TNG Caption This! #441: Packed up

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! A contest starts on Saturday!

First up to the plate, we have the "Nobody ever listens to Wesley Crusher" Award, going to:

PICARD: Geordi, give me a structural analysis of this entire deck. Data, I want run down of every possible scenario that could cause this. Riker, get teams working on this around the clock. We need answers people!

WES: It's a blown circuit. My Mom left her hair dryer on...

PICARD: Quiet boy, adults are talking.

Next, we have the "Creative Differences" Award, going to:

GATES MCFADDEN: Oh, did nobody tell you? Gene's design for the female uniforms was vetoed.

Next, we have the "On the same page" Award, going to:

Picard: Let's mess with him and tell him it's the future and the Klingon Empire and Federation are no longer at war and we respect each other's cultures.
Worf: But we are no longer at war and we do respect each other's cultures.
Picard: Right! Just like that.

Next, we have the "Safety Guidelines" Award, going to:

Crusher:...and if a drunk Riker calls Sickbay and requests a nurse, under no circumstances should you go to his quarters.

Next, we have the "Practical Jokes that are Practical in the 24th Century" Award, going to:

Riker: Is it working?

Crusher: Yes, one more treatment and he'll think he always outranked chief O'Brien. Then the entire crew is done.

Riker: It's a lot of unethical effort for a prank... but so worth it.

Riker did not approve of Crushers 'stophittingyourself' therapy.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

And now, with so many packing up a suitcase for a holiday trip or with gifts that they're going to send to friends and family far away, lets pack up this contest and go for it!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Vash: Do you have the maps?

Picard: Yes.

Vash: The provisions?

Picard: Yes.

Vash: The camping gear?

Picard: Yes.

Vash: The shovels?

Picard: Yes.

Vash: The-

Picard: One more question and you have to carry this.

Worf: Huh, turns out I don't actually have any clothes that aren't Starfleet Uniforms.

Riker: *sigh* Every time Worf gets a package, he chooses the "Photon Torpedo Shipping."

Pulaski: So what's inside?

O'Brien: Uh-oh. It is a Photon Torpedo.

Riker: Beam it out! Beam it out!

Le Forge: This is a great tool kit.

Riker: Anything in it?

La Forge: No, but haven't raided the cargo bay yet.

Lwaxana: Thank you, William. My hair product can be quite difficult to carry.

O'Brien: (over comm) Transporter Room 3 to Riker. The Ambassador's clothes have beamed aboard. Better bring a forklift.

 

[Finn]

Lwaxana: Thank you, William. My hair product can be quite difficult to carry.

O'Brien: (over comm) Transporter Room 3 to Riker. The Ambassador's clothes have beamed aboard. Better bring a forklift.

Lwaxana: *telepathically* Silly Humans. Why couldn't they use the transporter, little one?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

VASH: Do you have the holoprogram of your fantasy?
PICARD: Yeah, do you have yours?
VASH: Great. So now we watch each other's program, and become that fantasy.
PICARD: And my crew thinks they have to talk me into these trips.

KURN: What happened to the rest of my bricks? Damn it, now what am I going to sleep on?

RIKER: Is Wesley in the torpedo?
PULASKI: Yes.
RIKER: Alright, quick then, before his mother gets back.

A moment of silent congratulations as Geordi hands Riker the prize for fitting the most ping pong balls in his mouth.

RIKER: Don't we have Ensigns to carry luggage?
LWAXANA: Yeah, I wanted you to do it.

 

[indycar]

Worf: This suitcase has no honor.

O'Brien: Are you trying to compensate for something Commander?
Pulaski: According to his physical, he is.

Geordi: This will help me get a girlfriend.
Riker: Keep telling yourself that kid.

Lwaxanna: Whatever do you see in him?
Troi: It's the beard.
Picard: Hair isn't everything.
Riker: But it's the only thing.

 

[TheGoodStuff]

Picard: "Shouldn't we atleast leave the lobby before we check the map again?"

Worf was furious to discover that, upon checking his shipment from Qo'Nos, they had indeed forgotten his copy of "Magnificent Hairstyles for the Discerning Warrior" magazine.

Random Ensign to Riker: "Sir, we can't keep doing this to every Admiral who visits and disagree's with Picard!"

Geordi: "Wow, thanks sir....most guys have a little black book..."

Riker: "Yep, there she is...my little silver briefcase of girls numbers from every corner of..."

Lwaxana [telepathically]: "Oh hush now little one, even Picard is finding this funny! See? He does have a sense of humour!"

 

[Gepard]

On Qu'Onos, it was considered a compliment to steal the hotel toiletries.

RIKER: Who ordered the bees?

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: Here's our cut. Checking up on Sigma Iota was the best idea we ever had.

WORF: Hypoallergenic soap. Cold cream. Damn, where's my moisturizer?

PULASKI: You should really look into fixing those torpedo launchers.

PICARD: I was thinking just a fanny pack would do.

 

[indycar]

Hyperkeratosis? Persistant, itchy, dry scalp. Solution: Neutrogena T/Gel, it works!

 

[Nebusj]

``And is this your first stay at an Adobe Hut Motel, Captain?''

``But ... how will Santa find me on vacation?''

Riker: ``Um ... it was cracked when it arrived. Before we touched it.''
O'Brien: ``Aye sir.''

Riker: ``Looks like someone's feeling awfully smug about his new socket wrenches.''
LaForge: ``Did you hear they're isogravitic socket wrenches?''

Riker: ``Ugh. I hate manually launching photon torpedoes.''

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Mama would help me put on my backpack every morning before school.

VASH: And there goes the mood.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Will you hold my backpack for me while I go look in the gift shop? I'm so tired of carrying it around all day.
Vash: What do I look like, your valet? If it's too heavy then don't bring so much crap you don't need when you know we're going to be out shopping all day.
Picard: Space equality's a bitch, ain't it. Now about my boots and feet....

Kurn: Let's hope this Federation audience is a little more open to Klingon Prop Comedy than the High Council was.

Riker: Out of all the people I've known, these spent stembolts were the most...human.
O'Brien: Every garbage day with this joke.

Geordi: My new X-Ray VISORs have arrived. They can see through any kind of fabric!
Riker: Good news, they've cured blindness.
Geordi: DAMMIT!

Riker: Thanks for the crab lotion, lady!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Finn]

VASH: What's this?.... *takes out an isolinear chip with a note*

..."Jean-Luc, in case you get bored on Risa, I made a holoprogram of our daily breakfast. I know you love those scones and my special tea blend my grandma makes. Love you"

PICARD: *grabs it and throws it into the bushes* Ignore that

 

[Triskelion]

Vash: I'm confused. Have we evolved beyond the need for belts in the 24th century, or not?
Picard: Yes, of course we have.
BORATUS & AJUR's TIME-DISPLACED DISEMBODIED VOICES: NO!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Vash, dear, what's in this?

Vash: Not the Tox Uthat, if that's what you're thinking!

Picard: Vash, do you take me for a fool?

Vash: ...Yes?

Worf: Personal Log: I really wish K'Ehleyr would stop trying to pawn Alexander off on me this way. This is the third package I've fell for!

O'Brien: I really appreciate your help with this, guys.

Riker: So, what's in this again?

O'Brien: All that remains of Keiko...I mean all of Keiko's remaining stuff she left before she went on that expedition. Ha, Keiko's remains, there's a Freudian slip if I ever uttered one!

Riker: You rigged it just as I asked, right?

Geordi: Yes, sir. All you have to do is wait for the next engineer on your Away Team to open it, and it'll not only emit a fart sound, but I've also added a methane smell to it!

Troi: Telepathically-Don't you have Mr. Holm for this kind of thing?

Lwaxanna: Telepathically-That is Mr. Holm in there, Little One! He's getting older and it's harder for him to walk and carry my stuff!

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: So... Yeah... Worst pickpocket I've ever seen

Worf: Tofu cake, check, peach tea, check, mint cookies, check. All set for the picnic with my new crew mates

Pulaski: Sweet! My tanning booth came! Get ready for some sexy tan lines, boys

Riker: it's the best one they had, better than any of the ones I gave to everyone else

Crewman: Jerk

Lwaxana: (telepathically) Do you want to be the one to tell him it has wheels that pop out, or should I?

 

[Hutchy01]

Data: We found this on the planet below emitting Vulcan lifesigns!

 

[tharpdevenport]

O'Brien: "You sure he can't get out?"

Riker: "Absolutely. Interlocking Hyper-magnetic locks, re-enforced layers of tritanium, and tamper-proof systems. Wes isn't going anywhere. Did you lock in those transporter coordinates?"

O'Brien: "Yes, sir -- right into space."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

This packing job is worthy of a warrior's ballad!

Riker: Ready on three. One, two-
Muffled voice, inside: I'm not dead!

Vash: Let me help you out of that bag of treasure and into something more comfortable.

Riker, wheezing: Here's the first ball for the Christmas tree.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LWAXANA: Oops. There's been a mistake. That's actually not my bag.

RIKER: What!!???