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"Taken at the Flood" - First original writing EVER.

Dancing Doctor

Admiral
Admiral
Taken At The Flood

(Author’s Note: This is my first attempt at original fanfic. All the others that I have written which, honestly, aren’t that much were part of challenges, or were based off of the canon characters. Here’s hoping!

This is the first part of a story that introduces a character I’d like to write a series about, and takes place about the same time as the DS9 episode Once More Unto The Breach.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes I really hate having joined Starfleet.

That thought seemed to run through Elizabeth Choi’s mind more and more these days. Sitting by herself in the U.S.S Heisenberg’s crew lounge staring out the viewports, she mused to herself why that could be.

“Well, let’s see. For starters, it could be the fact that all I ever wanted to do was explore,” she muttered aloud. Lieutenant Commander Elizabeth Choi. Anthropology and Communications student, science officer, and, because of the god-forsaken war, assigned to a covert listening post located in the middle of nowhere or, as official star charts called it, the Epsilon Mynos system. ”Observe and analyze the transmissions and messages,” you were told. “Too far inside the Federation for attack” they said. Well, Betazed sure proved Command wrong, and now this… Holding her glass of diet cola up, Elizabeth stared through the shining brown of the drink. The space outside the ship suddenly looked glimmering and polluted, like dark bronze smog. Those final hours at the Starfleet outpost on Epsilon Mynos VIII…

”Outpost Commander’s log, supplemental. The Heisenberg is supposed to be on its way, but based on the last message we got it could be 4 hours until it gets here. Quick summary so far, in case you haven’t or couldn’t follow: Outpost 346 was discovered by a small Dominion-Cardassian scout ship. We managed to destroy it using what little defenses were available, but a distress call went out. The scout ship managed to strafe the surface of the small planetoid, causing surface damage and playing merry hell with the tectonic plates. Every so often, we get hit with aftershocks. Since we’ve been revealed, I gave orders to arm all of the post personnel – all 8 of them, not counting me. A distress signal was sent out, and discontinued once we were contacted by the Heisenberg. The information stored in the computer core is being downloaded to three different memory storage units. Sensors and long-range communicators indicate that a Jem-Hadar fighter is en route, ETA 1 hour, with the crew a mix between Cardassians and Jem-Hadar. Joy. We’ll continue with our attempts to secure the information and stay alive until the arrival of the rescue ship. End log.”

Grimacing as she straightened up, having spent the past half hour prior to recording the log entry trying to find sensors that were still working and give them as much of a heads-up as possible, Elizabeth blew hair out of her face ineffectively. With a mental sigh, she closed the panel and walked through the small hallway towards the operations center of the outpost. Midway there another aftershock hit, and she almost collided with the wall. Getting her bearings, she bit back curses and tried to look through the fine shower of dust that always accompanied the aftershock, and resumed walking just as her commbadge chirped. ”Terrell to Choi.” It was the engineering officer assigned to the outpost, Lieutenant J.G. David Terrell. ”Commander, myself and Ensign T’Shal have managed to boost the sensors. There’s not too much we can do about the aftershocks, since the structural integrity fields need more work than can be given at the moment, especially with the number of crew and lack of tools that we currently have.” Thinking for a bit, Elizabeth tapped the commbadge. “Acknowledged, Lieutenant. Get yourself secured, and inform the rest of the crew to do the same. Choi out.” Arriving at the operations center, she saw that it was just her for the moment. Seating herself at one of the consoles (as with most outposts that size, there was no specific console for ay function) she tapped into the sensor net. So far, the space around Epsilon Mynos VIII and the rest of the system was clear.

So far.​

Glancing at the timer that had been set up to count down how long until both the Jem-Hadar fighter and the Heisenberg arrived (45 minutes, 34 seconds and 2 hours, 35 minutes, 14 seconds, respectively), she allowed herself a chance to do some brief reminiscing. Born December 7th, 2342, on Alpha Centauri. Pretty boring on “AC”, so, first chance she got, she left, never looking back. Attended Starfleet Academy, specializing in Anthropology and Communications (she always had loved the color blue). Graduated 2364, and was assigned as one of 17 science staff members to the U.S.S Hawking, a refitted Ambassador-class starship with expanded exploratory capabilities. That was probably the best part of my service in Starfleet – all those research missions and first contacts. Young, eager to learn, ambitious… She was shaken out of her stroll through memory lane by another aftershock. One minute she was in the chair, the next she was on the floor on her rear, wincing as the pain shot up from her tailbone. Struggling to her feet once again, she glanced at the timer. 10 minutes and 2 hours left. Working the console, Elizabeth managed to raise the security officer assigned to the listening post, Lieutenant Sethleas th'Crasta. “Lieutenant, we’ve got 10 minutes before the Dominion ship is expected to arrive. How are we doing in regards to defenses?”

”Well, Commander, considering we’re not too far underground on a very barren planet currently experiencing tectonic activity in an isolated star system with an enemy ship close, and reinforcements farther away…”

“Understood. Any good news to report?”

”We managed to get the weapons systems somewhat back online. We can get…10 shots off before the thing overheats and shuts down. I adjusted it so that, if worst comes to worst, you can deactivate the safeties and let it go off. The transport inhibitors are still functioning, but that last aftershock took them off the main power. We’ve got maybe 30 minutes until they go offline. The kelbonite and victurium deposits here on the planet are spread too thin to be completely effective.”

Elizabeth was about to continue, before the outpost was shaken again. Except this time it wasn’t an aftershock. A quick look at the sensors confirmed it. “Lieutenant, lock onto the enemy ship and fire!” Switching channels, she contacted the computer specialist, Ensign T’Shal. “How’s the data transfer coming?”

”As well as could be expected, Commander. We are approximately 96.87% complete. We will need another 4 minutes to complete the download and transfer.”

“Expedite the process if you can. Non-essential data can be left behind. We’ve still got about an hour and a half or so before the cavalry arrives. Choi out.”

Two consoles behind her chose that moment to explode, and it was only the fact that she ducked out of the way, and that the chair at her console blocked her from shrapnel, that she avoided any serious injuries. Scrambling back in, she slapped at the console. “Anyone, respond!”

th’Crasta’s voice came in weakly. ”Commander, we managed to seriously damage…the Jem-Hadar ship…but…they got several good shots in before being forced to crash-land. They managed to take out 2 of the 4 weapons banks we have, counting the one I’m in. The power feedback took out the console, and I’ve got shrapnel in my leg.” And, she knew, he probably had internal injuries as well. ”Commander…the crew area of the outpost was breached and destroyed.” A chill slid down Elizabeth’s back. All of the other 5 outpost personnel who weren’t essential to defense or safeguarding the information, were waiting in that area, the closest one to the primary airlocks and the environmental suits.

And now they were dead. And th’Crasta would be too, especially if he didn’t get medical attention. Focus, Liz. Focus. There was no way she could get to him quickly enough, especially if the aftershocks and orbital strikes had caused the walkways and passages to cave in. Propelled by adrenaline and nervous energy, she got the console to show the location of the surviving outpost personnel. Terrell was 3 meters away. Good enough. “Terrell, get to th’Crasta and stabilize him. All remaining personnel, activate sensor veils.” Without waiting for a response, Elizabeth got to work making the outpost look far more damaged and unoccupied. Switching to emergency lighting, activating the red alert klaxons and lights, and diverting more power to the blown-out consoles (providing live circuits and sparks), combined with the sensor veils would (she hoped) make it look as if there were no survivors. She had just finished her handiwork when there was a sputtering, clinking sound.

The life-support systems had gone offline, and the transport inhibitors. Now they really were on emergency power.

Securing everything, Elizabeth sent one last message. “Okay everyone, this will be the last communication from any of us for a while. Keep your sensor veils on, hide as best as you can, and make sure that, if you spotted by an enemy combatant, you’re the last thing they see. Choi out.”

Turning, she heard the unmistakable sound of a transporter beam, and 4 Jem-Hadar materialized in the center of the operations center.

Raising her phaser, she began to fire.
 
It's all right--it's a decently done action scene, but there's not much to grab ahold of, although I'm sure there's more than I can see at present. :)

Also, the small starship's barrage affecting tectonic plates strains suspension of disbelief a little; plus the description of the area as a small planetoid means it shouldn't really have plate tectonics anyway. Earth is likely right on the cutoff point for a planetary body to experience plate tectonics, and although massive resurfacing events can occur on, say, Venus, much smaller bodies--like Ceres--have a much shorter geological lifetime.

On the other hand, I don't have any problem with referring to the aftereffects of a phaser strike as aftershocks, though, if they were close enough to vaporize nearby crust material that would infall in discrete phases due to occasional catastrophic failure of its mechanical support.

Edit: yes, I know this is nit-picky bullshit and it doesn't really matter; but it's what I do, and it's something I would mention about any type of work. (I like science.) :p

Incidentally, I rather like the use of the hyphen in "Jem-Hadar." The apostrophe in the usual spelling doesn't mean jack, and I wouldn't mind seeing it gotten rid of.
 
Most fan-fics tend to start with battles but I give you kudos for changing the setting to a little, seemingly insignificant outpost instead of a starship.

I like this as an opening to a new series and also Elizabeth's play possum plan. Remains to be seen how well that's going to work out.
 
Valeris, you're off to a terrific start here.

Choi's crew on the comms station is in a really bad situation. They can't run, they can't really fight effectively, and now it's come down to playing the waiting game and trying to survive by their wits against the most deadly soldiers the Alpha Quadrant has ever seen.

She's really having to make decisions way above her pay grade in this situation, and I'm anxious to see if she and her surviving crew can make it out alive.

Great stuff. :bolian:
 
It's all right--it's a decently done action scene, but there's not much to grab ahold of, although I'm sure there's more than I can see at present. :)

That was one of my concerns starting out. I wanted to provide something to draw the attention, while also providing background on Choi, specifically, and generally on the surviving crew members.

Also, the small starship's barrage affecting tectonic plates strains suspension of disbelief a little; plus the description of the area as a small planetoid means it shouldn't really have plate tectonics anyway. Earth is likely right on the cutoff point for a planetary body to experience plate tectonics, and although massive resurfacing events can occur on, say, Venus, much smaller bodies--like Ceres--have a much shorter geological lifetime.

On the other hand, I don't have any problem with referring to the aftereffects of a phaser strike as aftershocks, though, if they were close enough to vaporize nearby crust material that would infall in discrete phases due to occasional catastrophic failure of its mechanical support.

Edit: yes, I know this is nit-picky bullshit and it doesn't really matter; but it's what I do, and it's something I would mention about any type of work. (I like science.) :p

I actually really appreciate the nit-picky science bullshit :D. I had wanted something to increase the tension, and this seemed plausible. In an attempt to justify, even if it is a stretch, I would say that this planetoid is analogous to Cochrane's planetoid in The Companion.

I enjoy science, but I will be the first to admit that my grasp of it is nowhere near complete. Plus, I've got the "writer going more for plot/story than realism". (An interesting discussion about a similar thing is going on in the Trek Tech forum re: photonic shockwaves).

Incidentally, I rather like the use of the hyphen in "Jem-Hadar." The apostrophe in the usual spelling doesn't mean jack, and I wouldn't mind seeing it gotten rid of.

I've seen it both ways, and though the way its spelled in the television series is with the apostrophe, the hyphen seemed...I dunno, nicer.

Most fan-fics tend to start with battles but I give you kudos for changing the setting to a little, seemingly insignificant outpost instead of a starship.

I had wanted to try and break out of the typical fan fic mold, but it does tend to be easier to write a battle, although that's where the danger of writing "And then they fired again" in as many different ways as possible comes up.

The main reason I used the outpost scenario was because, as Gibraltar pointed out, they can't run away. Now I've just got to try and make sure I can make it work with me. :lol:

I like this as an opening to a new series and also Elizabeth's play possum plan. Remains to be seen how well that's going to work out.

To be honest, even I'm not sure how it'll work out. All I know is that Elizabeth survives (for now) because of the opener aboard the Heisenberg.

Valeris, you're off to a terrific start here.

:D

Choi's crew on the comms station is in a really bad situation. They can't run, they can't really fight effectively, and now it's come down to playing the waiting game and trying to survive by their wits against the most deadly soldiers the Alpha Quadrant has ever seen.

All while aboard a critically damaged outpost while trying to protect whatever information is stored in the computer cores (which I'm hoping to elaborate on further somewhere down the line). :D

She's really having to make decisions way above her pay grade in this situation, and I'm anxious to see if she and her surviving crew can make it out alive.

Great stuff. :bolian:

Thanks!

Part of why I wrote this, and to be completely frank and honest, I just fully articulated this, is to attempt to make up for the portrayals of female Starfleet officers, and communications officers in particular, in the series. It's not something I totally consciously set out to do. In fact, I was sitting down and saying "Hey, this might make a good story", and from there I tried to flesh things out further.

It's funny how things develop.
 
That was interesting. While I felt the "reflection" on her history seemed stilted, I have the same problem sometimes getting that info out smoothly. Overall, a good beginning. I liked the stealth idea and the way you played it. The character Of Ms Choi has the chance to become memorable as you have thus far established her. Keep going, I want to see how it works out with the stealth thing.
 
That was interesting. While I felt the "reflection" on her history seemed stilted, I have the same problem sometimes getting that info out smoothly.

That's one of the things I keep thinking about. Part of me now wishes I had stuck it into the Heisenberg scene, perhaps have her looking at her personnel file while reflecting on the Epsilon Mynos assignment. Oh well. I had other details (about her family, for instance) but they would have been even more extraneous, and are more suited to another story. What I can say is that Elizabeth Choi has had an interesting life. ;) :techman:

Overall, a good beginning. I liked the stealth idea and the way you played it. The character Of Ms Choi has the chance to become memorable as you have thus far established her. Keep going, I want to see how it works out with the stealth thing.

:D I'm excited about the rest of this, and am, more than ever, glad I didn't set it aboard a starship.
 
I'm afraid I haven't made much progress. I'm stuck at a point where she's about to encounter...someone. I haven't decided who yet.

Any recommendations regarding battle scenes?





Make ‘em count Elizabeth thought to herself. Despite getting one Jem-Hadar in the face, and one in the arm, she wasn’t able to get any better shots, and decided that it was best to distract them and run. The distraction, in this case, was going to be exacerbating the electro-plasma system’s overload by hitting any random console (since all were currently being used as essentially energy storage units) with a quick phaser blast. Taking aim, she hit the console closest to the others. Without pausing to see what the reaction was (shrapnel and sparks flew everywhere, hitting the Jem-Hadar that had already been wounded, as well as grazing the others) , Elizabeth turned and ran towards the nearest corridor, closing and sealing the doors behind her. It won’t hold for long, but it should give me enough time to think of a plan. Continuing to hurry down the hall, sealing bulkheads and doors behind her, she ran through the options available.

I’ve still got about an hour or so left until rescue arrives. Based on the amount of damage, I don’t think I have access to the self-destruct mechanism, either via voice control or physically, and I can’t do anything too time-intensive, or I’ll most likely be caught and/or killed. My best bet is to try and pick off the Jem-Hadar, or at least keep them occupied as long as possible. That doesn’t take whoever is left on the crashed fighter, but I can’t worry about that at the moment.

Pausing just for a second, she realized that the tremors and shaking from earlier had stopped. Small favors. Glancing at a computer display that still worked, Elizabeth noticed that she was getting close to the shutlepod bays. Relatively small, they contained various spare parts, among other things, and held the listening post’s only shuttlepod, which had been damaged a few weeks earlier. The beginnings of a plan filled her mind. Although her body groaned from exertion and the tribulations it had already gone through, she forced herself to continue running.

After this is over, I promise you I’ll try to take a break. And by “this”, I mean the war.

Arriving in the shuttlepod bay, Elizabeth made a quick sweep of the area to see if any Jem-Hadar or Cardassians were there. Intellectually she knew that the Jem-Hadar could shroud themselves, and were more likely to pop out of nowhere, but the physical act of searching helped. Closing and locking the bay doors and dashing over to the shuttlepod, she opened the shuttlepod’s access hatch and scrambled inside, closing it behind her. Checking the status, Elizabeth saw that the shuttlepod was in standby mode. “Computer, viewscreen to opaque,” she whispered. The computer obediently complied with the order. Leaning back in the seat and sighing, Elizabeth allowed herself a brief moment’s rest, before entering commands and implementing her plan. She was almost done when she heard someone attempt to get through.
 
Choi is doing everything in her power to keep the Jem'Hadar busy and distracted, while keeping herself alive in the process.

Whatever plan she's about to set in motion, it must be hell for her to know that others under her command are undoubtedly fighting and dying elsewhere in the station in the meantime.

This was a very short scene, but an adrenaline fueled and action-filled one.

I think you're doing very well with the action sequences so far, and your characters actions seem sensible and realistic given the circumstances. :)
 
2 things-she talks to her own body?
and the last line is very vague-get through what?

But it was exciting and energetic, that's for sure.
 
Thanks, both of you!

In regards to the questions Mistral brought up:

1. Yeah, she does. I wanted to have more than just an internal dialogue.
2. Sorry about the vagueness. You'll find out in a second ;)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gripping the phaser tightly, Elizabeth waited in silence in the shuttlepod, as the Jem-Hadar soldiers proceeded to force their way in through the doors she had sealed behind her. Briefly checking the power levels of the phaser and sensor veil, she sent a prayer to whatever deity there was that her plan would work. Her immediate plan, anyway.

Commands had been programmed into both the shuttlepod and bay computers, and the shuttlepods weapons system had been placed on standby.

With a loud grinding noise, the bay doors cranked open and the Jem-Hadar entered. Elizabeth could hear them speaking curtly, and decided to make her move. Firmly clipping her phaser to her belt, she tapped the console of the shuttlepod twice, and dashed out the doors and sprinting over to the bay console nearest to her position. Fixing a glare at the Jem-Hadar, she muttered "Everybody freeze!" and slapped at the interface.

Before they had a chance to react, the shuttlepod bay doors opened, exposing the area to space. The shuttlepod was the first to be sucked out, followed by various debris and loose items, and then the Jem-Hadar. With nothing to hold onto, and with arms flailing, their bodies went tumbling out into space. Elizabeth would have joined them, if it wasn't for the death grip she maintained on the console. She had programmed the doors to stay open for 30 seconds, which felt like an eternity. In the background, the faint sound of the computer giving a warning about atmospheric decompression could barely be heard. Keeping her eyes clenched shut, Elizabeth waited until the doors had closed before loosening her grip. Air and pressure came in through the doors that the Jem-Hadar had forced their way through, and she reveled in the fact that she was still alive.

I can't believe that *actually* worked

An alert tone coming from the console refocused her attention, and she clambered gingerly to her feet. The alert was in regards to the shuttlepod, which had powered up and was operating on autopilot, as she had programmed it. The small craft was assigned to seek out and destroy the downed Jem-Hadar fighter by any means necessary. After a few seconds, it acquired a target lock, and began firing. With decently-powered weapons for a craft its size, and with the shields down on the fighter, it was hoped that the shuttlepod would be able to escape with minimal damage, and could be used to help defend or evacuate the survivors later. Keeping the sensor feed open, Elizabeth followed the attack. Apparently the downed fighter still had at least one weapons bank somewhat operating, but it didn't matter for long. Thank god the fighter was that heavily damaged...

Placing the sensor feed off to the side of the console screen, Elizabeth attempted with little success to tap into the sensors of the listening post, to try and see if she could find the location of the remaining enemies. I had suspected as much she thought resignedly.

A low rumble reverberated throughout the listening post. Bringing the sensor feed back up to full screen, she saw that the fighter had been destroyed. The shuttlepod was hovering in a holding pattern, and had suffered some hull damage and had its port sensor array fried. However, it had accomplished its mission. And that had bought some much needed breathing room. Sitting down with her back to the console, Elizabeth began trying to figure out what to do next. Before she could make any significant progress, she saw out of the corner of her eye someone slipping through the still-opened doors. Unclipping and bringing her phaser up, her finger hovered over the firing stud.
 
Who walks on cat's paws?
:)

Good sequence-I thought she was going to have the pod fire on the JH while they were in the bay.
 
I had actually considered doing that. Another possibility I had considered was having the pod blast its way out of the bay.
 
I wanted to try and minimize the damage already done. If the shuttlepod blasted at the bay doors, Choi would have had even less time to react. And the shuttlepod firing at the Jem-Hadar would have damaged the interior of the listening post, moreso than it had been already.

I do, however, have further plans for the shuttlepod's weapons systems and warp core. :D ;)
 
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