Trek XI Caption Contest #23: FINAL BLOWOUT!!!!!!

[Rat Boy]

A quicky but a goody, but it's time for one last caption contest. Let's skip the preamble and go straight to...

For noticing J.J. Abrams' seemingly numerous nods to a certain other sci-fi franchise he loves dearly, our winner is...

Pike: "There's nothing you could have done, Jim. They would have killed you, too, and the droids would now be in the hands of the Romulans."
Kirk: "I want to come with you to the Enterprise. There's nothing here for me now. I want to learn the ways of Starfleet and become a hero like my father."

For showing that it's possible not to be typecast after a Trek role, our winner is...

Following the unexpected failure of Star Trek, J.J. Abrams decided to use the cast's sequel obligation to reimagine Friends. In this scene, Joey (front), Ross (left), and Chandler (right) order coffee from Gunther (off screen portrayed by Chris Pine).

A special multi-picture, multi-caption award (and it only took him twenty tries)...

Star Trip : One Week Until Launch

Kirk : Think we can sneak into the drive-in showing Star Trek with thing ?

Pike : That's the plan.

Scotty : Look, someone got into the drive-in without paying again.

McCoy : What the heck ?

Sulu : From the look of that shuttle I'd say it's a couple of rednecks.

And finally, just because I can...

McCoy: Eleven hours! My god, man, I'm a doctor, not a joke machine!

Congratulations to the winners and here are our updated totals:

cooleddie74 - 6
middyseafort - 6
Outpost4 - 5
Nerys Myk - 5
Skywalker - 4
Amasov - 3
Piper - 3
Herkimer Jitty - 3
SalvorHardin - 3
B.J. - 3
Hartzilla2007 - 3
Classic Fan - 3
Kirby - 3
Woulfe - 3
M'Sharak - 2
seigezunt - 2
Civil Shadow - 2
The Squire of Gothos - 2
trampledamage - 2
Alrik - 2
26138 - 1
jptrekker - 1
Alpha_Geek - 1
Zachary_Smith - 1
Plum - 1
3 of 11 - 1
jongredic - 1
Super Grover - 1
Candlelight - 1
Gertch - 1
T'Aerwynd - 1
shivkala - 1
Jackson_Roykirk - 1
The Badger - 1
Captain Zog - 1
BriGuy - 1
J. Allen - 1
Lashmore - 1
Aragorn - 1
John Picard - 1
Samurai8472 - 1
Jimmy_C - 1
Cky - 1
S'kai - 1
Stag - 1
protocida - 1


Well, with less than a week (give or take a few hours) to go until everyone gets a chance to see the movie, I present to you final Trek XI Caption Contest. Why, you ask? Well, obviously source images are going to dry up between now and the release of the movie on DVD and Blu-Ray, which'll make holding these contest a wee bit harder. Second, I don't want spoilers creeping in to the contest to protect those that haven't seen the movie. Thirdly, chances are this forum is either going to be folded into the regular Movies forum or transformed into the Trek XII forum when the time comes.

In any case, this contest will run until one week from today. I'll be posting the winners here and asking for a lock. Once the movie hits video stores, I'll combine both the Trek XI and the Movies contest (think of the fun you'll have with Shatner AND Pine), including your scores. When we start getting Trek XII screencaps, I (or someone else) will start a new contest. It's been a great ride, so let's go out with a bang. Have at:

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the last minute win!

So many photos to choose from... so little time.

Spock Prime: Jim... your name is Jim.
Kirk: Stop saying that. I know my name is Jim. What are you a retard or something?

 

[KirkusOveractus]

Kirk: See? If I turn around this way, I can skate backwards!

Kirk: You mean to tell me that we have to wear these so we'll look like we're in the X-Men movie?

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Hey, Bones! I hear they finally cleaned all your vomit out of that shuttlecraft."

Kirk: "Stop or I'll shoot!"

Nero: "That's a cordless screwdriver, idiot."

Kirk: "Hard hat area? I don't even wear a friggin' helmet when I'm driving."

Cho (thinking): Great, I'm in one of these contests again. Cue the Harold and Kumar references and the gay jokes.

Even in the future, you still can't understand the drive-through lady.

Spock: "Human female, please!"

Young Kirk just remembered how Thelma & Louise ended.

Kirk: "My God, what the hell did you do here?"

Old Spock: "Do you know how long I was waiting out here? You try holding it for three weeks!"

Uhura: "Open your own damn hailing frequencies!"

Chekov: "Ve're wucked!"

J.J.: "No, no, more growling, Anton. Chris, remember to be more whiney, Bruce, you're older and wiser, Zoe, you're sassy and a bit aristocratic, and John, just act like Harrison Ford."

Bruce Greenwood: "I'm sorry, what movie are we making again?"

Zoe: "I think I can handle saying 'Hailing frequencies open.'"

J.J.: "That's it! That's perfect! Just like that!"

Zoe (muttering): "Still not as batshit crazy as Gore Verbinski."

 

[Hedbergian]

Blurry Spock is scary ... and blurry.

Kirk: REPOOOOORT!!!!!
Sulu: Helm controls are offline!!
Chekov: ... Oh shit?
Kirk: Yes, Mr. Chekov. Oh shit.

 

[Hedbergian]

Spock: You FAILED the Kobayashi Maru. ... What? What are you gonna do? Gonna cry? Gonna cry? Gonna cry? ... Zip it - unveil the time portal!!!

 

[Randor]

Spock: You FAILED the Kobayashi Maru. ... What? What are you gonna do? Gonna cry? Gonna cry? Gonna cry? ... Zip it - unveil the time portal!!!

BWAHAHAHAH!

perfect!

 

[urbandk]

That motherf***** just stole my boat.

 

[cooleddie74]

"So THAT'S why mom tried to convince me Santa wasn't real!!!"

CHEKOV BARTLETT

School's in. For bad perms.

 

[cooleddie74]

"I'm Foxy Nyota...and I'm a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN!!!"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Chris Pine in...

BACK TO THE SLIGHTLY MORE FUTURISTIC FUTURE

Kirk: "I have a hair dryer, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Nero: "Fool. I have no hair."

Kirk: "Why do I have to go with Sulu? Why can't I go with Ensigns Ricky and Kenny over there?"

Pike: "This humble rest stop will not be able to withstand the full force of the army of Mordor."

Spock: "You will experience captions."

At that moment, the robocop realized that his hoverbike has no handlebars.

Spocktimus Prime: "Does John Crichton know you raid his wardrobe?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Today's lesson:

How DID Stella get her groove back? Obviously, a familiarity with late 20th and early 21st century Earth culture will be required."

 

[trampledamage]

Thanks for running these contests, Rat Boy! It's been a really fun way to pass the time until the movie comes out which has helped me avoid reading the spoilers - thanks man!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Spock: "I am very frightened by Altoids. They are very minty fresh and that frightens me, for I am used to smelling like onions."

These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, her five year mission: to recover crashed probes and survey all the deposits.

Kirk: "Shields up!"

Chekov: "Vhat shields?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"You will experience fear.

Fear of death.

And fear that the next movie in the franchise will have a cameo by Seth Green."

"The urban legends WERE true, man!

Your urine stream DOES instantly freeze in this place!"

"Dees mission is so scary, it curled my HAIR!!!"

 

[John Picard]

*voiceover* "Where will you be when your diarrhea returns?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Come on, Bones. It's only a simulator. I mean it's pretty fucking silly to barf on a simulator.
McCoy: Leave me alone, Jim.

Kirk: Don't make me use this marital aide on you, Nero!
Nero (off-cam): Oh, forremussake! Say dildo. It's a dildo!

Kirk: I feel the need... for speed!

Kirk and Sulu prepare to beam down to San Francisco's yearly Folsom Street Leather Fest.

Pike (driving up in the car) : I've got a bad feeling about this truck stop.

Spock: Today's lecture will be on proper eyebrow maintenance and sculpting. Everyone take out their number 34 MAC eyebrow pencil and tweezers.

On the Corvette's subspace radio: I fought the law and the law won...

Spock Prime: You must go to the Dagaboh system. There you will seek out Yoda.

Uhura:

Kirk (off-camera): Say it. Say it!
Chekov: <sigh> Nuclear wessels.

J.J. Abrams: Okay, let's prep the orgy scene.

J.J Abrams: Yeah, I know Pine's an ass but let's just get through this. Okay. I mean it could be worst. You could be acting with Shatner.

 

[cooleddie74]

Cadet Kirk suddenly remembers he never flushed before leaving.

 

[protocida]

Spock: You will experience fear. Fear in face of certain captions.

 

[Rat Boy]

After the success of Star Trek, Chris Pine was hired to play Commander Shepard in HBO's adaptation of Mass Effect, where he goes to similar looking planets every week only to find identical bunkers and installations every time.