Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
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A Starfleet Life for Me!
“He did what?” Mariner yelled.
“Boimler took some immediate leave time and left on that civilian transport we passed an hour ago,” Rutherford repeated while tinkering with an engineering tool. He, Mariner and Tendi were sitting around the main worktable in the Repair Bay. “He even went straight to Captain Freeman for approval. I went along in case he needed a good reference from a fellow junior officer, but the captain approved it after glancing at his spotless service record. Though she did mumble something about being free of the wrong command ensign for a while…”
“Why that cowardly little weasel!” Mariner hissed with a half-empty bottle of something green sitting in front of her. “Bailing the first chance he gets instead of sticking around to face me like a man! That boy has no guramba!”
“Gee, I hope Boimler has a good time,” Tendi said. “Too bad he left before I could thank him for arranging my recent piloting lesson with you.”
“Oh, I’ll ‘thank’ him alright,” Mariner twitched drinking straight from the bottle. “The second Boimler steps one foot back aboard the ship, he is a dead man!”
“Uh, you don’t really mean that, do you?” Rutherford blinked nervously. “That’s just the Orion whiskey talking, right?”
“We’ll find out together when Boimler gets back,” Mariner grumbled taking another swig. “That little twerp can’t hide from me forever. I’ll be on him like a Wanoni tracehound after he set me up on the piloting lesson from Gre’thor!”
“Oh boy. Boimler may want to extend his leave time for a while,” Rutherford gulped. “In fact, he may want to resign his commission and leave Starfleet completely.”
“Ah, don’t be ridiculous. Boimler would never leave Starfleet,” Tendi waved. “He loves being in Starfleet even more than me!”
“And that’s saying something,” Mariner muttered.
“Being a Starfleet officer is so exciting! There’s nothing else quite like it,” Tendi beamed. “Nothing else even comes close! The sights! The smells! The food! The sounds!”
“I know what you mean,” Rutherford nodded animatedly. “I just love the sounds made by station controls, ODN recouplers, replicator buttons, door panel keys…”
“Oooo, like the way our combadges go ‘bree-deet! bree-deet!’,” Tendi chirped.
“Or the sparkly, tingly ‘vrrrmmmmmm’ of the transporters?” Rutherford smiled.
“Oh geeze, you guys seriously need to get out more,” Mariner groaned taking another drink. “Only a bunch of science nerds would geek out over the sounds made by everyday, twenty-fourth century technology.”
“But Starfleet technology sounds are fun!” Tendi smiled. “They’re so cool and comforting. I especially like listening to all the biofunction monitors working together in Sickbay.”
“Or the background ambience in Engineering,” Rutherford added. “It brings back such pleasant memories.”
“I know which two sounds I’d like not to hear,” Mariner glared at her friends. “Unless they’re plans on how I’m going to get back at Boimler when he returns.”
“I tell you, a life in Starfleet is like no other,” Tendi went on. “I never want to be anywhere else!”
“Me neither,” Rutherford agreed. “It’s more than a career. It’s a calling!”
“Speaking of which, I gotta call my contraband contact,” Mariner shook the near-empty bottle. “This is my last bottle of Orion whiskey. Oh well, I still have plenty of Romulan ale stashed away around the ship.”
“Yep, I can hear the ‘bree-deet’ of my combadge hailing me now,” Tendi smiled leaping to her feet. “Bree-Diddle-Deet-Dee! A Starfleet life for me! With classic delta insignia! Living ‘Ex Astra Scientia’!”
“More like ‘Ex Astra, Insania’,” Mariner quipped. “From the stars, madness!”
“Yeah, that’s it! I feel the same way!” Rutherford grinned at Tendi. He held up the engineering tool he was tinkering with. “My P-38! A Starfleet life is great! It's fun to play with technology! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Ladies, gentlemen and non-binaries, I give you Exhibit A,” Mariner waved at her crewmates.
“One seven oh one! A Starfleet life is fun!” Tendi cheered and began skipping around the room. “Uniforms coded in colors three! Are pocketless and all wrinkle-free!”
“Any century! A Starfleet life for me!” Rutherford smiled and began to dance around as well. “With adventure and discovery! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Man, and I thought I was drunk,” Mariner watched as her friends pranced about. “Obviously, I’m not nearly drunk enough.”
“In the UFP! A Starfleet life for me!” Tendi cheered siding up next to Rutherford. “Soaring throughout the final frontier! Encountering all that is strange and weird!”
“Look who’s talking,” Mariner quipped.
“Set phasers to stun! A Starfleet life is fun!” Tendi and Rutherford linked arms and did a series of precision high kicks. “In a starship powered by a warp core! The universe is ours to explore! To go where no one has gone before! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Looks like I’m about to add more blackmail material to my collection,” Mariner quipped at the sight. “Aw, who am I kidding? These two would probably enjoy telling others about this.”
“Indubitably! A Starfleet life for me!” Tendi and Rutherford happily twirled around. “Whether studying a nebula! Or deadly giant space amoeba!”
“Okay, just what the heck was up with that whole giant space amoeba thing anyway?” Mariner wondered. “Seriously, whatever simple intelligence came up with that was even drunker than I am.”
“Bree-Diddle-Deet-Dee! A Starfleet life for me!” Tendi and Rutherford whooped. “Where truth and facts are one’s first duty! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Alright, enough with the noise pollution!” Mariner declared making a loud whistle. “I’m putting an end to this impromptu Amateur Hour right now.”
“Already?” Rutherford blinked ceasing his high kicks. “But we were just starting to get into it.”
“A little too into it,” Mariner drawled finishing off her whiskey. “And I thought Klingon opera singers were hams.”
“Aw, lighten up, Mariner. We were just having a little fun,” Tendi pouted. “You’re just jealous that you didn’t think of it first.”
“Yeah,” Rutherford backed Tendi up. “I bet you were dying to join us the whole time.”
“I most certainly was not,” Mariner huffed. “Especially for a ridiculous, sappy number like that.”
“Really?” Rutherford gave her a look. “I’d like to see you do better.”
“Oh yeah? Watch this!” Mariner hiccupped and drunkenly climbed onto the worktable. “Yahoo, yahoo! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Alright! Go Mariner! Wohoo!” Tendi cheered.
“We serve and protect! We kick butt and we fight! Whatever puts on a show!” Mariner made several inebriated fighting moves. “While all in the name of doing what is right! With hands or with torpedoes!”
“Huh, I’ve never heard any Starfleet job description phrased that way before,” Rutherford blinked.
“Wahoo, wahoo! A Starfleet life for me!” Mariner sang and pranced around. “We scan and we study, archive and survey! Boring old stellar bodies! Blow up a few moons and then call it a day! While drinking ale and toddies!”
“Yeah!” Tendi and Rutherford joined in the chorus. “Make it so, make it so! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Ha!” Mariner kicked her empty whiskey bottle aside. “We battle the Breen, Gorn and Borg Collective! And enemy of the week! All while upholding the great Prime Directive! As new life and new civs we seek!”
“Yay!” Tendi and Rutherford leapt up and joined Mariner on the table. “We unravel the cosmos’ vast mysteries! Planets, rifts, black holes and stars! Explore strange new worlds and meet all new species! From Acamar III to Zetar!”
“Wahoo!” Mariner whooped draping her arms around her two friend’s shoulders. “Engage, engage! A Starfleet life for me!”
“We strive to maintain Starfleet’s rich history!” Tendi beamed. “Building on what we’ve been taught!”
“While working to better all humanity!” Rutherford grinned. “Whether it wants to or not!”
“Yeah!” Mariner hooted kicking up her heels. “Yahoo, yahoo! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Ensign Mariner,” Captain Freeman strode into the Repair Bay. “I’ve been thinking, you’ve been working relatively hard lately. Perhaps you should take a month or two of leave time and…what the devil is going on here?!”
“Yahoo, yahoo! A Starfleet life for me!” The three ensigns laughed and happily danced about the tabletop.
“Never mind,” Freeman did an immediate about-face and quickly walked away. “I don’t want to know!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks or the songs "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee" or "Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life for Me)".
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A Starfleet Life for Me!
“He did what?” Mariner yelled.
“Boimler took some immediate leave time and left on that civilian transport we passed an hour ago,” Rutherford repeated while tinkering with an engineering tool. He, Mariner and Tendi were sitting around the main worktable in the Repair Bay. “He even went straight to Captain Freeman for approval. I went along in case he needed a good reference from a fellow junior officer, but the captain approved it after glancing at his spotless service record. Though she did mumble something about being free of the wrong command ensign for a while…”
“Why that cowardly little weasel!” Mariner hissed with a half-empty bottle of something green sitting in front of her. “Bailing the first chance he gets instead of sticking around to face me like a man! That boy has no guramba!”
“Gee, I hope Boimler has a good time,” Tendi said. “Too bad he left before I could thank him for arranging my recent piloting lesson with you.”
“Oh, I’ll ‘thank’ him alright,” Mariner twitched drinking straight from the bottle. “The second Boimler steps one foot back aboard the ship, he is a dead man!”
“Uh, you don’t really mean that, do you?” Rutherford blinked nervously. “That’s just the Orion whiskey talking, right?”
“We’ll find out together when Boimler gets back,” Mariner grumbled taking another swig. “That little twerp can’t hide from me forever. I’ll be on him like a Wanoni tracehound after he set me up on the piloting lesson from Gre’thor!”
“Oh boy. Boimler may want to extend his leave time for a while,” Rutherford gulped. “In fact, he may want to resign his commission and leave Starfleet completely.”
“Ah, don’t be ridiculous. Boimler would never leave Starfleet,” Tendi waved. “He loves being in Starfleet even more than me!”
“And that’s saying something,” Mariner muttered.
“Being a Starfleet officer is so exciting! There’s nothing else quite like it,” Tendi beamed. “Nothing else even comes close! The sights! The smells! The food! The sounds!”
“I know what you mean,” Rutherford nodded animatedly. “I just love the sounds made by station controls, ODN recouplers, replicator buttons, door panel keys…”
“Oooo, like the way our combadges go ‘bree-deet! bree-deet!’,” Tendi chirped.
“Or the sparkly, tingly ‘vrrrmmmmmm’ of the transporters?” Rutherford smiled.
“Oh geeze, you guys seriously need to get out more,” Mariner groaned taking another drink. “Only a bunch of science nerds would geek out over the sounds made by everyday, twenty-fourth century technology.”
“But Starfleet technology sounds are fun!” Tendi smiled. “They’re so cool and comforting. I especially like listening to all the biofunction monitors working together in Sickbay.”
“Or the background ambience in Engineering,” Rutherford added. “It brings back such pleasant memories.”
“I know which two sounds I’d like not to hear,” Mariner glared at her friends. “Unless they’re plans on how I’m going to get back at Boimler when he returns.”
“I tell you, a life in Starfleet is like no other,” Tendi went on. “I never want to be anywhere else!”
“Me neither,” Rutherford agreed. “It’s more than a career. It’s a calling!”
“Speaking of which, I gotta call my contraband contact,” Mariner shook the near-empty bottle. “This is my last bottle of Orion whiskey. Oh well, I still have plenty of Romulan ale stashed away around the ship.”
“Yep, I can hear the ‘bree-deet’ of my combadge hailing me now,” Tendi smiled leaping to her feet. “Bree-Diddle-Deet-Dee! A Starfleet life for me! With classic delta insignia! Living ‘Ex Astra Scientia’!”
“More like ‘Ex Astra, Insania’,” Mariner quipped. “From the stars, madness!”
“Yeah, that’s it! I feel the same way!” Rutherford grinned at Tendi. He held up the engineering tool he was tinkering with. “My P-38! A Starfleet life is great! It's fun to play with technology! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Ladies, gentlemen and non-binaries, I give you Exhibit A,” Mariner waved at her crewmates.
“One seven oh one! A Starfleet life is fun!” Tendi cheered and began skipping around the room. “Uniforms coded in colors three! Are pocketless and all wrinkle-free!”
“Any century! A Starfleet life for me!” Rutherford smiled and began to dance around as well. “With adventure and discovery! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Man, and I thought I was drunk,” Mariner watched as her friends pranced about. “Obviously, I’m not nearly drunk enough.”
“In the UFP! A Starfleet life for me!” Tendi cheered siding up next to Rutherford. “Soaring throughout the final frontier! Encountering all that is strange and weird!”
“Look who’s talking,” Mariner quipped.
“Set phasers to stun! A Starfleet life is fun!” Tendi and Rutherford linked arms and did a series of precision high kicks. “In a starship powered by a warp core! The universe is ours to explore! To go where no one has gone before! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Looks like I’m about to add more blackmail material to my collection,” Mariner quipped at the sight. “Aw, who am I kidding? These two would probably enjoy telling others about this.”
“Indubitably! A Starfleet life for me!” Tendi and Rutherford happily twirled around. “Whether studying a nebula! Or deadly giant space amoeba!”
“Okay, just what the heck was up with that whole giant space amoeba thing anyway?” Mariner wondered. “Seriously, whatever simple intelligence came up with that was even drunker than I am.”
“Bree-Diddle-Deet-Dee! A Starfleet life for me!” Tendi and Rutherford whooped. “Where truth and facts are one’s first duty! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Alright, enough with the noise pollution!” Mariner declared making a loud whistle. “I’m putting an end to this impromptu Amateur Hour right now.”
“Already?” Rutherford blinked ceasing his high kicks. “But we were just starting to get into it.”
“A little too into it,” Mariner drawled finishing off her whiskey. “And I thought Klingon opera singers were hams.”
“Aw, lighten up, Mariner. We were just having a little fun,” Tendi pouted. “You’re just jealous that you didn’t think of it first.”
“Yeah,” Rutherford backed Tendi up. “I bet you were dying to join us the whole time.”
“I most certainly was not,” Mariner huffed. “Especially for a ridiculous, sappy number like that.”
“Really?” Rutherford gave her a look. “I’d like to see you do better.”
“Oh yeah? Watch this!” Mariner hiccupped and drunkenly climbed onto the worktable. “Yahoo, yahoo! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Alright! Go Mariner! Wohoo!” Tendi cheered.
“We serve and protect! We kick butt and we fight! Whatever puts on a show!” Mariner made several inebriated fighting moves. “While all in the name of doing what is right! With hands or with torpedoes!”
“Huh, I’ve never heard any Starfleet job description phrased that way before,” Rutherford blinked.
“Wahoo, wahoo! A Starfleet life for me!” Mariner sang and pranced around. “We scan and we study, archive and survey! Boring old stellar bodies! Blow up a few moons and then call it a day! While drinking ale and toddies!”
“Yeah!” Tendi and Rutherford joined in the chorus. “Make it so, make it so! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Ha!” Mariner kicked her empty whiskey bottle aside. “We battle the Breen, Gorn and Borg Collective! And enemy of the week! All while upholding the great Prime Directive! As new life and new civs we seek!”
“Yay!” Tendi and Rutherford leapt up and joined Mariner on the table. “We unravel the cosmos’ vast mysteries! Planets, rifts, black holes and stars! Explore strange new worlds and meet all new species! From Acamar III to Zetar!”
“Wahoo!” Mariner whooped draping her arms around her two friend’s shoulders. “Engage, engage! A Starfleet life for me!”
“We strive to maintain Starfleet’s rich history!” Tendi beamed. “Building on what we’ve been taught!”
“While working to better all humanity!” Rutherford grinned. “Whether it wants to or not!”
“Yeah!” Mariner hooted kicking up her heels. “Yahoo, yahoo! A Starfleet life for me!”
“Ensign Mariner,” Captain Freeman strode into the Repair Bay. “I’ve been thinking, you’ve been working relatively hard lately. Perhaps you should take a month or two of leave time and…what the devil is going on here?!”
“Yahoo, yahoo! A Starfleet life for me!” The three ensigns laughed and happily danced about the tabletop.
“Never mind,” Freeman did an immediate about-face and quickly walked away. “I don’t want to know!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks or the songs "Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee" or "Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life for Me)".
