the death of a crew member during a surgery. Janeway then takes charge and removes the Doctor's beard along with completely erasing his memory of having ever one so to eliminate feedback loops in his matrix. :guffaw:
 
I'd be as concerned about the Doctor's beard taking over.

Smothering and binding the Doctor until he cannot implement the smallest amount of his will upon his own holographic body like some sort civil war between his beard and his brain.

And whoever lost had to runaway and start up a new practice in cargobay two.
 
I'm at the stage where I am afraid of soup.

Ruined a perfectly good shirt the other day.

Usually shave a couple times a year.

You know what completely slipped my mind... Depending on region/tribe and sex with foreigners some (most!) Native American men find it impossible to grow beards or any facial hair at all.

Sounds like Darwinism.

Native American women spent thousands of years sleeping with only the least hairy men they could find.

Which created a genetic disposition.

Chakotay might not even make it out of the gate.
 
Guy Gardener said:
I'm at the stage where I am afraid of soup.

Ruined a perfectly good shirt the other day.

Usually shave a couple times a year.

You know what completely slipped my mind... Depending on region/tribe and sex with foreigners some (most!) Native American men find it impossible to grow beards or any facial hair at all.

Sounds like Darwinism.

Native American women spent thousands of years sleeping with only the least hairy men they could find.

Which created a genetic disposition.

Chakotay might not even make it out of the gate.
Click to expand...

Chakotay had a full stubble in one episode
 
Well it's a regional thing as I suggested.

Beltran is a Native Mexican Indian.

Think Incan or Aztec, but a little north.

That sort of thing.

So this hairlessness stereotype I am reminding people of which they should know, could hardly be a work of fiction that there are many full blooded male Native Americans who never ever ever ever shave and their cheeks remain as smooth as a child or most women.

Perhaps a gross generalization considering how vague the term "Indian" or "Native America" both are.
 
Guy Gardener said:
Perhaps a gross generalization considering how vague the term "Indian" or "Native America" both are.
Click to expand...
Probably, but the even the concept makes me feel better about my, albeit puny, beard growth. At least something happens in the general area of my face. It grows slow and super patchy, but it grows.

Edit: I also think Captain Janeway might win this one.
 
Rhetorical question, I know, but I'll answer anyway:
starlitegirl said:
What's the female equivalent of a male being able to grow a thick beard?
Click to expand...

That depends on whether you're going for the virility implied in being able to grow a thick beard or whether you prefer a more... literal analog. Yuck.
 
If women were going to race hair, I'd assume that it would either being leg hair or under arms.

Considering that they MIGHT shave what men do not, we MIGHT assume that women start on a level playing field and can grow back thick and quick because of the years of constant counter-resistance to hairscaping.

Although I hypothesized years ago that 24th century women in Starfleet who actually have important jobs (Would the world notice if I buried all the worlds real estate agents in the Marianis Trench?) would and couldn't be arsed with make up or grooming to the length and breadth that an American(ish) Actress might regiment... Mulgrew probably spends an hour or so to look that good on camera (ditto gates McFadden.) but we are to believe that that's what Janeway (And Bev) look like 15 seconds after they race out of bed to deal with a catastrophic emergency.

Makeup doesn't make sense.

Shaving doesn't make sense.

(Wesley Crusher invented nanotechnology when he was a boy so don't give me that bullshit.)

Here's what does make sense.

Fallout form the Evolutionary War.

All that makeup you thought that these characters have been wearing, is not make up but their natural mad-scientist given hues that rouge geneticists from the 1980s thought was sexy and decided that all women should generate spontaneously.

Leg hair and bikini lines too.

They found the genetic markers for the bikini line and saddled that bastard.

Now consider women's nails?

What if that's not paint?

What if they grow till they look manicured or French tipped and then stop and they're stuck with it. Zero choice.

It might seem time saving wonderfulness but it could also create new "us vs. them" skisms like they used to have with race and nationality, or just your run of the mill sexual fetish preferences.
 
Guy Gardener said:
All that makeup you thought that these characters have been wearing, is not make up but their natural mad-scientist given hues that rouge geneticists from the 1980s thought was sexy and decided that all women should generate spontaneously.
Click to expand...
I see what you did there, and don't tell me that was a typo :lol:
 
Unless you're blind and a statuesque blonde insists that she does it for you or you're in the bath with your Imzadi and she's already done your back?
 
Guy Gardener said:
The more you shave, the stronger the bristle gets.
Click to expand...
That's a myth.

Myth: Shaving will make my beard grow thicker or faster.

Fact: Hair is basically protein and keratin and has no blood supply or nervous system. Your body does not know that your beard is shaved (or two inches long for that matter) because it has no way of communicating this information to your body. People often believe that shaving causes the beard to grow faster or thicker, but facial hair typically grows thicker and faster as you age so it's only a coincidence.
Click to expand...
 
DS9Sega said:
Guy Gardener said:
The more you shave, the stronger the bristle gets.
Click to expand...
That's a myth.

Myth: Shaving will make my beard grow thicker or faster.

Fact: Hair is basically protein and keratin and has no blood supply or nervous system. Your body does not know that your beard is shaved (or two inches long for that matter) because it has no way of communicating this information to your body. People often believe that shaving causes the beard to grow faster or thicker, but facial hair typically grows thicker and faster as you age so it's only a coincidence.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Tell that to Desperate Dan.
 
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