TOS Caption Contest #145: The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

What a great week. Among the terrific purile jokes were about just as many terrific straight jokes. Very nicely done.

The best of a great lot, including two new first time winners and a Triple-win for Triskelion, are:

McCoy: "For the last time, my name is BONES, not BONER!"

.

Kirk: "I love you."
Shaw: "I know."
And she's lowered into the carbonite.

Lelia: Spock?
Spock: A WOMAN!

Shaw: "Oops, meant to go to engineering." <facepalm>

Not to worry, Captain, I have prepared some witty barbs with which to decimate the bullies.

Excellent lines, good heft - but how will it hold up against hippies?

Reger: Apparently your friend Kirk did not heed the warning to avoid eating too much of the cheese during Red Hour

Reger: Maybe we shouldn't put any more swords into the magic box just yet.
Amazing Spockini: A logical suggestion.

And it's a little self-serving on my part, but this one fom RatBoy really got me going:

Shaw: "Bye. Glad you still like pegging."

McCoy: "I need to stop looking up the words Shatmandu uses on Urban Dictionary!"

Very nicely done.

Before we get to the new shots, The Badger had a great suggestion: we should come up with a list of and a brief explanation for our running gags, for the new folks.

Nothing too elaborate. No pictures, even, just the broad. We can bat them back and forth in this thread, nail them down, and officially list them in the next contest.

That way, anyone with questions can be pointed to that one.

Off the top of my head, we could touch on: Carl Spock and his band of Pimps, assless chaps Picard, Conway Twitty, Cloud William and Cloud Festus, Grignak the Fish-Looking Coffee-Selling Asswipe, the butt-squeezing thing, nude jumping jacks, Spock having a forked penis, Sombreros, Explosive-Diarrhea McCoy. Balok Puppet used to show up a lot, but he's died off along with Leonidas ...

I'm tired (and that was the strangest goddamned sentence ever written in the history of thought). What am I missing?

Anyhoot, here are this week's brickbats:

And the "How much can they do with this one?" shot is:

Joe, off to sleep



TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik (2x)
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow (3x)
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)

cultcross
Cuhl **** FIRST TIME BIG WINNER! ****
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (12x)
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper (2X) **** BIG WINNER! ****
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (26x)

goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (12x)
Isis
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan (2x)
John_Picard (4x)
jptrekker (2x)
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby (2x)
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (10x) **** BIG WINNER! ****
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (37x)

Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)

Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (45!x)

**** BIG WINNER! ****
Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (23x)

**** BIG WINNER! ****
Sector 7
Shatmandu (25x)

Shaw (4x)
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Sovay
ssosmcin
Super Grover
Tallis Rhul
Tan Ru
T'Bonz (8x)
T'Girl **** FIRST TIME BIG WINNER! ****
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Badger
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (20x)

The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Tribble (3x)
Triskelion (23x)

***THREE WINS IN ONE FRIGGIN' CONTEST! ***
Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Yeoman Randi
Zachery Smith

Mudd Club

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "How long's it take to make a damned pizza?"

Spock: "How could you spell 'Russian' incorrectly?"

<Second Gold Shirt from left finishes urinating, shakes her penis, puts it back, and walks off.>

Spock: "Nurse Chapel, where did you ever get a sex chair?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Uhura's fan dance has improved since the Acadamy.

SPOCK: Can I change my order?

GOLD SKIRT: New caption contest is up!

 

[M'Sharak]

"...so, you want... three Wulcan plomeek burritos with onions and extra cheese,
and the spicy refries."
*ahem*
"Ohhh, and the peppers, right. Got it, sir"

 

[Ward Fowler]

Spock: "Well, well, well. Doctor McCoy. Now I know why that Saurian Brandy bottle always smells like shit."

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: I want a pastrami on rye.

Chekov: Anything else Mr. Spock?

Spock: A large Mr. Pibb.

Kirk: No Ensign Dumbass the bell on the table is not the Taco Bell.

Spock: I believe his name is pronounced "du-moss" not "dumbass" Captain.

Kirk, filtered over intercom: All crewmembers that we've never seen before and probably will never see again are to stand in the corridor and look dumbfounded for the next twenty minutes.

Woman by Red Shirt: How the hell can they call this art? It's just a rectangle with a smaller rectangle on it stuck to the wall!

Spock: I just bumped uglies with Nurse Chapel.

 

[Ward Fowler]

Kirk: Khan, tell us more about this "Amway".

Spock: Chekov, about that wig. You're fuckin' with us, right?

She shot J.R.?

 

[M'Sharak]

Shipwide Address: ...and if you feel like experimenting, only
take half a tab, okay? Thank you."

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: What is your name ensign?
PAVEL: Pavel Tereshkova.
SPOCK: And is that a checklist?
PAVEL: Aye sir!
SPOCK: Then logically you are Ensign Check-off.
PAVEL: But, sir...
SPOCK: That's an order, Ensign.

SHATNER: Which episode is this? The one with the space hippies?
NIMOY: Genetic supermen.
SHATNER: Whatever.

The crew were transfixed by the incorrect installation of one alert light. That's how boring space is.

NIMOY: Hey Bill, guess who gets the most fan mail?

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Mr. Chekov please stop playing your Nintendo DS while I'm talking to you.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "The chair moves that we discover how many yeomen fit under this table. How say you?"
Spock: "I second that motion."
Kirk: "All in favour, say Aye."
All: "Aye!"
Kirk: "The motion is carried. Send in the yeomen."

...

...

three hours later

Kirk: "Someone is disrespecting the democratic process."
McCoy: "Give it another hour, Jim."

Spock after a quick glimpse at the padd "594183672137269485268475319942836157673591824815742963359617248421358796786924531"
Chekov: "You take all the fun out of Sudoku, sair."

Intercom: "Attention, all hands attention. This contest's Running Spock gag will take place at 2300 hours precisely. Ensure that the corridors are clear at that time. That is all."

Spock: "This isn't a smirk, it's a grimace. You try crossing your legs like this with two dicks hanging down below."

 

[Isis]

McCoy was extremely jealous of Spock's more spectacular boobs.

 

[Isis]

Even in the 23rd Century, singles mixers were awkward.

Spock: "Humans are so gullible. I really have them going with that Vulcan shtick."

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks Shatmandu thricely for the wins! Can you tell I'm on vacation this week? (That is the family is out of town and I'm BBSin'). Really made my day!

Here is the very first post from Caption This #131 "Open Sesame" showing Assless Chaps Picard, by yours truly:

What have I done!

 

[Isis]

McCoy was extremely jealous of Spock's more spectacular boobs.

Chekov: "Seer, I have wery bad news. They're out of that bra that vent over so vell at the trial."

 

[Anticitizen]

Chekov: The final question on my survey is, 'Are you completely gay, or only mostly gay?'
Spock: Why, I am neither. I am a heterosexual.
Chekov: I em sorry Meester Spock, I only have 'completely gay' and 'mostly gay' here.
Spock: Very well... then... put... mostly gay.
Chekov: <snicker>
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t113/shatmandu2/The_Mark_of_Gideon_043.jpg

 

[Mysterion]

On the Enterprise very little work would get done while the Howard Stern Show was on.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Intercom: "Stop...

... Hammertime...

That is all!"

Intercom in high pitch: "Stop! ... ... ... Carry on!"

Uhura on intercom: "Will Mike Hunt report to Engineering? Repeat, will Mike Hunt report to engineering." snickering in background followed by mumbling ... "Ok, In addition, if anyone has seen Mike Hu... ... you bastards, you complete and utter bastards!" Howls of laughter followed by sound of channel going dead.

 

[Rat Boy]

Auditions for the new yeoman were going well.

Spock: "I will have the veggie burger."

Chekov: "One weggie burger, aye sir."

Spock: "No, I said veggie burger."

Chekov: "Weggie."

Spock: "Veggie."

Chekov: "Weggie."

<Spock pulls out Chekov's tongue>

The Nitpicker's Society couldn't get over the red alert light being sideways.

Spock: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

 

[Isis]

McCoy was extremely jealous of Spock's more spectacular boobs.

Chekov: "Seer, I have wery bad news. They're out of that bra that vent over so vell at the trial."

Sulu (OS): "That's OK, Sir. They're still pretty spectacular when you go commando."