Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #305: He's Captain Kirk!

Hello and welcome to the new contest!




First up to the plate, we have the "Criminal Investigation" Award, going to JonnyQuest037 for:


SPOCK: We've scanned the entire sector, Captain. Still no sign of who took the readout screens from above my station.



Next, we have the "Sensitivity" Award, going to Kick the Can for:



Spock: What's this?
Uhura: A petition for the medical staff to undergo anger management and racial sensitivity classes.
Spock: Signed, "Commander Spock, the green-blooded hobgoblin."


Next, we have the "So THAT's how Leslie came back!" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:


McCoy: 'Instant Redshirts. Just Add Water.' Now that's handy.


Next, we have the "Odd Screen Configuration" Award, going to Nebusj for:



Kirk: ``Yes, put Sulu up on the one screen facing directly away from me. That's what I wanted. This ship, sometimes ... ''


Next, we have the "..And that's why they started putting Counselors on Starships" Award, going to The Laughing Vulcan for:



Sulu: "Sulu to security. Scotty's passed out again with a bottle of scotch. Deck 4, Section 6. You also better send some medics. Rand is going to need emergency psychotherapy to unsee this."

Two Photoshop Awards!

The first goes to jep for:



McCoy: "What the blazes? Where did you get that?"

Kirk: "That's not important, doctor. What IS important is that as long as you give me a pass on my physical, no one will ever see this. Deal?"


The second Photoshop Award goes to NTRPRZ for:


Change the channel, Bones. We've seen this one.


A Special Award for being Far smarter than Paramount or CBS Executives goes to Zombie Cheerleader for:


SPOCK: Sorry, Captain. The Library Computer show no record of a 50th anniversary special by CBS or Paramount.




The Tribbles give their award to Tim Thomason for:



Horrifyingly, Yeoman Rand forgot to put on her pants that day. Luckily, the look caught on.


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

I'm attempting to be more reliable on this contest. I hope to be better about starting a new contest by around Thanksgiving at the latest.











Enjoy!

 

Kirk: Never mind Uhura, I found an Ornament for cheaper.




Kirk: Hello Primitive Peopla, we have come to show you advanced technology that you will never be able to develop in your lifetimes.



Kirk: And then, I shoved the guy back into the space between universes and he got stuck there forever!



Sulu: Ummmm... Captain on the Bridge?



Kirk: I've lost command. I've lost the Enterprise!

Spock: That's right Jim, you've been promoted.

 

KIRK: The end of another successful mission. Once again we've freed a planet from an oppressive A I overlord worshiped as a god.
SPOCK: Have you considered the long term cultural impact of your actions on this planet's inhabitants?
KIRK: Nope. Not my job. Kirk to Enterprise, five to beam up.

 

Kirk: "...so, does anyone have any questions."
Native: "Uhh yeah, doesn't your Starfleet have physical fitness standards? Because your stomach, I mean damn."

 

With modern technology, studios were able to retroactively insert product placement advertisements into episodes, as seen -- for example -- here with the Hallmark Christmas Enterprise ornament.





Spock: "sir, it appears Goddamn space hippies have been painting the rocks again."




After several minutes of trying deck after deck after deck and unable to locate a bathroom, Kirk has no choice but to.....

 

SPOCK: : No Captain, we will not being referring to you as "The Gangster of Love".

CAPTAIN'S LOG STARDATE UNKNOWN: No food...no water...air getting thin. No hope of rescue...
RAND: We've only been stuck in the turbolift for a couple of minutes, sir.

 

SYLVIA *dangles the mini Enterprise in front of Kirk's face* "Look, Kirk! Get the ship!"
KIRK: "You're kidding, right?"
SYLVIA: "I just want to know what it's like to be at the other end of the mouse on a string toy."


Unmade episodes - "A Piece of the Acting" - Kirk is hit by a bolt of energy and thinks he's a 1950s movie producer.
McCoy (os): "So help me, Jim, if you "Leonard, baby" me one more time, I swear..."

 

Kirk: "But I can continue to use "The Space Cowboy?"
Spock: "Of course Captain."

ALTERNATE

Kirk: "we will not being referring to you" ... who are you now Spock? Jar Jar Blinks?"

 

Captain's Personal Log - Supplemental: Could I be losing my sex appeal? When the hell did the little Russian guy start getting 'the girl,' instead of me?

 

Crowd (os): Kirk! King Kirk! Long Live King Kirk!
Kirk: Ya know, I kinda like that sound of that. . .

 

Hey, thanks for the award, LeadHead! And thanks for all the work you do in putting these together. These caption contests are always fun.



FLEET ADMIRAL NOGURA: "Still don't want to be an Admiral, Kirk? Well, what if I throw in this genuine, scale replica pendant of the Enterprise? NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY?!?"



KIRK: "Hello, and welcome to the Enterprise's fifth annual Sexual Harassment Seminar. Now, I'm not going to name any names, but we've had some complaints from the Yeomen about unwanted touching from certain Ensigns..."



KIRK: "And now, for my next trick, I will make these phones ring with the power of my mind! ALAKAZAM!!!"



SPOCK: "Man, Kirk really goes ALL OUT on Charades Night."



KIRK: "Wait... We don't have to have a working transporter to beam Sulu's landing party up from that freezing planet! WE'VE GOT A SHUTTLECRAFT!!! D'oh!"

 

Just thought of another one:



KIRK (singing): "Young man, there's no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground..."

 

"Captain, when I lamented the transparency of most Humans, this is not what I was referring to."

 

Thanks for the win!



Kirk: "Kirk to Enterprise. Sulu, I couldn't find the furry dice for the helm console. Would you settle for an alternative?"



McCoy: "Wouldn't that beat all?"
Spock: "Eminently logical."
Chekov: "Lateral thinking like that was inwented in Russia."
Landon: "They just, turned the computer off at the mains."
Kirk: "Dammit! I have one skill, one talent, just one reason to come on these away missions. It just isn't fair!"



Koik: "...The Aristocrats!"



C3P0 os: "R2D2, you're playing the wrong message!"



Sometimes the need to make a log entry went above and beyond the call of duty...

 

SPOCK: Mister Scott, what is the status on those Proton Packs?

 

Kirk: The Captain. Does not need. To respect. Punctuation.

 

T4TW Leadhead!

Captain's log, supplemental: Things look dire. But I'm pretty sure I can still get some. Oh, and save the ship.


Chekov: Camelot!
Bones: Camelot!
Kirk: Camelot!
Spock: Indeed.
...
What?


Koik: You think this planet of the book is bad? You shoulda seen Planet 1984!
Bones: A dystopian nightmare?
Koik: No, pastel suits with mullets!


Spock: The Captain's gone incorporeal. I'll alert the women's locker room.


What is that...haggis? DAMMIT SCOTTY!!!! <passes out>

 

Walter Koenig (thinking to self):
"I know Shatner is self-conscious about his height, but really a milk crate?"

 

Kirk: `cause. I. aiint got. no-body.
Spock: Taking advantage of another dimension to do a spoken word version of 'Just a Gigolo'? Leave him in the other universe, we're going home.

 

McCoy (OS): "I told you not to eat all that ice cream so fast, Jim..."