Contest: ENTER Voyager Contest: What's the punchline?

[Catarina]

F14Peter I'd like an asshole subroutine to face my mother...

DOCTOR (Taps Neelix's forehead): "Does that hurt?"

NEELIX: "Ouch, yes it does!"

DOCTOR (Taps Neelix's forehead again, harder): "Now, does that hurt?"

NEELIX: "OWWWWWW!!! Yes it hurts!"

DOCTOR: (Taps Neelix's forehead again, even harder): "Does that hurt"

NEELIX: "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH, HELL YES IT HURTS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?"

DOCTOR: "Just testing out the new asshole subroutine I wrote for myself"

AC2T brings a little Office Max humor (it's office max right?)

Lt. Paris, we're out of office supplies. What should we do?

I'll handle this.
<< presses com badge >>

Computer voice: That was easy

Leadhead: I had a tough time between this and the ibadge joke. *sigh* I'm weak for Harry put downs.

Janeway: Did you tell Harry?

Chakotay: Yes, I told him that this chair is now the Captain's chair and yours is now for the first officer.

Janeway: Good, Seven will bring Naomi up here during Harry's watch and have her sit in my seat.

Chakotay: I'll make sure to call the bridge and ask for "Captain Naomi."

Janeway: The camera's are all set and Neelix has the popcorn ready. This is gonna be great!

I admire a winner so bold to mock I, the Captain, so succinctly... tharp.

Woodcotay: "Here's my half-assed report so you can let your imagination run wild. I'm not feeling up to commanding today."

Janeway: "Suck it up, commander. This is why I had lizard babies with Tom."

******************************************************

 

[2takesfrakes]

SESKA: "B'Elanna ... look at what Chakotay just texted me!"
B'ELANNA: "oh...........My...........GOD!!!"
SESKA: "Give it up, already, Chakotay! You couldn't handle the both of us! Can you believe this horn-dog, B'Elanna?!"
B'ELANNA: "Wait a minute ...I think this falls under the heading of 'Sexual Harassment,' doesn't it? I'm going to Captain Janeway!!"
SESKA: "Oh, no, Chakotay - you're in trouble, now!!!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Torres: "And then-and then the deck section blew and he was sucked out into space and died!"

Ensign: "LOL!"

Torres: "And we were jsut about to surprise-promote him tomorrow! Wink, wink."

Ensign: "Ah, Lieutenant..."

Torres: "And by 'tomorrow' I mean this side of never, LOL. What? His alternate reality self is standing right behind me, isn't he?"

Tuvok: "...not only does it appear the last two contests were not numbered, but that the one previous to the previous one didn't even announce the winners for the one before the previous one before the previous one."

Captain Catarinaway: "Suck it, Tuvok."

Tuvok: "That's highly illogical."

;-)

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Torres: Seska? Working for the Kazon?!

Seven: A toast, to being able to go to the bathroom without needing ten minutes before and after to get the catsuit on and off.

Janeway: Janeway to Bridge, Red Alert!

Chakotay: (over comm) Shields up, phasers and photons ready to fire, standby warp drive! What's going on Captain?

Janeway: The replicators put non-dairy creamer in my coffee!

Janeway: So then the Vulcan Priest said that I was the most beautiful starship Captain he'd ever seen. He took me on wonderful trip to the Vulcan's Forge. Anyway, long story short, by the time I was done Kohlinar was ruined for all Vulcans forever.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

T4TW, Catarina

Seven: Why is the Doctor tapping his glass with a fork?

Janeway: It's an old Earth custom. I think he wants us to kiss.

Seven: That would explain his odd facial expression. According to Lt. Paris, the term for it is "Goofy" I believe.

Tuvok: Even in your de-evolved state, I do not understand why you agreed to copulate with Lt. Paris.

Janeway: His tail had nice "come hither" look to it.

Tuvok: Evidently, Lt. Torres agrees with you.

 

[Finn]

B'Elanna: Harry tried to ask me out last night. I told him I'd rather have lunch with a Cardassian

[/QUOTE]
Janeway: Would you look at that ass. Chakotay's so fine

Tuvok: This conversation is highly irregular and illogical. Besides, T'pel has killer abs

 

[Triskelion]

Torres: - and then Chell said to Harry "You think you haven't had a date in a long time - check these out!"

Janeway: KaPOW.
Seven: Back at ya, Red Alert.

 

[stardream]

So THAT'S how Chakotay got to be First officer!

Here's to being able to walk around without a contraption under your costume.

You did what with Neelix?

Captain, might I remind you that it is bad for moral for a Commanding Officer to appear as if she is enjoying a flogging.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Tuvok, I want to see Chakotay get jealous over me. I'm going to say I'm going to my quarters. When I get there, I'll message the bridge that Q's appeared and wants to mate with me, again. Then send me his reactions, so I can see them."

"Very well, Captain. Would you like to view his comical facial expressions and looks of angst in Pan & Scan, or Widescreen, this time?"

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Hmm... I think these pictures are all related again.

"Just when I thought the ratings couldn't get any lower? What're they going to do, replace us with a big-breasted sex-pot?"

Mulgrew: Welcome to the team, Jeri
Mulgrew <Inner Monologue>: I'm going to make your life a living hell...

Beltran: I just found out some interesting news. Guess who Jeri's dating?

Mulgrew: Look at her - sleeping with the boss, and acting like it's no big deal. At least I never had to do that!
Russ: No, you were just the second choice.

 

[Catarina]

Hmm... I think these pictures are all related again.

Mulgrew: Look at her - sleeping with the boss, and acting like it's no big deal. At least I never had to do that!
Russ: No, you were just the second choice.

Russ: I seem to recall he rejected you. does Threshold ring a bell?

 

[Catarina]

Janeway: Would you look at that ass. Chakotay's so fine

Tuvok: This conversation is highly irregular and illogical. Besides, T'pel has killer abs

I concur

 

[Catarina]

The latest contest is now up.