TNG Caption This! #440: Sickbay Time

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Nostalgia" Award, going to:

It was widely agreed throughout the sector that DaiMon Bractor and the crew of the Kreechta did indeed get served that day.

Next, we have the "Because...... SCIENCE!" Award, going to:

Data: Worf, you managed to move the Admiral while his beam is still on its way to its target! You've just broken the laws of physics!

Worf: The laws of physics have no honor!

Next, we have the "Renegade Interrupt" Award, going to:

Movie trivia tidbit of the day: The original script of "Raiders of the Lost Ark of Kahless" contained a three-page bat'leth fight. But Michael Dorn's bout with dysentery lead to a much shorter scene, and eventually one of the most popular moments in Federation cinematic history.

Next, we have the "Cover solves EVERYTHING!" Award, going to:

Riker: Safe behind these barrels of <reading> highly Flam-a-ble...

Next, we have the "Ready for the Big Screen" Award, going to:

Picard: OK, I think we've turned down the lights enough for the flaws in the set not to show up on the big screen. Now, let's make a movie!

Lots of great Photoshops this contest! There are two winners!

First we have:

Next, we have:

Trapped 400 years in the past, Picard did his best to try and fit in.

Captain's Log: A mid-watch round of Dance Dance Revolution seems to have helped the crews' spirits immeasurably. We on the bridge are determined to unseat the Engineering Division as the reigning champions.

There are two KBL's this week! First up:

(Music plays) You've been struck by...a smooth criminal!

And...

Riker: Let's get the beard wax and get out of here!

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Our new contest takes us to Deck 12, Sickbay. Lets spend some time with Doctor Crusher and the comings and goings in her medical facility.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: My analysis is complete. It is a hole in the wall.

Crusher: You're in perfect health, now report to holodeck 2 for the Jaws performance.

Picard: Have we established how important honor is to Klingons yet?

Worf: No, Sir.

Picard: Good, I really don't want to get stuck in all of that today.

Crusher: Now remember, we only use the cortical stimulator if the patient is gonna die anyway. So make sure you never smile when I tell you to get it.

Riker: How is he, Doctor?

Crusher: Just a dislocated shoulder. I'm about to pop it back in.

Data: (over comm) Doctor Crusher, incoming message from Wesley at Starfleet Academy.

Crusher: Great!

Crusher drops Barclays arm. Barclay screams.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA: I apologize, Captain. I have been experimenting with the human phenomenon of 'Passing gas', and the mechanism appears to be malfunctioning.

GATES MCFADDEN: Oh, did nobody tell you? Gene's design for the female uniforms was vetoed.

PICARD: He will need a forehead transplant to survive. Are you willing to make that sacrifice?

BEVERLY: First thing to learn about being a Doctor in Starfleet. Say a lot of words the patient doesn't understand then cure their cold with a simple hypo and act like a genius.

BEVERLY: Oh, this is really bad. You see these bumps on his wrist? That's Stone IPA.
BARCALAY: Oh my God, I knew it. Is that bad?
BEVERLY: Actually, we hope it's Stone IPA. Because otherwise it could only be Farmhouse Saison. One symptom of Farmhouse Saison is when one arm suddenly becomes slightly longer than the other.

Bev looks tame, but when you really piss her off, she goes for the psychological torture.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Geordi, give me a structural analysis of this entire deck. Data, I want run down of every possible scenario that could cause this. Riker, get teams working on this around the clock. We need answers people!

WES: It's a blown circuit. My Mom left her hair dryer on...

PICARD: Quiet boy, adults are talking.

CRUSHER: Let me guess...your injury is related to either swimming, gymnastics or being a background dancer in a bad 80's video.

CRUSHER: I'll keep it simple. Me doctor. You nurse. When I want your opinion I'll ask for it.

CRUSHER: His hand is stuck that way. I'd recommend curtailing his holodeck privileges, but it's too late for that.

 

[Finn]

Riker: What did you do?

Crusher: Something Deanna said to me the other day. I decided to do a technique that enhances the power of suggestion to help with his self-esteem. I put the idea that he is destined to help a lost starship return home from the other side of the galaxy...

Riker: Oh, come on! Mr. Broccoli? *roll eyes*

 

[indycar]

How do I get images into my posts so I can get a caption under it, without quoting a post with the image?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Right click on the image and chose "Copy image address".

Select the insert image icon in the reply field and paste the url in the field that pops up.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Crusher:...and if a drunk Riker calls Sickbay and requests a nurse, under no circumstances should you go to his quarters.

Data: Dr. Crusher insisted on testing my patellar reflex too near the bulkhead, sir.

 

[indycar]

Thanks Santa Kang

Data: Perhaps you should tell him doctor.

Crusher: What do you mean I should tell him?

Worf: Tell her it would be honorable if she would tell him.

Nurse: You should tell him.
Crusher: Fine I will.

Riker: So you'd tell him?
Crusher: Reg, we're going to need to cut off your arm.
Barclay: What?

 

[shivkala]

What did I get for the first night of Hanukkah? Why it's an award in last week's Caption Contest! Thanks, Leadhead! It's what I've always wanted!

Data: Sorry sir, I had the beans for dinner.

Picard: Aren't you an android?

Data: I am fully functional sir and very curious about the, as Commander Riker referred to them, "musical fruit."

Crusher: Damn it, patients don't need to strip. I really wish Commander Riker would stop telling my patients to strip!

Worf: Sir, can we know say that unthawing cryogenically hibernating passengers is a bad idea.

Crusher: Now, when treating the Captain, I like to use a procedure called the "Bitch slap."

Crusher: ...and when I snap my fingers, you'll no longer be Lt. Barclay, but Captain "Howlin' Mad" Murdoch. And...release.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: She might want to ease up on the follicle stimulator. No Klingon wears his hair that long.

PICARD: We have a follicle stimulator?

 

[FormerLurker]

So if I do this show, in this swimsuit, then in fifteen years I'll costar on the biggest forensic cop franchise ever with a guy who'll be a guest storybook alien on the next series, and we'll play the only fans of Star Trek on that entire cop show. The things I'll do for a job.

 

[T'Girl]

Ogawa: Four fingers, shouldn't we start with just one?
Crusher: No, start with four, then the fist, and then the forearm.
Ogawa: But it's our first date!
Crusher: Who is the doctor here?

Riker: What is this Doctor?
Crusher: I trying to cure his holo-addiction. This device sends full experience simulations directly into Reg's brain. I got him hooked up to Vulcan Love Slave part 23. The device will be placed in his quarters.
Riker: At least this will keep him off the holodeck.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Next time you might want to read the label before you down a handful of pills.

 

[Triskelion]

Q'Pla Leadhead!Iw Hlq neHHeghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!

Data: As I have told Doctor Crusher on numerous occasions: she must remove the detergent build-up or it might obstruct the wash basin.
Wesley: Also you might want to check your laundry hamper for cats.....

Crusher: Wesley?
Crewman Perky: What?
Crusher: Jus' checking something.

Picard: Let's try to settle all this business before Crusher sticks him in a hospital gown. Nobody needs to see that.

Ogawa: Why does Wesley keep calling me "Hot Mommy"?
Crusher: DO NOT LOOK AT ME.

Crusher: He's got a bad case of New Tom Servo fever.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Crusher: Damn it, patients don't need to strip. I really wish Commander Riker would stop telling my patients to strip!

Guy in shadows near the door: I could stand to hear a little more...

 

[Hutchy01]

Crusher: http://sttngfashion.tumblr.com/post/126152323268/conundrum-514

OR

Riker:

 

[hux]

Data: My emotion chip malfunctioned and I angrily kicked Spot through the wall.

Crusher: I've removed both items. I strongly recommend that you speak to counsellor Troi about your problem.

Picard: He's a Klingon from the past. When he wakes up, make sure to tell him we're more evolved now and do it in a really smug way.

Crusher: If you can get four fingers in, then tell her she should probably consider dating Worf.

Crusher: He's suffering from punch-a-dick syndrome. You'll need to stay away from him until he's cured.

 

[Leviathan]

Crusher: To prevent the possibility of a CSI crossover debate we'll have to erase you from the timeline.

Kristin: Tough but fair.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Riker: "Doctor, what are you doing to him? He looks like he's in a lot of physical and emotional pain."

Crusher: "Oh, we haven't actually begun any treatments yet -- I suggested he check out this old Earth cartoon called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'..."