Hello and welcome to the new contest! You want winners? You'll get a lot of winners! First up to the plate, we have the "And we have heatwaves in January" Award, going to Finngle Bells for: Beverly: I know what they say about San Francisco in the summer but this is ridiculous Next, we have the "Crimes against Canon" Award, going to Leviathan for: Picard: WHAT THE HELL!? A snowball?? Matter cannot leave the holodeck! Mr Worf, execute The Boy for a violation of the Canon Directive. Next, we have the "Phaser Heating System" Award, going to Bry_Sinclair for: Wesley: Come on rocks, heat up. Dammit! This always worked on TOS! Next, we have the "Super-Geordi!" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for: GEORDI: Wait a minute. I just climbed a rock face with my arms only using picks made from melted ore. Why the hell have I never been that physically strong before?! Next, we have the "Set Phasers to Spay!" Award, going to Captain Crow for: Riker: Wow! That's a really big turd. I'd hate to meet the thing that left that. [comic beat] [loud pitched down with reverb dog bark] Worf: Uhhh... Sir. Next, we have the "They're running out of names for planets" Award, going to Herbert for: Riker: First officer's log. Data, Yar, and I have successfully transported down to planet, Soundstagus VI. Next, we have the "Maybe listen to Worf next time" Award, going to inflatabledalek for: Worf: Oh, now you want to shoot the aliens? Shame you didn't listen to me when I suggested that an hour ago before 80 non speaking extras were killed by exploding consoles. Evolved sensibilities my ass. Next, we have the "Still a good question" Award, going to Leviathan for: Riker: I'll handle this! I read about this earlier and it totally worked. Excuse me... "WHAT DOES GOD NEED WITH A STARSHIP!?". Next, we have the "It may have no function, but it's Purple!" Award, going to Riu Riu Chiu for: "It's a purple flashlight. Sure, we have no idea what it does, but it looks cool. We'll find a use for it later." Next, we have the "Worf and the Warm-up group now have to get off the stage" Award, going to Snowy Road for: Hello Cleveland! Next, we have the "I know it's ambiguous where the bathrooms are, but we KNOW that's a turbolift" Award, going to Mr. So-Ho-Hoak for: Riker: That's not the head, sir. Next, we have the "Much better than a vacuum cleaner" Award, going to Wintermute for: Worf: Light stun, heavy stun, light kill, heavy kill - ah here we go: heavy spider fire death kill. Next we have the "Hey Siri, move this dang turbolift!" Award, going to Snowy Road for: PICARD: How long has be been staring at that panel? RIKER: About a half hour. His germophobia is stopping him from touching the controls. PICARD: Doe he realize the turbolift is voice activated? Next, we have the "Will he be 60 by the end of the week?" Award, going to inflatabledalek for: K'Ehleyr: WHO DOES OUR SON AGE TEN TIMES FASTER THAN A NORMAL CHILD WORF?!?! Next, we have the "There are no corners!" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for: PICARD: Looks like the turbolift is stuck. Alright, let's establish a pee corner. TROI: It's only been a minute, I think it's a bit early to...you're already peeing, aren't you? Continued in next post.