Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #488: Counselor to the Stars!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, new contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Diplomatic Incident" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

Picard (over comms): "Commander LaForge, has the ambassador beamed up yet?"
LaForge: "Ummm...*whispers* I hope not..."


Next, we have the "Failure to help" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Data: Thank you for your interest, but firing weapons and yelling profanely will not assist us in repairs.


Next, we have the "Damn, he brought it back" (bonus points to first person to get the reference) Award, going to Tenacity for:

Disco night was alway popular among the senior staff.


Next, we have the "Dangerous Technology" Award, going to tharpdevenport for:

Data: "Data to Enterprise -- I believe I have found the reason for the crashed vessel; I am detecting fragments from a Samsung Galaxy Note 7."


Next, we have the "Judgemental Computer" Award, going to Finn for:

Computer (text): Please enter password.
Data (keyboard): "ILoveTasha2364"
Computer (text): You need to stop using Tasha. You are not fooling anybody.

The Award goes to shivkala for:

Data: Second Officer's Personal Log--Apparently Dr. Soong created me with the ability to get carpal tunnel.

Our KBL goes to inflatabledalek for:

Geordi: Pfft. That's how you take care of Nomad, Kirk. Greatest captain in Starfleet history my ass.


Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, at long last we return to our character contests. Deanna Troi, thank you for your patience.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Troi: Worf, how do you lean on this all day without hurting your back?!

Troi: What's this wi-fi network: "Section 31 Surveillance Shuttlecraft?"

Barclay: Listen, I'm doing so much better. You make it sound like I'll be battling these issues until Voyager returns from the Delta Quadrant.

Crusher: No matter what, she's reacting like she can't get Data's poetry out of her head.

Troi: Tea, Early Grey, Cold. It's better this way.

Picard: Get out of my ready room.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win...

Riker: Are you all right, Deanna?

Troi: Yeah. I hate it every time I sense someone having a charley horsey during sex.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Troi: Counselor's Personal Log: After being chided for my "useless" talent, one too many times, I have started to act as if it takes a lot out of me, hoping to garner sympathy. Plus, I totally think I can get Worf to go out with me, now.

Troi: I'm sensing great frustration from you, Computer.

Enterprise Computer: Initiate self-destruct sequence...

Troi: Okay, Reg, for the last time: not only is this unhealthy, but, unless I'm standing on something, you wouldn't be able to motorboat me like that. Even if I was wearing my highest heels, at best, you'd be motorboating my forehead. If you're going to fantasize about me, get it right!

Crusher: Thank you Nurse, I can take it from here.

Nurse: All I did was fix her make-up.

Crusher: I know, even in the 24th Century, women can't be seen without makeup. Misogynistic? Possibly. But, given how I look without makeup, I'm kind of glad we still have that double standard.

Troi: If you have a tea... and I have a tea... and I have a straw; there it is, that’s the straw, see? Watch it. My straw reaches across the room... and starts to drink your tea: I... drink... your... tea! And, wow! You really do like your Earl Grey hot!

 

[Jedman67]

TROI: "Captain...I am sensing... a hostile presence nearby..."
RIKER: "Don't you mean a passive-aggressive presence?"

 

[Triskelion]

Troi: Dammit Beverly, warm up your equipment first!
Worf: Lieutenant Barclay's colonoscopy?
Troi: What else??

Troi: Computer why does the sound of your voice make me want to stay out late and smoke cigarettes?
Computer: Working. Unknown. Recommend scheduling appointment with ship's counselor.
Troi: You don't know me!

Barclay: Imagine my troubles are a cloud blowing away? Why don't you imagine my troubles are two ice cream cones, and I'm holding them up so your crap therapy can't reach them with its tiny little legs. And now I'm eating them both right in front of you. Mmmmmm.
Troi: I will have you declared mentally unfit for duty, Mother Feklar. Gimme one o' them cones right now!
Barclay: Fine - you can have the vanilla. I get the chocolate.
Troi: You wanna play? I'll throw the book at you!
Barclay: What book?
Troi: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder.
Barclay: I have not once ever seen that book anywhere in your office.
Troi: I could have one! You don't know me!

Beverly: Her mother will be disappointed in the state of cleanliness of her underwear. This is the part of the job I hate, but dammit! I'm a doctor! I took an oath!
Nurse: That's not...actually part of -
Beverly: Dammit! We're not miracle workers!

Troi: "S'smarith." What did I just say?
Picard: "Cup? Glass?"
Troi: Are you sure? I may have meant liquid, clear, brown, hot.
Picard: Is Wesley in the room?
Troi: Maybe.
Picard: Ah. "Shut up, Wesley."
Troi: And that's how a Universal Translator is totally plausible!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "What is it, counselor? Are they bluffing?

Riker: "Are they lying?"

Worf: "Perhaps it is a ruse on their part."

Troi: "No, hemorrhoids."

Baclay: "Counselor, how do you like my Picard 'Full of WIN' impression?"

Troi: "You are not full of win, Barclay."

Troi: "Oh, nothing much, just waiting for somebody to have a problem that I can solve with half-assed counseling techniques."

BA-LING (new instant messaging comment)

Troi: "Just using my desktop computer. Why?"

BA-LING

Troi: "Hum... Samsung Galaxy Note PADD 7. Why do you ask?"

Picard: "What is it, counselor? Is Timmy in trouble?"

Riker: "I'm sensing Timmy has fallen down a well."

 

[Seven of Five]

Worf: I sense great frustration Counselor.
Troi: Bite me.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Deanna, what is it?"

Troi: "McCoy's Ass-Rubbing Clone -- it's rubbing too hard..."

Riker: "And why does it have to look at me while it does that?"





(By the way, does anybody have a copy of my original Ass-Rubbing Clone entry? Imageshack deleted all images hosted on it years ago, and I apparently never saved a copy of mine. Ass-Rubbing Clone: born December 7, 2007)

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Are you okay, Counselor?
TROI: Sorry, just had a flashback of my season one costume.

TROI: Computer what are my appointments for today?
COMPUTER: You have no appointments scheduled for today.
TROI: What are my appointments for tomorrow?
COMPUTER: You have no appointments scheduled for tomorrow.
TROI: Well it looks like another couple of days on the bridge, pretending to be useful.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: Reg, wandering the halls doing air drum solos isn't helping your rep.

TROI: It's Irish Coffee. Heavy on the Irish and light on the coffee

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Siri, best cure for "Faking it".

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Troi: I got a headache, and the only prescription is less cowbell.

Troi: I don't know why Beverly thinks this shipboard matchmaking program is a good idea. It will probably set me up with...Barclay, or Worf, or -- who knows?!

Troi, thinking: Just once I'd like to tell Barclay to grow up or get out.

Crusher: She's worse than dead.
Nurse: Her brain is gone?
Crusher: No, she's in a diabetic coma. No more chocolate for her.

Picard: Look, Riker is the one who gives the performance reviews. I just sign the damn things. If you want to object to his critiques of your piloting abilities, or the functional value of your empathic abilities, take it up with him.

 

[Hutchy01]

"H.M" Barclay: I love it when a plan comes together!

Shades of Grey 2, the episode no-one wanted.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf: "Vomiting in the Captain's chair is not honourable."

Counselor's Log: "I've been staring at this damn picture of someone staring at a damn picture trying to come up with a caption for a competion... trying to come up with a caption for a competion myself for hours now. I bet no-one else ever had this problem."

Barclay: "... and she smiled at me, I smiled at her. We kissed, lay back in the bed, in each other's arms. The world was perfect, the moment was perfect. I told the computer to end the program, and it wouldn't end. It just wouldn't end. It was real life. That's when I woke up screaming..."
Deanna: "Let me get this straight, Reg. The prospect of a genuine, warm, human relationship is giving you nightmares. I'm going to have to write a whole new paper on this one."

Crusher: "We've beamed the contents of her stomach out, now we have to reduce the blood sugar levels, ease her out of the coma."
Nurse: "56 replicated chocolate sundaes. What possessed her?"
Crusher: "We checked the communication's logs. Apparently her mother is coming for a visit."

Troi: "Are you trying to get me blended, Captain?"

 

[Finn]

Deanna: Note to self- If I'm still dealing with him in ten years, I better be marrying Wil to make it up for it.

 

[Catarina]

Worf: Were you having that dream again where a 20th century woman wrote us having a romantic involvement?

 

[Catarina]

Crusher: shit, this just had to happen before my work performance evaluation.

 

[Triskelion]

Crusher: All right nurse, let's remove the makeup roomba before it - oh, too late.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: The make-up thing is pretty funny. Now let's put her hand in a bowl of warm water.