TOS Caption Contest #53: Troubles, Troubles, Troubles

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

Tons of nice entries for week #52. The ginchiest were:

scottydog said:

Spock: I was unprepared for his attack. I instinctively used the Vulcan Nostril flare.

The Laughing Vulcan said:

Spock after girl slaps Kirk in the face : "You know when you've been Tangoed!"

The Castellan said:

Jim: Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, and Start.

Bones: Well, I'll be damned....

Vassa said:

Bones, why are you and Scotty listed in the "Thank you" section of this old document from the inventor of Transparent Aluminum?

DrBob said:

Kirk: "Why can't I post images yet?"

McCoy: "Have you tried reading the FAQ?"

galleywest said:

Woman: Mr. Wonka will see you now.

Kirk: Oompah-loompah diggity dang!

A beaker full of death said:

I am so glad you decided to check on our progress, Kirk...

cultcross said:

Bones: Playing Spock? nah, I don't see it.

DS9Sega said:

McCoy: You'll never need more than 640K of RAM, Jim.

Lots of first time winners in there, too. Very nice.

This week's bits are:

Joe, posting long




TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

Laughing Vulcan (2x), jayrath, scottydog (2x), Gertch (2x), Guartho, Tristan, TBonz (2x), Woulfe, terranova, Rat Boy, Battrekker, AlphaTrionTJW, M'Sharak, Galleywest, Outpost4, Quo Vadimus, all y'all, cooleddie74, FishDS9, Nerys Myk and TigerOfDarkness, scottydog (3x) and Rat Boy (2x), Outpost4 (2x) and TBonz (3x), Rat Boy (3x) and commodore64, Rat Boy (4x!) and Noname Given, DeafPoet and The Tone, scottydog (4x!) and Nerys Myk (2x) & Redfern, The Tone (2x) and DrBob and cooleddie74 (2x) and Gertch (3x) and Shatmandu and Outpost4 (3x) and The Laughing Vulcan (3x) and Tharpdevenport and ancient and Woulfe (2x), cakes516 and Adam Ihle, Nerys Myk (3x) and cooleddie74 (3x), Tharpdevenport and Outpost4 (4x), Rat Boy (5x!) and Nerys Myk (4x), The Squire of Gothos and Nerys Myk (5x!), Gertch (4x) and Turbo, scottydog (5x!) and Rat Boy (6!!)and cooleddie74 (4x), Tharpdevenport (2x) and goldbug, The Laughing Vulcan (4x) and The Squire of Gothos (2x), The Squire of Gothos (3x), and galleywest (2x), Adam Ihle (2x) and DrBob(2x), DrBob (3x!) and Classic Fan, Outpost4 (5x!) and Tim M and Gertch (5x!) and DrBob (4x!!), Haggis and Tatties and A Beaker Full Of Death, Adam Ihle (3x!) and Outpost4 (6x!!), Adam Ihle (4x!) and Outpost4 (7x!!), Rat Boy (7x!!) and cooleddie74 (5x), galleywest (3x!) and cooleddie74 (6x!), Tharpdevenport (3x) and M´Sharak & Nerys Myk (6x!), Outpost4 (8x!) and Outpost4 (9x!!) and Rat Boy (8x!!) and MGagen (1x!) and Rat Boy (9x!), KJM (1x!) and cooleddie74 (7x!) and Gertch (6x!), scottydog (6x!)and The Laughing Vulcan (5x!) and The Castellan (1x!) and vassa (1x!)and DrBob (5x!) and galleywest (4x!) and a beaker full of death (2x!)and cultcross (1x!) and DS9Sega(1x!)!!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "They even found the ..."
Spock: "Yes, Jim, they even found the ..."
Kirk: "What'll I do without my Gimp?"

Spock was unaware his communicator had flipped opened when he started nailing the spored-up blond.

Kirk: "Uhura break the record yet?"

 

[Outpost4]

^ I love the last one.

Science Officer's Log, Stardate 6456.3. Personal reminder: Never let the captain watch "Old Yeller."

I can still fucking hear you already!

All right, I'll go through this line as many times as it takes until I get an answer. Once again, mister, did you throw my shirt in the dryer?

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Spock, you're wrong: pissing the bark off a native tree is not a Prime Directive violation."

Being a Rex Grossman VII fan is hard.

M'Benga, filtered: "Has your erection subsided?"
McCoy: "Nope. Fuck. Send Uhura down, I guess."

Kirk: "'Glory hole' or not, Mr. Leslie, we've got to keep the ship running ..."

 

[blakbyrd]

Spock writing: Dear Mother,...

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"I have good news and bad news, Captain.

I used that new subroutine we talked about and managed to retrieve all your personal logs and files.

Unfortunately, they've all been hacked into and replaced with photos of Harry Mudd naked."

"Who wants to counteract a boatload of free colonist poontang, Jimmy Boy?"

 

[T'Bonz]

Spock (reading): A side effect from Orion syphilis is that your dick turns green before falling off.
Kirk (looking down): No no no no no!

Is this the line for Powerball tickets?

McCoy to Kirk: I've been had. This is Earth, NOT Wrigley's Pleasure Planet! Now beam me back up.
Kirk: Ha ha ha. April Fool's Day. Think about this next time you feel compelled to tell Yeoman Rand about my little "social disease".

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "It appears they are discussing our past missions on the BBS."
Kirk: "Anything interesting?"
Spock: "TechBandit101 wishes to know 'if the worp drive (his spelling) actually makes the ship invisible as in when Captain Pike visited Talos and the testicle heads ROFL, then what is the point of the cloaking device?'"
Kirk: "Please Spock, spare me."
Spock: "Kirk's51stGreenLay asks, 'if the warp drive didn't work that way in the log entries when I kidnapped Pike and stole the ship, then which version is cannon.' She spelt canon with two n's Jim."
Kirk: "I can't take much more of this."
Spock: "Only 25638 more entries to go."

McCoy: "It's a man bag Jim, a man bag."

Kirk: "Mutineers! Abandoning your posts, abandoning your duty. You'll all be courtmartialled for this."

Guy: "Um Captain, the queue for the mutineers is on deck six. This is the queue to slap Janice. She thought her calves had gained two ounces and got hysterical again."

 

[M'Sharak]

Oh, yeah.. y'all tell Scotty I got a spliff da kine down here tha'll knock his dick in the dirt.

Spock: ...Spliff?
Computer: Working...

Leslie: Wellll, yeah, I told 'em... Sir.
Kirk: You told them about the...
Leslie: Doooood, I had to -- the shit is gnarly!
Kirk: ...

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"What's going on?"

LESLIE:"Mister Spock. He had too much of the vegetarian casserole last night."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Fascinating. Don't you find it odd, Captain, that this desktop terminal has a touchpad control interface...but no discernible screen readout?"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk: "Is this the free clinic line up?"
Red Shirt: "Yes sir"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "For God's sake Spock, will you stop playing Bioshock for two minutes and talk to me?"

McCoy enjoyed listening to his new ring tone, "Baby Got Back."

Red Shirt: "Captain, it's just one simple request. Can't we at least just have one more bathroom on the ship?"

Kirk: "No! You'll learn to share and you'll like it, Mister!"

 

[Outpost4]

McCoy: No, it's now five hours and twenty three minutes and I'm damned if I'm seeing a doctor.

 

[Mallory]

Finally one without a clip from The Apple. I thought we were going to have a Mallory theme month there for a while.

 

[M'Sharak]

Give it a little time.

 

[Outpost4]

McCoy: Yes...uh huh...no, it was easy...the exploding rock...uh huh...hahaha...gets him every time.

 

[terranova]

Kirk: Hey, thats my place in line.
Redshirt: Sorry, sir, you did move out of line.
Kirk: I'm the captain, I can come back in.
Redshirt: Sorry sir, no cuts.
Kirk: Himmfff.

 

[M'Sharak]

 

[Outpost4]

terranova said:

Kirk: Hey, thats my place in line.
Redshirt: Sorry, sir, you did move out of line.
Kirk: I'm the captain, I can come back in.
Redshirt: Sorry sir, no cuts.
Kirk: Himmfff.

Kirk: I just went to pee.