TOS Caption Contest #215: The Grind

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: How bad is it Spock?

Spock: The 8-track player is broken.

Kirk: Damn!

Goldshirt Guss, in a Paul Lynde style voice: Oh honey, that's not going to work on me.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Whats on the scope?

SPOCK: Just my vacation photos, nothing you'd be interested in.

KIRK: If they include T'Pring in a bikini, then I'm very interested.


...did I say that outloud?

GOLDSHIRT: Let me just dim the lights and put on some Barry White.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Goldshirt Gary: It's a bit nipply in here, I see.

 

[Mistral]

Kirk: "What...is it...Spock?"

Spock: "The ratings. You don't want to look..."

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "Charlie Sheen just beamed aboard."

Spock: "The women!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Bad news, Jim."

Kirk: "What? Klingons? Romulans?"

Spock: "No, people asking us if we've found Jesus."

Kirk: "RED ALERT!"

Goldshirt Gary: "Wait, you're one of the Sirens from TRON Legacy. Do you want to strip me down or should I do it myself?"

*ZAP*

McCoy: "What have I told you about squeezing buttcheeks and beating off?"

Kirk: "Uh...don't do it?"

McCoy: "Exactly!"

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: "Charlie Sheen just beamed aboard."

Spock: He must have heard that we were shooting Two and a Half Men, but we're just disposing of what's left of those 5 redshirts.

 

[Captain Crow]

[Spock looks into viewer]

Spock, under his breath: The hell?

Kirk: Spock, what's the matter?

Spock: There is a man doing naked burpees on this thing.

 

[milo bloom]

Spock: "Captain, the images in my viewer are so incredible, it would cause a mere human to go insane from viewing them."

Kirk wanders off grumbling...

Spock returns to his viewer: "Now, Carly and Sam, which typical issue of Earth adolescence will you tackle this week."