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Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #495: Special Effects!

LeadHead

Director of Comedy
Premium Member
Hello everyone, at long last I have returned to start the new contest!

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First up to the plate, we have the "That could've been really useful in future episodes" Award, going to Mojochi, for:

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Troi: (Telepathically to Riker) We're totally getting it on in his chair when he's not around

Riker: (Telepathically) We should probably never do this telepathy thing again after today



Next, we have the "Tasha opens a can of Whoop-Ass in 3,2,1..." Award, going to Finn for:

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Terraformer: ...then when all of this is done, we'll colonize it. The place would be so well run and beautiful. Not like one of those failed colonies...like Turkana IV. Have you heard of it. I read about it once. Folks from there are complete morons and they stink really bad. I don't know what I'd do if I bumped into someone from there...



Next, we have the "Well, ALL the corridors look the same" Award, going to Honorable Ensign for:

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Geordi: How could you get lost, Data?! There are giant maps of the ship everywhere! Plus, you're an android!


Next, we have the "Psst, I think it's Goldshirts now. Relax Will" Award, going to Inflatabledalek for:

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Riker: I'm not sure if ther red shirts are still cursed, so you two can go into the dangerous situation first and we'll just hang back.


Next, we have the "C'mon, I want to see a runabout fly by!" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

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"Officer! Quit watching Deep Space Nine reruns and get back to work!"


Our Photoshop Award, goes to Nerys Myk for:

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PICARD: Tell me, Mister Data, have you ever seem a more arrogant and smug group of people?


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The award goes to Shivkala for:

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Picard: Captain's Log--When I have a "senior moment" and forget what order I wanted to give, I like to comment on just how beautiful space is and how we should all take a moment and just enjoy the view. However, during the Red Alert, it probably wasn't the best of times to point out the lovely vista. Incidentally, I must remember to write to the families of the 218 crew members who died today when I didn't give my order quickly enough. Oh well, space really is pretty.


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Our KBL goes to JirinPanthosa for:

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Geordi: Data, I just got a great idea for a new best friend handshake! And you have to join me for the Community holonovel. Playing Troy is like an out of body experience!



Many thanks to everyone for participating and congrats to our winners!

Before moving on, I'd like to thank you all for your patience. Times have been quite rocky for me recently, I'm fine, please don't worry about me. It's just that some things have been demanding more and more of my time. One of the bright spots has always been judging these contests, because I get a lot of hilarious people making me laugh. It is quite a gift you all give to the TrekBBS each contest. Thank you.

And now, here we go...

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Enjoy!
 
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First Officer's Log: It appears that an narcotics have been accidentally added to the replicator patterns for Earl Grey tea. Until repairs are made, we have started using small 3-D displays to keep the Captain away from critical systems.

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K'Ehleyr: Worf! I've come back in time to conceive Alexander, otherwise his age will never make any sense!

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Wesley: No, Traveler! I want to stay in starfleet! Get that time/space portal out of here!

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La Forge: Wow, that blew up. Glad we had it in a containment field. Why did we run this experiment right next to the warp core again?

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Riker: Not how you use a commbadge!
 
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Picard (voice over): "Captain's First Log: Upon entering my Captain's quaters for the first time and pressing some buttons, I got this fascinating holographic 3-D display which I have not encountered on any previous vessel served on. It appears to be incredibly useful in certain cases so as the Captain's prerogative I've decided to banish its use for all future needs and use flat two-dimentional computer graphics that are barely adequate for survival. Seems like a good idea."
 
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Little Johnny was worried his holo-sculpture wasn't as good as the other kids.

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PICARD: Geordi! Are you downloading porn again????! The whole systems slowed to crawl!
LAFORGE: No! Wait, is that a...?

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CRUSHER: I think they're called "Herculoids"?

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WORF: Intruder on the bridge. You want I should do something?
PICARD: No, just call security.
WORF: I'm standing right next to it, sir.
PICARD Go back to your duty station Mister Worf! That's an order!
WORF: Okay, but I could stop it right here and now.
PICARD: Good lord save me from stubborn Klingons.
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T'Jon: I got a funny heartburn pun. You wanna hear it?
RIKER: I'm good.
 
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Riker: "Sir?"

Picard: "Shhh..."

Riker waits.[/i]

Riker: "What is it?"

Picard: "I swear this thing talked to me in a female voice and said 'Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope'."

Riker: "Ah, you haven't been using Geordi's hologram programs again have you?"
 
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Oh yes, this is much more interesting than TJ Hooker reruns. Whoopee.

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Sorry Captain, the pizza muffins are still frozen in the center and burnt lava on top! Even with all our technology, the Giovanni's Constant still eludes our best scientific minds!

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Announcer: The Droid Motel: Androids check in - but they don't check out!

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Worf: Intruder alert - oh wait, it's just a hot Klingon wench. Permission to gawk at her goods and let her get a good long look at our engineering screens, Captain.
Data: We might want to reexamine this particular security protocol, sir....


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Alien: ENOUGH WITH THE HOT SAUCE!!! I JUST WANTED SOME WINGS!!!
 
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PICARD: I think I finally figured out why that planet has such an odd orbit. The reason is...Q...is messing with me.
Q: FINALLY you figured it out.

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WORF: Commander, there's another energy being on the ship.
DATA: Data to Counselor Troi. Just thought you should know, you're probably about to be possessed.

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DATA: It seems the last remnant of this ancient civilization is..a giant high tech disco ball.

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GEORDI: It brokeded.

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ALIEN: ...Electricity? No this is my people's way of making love!
 
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Picard: "Mr. Laforge, I want you to take that potentially deadly explossive thing and put it in main Engineering not far from the ships matter/anti-matter warp core and see if the force field will contain the explosion."

Geordi: "Yes, sir."

Minutes later.

BOOM!


Picard: "Report, Mr. LaForge."

Geordi: "Dodged another bullet, sir, it just barely held."

Picard: "Excellent. I see no reason to change this proceedure in the future. Carry on."
 
Thanks for the win...
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Captain's log supplemental: I'm unable to decide whether I can look at this side of the desk better or the other. I think I'll slip in some of my family wine in my next Earl Grey.....HOT!
 
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Data: Enterprise, I have encountered another 'Ghostbusters' remake. Fire all phasers on my location.
 
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Data: calling security there is an intruder on the bridge!
Worf: I see nothing but a blank space.
Data: the effects department is running late the intruder will be added in during post production.



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Picard: bridge to engineering have you finished your analysis of the incorporeal thing we found?
La forge: the sparkly nature of this being when exposed to light leads me to conclude it might be vampiric in nature.
Picard: ...


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Captains log: there was a minor incident at the annual talent show when one of the contestants mistook Riker for his ventriloquist dummy. Thankfully Dr Crusher was on hand to rectify the situation. Riker has been given a couple days leave to recover from the invasion of his lower decks.
 
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Worf: "Intruder alert!" whips a phaser out.

Picard: "Mr. Worf, stand down!"

Worf: "Ah, come on, I never get to shoot any intruders on the Bridge!"

Picard: "Oh, I'm not saying no this time, but unless you have an unlicensed nuclear accelorator on yoru back, you'll just have to him do his thing."
 
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Worf: So this time the "strange new life and new civilization" that kicks my ass is a ball of light. <sigh> well let's get this over with.
 
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Laforge: Data, I don't understand. The barbie should have become a real supermodel for me.

Data: I am not an expert in the Loner Sciences, but according to their experiment, you have neglected to wear a brazier on your head.[/QUOTE]
 
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