This is a spin off story from “Shaping a Cardassian” universe. The whole idea and a lot of these naughty images were planted in my head by TerokNor. The “Lakarian City” song was inspired by Scott McKenzie's “San Francisco” - I imagine Brenok's voice is just like that and the song as adorable Singing lesson Groumall was on her way back to Cardassia after delivering her cargo to two outposts. Brenok was in the mess hall, bored to tears, singing under his breath and playing kotra with himself, as no one else wanted answer to his challenge. “Who's winning?” Jarol's voice asked. He raised his head to look up at her. “Wanna play?” “Maybe next time,” she replied. “I knew you would say that,” he muttered. She sat opposite him and observed his game. The only way to win with him was to get him drunk first, and everyone on board knew this, so no one wanted to play with him. The mess hall's door opened and Damar entered, carrying a case of bottles. “We have been rewarded,” he said, putting the case by the door. Everyone present in the mess hall gathered around. “Not very good vintage,” someone commented. “Quantity is satisfying though,” someone else said. “Everyone bring glasses!” Damar shouted and all Cardassians spread in search for glassware. Brenok was the first one ready to get his share. As soon as Damar poured him the thick alcohol, Brenok raised his glass and started singing loudly. Jarol stood close and listened. “How do you know all those songs?” she asked. “My mother and sister sang when they worked. They also sang a lot for youngest children in our family.” “And they sang this to you?” it was no doubt a drinking song. “Well, no, not this one,” he smiled. “But it fits now, doesn't it? We have to celebrate having whole case of kanar. It doesn't happen often, does it?” “Teach me,” she asked. “This song?” “Yeah, why not?” It didn't feel right to him. She maybe was an officer, but still a girl. And girls and singing drinking songs didn't go together. “How about something else, better?” he suggested. “Better?” “How about something about glorious battle?” Damar approached them. Brenok thought for a while and then said: “Yes, I know something appropriate.” He started singing about glory and fame, honour and victory. After finishing he started again and again. Damar joined him shyly, but after a few words he fell silent, startled by his own voice. Brenok raised his hand palm up and moved his fingers to encourage Damar to go on. Damar drank some more kanar and started singing again. First quietly, but then he felt more comfortable hearing his own singing voice and sang bolder. Jarol observed them for a moment and then joined. She had problems with finding right intonation. She either was too low or too high, or awfully mixing between those two. However it didn't discourage her and she kept singing. “You better stick to drinking kanar,” Damar laughed. “Shut up!” she barked, taking a sip. “Again!” she said, looking at Brenok. He shrugged, drank from his glass, emptying it, and started again. Jarol joined him immediately, while Damar filled Brenok's glass and then attempted to fill hers. She looked at him a little surprised, as it was only half empty, but he grinned and shook his head. Some other voices joined them and mess hall was filled with yelling, singing, cursing, out of tune humming and any other noise that was supposed to be 'music'. Jarol's singing was gradually getting better, while her sense of balance was simultaneously getting worse. She swung from one leg to another in the rhythm, or attempt of the rhythm, extending her hand toward kanar when her glass was empty. Damar was happily filling her glass, assuming her improved singing was the direct result of her deteriorating sobriety. “New song!” the Glinn demanded, jerking his hand toward Brenok and almost losing his balance. If some merciful hands wouldn't catch him, he would fall and spread on the deck. Brenok thought for a moment and then started again. “I know this one!” Damar exclaimed and immediately joined. They stood next to each other, Brenok put his arm over Damar's shoulder and they kept singing, or rather yelling, a lewd drinking song. “I don't like it!” Jarol placed her hands on their armours' chest diamonds and pushed them back. They stumbled and landed on a table behind them. “Choose something else.” Brenok closed one eye and thought for a while, which seemed to be a difficult task for him in his current state. “The sun sets in Lakarian Ciiiityyyyy, look at curved towers and briiiigeeeees, only your eyes are as preeeeetyyyyy...” he intoned. It was a nice, warm song and it was obvious Brenok loved not only the song, but also the city, as he put all his heart into singing. Damar belched loudly. “Oh, heavens!” Jarol looked at him. “You ruined everything.” “Like what?” “Like everything.” “Everything what?” “Everything everything?” “All everything?” “Complete all whole everything.” Damar stared at her, trying to understand, but growing cloud in his mind was making it impossible. She waved her hand at him and spoke in her native Nadarian dialect... that is language... In a meantime she joined Brenok, and Damar decided that her singing didn't improve enough, so he tried to put his hand on her mouth to silence her. “You! No singing!” She pulled out and sang even louder... and even worse straight at his face. “I'll show you good signing,” he muttered and tried to climb a table as his stage. “Oh, noooo,” Brenok grabbed his armour. “No, you don't.” “My audience requires it,” Damar insisted. Soldiers cheered. “No, they don't.” “Go for it, go for it!” the crowd was drunk no less than the singers. “See?” “Get down,” Jarol joined Brenok and pulled Damar down. “You can barely stand on the deck, don't try the table.” “I will climb the table and that's an order”, Damar muttered with his knees already on the table and ready to stand up. “You order me, yourself, or the table? Because I don't follow,” Brenok made another attempt of pulling him down, almost successful, as he stumbled and nearly fell to the deck, dragging Damar with him. He managed to regain the balance in the last moment though. Damar felt dizzy and decided to sit on the edge of the table. “Come again, how did it go?” he asked. Brenok picked up the song, and sat on the floor, assuming it was the safest place. Damar followed him and Jarol joined, but Damar immediately shouted: “No, you won't sing! “Why not?” “Because you sing out of tune!” “So that's why Brenok teaches me. So I can sing in of tune,” she was indignant. “You will what?” Brenok laughed. “What?” “What?” “Uh?” “I give up,” Brenok lay on the deck and started to sing as loud as his lungs let him. “Volume doooowwwwwn,” Damar tried to yell even louder, and then tried to stand up on top of the table again. “Where's my audience?” he looked around. “Applause or be executed.” The clapping sounded like rain. “Help me up,” Jarol pulled her hand toward Damar, but he pushed it away. “You won't sing.” “I will sing in of tune, promise.” Brenok laughed, he literally rolled on the deck. “No way. I'll execute you if you start singing again.” “You can't execute me, you like me too much,” she said with a devilish smile. “Jarol! Jarol! Jarol!” the crowd chanted. “See, they love me!” she said with satisfaction. “They are sound deaf, that's sure,” he told her and then looked over Cardassians' heads. “You are all executed!” Brenok was laughing his head off on the deck, while Damar pulled Jarol to join him on the table. They grabbed each others arms to help each other keep balance and started singing the Lakarian song. Brenok crawled toward the case of kanar, which was left by the door, but to his disappointment, all bottles inside were already empty. He sat on the floor with lowered head, when the door opened and a pair of booted big feet and small feet came into his view. He raised his head to see Dukat and Ziyal standing in the doorway. He started banging at the deck with his palm, trying to drag others' attention to the door, but no one could hear it over yelling – because it couldn't be called singing any more. Dukat said something to Ziyal and she left, while he entered the mess hall, stepping over Brenok and giving him a furious look. The Dja managed to get on his feet and followed the Gul. Jarol noticed him first, but Damar kept singing with his eyes closed and realised something was wrong when everyone in the room silenced. They both stood on the table, staring down at Dukat, not sure what to do. “Down!!” he roared and they rushed to get down, but in their state it resembled more falling off the table than stepping down. “My office. Both of you. Now!” On his way out, Dukat shot a glance at Brenok and the Dja swallowed loudly, but to his relief the Gul didn't order him to report to his office too. The lesson was over.