Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
Note: This story takes place immediately after the episode "Much Ado About Boimler".
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Scene From a Bar
“Ah, nothing like completing a successful covert operation to make one feel alive,” Captain Freeman smiled to herself while striding down a corridor of the Cerritos. “It was nice to finally be assigned an important mission which relied on my extensive knowledge, training and experience. If only the admiralty gave me more missions like the recent handling of rulot seeds. Talk about prestigious! Still, I have to admit it’s nice being back aboard the Cerritos. Sure, traveling to exotic locations and being involved in high stakes operations is exciting, but carrying out less stressful routine duties are fine too.” Freeman gave a satisfied sigh as she approached the ship’s bar. “Yes, it’s times like this that really make me appreciate what a privilege it is to dedicate one’s life to serving in Starfleet.”
“Alright, people!” Mariner whooped perched atop a table while chugging from a bottle of something green. “Let’s kick things up a notch! Wohoo!”
“A privilege some people take for granted and squander shamelessly,” Freeman groaned at the sight. “Mariner!”
“Hey, Cap! Welcome back!” Mariner waved drunkenly. “Glad you’re still all in one piece. Get a lot of seed planting done?”
“No, but I’m about to plant you six feet under,” Freeman snapped. “Get down from there at once and stop acting like a fool!”
“Aw, don’t be such a killjoy, Carol,” Captain Amina Ramsey waved draped across Mariner’s shoulders. “Just let your hair down for once and enjoy the party.”
“Huh?” Freeman blinked in surprise. “Captain Ramsey. I didn’t expect to see you two together again like…wait, are you drunk?”
“Just a little,” Ramsey giggled swaying slightly. “But never fear! I’m still in complete command of my faculties…fashionalies…facial…I’m fine.”
“Yeah, my ol’ buddy Amina here is still technically in command of the Cerritos,” Mariner grinned cheekily. “If she says there’s a party, then party we shall!”
“True that!” Ramsey cheered motioning to Honus. “Barkeep! Gin and ales for everyone!”
“Yay!” Mariner hooted raising her near-empty bottle in salute. “Three cheers for Captain Ramsey! Hip, hip, hooray!”
“C’mon, you bloody prigs!” Ramsey urged grabbing a fresh mug. “Everybody drink up and join in! Come, cheer up my, lads! 'Tis to glory we steer! To find something new in this wonderful year!”
“Oh geeze, not again,” Freeman groaned as Ramsey and Mariner linked arms and began drunkenly leading part of the assembled crew in song. Freeman turned and headed to the bar while rubbing her aching temples. “And I thought those two caused enough trouble the last time they were together. So much for hoping Captain Ramsey would end up being a positive influence on Mariner during her brief time in command. More like the complete opposite!”
“Wait, so your body just naturally snapped out of its phased state and returned to normal all on its own?” Rutherford asked Boimler while sitting with him and Tendi at the bar.
“Yep. The staff at Division 14 didn’t have to do a thing,” Boimler nodded sipping a drink. “Guess I was just lucky. Or unlucky depending on how you look at it. Though I really would’ve liked to have stayed and enjoyed The Farm for another month or two…”
“Aw, don’t be ridiculous, Boimler,” Tendi smiled cheerfully. “You weren’t meant to spend your life lying idyllically around a beautiful resort spa. You would’ve missed serving aboard the Cerritos too much.”
“Well, maybe,” Boimler admitted. “But I’d sure be willing to give it a try!” He gazed at Rutherford hopefully. “So, what do you say, Rutherford? Is there something you could have me test or expose me to that would mess me up again? Nothing permanent of course. Just something temporarily incurable that would allow me to be reassigned and accepted back to The Farm.”
“Ooo, that would be nice,” Tendi chirped. “If you ever do need to go back there, I’ll ask Commander Ransom to assign me to take you in a shuttlecraft. It would allow us to have another fun shuttle trip together and give me a chance to visit The Dog.”
“On the other hand,” Boimler blanched. “Maybe I’d be better off exactly the way I am. It would be far safer all the way around!”
“Whatever you say, man,” Rutherford shrugged. “I’m just glad you’re no longer stuck in phase. It was bad enough worrying about how to restore Mariner, Captain Ramsey and the others before they were returned to normal.”
“Really?” Tendi’s eyes widened. “How did that happen?”
“Oh, they were cured via some unknown mechanism originating from the alien entity that took over the Rubidoux,” Rutherford explained casually. “It was that unexpected act of generosity that led Captain Ramsey to believe the alien entity was peaceful. You could say the alien entity acted as a literal deus ex machina.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Boimler said. “Wait, why did you have to transport Mariner and the others with your problematic transporter modifications in the first place?”
“Well, you see…” Rutherford began to fill his friends in on everything that had happened while they were gone.
“So, ladies,” A slightly bruised Commander Ransom smiled sitting at a new, unbroken table with Lieutenants Warren and Durga. “Would either of you be interested in taking a tour of the Cerritos or going a few rounds in the Gym?”
“I think I’ll pass,” Warren declined.
“Agreed,” Durga said. “Considering the obvious structural similarities between the Oakland and the Cerritos, both of your non sequiturs are most illogical.”
“Not after you spend them with me,” Ransom grinned charmingly. “I bet I could show you two lovely women a great time before your temporary assignment here is done.”
“Oh boy,” Freeman sighed ordering herself a drink. “And I thought Jack would’ve learned his lesson after his last disastrous flitting attempt.”
“And that’s when I suddenly received a call from Mariner for me to use my unfinished transporter modifications to Boim…I mean, to beam everyone over from the Rubidoux,” Rutherford continued his explanation.
“Wow, that sounds surprisingly pointless and unexpected,” Tendi commented. “Wait, why was Mariner assigned to the away team to the Rubidoux in the first place?”
“Probably for the same reason she and the others went down to repair the water filtration systems on Khwopa instead of an Engineering team,” Rutherford said. “Apparently Captain Ramsey made Mariner her First Officer.”
“SHE WHAT?!” Boimler and Freeman simultaneously yelped and did spit-takes. “WHY?!”
“I dunno. I thought it was kinda weird myself,” Rutherford shrugged. “Like something a hitherto revered Starfleet captain would do in a ridiculous alternate universe or something.”
“Mariner being suddenly promoted to First Officer is proof we’re living in a weird, ridiculous universe!” Boimler howled tearing at his hair. “How did she ever manage to do that?! Why couldn’t it have happened to me?! Mariner must’ve conned, bribed or blackmailed Captain Ramsey somehow! Or she has some kind of secret, past personal connection with her!”
“Eh, that doesn’t seem very likely or professional,” Tendi waved. “Nepotism has never had a place in Starfleet. And it’s not the first time Mariner has suddenly been promoted. Otherwise, it would suggest she has some kind of secret, past personal connection with Captain Freeman.”
“Uh, right,” Freeman coughed nervously. “Whatever you say.”
“You have a point,” Boimler sighed calming down. “It still drives me crazy though. When will I ever receive a well-deserved promotion?”
“Well, most people typically spent two or three years serving as an ensign,” Rutherford thought for a moment. “Unless you’re Harry Kim. So, if you continue to work hard I’m sure you’ll be promoted before the year is out.”
“Here’s hoping,” Boimler sighed signaling for a fresh drink. “As long as Mariner doesn’t keep me down and end up involving me in another one of her wild, crazy schemes.”
“What was that, Ensign?” Freeman shot a sharp glance at Boimler.
“Uh, nothing!” Boimler squeaked and laughed awkwardly. “Nothing at all!”
“I see,” Freeman gazed at him a moment before turning away.
“Mariner does seem to have made a lot of mistakes while we were gone,” Tendi commented looking at Rutherford. “Like why did she call you to use your unfinished transporter modifications to beam her and the others from the Rubidoux instead of using the usual transporter protocols?”
“I asked her the very same question after I finished beaming her and the others over,” Rutherford said. “Mariner apparently thought the transporter modifications I had been working on were better at cutting through potential interference, but I corrected her and explained I had made a simple additional transporter adjustment anyone could have made along with my other modifications. It seemed Lieutenant Warren couldn’t beam them over using the Rubidoux’s transporters because she couldn’t get enough power to the system since the ship was literally falling apart around them.”
“Ah, okay. I guess that makes some sort of sense,” Boimler remarked. “More sense than Mariner being suddenly promoted to First Officer!”
“Are you still going on about that?” Rutherford gave Boimler a look.
“Yes I am!” Boimler cried. “And I plan to go on about it for a very long time!”
“Suit yourself,” Tendi shrugged sipping her drink. “So, looks like the Cerritos will be crowded for a bit until we drop off the evacuated crew of the Rubidoux at Douglas Station.”
“Eh, I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” Rutherford waved. “Apparently their entire crew managed to assemble onto the Rubidoux’s Bridge at the same time. How bad could it get aboard the Cerritos?”
“Yahoooooo! Confetti for everybody!” Mariner and Ramsey whooped with their arms draped around each other’s shoulders while dancing from tabletop to tabletop. “Shake it, people! Party like we won the Rigel Cup! Yeah!”
“Do you even have to ask?” Boimler moaned watching Mariner and Ramsey alternately swing and dip each other. “Man, and I thought some of The Dog’s behavior was wild.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” Tendi chirped. “I went over my side project notes like you guys suggested and discovered I had made one little mistake.”
“Just one?” Rutherford did a take.
“Turns out some of my research parameters were incorrect,” Tendi explained. “I had intended to design a furry friend with all the abilities and characteristics of a typical Earth dog, but I accidently read up on the wrong information by spelling ‘dog’ backwards. Isn’t that silly?”
“More like terrifying,” Boimler gulped.
“O-kay. That explains a lot,” Rutherford blinked. “Man, the staff at Division 14 are sure going to have their hands full.”
“Yeah, I bet they and The Dog will have a lot of fun,” Tendi smiled. “After all, who wouldn’t want to hear that their beloved pet has taken a trip to The Farm?”
“Wheeeeee!” Mariner and Ramsey giggled while twirling around in each other’s arms. “Look at us! We’re the co-queens of the universe! Hahahahaha!”
“Alright, that’s enough!” Freeman stormed over to them. “Stop goofing off and get down from there at once! Your ridiculous, juvenile behavior is unbecoming of a pair of Starfleet officers, much less an acting first officer and captain!”
“Oh please, don’t go getting your knickers in a twist,” Ramsey hiccupped drunkenly waving a hand. “This isn’t the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me. Heck, it doesn’t even break the top ten.”
“Hey, remember the time back at the Academy when we flooded Cochrane Hall with helium-filled bubbles?” Mariner laughed. “Right after we finished shaving the visiting Vulcan ambassador’s pet sehlat completely bald? And her attaché?”
“Do I? Ooo, she was so steamed!” Ramsey giggled at the memory. “I thought for sure her renowned Vulcan discipline would crack. I never should’ve let you talk me into taking that dare. I got in soooooo much trouble for that!”
“Yeah, but I made it up to you during that weekend getaway trip to Casperia Prime,” Mariner reminded. “‘Course we probably would’ve enjoyed it more if we hadn’t done it during midterms and ended up ‘borrowing’ the superintendent’s personal shuttle…”
“Now that was fun!” Ramsey chortled snorting ale out her nose. “Best holiday I ever had! Well, except the time we snuck into the Kostolain Embassy and covered it with glitter, dermaline gel and waste extraction tissue…”
“I should have known,” Freeman groaned tossing up her hands. “Talk about a perfect living example of past prologue. You two cause nothing but trouble and chaos everywhere you go.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from ‘Coconut Cream Carol’,” Ramsey quipped.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!” Freeman yelped.
“Your exploits as a Starfleet Academy cadet are legendary,” Ramsey giggled. “Like what really happened at the Pacifican Hydroscoot tournament.”
“Along with the infamous ‘Flying Squid and Horta Incident’,” Mariner added. “Which apparently involved you, a case of firecrackers, a few dozen hyposprays and a certain young Cadet Riker…”
“WHAT?!” Freeman sputtered. “But I paid off…those bribes were…I mean, where did you hear about that?”
“Eh, around,” Mariner whistled innocently. “From a very reliable eyewitness.”
“Oh, really?” Freeman gritted her teeth while muttering under her breath. “So much for Will keeping his big mouth shut. And people think he’s had a positive lasting influence within Starfleet.”
“So, what do you say, ladies?” Ransom continued his flirting attempts. “Up for a romantic starlit swim in Cetacean Ops?”
“I’d rather feed myself to a knot of giant dry-worms from Antos IV,” Warren rebuked.
“That’s not what your eyes say,” Ransom grinned.
“I respectfully request you cease this line of irrational behavior, Commander,” Durga warned fixing Ransom with a look. “If such illogical conduct from you continues, I may decide the situation calls for the use of unorthodox tactics.”
“Hey, I got an idea,” Mariner turned towards Ramsey with a wicked gleam in her eye. “How about we partner up for a ship-wide anti-grav lift race? We used to hold ‘em aboard the Cerritos all the time until Captain Killjoy here sent out a cease-and-desist order.”
“What? She can’t do that!” Ramsey gasped. “I’m the captain now! And I say we race!”
“Alright!” Mariner whooped tapping her combadge. “Attention all hands! This is the acting First Officer speaking. Another anti-grav lift race is about to begin, this time with complete Captain’s approval. So, grab an anti-grav lift and partner and meet outside the ship’s bar in five!”
“Yay!” Various cheers were heard throughout the ship.
“Ooo, did you hear that? It’s title-defending time!” Tendi squealed excitedly. “Want to be my partner, Boimler? We made a great racing team during our recent shuttle trip.”
“No!” Boimler blanched. “I mean, no thanks. I’ll sit this one out. But Rutherford will go with you.”
“WHAT?!” Rutherford yelped.
“Really? Yay!” Tendi cheered grabbing Rutherford and quickly headed for the door. “C’mon, Rutherford! I’ve been tinkering with a specially modified anti-grav lift in the Repair Bay and have been itching to try it out!”
“What?!” Rutherford yelped as he was unwillingly dragged away. “Ahhh! Help!”
“Sorry, Rutherford!” Boimler called after him. “Better you than me!”
“Hey, Boims! Get you de-phased butt over here! There’s some serious Starfleet business that needs attending to,” Mariner grabbed Boimler and shoved a padd into his surprised hands. “Amina and I are gonna team up for the anti-grav lift race so you gotta be the one to figure out all the racing odds and act as the bookie.”
“What?!” Boimler protested. “I can’t do that!”
“You will manage the race, odds and payouts, Ensign,” An inebriated Ramsey declared. “That’s an order!”
“Uh, yes sir,” Boimler gulped meekly and began reluctantly making a gambling chart. “Okay, who all wants to make a bet?”
“AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!” Freeman stormed out of the bar with a noticeable bulging vein in her forehead. “And people wonder why I work so hard to be offered the captaincy of a more prestigious capital ship. Maybe I should ask Captain Ramsey to become the permanent captain of the Cerritos. It’s probably the only way I’ll ever escape from this ship’s cursed, ever-present stream of insanity!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks or the song "Heart of Oaks".
Note: This story takes place immediately after the episode "Much Ado About Boimler".
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Scene From a Bar
“Ah, nothing like completing a successful covert operation to make one feel alive,” Captain Freeman smiled to herself while striding down a corridor of the Cerritos. “It was nice to finally be assigned an important mission which relied on my extensive knowledge, training and experience. If only the admiralty gave me more missions like the recent handling of rulot seeds. Talk about prestigious! Still, I have to admit it’s nice being back aboard the Cerritos. Sure, traveling to exotic locations and being involved in high stakes operations is exciting, but carrying out less stressful routine duties are fine too.” Freeman gave a satisfied sigh as she approached the ship’s bar. “Yes, it’s times like this that really make me appreciate what a privilege it is to dedicate one’s life to serving in Starfleet.”
“Alright, people!” Mariner whooped perched atop a table while chugging from a bottle of something green. “Let’s kick things up a notch! Wohoo!”
“A privilege some people take for granted and squander shamelessly,” Freeman groaned at the sight. “Mariner!”
“Hey, Cap! Welcome back!” Mariner waved drunkenly. “Glad you’re still all in one piece. Get a lot of seed planting done?”
“No, but I’m about to plant you six feet under,” Freeman snapped. “Get down from there at once and stop acting like a fool!”
“Aw, don’t be such a killjoy, Carol,” Captain Amina Ramsey waved draped across Mariner’s shoulders. “Just let your hair down for once and enjoy the party.”
“Huh?” Freeman blinked in surprise. “Captain Ramsey. I didn’t expect to see you two together again like…wait, are you drunk?”
“Just a little,” Ramsey giggled swaying slightly. “But never fear! I’m still in complete command of my faculties…fashionalies…facial…I’m fine.”
“Yeah, my ol’ buddy Amina here is still technically in command of the Cerritos,” Mariner grinned cheekily. “If she says there’s a party, then party we shall!”
“True that!” Ramsey cheered motioning to Honus. “Barkeep! Gin and ales for everyone!”
“Yay!” Mariner hooted raising her near-empty bottle in salute. “Three cheers for Captain Ramsey! Hip, hip, hooray!”
“C’mon, you bloody prigs!” Ramsey urged grabbing a fresh mug. “Everybody drink up and join in! Come, cheer up my, lads! 'Tis to glory we steer! To find something new in this wonderful year!”
“Oh geeze, not again,” Freeman groaned as Ramsey and Mariner linked arms and began drunkenly leading part of the assembled crew in song. Freeman turned and headed to the bar while rubbing her aching temples. “And I thought those two caused enough trouble the last time they were together. So much for hoping Captain Ramsey would end up being a positive influence on Mariner during her brief time in command. More like the complete opposite!”
“Wait, so your body just naturally snapped out of its phased state and returned to normal all on its own?” Rutherford asked Boimler while sitting with him and Tendi at the bar.
“Yep. The staff at Division 14 didn’t have to do a thing,” Boimler nodded sipping a drink. “Guess I was just lucky. Or unlucky depending on how you look at it. Though I really would’ve liked to have stayed and enjoyed The Farm for another month or two…”
“Aw, don’t be ridiculous, Boimler,” Tendi smiled cheerfully. “You weren’t meant to spend your life lying idyllically around a beautiful resort spa. You would’ve missed serving aboard the Cerritos too much.”
“Well, maybe,” Boimler admitted. “But I’d sure be willing to give it a try!” He gazed at Rutherford hopefully. “So, what do you say, Rutherford? Is there something you could have me test or expose me to that would mess me up again? Nothing permanent of course. Just something temporarily incurable that would allow me to be reassigned and accepted back to The Farm.”
“Ooo, that would be nice,” Tendi chirped. “If you ever do need to go back there, I’ll ask Commander Ransom to assign me to take you in a shuttlecraft. It would allow us to have another fun shuttle trip together and give me a chance to visit The Dog.”
“On the other hand,” Boimler blanched. “Maybe I’d be better off exactly the way I am. It would be far safer all the way around!”
“Whatever you say, man,” Rutherford shrugged. “I’m just glad you’re no longer stuck in phase. It was bad enough worrying about how to restore Mariner, Captain Ramsey and the others before they were returned to normal.”
“Really?” Tendi’s eyes widened. “How did that happen?”
“Oh, they were cured via some unknown mechanism originating from the alien entity that took over the Rubidoux,” Rutherford explained casually. “It was that unexpected act of generosity that led Captain Ramsey to believe the alien entity was peaceful. You could say the alien entity acted as a literal deus ex machina.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Boimler said. “Wait, why did you have to transport Mariner and the others with your problematic transporter modifications in the first place?”
“Well, you see…” Rutherford began to fill his friends in on everything that had happened while they were gone.
“So, ladies,” A slightly bruised Commander Ransom smiled sitting at a new, unbroken table with Lieutenants Warren and Durga. “Would either of you be interested in taking a tour of the Cerritos or going a few rounds in the Gym?”
“I think I’ll pass,” Warren declined.
“Agreed,” Durga said. “Considering the obvious structural similarities between the Oakland and the Cerritos, both of your non sequiturs are most illogical.”
“Not after you spend them with me,” Ransom grinned charmingly. “I bet I could show you two lovely women a great time before your temporary assignment here is done.”
“Oh boy,” Freeman sighed ordering herself a drink. “And I thought Jack would’ve learned his lesson after his last disastrous flitting attempt.”
“And that’s when I suddenly received a call from Mariner for me to use my unfinished transporter modifications to Boim…I mean, to beam everyone over from the Rubidoux,” Rutherford continued his explanation.
“Wow, that sounds surprisingly pointless and unexpected,” Tendi commented. “Wait, why was Mariner assigned to the away team to the Rubidoux in the first place?”
“Probably for the same reason she and the others went down to repair the water filtration systems on Khwopa instead of an Engineering team,” Rutherford said. “Apparently Captain Ramsey made Mariner her First Officer.”
“SHE WHAT?!” Boimler and Freeman simultaneously yelped and did spit-takes. “WHY?!”
“I dunno. I thought it was kinda weird myself,” Rutherford shrugged. “Like something a hitherto revered Starfleet captain would do in a ridiculous alternate universe or something.”
“Mariner being suddenly promoted to First Officer is proof we’re living in a weird, ridiculous universe!” Boimler howled tearing at his hair. “How did she ever manage to do that?! Why couldn’t it have happened to me?! Mariner must’ve conned, bribed or blackmailed Captain Ramsey somehow! Or she has some kind of secret, past personal connection with her!”
“Eh, that doesn’t seem very likely or professional,” Tendi waved. “Nepotism has never had a place in Starfleet. And it’s not the first time Mariner has suddenly been promoted. Otherwise, it would suggest she has some kind of secret, past personal connection with Captain Freeman.”
“Uh, right,” Freeman coughed nervously. “Whatever you say.”
“You have a point,” Boimler sighed calming down. “It still drives me crazy though. When will I ever receive a well-deserved promotion?”
“Well, most people typically spent two or three years serving as an ensign,” Rutherford thought for a moment. “Unless you’re Harry Kim. So, if you continue to work hard I’m sure you’ll be promoted before the year is out.”
“Here’s hoping,” Boimler sighed signaling for a fresh drink. “As long as Mariner doesn’t keep me down and end up involving me in another one of her wild, crazy schemes.”
“What was that, Ensign?” Freeman shot a sharp glance at Boimler.
“Uh, nothing!” Boimler squeaked and laughed awkwardly. “Nothing at all!”
“I see,” Freeman gazed at him a moment before turning away.
“Mariner does seem to have made a lot of mistakes while we were gone,” Tendi commented looking at Rutherford. “Like why did she call you to use your unfinished transporter modifications to beam her and the others from the Rubidoux instead of using the usual transporter protocols?”
“I asked her the very same question after I finished beaming her and the others over,” Rutherford said. “Mariner apparently thought the transporter modifications I had been working on were better at cutting through potential interference, but I corrected her and explained I had made a simple additional transporter adjustment anyone could have made along with my other modifications. It seemed Lieutenant Warren couldn’t beam them over using the Rubidoux’s transporters because she couldn’t get enough power to the system since the ship was literally falling apart around them.”
“Ah, okay. I guess that makes some sort of sense,” Boimler remarked. “More sense than Mariner being suddenly promoted to First Officer!”
“Are you still going on about that?” Rutherford gave Boimler a look.
“Yes I am!” Boimler cried. “And I plan to go on about it for a very long time!”
“Suit yourself,” Tendi shrugged sipping her drink. “So, looks like the Cerritos will be crowded for a bit until we drop off the evacuated crew of the Rubidoux at Douglas Station.”
“Eh, I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” Rutherford waved. “Apparently their entire crew managed to assemble onto the Rubidoux’s Bridge at the same time. How bad could it get aboard the Cerritos?”
“Yahoooooo! Confetti for everybody!” Mariner and Ramsey whooped with their arms draped around each other’s shoulders while dancing from tabletop to tabletop. “Shake it, people! Party like we won the Rigel Cup! Yeah!”
“Do you even have to ask?” Boimler moaned watching Mariner and Ramsey alternately swing and dip each other. “Man, and I thought some of The Dog’s behavior was wild.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” Tendi chirped. “I went over my side project notes like you guys suggested and discovered I had made one little mistake.”
“Just one?” Rutherford did a take.
“Turns out some of my research parameters were incorrect,” Tendi explained. “I had intended to design a furry friend with all the abilities and characteristics of a typical Earth dog, but I accidently read up on the wrong information by spelling ‘dog’ backwards. Isn’t that silly?”
“More like terrifying,” Boimler gulped.
“O-kay. That explains a lot,” Rutherford blinked. “Man, the staff at Division 14 are sure going to have their hands full.”
“Yeah, I bet they and The Dog will have a lot of fun,” Tendi smiled. “After all, who wouldn’t want to hear that their beloved pet has taken a trip to The Farm?”
“Wheeeeee!” Mariner and Ramsey giggled while twirling around in each other’s arms. “Look at us! We’re the co-queens of the universe! Hahahahaha!”
“Alright, that’s enough!” Freeman stormed over to them. “Stop goofing off and get down from there at once! Your ridiculous, juvenile behavior is unbecoming of a pair of Starfleet officers, much less an acting first officer and captain!”
“Oh please, don’t go getting your knickers in a twist,” Ramsey hiccupped drunkenly waving a hand. “This isn’t the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me. Heck, it doesn’t even break the top ten.”
“Hey, remember the time back at the Academy when we flooded Cochrane Hall with helium-filled bubbles?” Mariner laughed. “Right after we finished shaving the visiting Vulcan ambassador’s pet sehlat completely bald? And her attaché?”
“Do I? Ooo, she was so steamed!” Ramsey giggled at the memory. “I thought for sure her renowned Vulcan discipline would crack. I never should’ve let you talk me into taking that dare. I got in soooooo much trouble for that!”
“Yeah, but I made it up to you during that weekend getaway trip to Casperia Prime,” Mariner reminded. “‘Course we probably would’ve enjoyed it more if we hadn’t done it during midterms and ended up ‘borrowing’ the superintendent’s personal shuttle…”
“Now that was fun!” Ramsey chortled snorting ale out her nose. “Best holiday I ever had! Well, except the time we snuck into the Kostolain Embassy and covered it with glitter, dermaline gel and waste extraction tissue…”
“I should have known,” Freeman groaned tossing up her hands. “Talk about a perfect living example of past prologue. You two cause nothing but trouble and chaos everywhere you go.”
“Oh, that’s rich coming from ‘Coconut Cream Carol’,” Ramsey quipped.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!” Freeman yelped.
“Your exploits as a Starfleet Academy cadet are legendary,” Ramsey giggled. “Like what really happened at the Pacifican Hydroscoot tournament.”
“Along with the infamous ‘Flying Squid and Horta Incident’,” Mariner added. “Which apparently involved you, a case of firecrackers, a few dozen hyposprays and a certain young Cadet Riker…”
“WHAT?!” Freeman sputtered. “But I paid off…those bribes were…I mean, where did you hear about that?”
“Eh, around,” Mariner whistled innocently. “From a very reliable eyewitness.”
“Oh, really?” Freeman gritted her teeth while muttering under her breath. “So much for Will keeping his big mouth shut. And people think he’s had a positive lasting influence within Starfleet.”
“So, what do you say, ladies?” Ransom continued his flirting attempts. “Up for a romantic starlit swim in Cetacean Ops?”
“I’d rather feed myself to a knot of giant dry-worms from Antos IV,” Warren rebuked.
“That’s not what your eyes say,” Ransom grinned.
“I respectfully request you cease this line of irrational behavior, Commander,” Durga warned fixing Ransom with a look. “If such illogical conduct from you continues, I may decide the situation calls for the use of unorthodox tactics.”
“Hey, I got an idea,” Mariner turned towards Ramsey with a wicked gleam in her eye. “How about we partner up for a ship-wide anti-grav lift race? We used to hold ‘em aboard the Cerritos all the time until Captain Killjoy here sent out a cease-and-desist order.”
“What? She can’t do that!” Ramsey gasped. “I’m the captain now! And I say we race!”
“Alright!” Mariner whooped tapping her combadge. “Attention all hands! This is the acting First Officer speaking. Another anti-grav lift race is about to begin, this time with complete Captain’s approval. So, grab an anti-grav lift and partner and meet outside the ship’s bar in five!”
“Yay!” Various cheers were heard throughout the ship.
“Ooo, did you hear that? It’s title-defending time!” Tendi squealed excitedly. “Want to be my partner, Boimler? We made a great racing team during our recent shuttle trip.”
“No!” Boimler blanched. “I mean, no thanks. I’ll sit this one out. But Rutherford will go with you.”
“WHAT?!” Rutherford yelped.
“Really? Yay!” Tendi cheered grabbing Rutherford and quickly headed for the door. “C’mon, Rutherford! I’ve been tinkering with a specially modified anti-grav lift in the Repair Bay and have been itching to try it out!”
“What?!” Rutherford yelped as he was unwillingly dragged away. “Ahhh! Help!”
“Sorry, Rutherford!” Boimler called after him. “Better you than me!”
“Hey, Boims! Get you de-phased butt over here! There’s some serious Starfleet business that needs attending to,” Mariner grabbed Boimler and shoved a padd into his surprised hands. “Amina and I are gonna team up for the anti-grav lift race so you gotta be the one to figure out all the racing odds and act as the bookie.”
“What?!” Boimler protested. “I can’t do that!”
“You will manage the race, odds and payouts, Ensign,” An inebriated Ramsey declared. “That’s an order!”
“Uh, yes sir,” Boimler gulped meekly and began reluctantly making a gambling chart. “Okay, who all wants to make a bet?”
“AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!” Freeman stormed out of the bar with a noticeable bulging vein in her forehead. “And people wonder why I work so hard to be offered the captaincy of a more prestigious capital ship. Maybe I should ask Captain Ramsey to become the permanent captain of the Cerritos. It’s probably the only way I’ll ever escape from this ship’s cursed, ever-present stream of insanity!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks or the song "Heart of Oaks".
