Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
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Actions Speak Louder Than Words
“How’s this?” Boimler asked. “Too much?”
“Nope. Looks fine,” Rutherford assured. “Just a few more seconds and…there. Done.”
“Hey guys. What’cha doing?” Mariner asked as she and Tendi entered the Repair Bay. Boimler was standing in front of a large monochromatic screen while Rutherford aimed a holo-imager at him. “Updating your personnel file photo again, Boims? Or are you trying to submit another portfolio application to become Starfleet’s official poster boy?”
“Neither, actually,” Boimler stated. “I’m helping Rutherford modify, adapt and test his attempts to have the universal translator correctly process and interpret Ogaesei.”
“Ogaesei,” Tendi repeated. “You mean the species we’ll be meeting as part of being assigned to the second contact away team?”
“Yep, that’s the one,” Rutherford confirmed.
“Why? What’s wrong with using the universal translator as it is?” Mariner asked. “Communicating with the Ogaesei isn’t some kind of Tamarian situation, is it?”
“No, it’s because the Ogaesei communicate using a completely non-verbal form of sign language so Starfleet’s regular universal translators won’t work,” Rutherford explained. “The Ogaesei possess absolutely no sense of hearing so I’m creating an entirely new motion, movement and gesture-based detection and translation matrix.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” Boimler smiled making several exotic arm and hand gestures. “I recreate the correct series of Ogaesei language signs, Rutherford captures them with the holo-imager and the universal translator learns how to identify the movements and adds them to its database before providing audio translations.”
“And I’ve also modified a padd to translate audio languages into sign language and have the corresponding movements made easily viewable using a mobile holoprojector,” Rutherford added indicating his equipment. “It’s only programmed to process Ogaesei sign language for now, but I’m hoping to add others to it someday. Like Ramatisian, Leyron, M-9…”
“Wow, that’s amazing!” Tendi chirped excitedly. “A new language algorithm for the universal translator. I bet you’ll get some serious Engineering recognition after this.”
“Yeah, if it works,” Mariner noted. “It does work, right Ruthy?”
“So far, so good,” Rutherford confirmed. “The translation program seems to have all the basic Ogaesei movements down, but it’s still having trouble identifying the nuances of various Ogaesei accents and dialects.”
“Or maybe the universal translator is simply having trouble reading Boimler’s sloppy handwriting,” Mariner quipped. “Or hand signaling or hand gesturing or whatever the heck having poor sign language skills is called.”
“My arm and hand signals are not sloppy,” Boimler defended. “I may not use it on a regular basis, but I’m quite adept at basic Federation sign language. It was one of my elective courses at the Academy. Plus I’ve studied really hard to correctly reproduce authentic Ogaesei sign language and movements so any errors in interpretation will not be my fault.”
“Suuure they won’t,” Mariner drawled. “Whatever you say, Boims.”
“How did you learn to make and read Ogaesei sign language so fast?” Tendi asked curiously. “Are you an Uhura- or Sato-level language prodigy or something?”
“Actually, I can’t read Ogaesei at all,” Boimler admitted. “But I did read all the notes and reports about them made by prior observation and first contact teams. I simply mimicked the very extensive list of Ogaesei sign gestures for Rutherford to capture and test with the holo-imager.”
“Ogaesei also have several written languages which others have already added to the universal translator database,” Rutherford explained. “That’s how Starfleet was able to communicate with the Ogaesei during their first contact. By writing things out.”
“Ah, now I see why you decided to create a gesture-audio translation feature, Ruthy,” Mariner nodded. “Imagine exchanging reams of normal everyday conversations via text. Who the heck would ever willing choose to use a silly, inefficient system like that?”
“Sounds like a pretty impersonal form of communication if you ask me,” Tendi commented. “Wait, can’t the universal translator simply scan the frequency of Ogaesei brainwave patterns and provide an audio translation that way?”
“No, Ogaesei brainwave patterns are too complex for the universal translator to properly process,” Boimler said. “And while a few Ogaesei language dictionaries have been complied, there aren’t any Starfleet officers who are well-versed in it yet.”
“Makes sense,” Mariner remarked. “Most Starfleet officers don’t even bother to learn more than one language anyway.”
“Maybe officers like you,” Boimler pointed out. “But being a well-rounded linguist is an important and vital skill for any true Starfleet officer to possess.”
“Oh really?” Mariner gave Boimler a look. “And just how many languages do you read, much less speak? Besides basic Federation sign language.”
“Uh,” Boimler blinked hesitantly. “You mean fluently, enough to get by or how to ask for directions to the nearest waste extraction unit?”
“Ha, I thought so,” Mariner snorted. “So much for being a well-rounded Starfleet officer.”
“It’s okay, Boimler. Learning other languages can be tough,” Tendi said. “Not everyone can do it. It takes a lot of dedicated time and effort you undoubtedly used to build and improve your other important Starfleet skills.”
“Aw, quit being so modest, T,” Mariner said. “You’re a prime living example of what Boims could and should be. Isn’t that right, Boims?”
“Really?” Boimler blinked. “How?”
“By beefing up your linguistic creed of course,” Mariner explained. “Tendi here learned how to read and speak Federation Standard so well she now uses it all the time instead of speaking her native Orion.”
“I am speaking Orion,” Tendi corrected. “Okay, I know how to speak Federation Standard too, but personally I think my accent is still a little off…”
“Really?” Mariner blinked at Tendi in surprise. “Oh, wow. I didn’t notice.”
“Me neither,” An impressed Rutherford stared at Tendi. “You’re always reading logs, files and reports in Federation Standard so I just presumed you were always speaking it too.”
“Well, the universal translator is amazing at its job,” Tendi remarked. “It’s so handy and ubiquitous it is easy to make simple presumptions when one is used to using it.”
“Yeah, especially when communicating with members of other species,” Mariner commented. “People may obviously be speaking their native language, but their lip synchronization always has them appear to be speaking Federation Standard. Ever notice that?”
“I notice that we’ll be late for away team duty if we don’t report to the transporter room right away,” Boimler said checking a chronometer. “Time to grab our equipment and move out.”
“Okey-dokey!” Rutherford smiled doing so.
The four ensigns soon arrived in Transporter Room Two and joined the away team composed of Captain Freeman, Lieutenant Commander Billups, Lieutenant Shaxs and others. Freeman gave a quick last-minute mission summary before the group beamed down to the surface of Ogaesei III.
“Wow!” Tendi marveled as the away team rematerialized on the tideline of a small, sandy cay. Gentle blue-green ocean stretched as far as the eye could see. “This is amazing! It’s so beautiful!”
“Gotta admit it’s pretty nice,” Mariner commented. “All that’s missing is the local sunbathing squad. Speaking of which, where are the natives?”
“Shhh, here they come,” Boimler said as a party consisting of half a dozen nine-foot-tall cephalopods gracefully emerged from the water. The Ogaesei were roughly squid-like in appearance with large eyes, stout mantles and decorated stabilizing fins.
“Huh, well I was hoping somebody would be walking around here in the buff, but not like this,” Mariner whispered as the Ogaesei vertically reoriented their bodies and approached the away team. Each Ogaesei supported themselves by using six muscular, tube-shaped legs. “Though I do have a sudden craving for fresh fried calamari.”
“Greetings, Starfleet,” Shaxs read off a padd as one of the Ogaesei used two large, spade-shaped-tipped tentacles to type out a message using a native-made waterproof device. “Thank you for your willingness and assistance in enabling further cooperation between our peoples.”
“The pleasure is mine, Minister,” Freeman said as she used her own padd to type out a reply. “I hope this meeting will be productive in opening the door for future communication and understanding…”
“Excuse me, Captain,” Billups interrupted. “But Ensign Rutherford has been working on a new Ogaesei language audio component to the universal translator. With your permission, we’d like to set up it so both you and the Ogaesei can use it.”
“Of course,” Freeman said glancing at Rutherford. “Proceed, Ensign.”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford smiled quickly setting up the interconnected holo-imager, holoprojector and padd while Freeman typed out a brief explanation to the Ogaesei. “Okay, everything is online and ready to go.”
“Oh boy. This is it!” Tendi squealed excitedly. “The first official audio translation of the Ogaesei language. This is history in the making! I can’t wait to hear what all they have to say!”
“Greetings, Starfleet,” The lead Ogaesei made a series of fluid motions and gestures using their two main tentacles. “Your technological aptitude is far more impressive than your highly repulsive outward appearances would indicate.”
“Thank you very much, Minister…” Freeman began before doing a take. “Wait, what?”
“It is pleasing to see your species does not discriminate in entrusting the extreme elderly with important leadership positions,” Another Ogaesei remarked. “Your advanced age is quite obvious given the amount of wrinkles and grey hairs adoring your decrepit, highly flawed skin.”
“There’s another reason I’m about to get more grey hairs,” Freeman hissed through her teeth. “Ensign…”
“Oops. Uh, sorry, Captain,” Rutherford gulped checking over the equipment. “I’m not sure what’s going on. Nothing like this popped up during the testing phase.”
“That’s the problem with trying to learn and translate new languages,” Mariner commented. “Theory will only take you so far. There’s no better teacher than engaging in messy, everyday conversation with a native speaker.”
“Maybe these perceived insults are a cultural peculiarity. Like with Tellarites,” Tendi speculated. “Or were simply delivered unintentionally.”
“Your artificial epidermis makes your outward appearance seem far more voluminous than one would normally expect,” One of the Ogaesei commented at Freeman. “Or is your true bodily form really that overly massive?”
“No, I think the Ogaesei are just plain rude,” Mariner snorted. “And people say my snappy comments are too often out of line.”
“Um, excuse me, Minister,” Freeman orally addressed the party of Ogaesei. “But there seems to be a problem with the latest adjustments to our universal translator.”
“Really?” The Ogaesei commented watching the series of accompanying translated arm movements displayed by the holoprojector. “We do not perceive any noticeable or significant linguistic errors. Perhaps your physical and mental deterioration is even further along than your clearly limited ability to realize.”
“I realize this is one diplomatic exchange than is definitely not going as planned,” Mariner quipped. “And for once it’s not in any way my fault.”
“That’s it. Enough with the modified universal translator,” Freeman huffed as she went back to tapping away on her padd while extending an open hand to the Ogaesei. “Minister, I would like to propose that we…”
“Egad! Gadzooks!” The Ogaesei gasped at Freeman in shock. “Horrors! Blasphemy!”
“Egad?” Tendi blinked in surprise. “Gadzooks?”
“Sheesh, Ruthy,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “What the heck kind of words did you program into that thing?”
“Uh, you know. Just everyday kind of stuff,” Rutherford shrugged. “Along with all the historical metaphors, idioms and slang I could find. I wanted the translation program to be accurate after all.”
“Maybe a little too accurate,” Boimler gulped at the angry-looking Ogaesei.
“Uh, excuse me?” Freeman blinked at the Ogaesei’s reactions. “Is there a problem?”
“You have made one of the most foul and offensive gestures possible to an Ogaesei!” The Ogaesei roared. “We will not take this vulgar and impertinent insult swimming still!”
“Look who’s talking,” Mariner quipped.
“I’m sorry,” Freeman apologized placing a hand over her heart while giving a shallow bow. “I assure you I meant no disrespect…”
“Gasp! Another insult!” The Ogaesei howled in fury. “This obscene display of disgusting diplomatic and personal etiquette is outrageous!”
“Hey, lighten up, will ya?” Mariner shot back. “Man, who do these people think they are, the Tak Tak?”
“Uh, Captain?” Boimler ventured timidly. “Maybe you should refrain from attempting any more bows, handshakes and other apologetic gestures? Or any kind of body gestures period?”
“I know what kind of hand gestures Freeman would like to make right about now,” Mariner quipped. “Not to mention the type of oral language she’d like to spout along with it.”
“You didn’t include any swear or curse words in your translation database, did you?” Tendi asked worriedly.
“Nope. Well, at least none that I’m familiar with,” Rutherford said. “I didn’t want anyone to make any accidental insults.”
“Too late for that,” Mariner noted.
“Slurs! Insolence! Defamation!” Rutherford’s equipment continued to translate the infuriated Ogaesei’s cries. “You Starfleeters are the most discourteous arguably-intelligent species we have ever met! You are the only other arguably-intelligent non-Ogaesei species we have ever met! This means war! War!”
“Aw, be quiet, you whining, shrieking, rubber-skinned appetizers!” Shaxs thundered standing protectively in front of Freeman. “If it’s a fight you want, I’ll give it to ya!”
“No! Lieutenant! Stand down!” Freeman ordered while desperately trying to prevent the situation from getting any more out of control. “Will everyone please calm down and…AAACCCKKKKKK!”
“Ew, gross,” Mariner winced as one of the Ogaesei sprayed Freeman with some kind of dark, hydrous goo from its body. “That’s one ink stain that will never come out. At least I think it’s ink…”
“Well of course it’s ink,” Boimler said ducking behind one of the away team’s few equipment crates for cover. “What else would it be? Black-colored methylcellulose?”
“Insolent masses of hideous-looking vertebrates!” An infuriated Ogaesei roared.
“Overbearing, butt-beaked popinjay!” Shaxs shot back.
“Incompetent technological buffoons!” Another Ogaesei spat.
“WHAT?!” Billups screamed. “WHY YOU…!”
“Oh dear,” Tendi gulped as both the Ogaesei and Cerritos’ senior officers quickly got into a multilingual yelling and gesturing match. “I can’t believe Captain Freeman and the others are acting like this. How can such respected and well-trained officers continue to participate in such a wild exchange of bickering, arguments and insults?”
“It’s diplomacy. Duh,” Mariner quipped. “Though this is still nothing compared to the kind of no-holds-barred trash talk that typically happens in politics.”
“This is why Starfleet really needs to go back to having dedicated Communication Officers aboard ships,” Boimler groaned. “To avoid encountering any more linguistic misinterpretation situations like this.”
“This is why Ruthy should fully test out his technical modification projects before trying them out in the field,” Mariner shot Rutherford a look. “Or avoid messing with any kind of technical equipment period!”
“Well, I have been toying with a new autorepair and autocorrection algorithm,” Rutherford coughed admittingly. “I just haven’t decided whether to try integrating it with a hyperspanner, flux coupler or dermal regenerator yet.”
“If only there was a way to repair language problems and breakdowns,” Boimler groaned as shouts, insults, gestures and Ogaesei bodily fluids continued to fly through the air. “Maybe communicating everyday conversations via text form isn’t such a bad idea after all!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
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Actions Speak Louder Than Words
“How’s this?” Boimler asked. “Too much?”
“Nope. Looks fine,” Rutherford assured. “Just a few more seconds and…there. Done.”
“Hey guys. What’cha doing?” Mariner asked as she and Tendi entered the Repair Bay. Boimler was standing in front of a large monochromatic screen while Rutherford aimed a holo-imager at him. “Updating your personnel file photo again, Boims? Or are you trying to submit another portfolio application to become Starfleet’s official poster boy?”
“Neither, actually,” Boimler stated. “I’m helping Rutherford modify, adapt and test his attempts to have the universal translator correctly process and interpret Ogaesei.”
“Ogaesei,” Tendi repeated. “You mean the species we’ll be meeting as part of being assigned to the second contact away team?”
“Yep, that’s the one,” Rutherford confirmed.
“Why? What’s wrong with using the universal translator as it is?” Mariner asked. “Communicating with the Ogaesei isn’t some kind of Tamarian situation, is it?”
“No, it’s because the Ogaesei communicate using a completely non-verbal form of sign language so Starfleet’s regular universal translators won’t work,” Rutherford explained. “The Ogaesei possess absolutely no sense of hearing so I’m creating an entirely new motion, movement and gesture-based detection and translation matrix.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” Boimler smiled making several exotic arm and hand gestures. “I recreate the correct series of Ogaesei language signs, Rutherford captures them with the holo-imager and the universal translator learns how to identify the movements and adds them to its database before providing audio translations.”
“And I’ve also modified a padd to translate audio languages into sign language and have the corresponding movements made easily viewable using a mobile holoprojector,” Rutherford added indicating his equipment. “It’s only programmed to process Ogaesei sign language for now, but I’m hoping to add others to it someday. Like Ramatisian, Leyron, M-9…”
“Wow, that’s amazing!” Tendi chirped excitedly. “A new language algorithm for the universal translator. I bet you’ll get some serious Engineering recognition after this.”
“Yeah, if it works,” Mariner noted. “It does work, right Ruthy?”
“So far, so good,” Rutherford confirmed. “The translation program seems to have all the basic Ogaesei movements down, but it’s still having trouble identifying the nuances of various Ogaesei accents and dialects.”
“Or maybe the universal translator is simply having trouble reading Boimler’s sloppy handwriting,” Mariner quipped. “Or hand signaling or hand gesturing or whatever the heck having poor sign language skills is called.”
“My arm and hand signals are not sloppy,” Boimler defended. “I may not use it on a regular basis, but I’m quite adept at basic Federation sign language. It was one of my elective courses at the Academy. Plus I’ve studied really hard to correctly reproduce authentic Ogaesei sign language and movements so any errors in interpretation will not be my fault.”
“Suuure they won’t,” Mariner drawled. “Whatever you say, Boims.”
“How did you learn to make and read Ogaesei sign language so fast?” Tendi asked curiously. “Are you an Uhura- or Sato-level language prodigy or something?”
“Actually, I can’t read Ogaesei at all,” Boimler admitted. “But I did read all the notes and reports about them made by prior observation and first contact teams. I simply mimicked the very extensive list of Ogaesei sign gestures for Rutherford to capture and test with the holo-imager.”
“Ogaesei also have several written languages which others have already added to the universal translator database,” Rutherford explained. “That’s how Starfleet was able to communicate with the Ogaesei during their first contact. By writing things out.”
“Ah, now I see why you decided to create a gesture-audio translation feature, Ruthy,” Mariner nodded. “Imagine exchanging reams of normal everyday conversations via text. Who the heck would ever willing choose to use a silly, inefficient system like that?”
“Sounds like a pretty impersonal form of communication if you ask me,” Tendi commented. “Wait, can’t the universal translator simply scan the frequency of Ogaesei brainwave patterns and provide an audio translation that way?”
“No, Ogaesei brainwave patterns are too complex for the universal translator to properly process,” Boimler said. “And while a few Ogaesei language dictionaries have been complied, there aren’t any Starfleet officers who are well-versed in it yet.”
“Makes sense,” Mariner remarked. “Most Starfleet officers don’t even bother to learn more than one language anyway.”
“Maybe officers like you,” Boimler pointed out. “But being a well-rounded linguist is an important and vital skill for any true Starfleet officer to possess.”
“Oh really?” Mariner gave Boimler a look. “And just how many languages do you read, much less speak? Besides basic Federation sign language.”
“Uh,” Boimler blinked hesitantly. “You mean fluently, enough to get by or how to ask for directions to the nearest waste extraction unit?”
“Ha, I thought so,” Mariner snorted. “So much for being a well-rounded Starfleet officer.”
“It’s okay, Boimler. Learning other languages can be tough,” Tendi said. “Not everyone can do it. It takes a lot of dedicated time and effort you undoubtedly used to build and improve your other important Starfleet skills.”
“Aw, quit being so modest, T,” Mariner said. “You’re a prime living example of what Boims could and should be. Isn’t that right, Boims?”
“Really?” Boimler blinked. “How?”
“By beefing up your linguistic creed of course,” Mariner explained. “Tendi here learned how to read and speak Federation Standard so well she now uses it all the time instead of speaking her native Orion.”
“I am speaking Orion,” Tendi corrected. “Okay, I know how to speak Federation Standard too, but personally I think my accent is still a little off…”
“Really?” Mariner blinked at Tendi in surprise. “Oh, wow. I didn’t notice.”
“Me neither,” An impressed Rutherford stared at Tendi. “You’re always reading logs, files and reports in Federation Standard so I just presumed you were always speaking it too.”
“Well, the universal translator is amazing at its job,” Tendi remarked. “It’s so handy and ubiquitous it is easy to make simple presumptions when one is used to using it.”
“Yeah, especially when communicating with members of other species,” Mariner commented. “People may obviously be speaking their native language, but their lip synchronization always has them appear to be speaking Federation Standard. Ever notice that?”
“I notice that we’ll be late for away team duty if we don’t report to the transporter room right away,” Boimler said checking a chronometer. “Time to grab our equipment and move out.”
“Okey-dokey!” Rutherford smiled doing so.
The four ensigns soon arrived in Transporter Room Two and joined the away team composed of Captain Freeman, Lieutenant Commander Billups, Lieutenant Shaxs and others. Freeman gave a quick last-minute mission summary before the group beamed down to the surface of Ogaesei III.
“Wow!” Tendi marveled as the away team rematerialized on the tideline of a small, sandy cay. Gentle blue-green ocean stretched as far as the eye could see. “This is amazing! It’s so beautiful!”
“Gotta admit it’s pretty nice,” Mariner commented. “All that’s missing is the local sunbathing squad. Speaking of which, where are the natives?”
“Shhh, here they come,” Boimler said as a party consisting of half a dozen nine-foot-tall cephalopods gracefully emerged from the water. The Ogaesei were roughly squid-like in appearance with large eyes, stout mantles and decorated stabilizing fins.
“Huh, well I was hoping somebody would be walking around here in the buff, but not like this,” Mariner whispered as the Ogaesei vertically reoriented their bodies and approached the away team. Each Ogaesei supported themselves by using six muscular, tube-shaped legs. “Though I do have a sudden craving for fresh fried calamari.”
“Greetings, Starfleet,” Shaxs read off a padd as one of the Ogaesei used two large, spade-shaped-tipped tentacles to type out a message using a native-made waterproof device. “Thank you for your willingness and assistance in enabling further cooperation between our peoples.”
“The pleasure is mine, Minister,” Freeman said as she used her own padd to type out a reply. “I hope this meeting will be productive in opening the door for future communication and understanding…”
“Excuse me, Captain,” Billups interrupted. “But Ensign Rutherford has been working on a new Ogaesei language audio component to the universal translator. With your permission, we’d like to set up it so both you and the Ogaesei can use it.”
“Of course,” Freeman said glancing at Rutherford. “Proceed, Ensign.”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford smiled quickly setting up the interconnected holo-imager, holoprojector and padd while Freeman typed out a brief explanation to the Ogaesei. “Okay, everything is online and ready to go.”
“Oh boy. This is it!” Tendi squealed excitedly. “The first official audio translation of the Ogaesei language. This is history in the making! I can’t wait to hear what all they have to say!”
“Greetings, Starfleet,” The lead Ogaesei made a series of fluid motions and gestures using their two main tentacles. “Your technological aptitude is far more impressive than your highly repulsive outward appearances would indicate.”
“Thank you very much, Minister…” Freeman began before doing a take. “Wait, what?”
“It is pleasing to see your species does not discriminate in entrusting the extreme elderly with important leadership positions,” Another Ogaesei remarked. “Your advanced age is quite obvious given the amount of wrinkles and grey hairs adoring your decrepit, highly flawed skin.”
“There’s another reason I’m about to get more grey hairs,” Freeman hissed through her teeth. “Ensign…”
“Oops. Uh, sorry, Captain,” Rutherford gulped checking over the equipment. “I’m not sure what’s going on. Nothing like this popped up during the testing phase.”
“That’s the problem with trying to learn and translate new languages,” Mariner commented. “Theory will only take you so far. There’s no better teacher than engaging in messy, everyday conversation with a native speaker.”
“Maybe these perceived insults are a cultural peculiarity. Like with Tellarites,” Tendi speculated. “Or were simply delivered unintentionally.”
“Your artificial epidermis makes your outward appearance seem far more voluminous than one would normally expect,” One of the Ogaesei commented at Freeman. “Or is your true bodily form really that overly massive?”
“No, I think the Ogaesei are just plain rude,” Mariner snorted. “And people say my snappy comments are too often out of line.”
“Um, excuse me, Minister,” Freeman orally addressed the party of Ogaesei. “But there seems to be a problem with the latest adjustments to our universal translator.”
“Really?” The Ogaesei commented watching the series of accompanying translated arm movements displayed by the holoprojector. “We do not perceive any noticeable or significant linguistic errors. Perhaps your physical and mental deterioration is even further along than your clearly limited ability to realize.”
“I realize this is one diplomatic exchange than is definitely not going as planned,” Mariner quipped. “And for once it’s not in any way my fault.”
“That’s it. Enough with the modified universal translator,” Freeman huffed as she went back to tapping away on her padd while extending an open hand to the Ogaesei. “Minister, I would like to propose that we…”
“Egad! Gadzooks!” The Ogaesei gasped at Freeman in shock. “Horrors! Blasphemy!”
“Egad?” Tendi blinked in surprise. “Gadzooks?”
“Sheesh, Ruthy,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “What the heck kind of words did you program into that thing?”
“Uh, you know. Just everyday kind of stuff,” Rutherford shrugged. “Along with all the historical metaphors, idioms and slang I could find. I wanted the translation program to be accurate after all.”
“Maybe a little too accurate,” Boimler gulped at the angry-looking Ogaesei.
“Uh, excuse me?” Freeman blinked at the Ogaesei’s reactions. “Is there a problem?”
“You have made one of the most foul and offensive gestures possible to an Ogaesei!” The Ogaesei roared. “We will not take this vulgar and impertinent insult swimming still!”
“Look who’s talking,” Mariner quipped.
“I’m sorry,” Freeman apologized placing a hand over her heart while giving a shallow bow. “I assure you I meant no disrespect…”
“Gasp! Another insult!” The Ogaesei howled in fury. “This obscene display of disgusting diplomatic and personal etiquette is outrageous!”
“Hey, lighten up, will ya?” Mariner shot back. “Man, who do these people think they are, the Tak Tak?”
“Uh, Captain?” Boimler ventured timidly. “Maybe you should refrain from attempting any more bows, handshakes and other apologetic gestures? Or any kind of body gestures period?”
“I know what kind of hand gestures Freeman would like to make right about now,” Mariner quipped. “Not to mention the type of oral language she’d like to spout along with it.”
“You didn’t include any swear or curse words in your translation database, did you?” Tendi asked worriedly.
“Nope. Well, at least none that I’m familiar with,” Rutherford said. “I didn’t want anyone to make any accidental insults.”
“Too late for that,” Mariner noted.
“Slurs! Insolence! Defamation!” Rutherford’s equipment continued to translate the infuriated Ogaesei’s cries. “You Starfleeters are the most discourteous arguably-intelligent species we have ever met! You are the only other arguably-intelligent non-Ogaesei species we have ever met! This means war! War!”
“Aw, be quiet, you whining, shrieking, rubber-skinned appetizers!” Shaxs thundered standing protectively in front of Freeman. “If it’s a fight you want, I’ll give it to ya!”
“No! Lieutenant! Stand down!” Freeman ordered while desperately trying to prevent the situation from getting any more out of control. “Will everyone please calm down and…AAACCCKKKKKK!”
“Ew, gross,” Mariner winced as one of the Ogaesei sprayed Freeman with some kind of dark, hydrous goo from its body. “That’s one ink stain that will never come out. At least I think it’s ink…”
“Well of course it’s ink,” Boimler said ducking behind one of the away team’s few equipment crates for cover. “What else would it be? Black-colored methylcellulose?”
“Insolent masses of hideous-looking vertebrates!” An infuriated Ogaesei roared.
“Overbearing, butt-beaked popinjay!” Shaxs shot back.
“Incompetent technological buffoons!” Another Ogaesei spat.
“WHAT?!” Billups screamed. “WHY YOU…!”
“Oh dear,” Tendi gulped as both the Ogaesei and Cerritos’ senior officers quickly got into a multilingual yelling and gesturing match. “I can’t believe Captain Freeman and the others are acting like this. How can such respected and well-trained officers continue to participate in such a wild exchange of bickering, arguments and insults?”
“It’s diplomacy. Duh,” Mariner quipped. “Though this is still nothing compared to the kind of no-holds-barred trash talk that typically happens in politics.”
“This is why Starfleet really needs to go back to having dedicated Communication Officers aboard ships,” Boimler groaned. “To avoid encountering any more linguistic misinterpretation situations like this.”
“This is why Ruthy should fully test out his technical modification projects before trying them out in the field,” Mariner shot Rutherford a look. “Or avoid messing with any kind of technical equipment period!”
“Well, I have been toying with a new autorepair and autocorrection algorithm,” Rutherford coughed admittingly. “I just haven’t decided whether to try integrating it with a hyperspanner, flux coupler or dermal regenerator yet.”
“If only there was a way to repair language problems and breakdowns,” Boimler groaned as shouts, insults, gestures and Ogaesei bodily fluids continued to fly through the air. “Maybe communicating everyday conversations via text form isn’t such a bad idea after all!”
--------------------------------------
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
