Unwanted gifts

[WillsBabe]

What's the etiquette for unwanted gifts? Do you keep it for a certain time before passing it on to someone who you know would like it, or donating to charity? Are you okay to toss it in the trash the moment you've been given it? Should you politely thank the gift giver but hand it back (for example, if the gift has obviously been costly?) Should you never refuse a gift because that's bad manners?

I'd be interested to know your thoughts. Last weekend I was cleaning and tossed out some clothes and accessories I'd been given but had never used and didn't want.

Once I even threw away a gift unopened because I loathed the person who gave it to me.

What's your etiquette on gifts you've been given but don't want?

 

[Commander Rabbit]

I have no problem w/ donating or giving away gifts that I don't want. I try not to throw them out, but that's for environmental reasons, not etiquette.

Sometimes I'll keep something temporarily to keep from hurting someone's feelings. Right now I've got a set of the new ST movie drinking glasses from Burger King that a coworker gave me. They are so totally not me! But she was so excited to give them to me, and she's VERY sensitive, so I'll keep them for a while, in case she comes to my house. And then I'll pass them along to someone who'll actually like them.

I can't remember ever refusing a gift that was actually handed to me, but I have refused the OFFER of a gift, when someone said they were planning to give me something, and I politely told them why I would prefer that they not.

 

[Spot's Meow]

For most people in my life, if they give me an unwanted gift I just politely accept it and then keep it for a while until I have an opportunity to regift it. For example my boyfriend's mom likes to give me lots of girly stuff like scented oils which I have no idea what to do with. I pass them on to my sister who loves that kind of stuff.

However if the person giving me the bad gift is one of my parents or my boyfriend, I will be more honest about it and let them know that I would like to return it. I honestly feel bad about them wasting their money on something I don't like, so I feel like I'm doing them a courtesy by getting something I really do like.

However these people also know how picky I can be, so they usually just get me cash or gift cards, or very specific things from a list I've made. Fine with me!

 

[WillsBabe]

I forgot to mention about when I worked in retail. I worked in WHSmith for a year or so. My first Christmas there I was amazed that people return things to the store after Christmas still in their wrapping. They didn't know if the stuff had come from our store or not, people were opening wrapping and asking if they could return cds, dvds, etc to us. I found it mind boggling.

 

[Emher]

I politely accept them. And in a few cases I've gotten some gifts that I don't see why I get them and loved them after a bit, mostly from my uncle actually.

 

[WillsBabe]

I've gotten some gifts that I don't see why I get them and loved them after a bit, mostly from my uncle actually.

I've had some gifts like that, too. I think sometimes it's that teh gift-giver sees somthing in you that you don't recognise in yourself. And then, there are the other gifts that seem like they were intended for someone else but the labels got swapped, or something!

 

[Jadzia]

What's the etiquette for unwanted gifts? Do you keep it for a certain time before passing it on to someone who you know would like it, or donating to charity? Are you okay to toss it in the trash the moment you've been given it?

Gifts are valuable just because they are a gift. Especially from someone I care about.

I have gifts which I have never used. I have a box for them Even though it is junk, it's nice to look through sometimes and remember that people chose these things for me. I think about the person choosing the item, more than the item itself.

One of the items is a bookmark which was bought for me 9 or 10 Christmases ago by a relative. I have never used it, but it reminds me of that person and makes me smile whenever I look at it.

As for passing something on to a friend (or regifting), I think six months is okay. Disposing of unwanted items, I think a year and a half is okay, unless you're really short of space.

 

[Drogo]

Once a gift is given, it belongs to the receiver. It's your's to do with as you please.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Sell it and make some cash. Could upset the person who gave it, but in the end you still got something for free, and then profited from it. Maybe next time cash would suffice. ;-)

 

[Naira]

I usually take them to the store they were brought and exchange them for something else. Most gifts come with an "exchange card" anyway but, even if they don't, the shops here accept them back. I think that is much better than keeping the original gifts I won't like.

 

[Lookingglassman]

I dump them on Goodwill and let them deal with them.

 

[Lindley]

When I was much younger I had a thing for guitars. I could never play the things, but I'd watched Back To The Future too many times.

So a few years ago, long after I'd gotten over the obsession, my mother gives me a guitar for Christmas. That was a bit of a "huh?" moment. It's still sitting in a closet somewhere at my family's place in Vermont. I may eventually learn to play it, if it doesn't get damaged first. But I'm in no hurry.

Then more recently, one Christmas my mother got me World of Warcraft since "I like that Warcraft stuff". It was terribly ironic that she'd been subtly hinting that she wants to be a grandmother some day around the same time. That one is still sitting on my shelf unopened.

 

[Commander Rabbit]

Gifts are valuable just because they are a gift. Especially from someone I care about.... As for passing something on to a friend (or regifting), I think six months is okay. Disposing of unwanted items, I think a year and a half is okay, unless you're really short of space.

I agree, sometimes I keep and value something I wouldn't otherwise want, just because of who gave it to me.

But I'm curious about the other part. Why those specific timeframes?

 

[Alidar Jarok]

I generally keep it around for a little while and then pass it to someone else. I won't wrap it or pretend it's anything special if I give it to someone else, I'll just tell them that I got it and don't want it, so they can have it if they want.

 

[nevermore]

For years, my mother has been giving me jewelry. She travels a lot, often to rather exotic places, and always gives me very nice, hand made pieces. The thing is, I don't really wear jewelry, especially not gold jewelry. I will wear necklaces, but I like simple things and she lives flashier things, so even there our tastes don't match up at all. There's also a sizing issue because I'm even smaller than she is, and she doesn't seem to really realize that. So I've ended up with a fairly significant collection of things I will never touch,

I always just accepted them and thanked her and stuck them in a jewelry box that is almost entirely filled with things she's given me that I've never worn. Finally, a year or two ago, she gave me some really nice earrings that were very cool and all, but I let my piercings close up over a decade ago, and they were way too much for me even when I did wear earrings. I finally told her to stop giving me stuff like that because I just don't wear it. She pouted and made some snide comments, but I felt like I was doing her a favor so she wouldn't waste all that money on things that sit in a box.

It worked out well. A few months ago, she was having a necklace re-worked from an old piece of my grandmother's and had a bunch of left-over turquoise, and wanted to use it to make me something. So she called me to find out what I would wear, and the result is quite nice.

My dad gives me gifts off a gift list, always with the receipt, and I have no problem exchanging it, or asking him to if there's not s store near my house.

Generally, outside of my family, people give me safe gifts: wine, plants, art work they know I will like, food, funny shit and practical stuff. On the other hand, my Director gave me a very nice bottle of perfume as a thank-you gift for organizing a conference and I will never, ever wear it. I would give it away if I knew anyone who would, but I don't. It will sit in my bathroom cabinet for all eternity.

If I do give a gift away, I don't "re-gift", I just ask if they want it. That's not often though, and I don't have a rule about the timing.

 

[Kestra]

I don't get many unwanted gifts. I'm a fairly easy person to buy for, although I don't really want for much. My friends tend to buy me things like theatre tickets because they know I'm more into that than actual goods. My mom does buy me loads of clothes and purses and jewelry and things like that. I don't always like what she buys, but I find occasions to wear them. Sometimes I think she just wants me to dress differently than I do.

My sis has run into the problem of being given jewelry when she doesn't wear it at all. Earrings irritate her ears, she doesn't like necklaces, she doesn't wear rings, and her wrists are absolutely tiny so things often look odd on them.

Over the years if she's received something that she doesn't think she'll make good use of, she just passes it along to me. I'll happily take jewelry off her hands. I might not wear it all the time, but at least it will be put to use.

Gifts only really become unwanted when I don't have space for them, honestly. I love the thought that goes behind them.

 

[SmoothieX]

My mom works in retail and can't pass up any little widget from the 90% off clearance bin at her store. She gets bottom of the barrel cosmetics/perfume for my wife and real shlocky, tacky stuff for around the house. We just throw it out after they leave. We don't see them very often where they'd notice it wasn't around. Also, these aren't gifts with much thought put into them, simply impulse buys that are 'too good to pass up.'

 

[Zulu Romeo]

A gift can be unwanted for various reasons:the recipient may already have one or may hate the choice of gift, the recipient may not actually find a use for it, or thinks the gift may be better off remaining in the giver's hands, or the recipient may simply hate the giver's guts and toss it back at him.

Yet it is still a token of affection from the giver, especially if the gift itself doesn't turn work out from a material perspective. I've received gifts of all types through the years, from big presents to small gestures, from surprise presents to "tell me what you want and I'll buy it for you" I have also given gifts to others of the same variety of physical size, form and presentation, some of which haven't been pulled off successfully (the present is broken or the gesture fails spectacularly) but my intentions have always been the same: to show how much I feel about that person. I learned long ago that the most personal gifts, e.g. something someone made themselves for my enjoyment, are often the most treasured, and certainly ones I would never consider unwanted.

Indeed, some gifts have been not used or been beyond the recipient's abilities to use fully, and a few have become re-gifted to others to enjoy in a way I couldn't on a certain level. Yet even in this regifting, I feel the intention of one's thoughts behind the gift, for the recipioent to enjoy, or for the friend of the recipient to enjoy more, is still relevant. It is an old cliché, but it really is the thought that counts.

 

[auntiehill]

^Indeed. I am always grateful for the gift, even if it's complete crap or from someone I can't stand. For instance, my crazy-ass sister in-law goes to the dollar store and buys me 99 cent earrings---and I don't even have pierced ears. I say thank you, and then give it to Goodwill. Or people who give us bottles of wine or Scotch, when Hubby and I don't drink. I know other friends who would love it, so I pass it on to them. I'll usually keep it awhile, then give it away to a charity or a friend.

But even if it's from someone I hate (like my in-laws) or something I find hideous, I appreciate that someone went through the trouble to get me a gift.

 

[miraclefan]

EBAY