Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #538: Good Times

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Dec 19, 2017.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Hello and welcome to the new contest! You want winners? You'll get a lot of winners!

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    First up to the plate, we have the "And we have heatwaves in January" Award, going to Finngle Bells for:

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    Beverly: I know what they say about San Francisco in the summer but this is ridiculous


    Next, we have the "Crimes against Canon" Award, going to Leviathan for:

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    Picard: WHAT THE HELL!? A snowball?? Matter cannot leave the holodeck! Mr Worf, execute The Boy for a violation of the Canon Directive.


    Next, we have the "Phaser Heating System" Award, going to Bry_Sinclair for:

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    Wesley: Come on rocks, heat up. Dammit! This always worked on TOS!


    Next, we have the "Super-Geordi!" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

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    GEORDI: Wait a minute. I just climbed a rock face with my arms only using picks made from melted ore. Why the hell have I never been that physically strong before?!


    Next, we have the "Set Phasers to Spay!" Award, going to Captain Crow for:

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    Riker: Wow! That's a really big turd. I'd hate to meet the thing that left that.

    [comic beat]

    [loud pitched down with reverb dog bark]

    Worf: Uhhh... Sir.


    Next, we have the "They're running out of names for planets" Award, going to Herbert for:

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    Riker: First officer's log. Data, Yar, and I have successfully transported down to planet, Soundstagus VI.


    Next, we have the "Maybe listen to Worf next time" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

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    Worf: Oh, now you want to shoot the aliens? Shame you didn't listen to me when I suggested that an hour ago before 80 non speaking extras were killed by exploding consoles. Evolved sensibilities my ass.


    Next, we have the "Still a good question" Award, going to Leviathan for:

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    Riker: I'll handle this! I read about this earlier and it totally worked. Excuse me... "WHAT DOES GOD NEED WITH A STARSHIP!?".


    Next, we have the "It may have no function, but it's Purple!" Award, going to Riu Riu Chiu for:

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    "It's a purple flashlight. Sure, we have no idea what it does, but it looks cool. We'll find a use for it later."



    Next, we have the "Worf and the Warm-up group now have to get off the stage" Award, going to Snowy Road for:

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    Hello Cleveland!


    Next, we have the "I know it's ambiguous where the bathrooms are, but we KNOW that's a turbolift" Award, going to Mr. So-Ho-Hoak for:

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    Riker: That's not the head, sir.


    Next, we have the "Much better than a vacuum cleaner" Award, going to Wintermute for:

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    Worf: Light stun, heavy stun, light kill, heavy kill - ah here we go: heavy spider fire death kill.


    Next we have the "Hey Siri, move this dang turbolift!" Award, going to Snowy Road for:

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    PICARD: How long has be been staring at that panel?
    RIKER: About a half hour. His germophobia is stopping him from touching the controls.
    PICARD: Doe he realize the turbolift is voice activated?


    Next, we have the "Will he be 60 by the end of the week?" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

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    K'Ehleyr: WHO DOES OUR SON AGE TEN TIMES FASTER THAN A NORMAL CHILD WORF?!?!


    Next, we have the "There are no corners!" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:

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    PICARD: Looks like the turbolift is stuck. Alright, let's establish a pee corner.
    TROI: It's only been a minute, I think it's a bit early to...you're already peeing, aren't you?


    Continued in next post.
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Our Photoshop Awards go to

    CutieMcWhiskers: (Sorry, I didn't have the tie to write your entire Holiday name)

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    Snowy Road:

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    RIKER: I've got a bad feeling about this.
    CRUSHER: Wrong franchise, numskull.
    RIKER: About that...



    Wintermute:

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    Geordi: Good idea keeping these in stasis!
    Reg: I just saved us three quatloos!



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    The Captain's Log Awards go to


    Han(solo)ukah:

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    LaForge: Engineer's log, remind me to send Reg instead on the next away team. I'm staying in my nice safe engine room, where at least there's a door I can roll under in times of emergency.


    inflatabledalek:

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    Captain's Personal Log: dontlookattheboobsdontlookatheboobsdontlookattheboobsdontlookattheboobsdontlookattheboobs...


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    Many KBL's!

    First, Bry_Sinclair:

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    Whalen: (thinking) Yeah, that degree in 20th century human literature history is really paying off for me now.


    Riu Riu Chiu:

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    Riker: Come on, haven't we spent enough time on this wild goose chase?

    Worf: A true warrior never abandons his quest! There is a Pikachu around here, I am sure of it!


    Wintermute:

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    Wesley: Captain sorry I hit you with a snowball. Too bad a Security officer wasn't here to take the hit for you.
    Worf: M'on break


    Mr. So-Ho-Hoak

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    Picard: Mr Worf, what did I say about wearing your smoking jacket on the bridge?

    Worf: It' a smoking baldric, sir.


    Han(Solo)ukah:

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    Picard: Status, Mr. Worf?

    Worf: I am fine, Sir. Klingons can hold their smoke, unlike Ensign Smith behind me who is currently puking all over his console.



    Mojochi:

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    Riker: They really need to improve their laundry technology here


    And Cat Claus:


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    K'Ehleyr: Roll your shoulders back. You walk like a troll.

    Worf: You try working at station built to fit the height of a human woman. (Pause) An honorable one. Great, now I have feelings. Time to go punch someone.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  3. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

    And now, with the holidays fast approaching, lets take a look at some of the happier moments of the series.

    Enjoy!

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    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  4. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
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    Picard: My love is a fever!

    Data: According to this medical scan, you are correct Captain.


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    Riker: Great job, Data!

    Data: Would anyone else care to play me in a new match?

    Worf: No nose goes.

    Pulaski is the last to touch her nose.

    Pulaski: That's it! I'm saving Riker's life and transferring off this ship!


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    Riker: Captain, your SpaceAmazon orders arrived. Somehow the box opened and unknown suspects went through the boxes.

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    Geordi: Data, what was it like to be deactivated for 500 years?

    Data: I was enjoying it until you all showed up.

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    Riker: Geordi and Ro are alive?

    Picard: You owe me 10 Quatloos, Number One.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  5. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    shivkala
    Thanks for the wins!

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    Picard: Mr. Data, I'm ready for you to take the picture we'll use on my eSpaceHarmony profile. Hurry, I don't want this to be one of the times when the picture that's taken is horrible compared to what I intended.

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    Picard: Back to the drawing board...


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    Data: Anyone for Risk?

    Riker: Uh-oh, I hear a red alert! Clear Ten-Forward!


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    Riker: I've got the final report on that alien virus that made us drunk. I'm happy to report everything is back to usual. Oh, and apparently you write love poetry when drunk. "My dancing doctor, how I'd love to rock her." If I may say so, there's some raw potential here, but it needs some fine-tuning.

    Picard: Well at least I'm not fidgeting with a paper-based childhood novelty.

    Worf: So, you and Data, huh?

    Riker: Uh, sir, permission to ignore that this every happened to us?

    Picard: Granted. Everyone on the bridge is ordered to forget that ever happened.

    Riker: What about Data? He's not here.

    Picard: Hmm, positronic brain, that's not good. Mental note: Tell Data to erase his memory of what happened. I hope I remember to tell him that. Oh well, it's not likely to ever come up again.

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    Geordi: Thanks for being my wingman tonight. Hey, how should we dress?

    Data: Sharp as possible.

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    Picard: Captain's Log--Am I the only one who realizes that anytime we have a party on this ship, something goes wrong? That's it, I'm cancelling all future birthday parties.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  6. Herbert

    Herbert Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    You've got a hard lip, Herbert
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    Ro: We were alive the whole time, just phased. We could pass right through solids as if they weren't there.
    Geordi: It was pretty cool. I body checked a Romulan right through a wall.
    Picard: And yet somehow, magically perhaps, the floors were solid and prevented you from falling into space?
    The Writers: Uh........um......well, you see it's.......................uh........................Yeah, we got nothing.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  7. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Geordi: "Okay, Data, don't touch anything until you've read all those red warming labels. There's a lot of dangerous high-voltage around here."
     
  8. Cutie McWhiskers

    Cutie McWhiskers Captain Captain

    :whistle:


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    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  9. Herbert

    Herbert Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    You've got a hard lip, Herbert
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    Picard: Like this?

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    Bugs Bunny: You're almost there Doc. Extend your arm more
     
  10. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
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    PICARD: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art stiflingly sweaty and humid, and make people need to open windows!

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    DATA: How did I win? I rigged the game board, of course. I believe humans refer to it as "Kobayashi Maruing the ***********".

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    RIKER: Just make sure you only use it on your finger. Won't make that mistake twice.

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    DATA: I'm sorry to say there is a terrible flaw in my programming. I can never bend.
    GEORDI: That gives me a great idea for a new model of robot!

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    PICARD: Did you see that, Mr Data?
    DATA: Yes. It appears...Ro and Geordi's spirits are still with us.
    PICARD: Yes, that must be it. They still exist in the minds of all of us, even you Data. All right, start the engine!
     
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  11. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Picard: "Well, Mr. Data, how do you like your birthday gift?"

    Data: "Sir, I believe the word 'quaint' would be in order. Hundreds of years ago, after all, human beigns were using Nintendo Wii."
     
  12. Herbert

    Herbert Captain Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
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    You've got a hard lip, Herbert
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    Geordi: Insert hand A into slot B hahahahahahaha!
    Data:......
    Geordi: Just a small joke Data.
    Data: Very small

    ALTERNATE CAPTION
    Geordi:
    Insert hand A into slot B hahahahahahaha!
    Data:......
    Geordi: Just a small joke Data.
    Data: I did not think it possible for anyone to be less funny than Piscopo
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2017
  13. Finn

    Finn Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Austin
    Thanks for the win

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    Worf: (OS) Haven’t you guys seen a Klingon do ballet dancing before?
     
  14. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Walrus Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Sitting on a cornflake.
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    DATA: ...But seriously, where's the rest of my body?
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    RIKER: Why can't we party like they did on the Discovery?
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    LAFORGE: How many key turns will it take till you're fully operational?
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Shanghai
    T4TWs Santy Garrus![​IMG]
    Riker: So when is the Captain due back from Lady Magnolia's Interstellar Cathouse and Wax Museum?
    Troi: Whenever Data notices the swap and narcs him out to Starfleet.
    Wax Picard: MAKE IT MAIS OUI, MONSIEUR LAFORGE!
    Riker: Uncanny resemblance, though.

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    Riker: You see, sir, when we explain exotic particle effects on unspecified material properties, we can use doofus allegories to cover over the fact that we don't know how any of it really works.
    Picard: Make it mais oui!

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    Geordi: Catch the Yankees game last night?
    Data: Find any colorectal polyps yet?

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    Picard: Data, do you see that?
    Data: Geordi and Ro, sir?
    Picard: No - nobody has even popped open the box of Chateau Picard!
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2017
  16. Mr Soak

    Mr Soak Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2001
    Location:
    Mr Soak, [Redacted]
    Thanks for the wins!

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    Riker: I so do enjoy it when the captain goes all Shakespearian.
    Troi: Well, we are dressed for the theatre.

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    Riker: Nice virtual piano playing. We should perform a duet. I' just go get-
    Pulaski: Don't pull out your 'bone, sir. No one wants to see it.


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    Riker: Finger strength training for my trombone playing, sir.

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    Data: This new direct neural-interface Virtual Reality system is impressive. It is as if I am actually in Victorian London.
    LaForge: Yeah, I'll stick with the holodeck. I don't trust it to not keep a record of my history.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2017
  17. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Data: "Geordi, would it be acceptable if you backed up to me and thrust you manhood on me while I yelled 'I am the king of the world'?"

    Geordi: "Only if I get to shove you off into the cold holographic ocean later."
     
  18. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk The Walrus Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Sitting on a cornflake.
    [​IMG]
    GEORDI: You'd think they'd have more than one urinal on this ship.
    DATA : You'd think you'd have a better sense of personal space.
     
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  19. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

    Geordi: "Data ... you used a contraction."
     
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  20. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
    DATA: Ahh, yes. The truth is I've always been able to use contractions. I've just always been acutely aware that humans find an android who can't use contractions to be adorable, so I pretend I can't when meeting new people to disarm them.
     
    Nerys Myk likes this.