The Parasitic Gap

[Withers]

In grammar, a parasitic gap is a construction wherein the dropping of an argument is dependent on a co-varying argument having been fronted in a local context. I wrote my senior thesis on this recently. What's the correlation between that and this thread? Nobody read my thesis either.

Every so often something interesting happens to me and just for fun I thought I'd share the most recent.

I go to Starbucks for breakfast pretty much every morning. I don't even particularly like Starbucks anymore it's just my routine. It was a nice day out so I wore shorts and flip flops with every intention of starting the morning in good humor. That wouldn't last.

Right after I'd ordered (an event which has been the source of my malcontent in the past) I walked out and onto the sidewalk. My third step was directly into the most massive pile of horse crap you can imagine. How I managed to not avoid it based on its size... it seems as though this were destined to happen. So, naturally, I pull my foot up. My flip flop stuck in the pile and my foot was essentially covered.

You probably don't know this but I'm a fairly "classy" person. I'm also a little on the prissy side. It is rare that I would do anything to draw negative attention to myself in public (especially given the complete absence of alcohol in this situation.) But I was mortified and at a loss as to what to do next. The flip flop was part of a pair of which only about 250 were made from a local designer who has since died of cancer. To make matters worse, passers by noting my dilemma, snickered and made that face which says "Sucks to be you." Well, I lost my temper.

I started shouting and questioning "Why the fuck" there was horse shit in such quantity on the sidewalk in the first place and why no one had cleaned it up! Basically, I was outraged. My coffee was getting cold, I no longer wanted my blueberry scone, and the best outcome still involved me walking home with horse crap as a companion either on my foot or on the flip fop or both.

My outrage drew the attention of a police officer who was hassling homeless people to leave the park across the street (The park across from Borders on 4th street for any other Seattle folk). He came over and asked that I calm down or he would cite me for public disturbance.

The kicker? He was on a god damn horse. When I explained the situation he gave me a pair of gloves to retrieve my fallen foot ware. So, home I went, blueberry scone discarded due to complete destruction of my appetite, coffee in one hand, crap covered flip flop in the other, people snickering all along the way as I hopped on one foot.

-Withers-​

 

[Holdfast]

My third step was directly into the most massive pile of horse crap you can imagine. My flip flop stuck in the pile and my foot was essentially covered... But I was mortified and at a loss as to what to do next. The flip flop was part of a pair of which only about 250 were made from a local designer who has since died of cancer. To make matters worse, passers by noting my dilemma, snickered and made that face which says "Sucks to be you."

First of all - and let me get it out of the way quickly -

Second of all, I was about to ask you to get a blog, but since you've taught me what a parasitic gap is, I'll hold off this time.

 

[SiorX]

Was the flip flop which you reclaimed after dropping salvagable?

 

[Withers]

Second of all, I was about to ask you to get a blog, but since you've taught me what a parasitic gap is, I'll hold off this time.

Threads are way better. They come with a built-in audience and I don't have to feel bad about neglecting them. Plus, you guys are Trekkies; if you don't care about me, who will?

Was the flip flop which you reclaimed after dropping salvagable?

The answer to that question is a resounding "no" which I guess adds to the story; I carried that crap covered flip flop 10 blocks for absolutely no reason. I should have just left it there. As soon as I walked in I took one more look at it and put it in the trash (which I set in the hallway- my neighbors and I don't get along.)

-Withers-​

 

[Mr Awe]

You sound like an English major in so many ways. Don't mean this as a good or bad assertion, just a statement of fact.

Mr Awe

 

[Luckyflux]

Did you take vengence on the cop?

Maybe feed the horse some beef-a-reeno? [/seinfeld]

 

[Withers]

You sound like an English major in so many ways. Don't mean this as a good or bad assertion, just a statement of fact.

This is the kindest thing anyone could ever say to me as it justifies the 5 years I just spent getting a degree in English Literature in a way my value to the work force cannot.

Did you take vengence on the cop?

Maybe feed the horse some beef-a-reeno? [/seinfeld]

He was a horse-cop which are usually the guys who are about to retire anyway. When he told me I needed to calm down or face a ticket for public disturbance I pointed out that it was the poop where it shouldn't be that was causing the disturbance and I was a victim. At that he looked genuinely sympathetic and gave me gloves after I explained how important the flip flop was to me. So... he and Rusty get a free pass... this time.

-Withers-​

 

[auntiehill]

I suppose it would be too obvious to make the inevitable "shit happens" comment? No?

This is the kindest thing anyone could ever say to me as it justifies the 5 years I just spent getting a degree in English Literature in a way my value to the work force cannot.

Right there with you, pal. I spent 4 years studying like mad to get a degree in English and Theater Arts. As you can well imagine, the working world was hardly waiting for me with open arms.

As to your experience, I find that most cops ARE fairly sympathetic; after all, they've probably seen it all or been through it all at some point. If you're reasonable with them, they are reasonable with you.

Well, OK, here in Texas, "reasonable" usually involves bullets, but you get the idea.

 

[Withers]

I suppose it would be too obvious to make the inevitable "shit happens" comment? No?

That was almost the title of this thread. I thought better of it since I was audacious enough to refer to my self as 'classy' up there somewhere.

Right there with you, pal. I spent 4 years studying like mad to get a degree in English and Theater Arts. As you can well imagine, the working world was hardly waiting for me with open arms.

This major should come with a warning that states, in no uncertain terms, that the degree is essentially worthless unless one plans to make a living being a conversationalist at cocktail parties.

-Withers-​

 

[Holdfast]

This major should come with a warning that states, in no uncertain terms, that the degree is essentially worthless unless one plans to make a living being a conversationalist at cocktail parties.

Sounds a pretty good job to me. I always wanted to be able to write Bon Viveur & Raconteur on my passport application...

 

[RJDiogenes]

Was the flip flop which you reclaimed after dropping salvagable?

The answer to that question is a resounding "no" which I guess adds to the story; I carried that crap covered flip flop 10 blocks for absolutely no reason. I should have just left it there. As soon as I walked in I took one more look at it and put it in the trash (which I set in the hallway- my neighbors and I don't get along.)

Since it has personal value, I wouldn't give up on it so easily. Hose it off and soak it in Lysol or something.