Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
Note: This story takes place right after the opening teaser of the episode "Temporal Edict".
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Jefferies Tubes! Jefferies Tubes! Jefferies Tubes!
“Well that was a bust,” Boimler trudged off the stage cradling the broken remains of his acoustic violin. “Literally.”
“Eh, easy come, easy go,” Mariner shrugged knocking back a drink. “Critics break musician’s instruments all the time. It’s not like you can’t just replicate another one.”
“I thought you played very nice,” Tendi smiled at Boimler encouragingly. “Oooh, look! Rutherford’s about to perform.”
“Uh, hi everybody,” Rutherford waved nervously and pulled at his uniform collar. “Um, here I am. Happy to be here.”
“What’s he going to do?” Boimler asked skeptically. “He doesn’t have an instrument.”
“Okay,” Rutherford took a deep breath and braced himself. “This number is dedicated to my one true love.”
“Huh, I thought you said Rutherford decided not to go out with Ensign Barnes anymore,” Mariner glanced at Tendi.
“He did. I wonder who he’s talking about…” Tendi trailed off as music began to play over the bar’s comm system at a modest decibel level.
“Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Don't you know everyone loves the tubes?” Rutherford began to skip around the stage.
“What the?” Boimler gaped at his friend in surprise.
“O-kay,” Tendi’s eyes widened in shock. “I can honestly say I was not expecting this.”
“Man, what the heck was Rutherford drinking before he went on?” Mariner blinked at the sight. “Whatever it was, I want some!”
“People say the bridge is the place to be!” Rutherford smiled twirling around. “But it’s Jefferies’ tubes for me!”
“See, I told you the bridge was lame,” Mariner smirked at Boimler.
“He didn’t say the bridge was lame!” Boimler hissed. “He just prefers spending time in boring old maintenance conduits instead of being where the action is.”
“They don’t seem so boring to me,” Tendi smiled bopping her head to the beat. “Maybe I should consider submitting a transfer to Engineering.”
“Tuning grids! Tweaking amps! Fighting off the near-constant leg cramps!” Rutherford’s eyes twinkled happily. “Treated to a front row seat to the ship’s own acoustics! Serenaded by the resonating coils’ harmonics! While running a set of Level Four diagnostics! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes!”
“Yay! Go Rutherford!” Tendi cheered. “Keep it up! Yeah!”
“I have to admit, Rutherford is making the Jefferies tubes sound a lot more appealing,” Boimler blinked.
“Sounds more like Rutherford could use a nice long vacation,” Mariner quipped. “Like to the Tantalus colony or the Federation’s psychiatric facilities on Elba II.”
“Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Don't you know everyone loves the tubes?” Rutherford beamed becoming more and more energetic. “The deflector dish and warp core are fine! But Jefferies tubes are sublime!”
“Hey! The warp core is plenty sublime!” Boimler protested.
“He didn’t say it wasn’t,” Mariner pointed out. “Didn’t say it was either.”
“I know what I’m finding sublime,” Tendi grinned at the performance. “Oooh, I wish I had a recording of this!”
“Don’t worry. We’ll get a copy from the ship’s internal visual logs later,” Mariner grinned getting another drink. “Stuff like this just demands to be preserved!”
“Wielding tools of all types! Surrounded by GNDN pipes!” Rutherford zipped around like an accelerated Scalosian. “On every starship, station, runabout and starbase! There are easy access crawlways running through the whole place! The greatest works of art that every flew into space! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes!”
“Okay, I think Rutherford is starting to get a little too into this,” Tendi blinked as Rutherford began to ham it up onstage.
“That’s it. We have got to get that guy a date,” Mariner rolled her eyes.
“Something tells me that will be a non-issue after this,” Boimler sighed.
“Jefferies tubes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah!” Rutherford cackled thrusting his fists into the air. “Jefferies tubes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah! Jefferies tubes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah!”
“And to think the captain complained about my performance,” Boimler moaned.
“Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tuuuuuubes!” Rutherford ended with a flourish. He then realized everyone was gaping at him in complete silence. “Uh…”
“Bravo! Yeah! Alright!” The entire bar suddenly whooped and broke out in applause. “Way to go, Rutherford! You da man!”
“What?!” Boimler gaped at the unanimous ovation. “Are you people serious?”
“Hey, what did you expect serving on an engineering-focused utility support ship?” Mariner gave him a look.
“Aw, thanks guys,” Rutherford smiled modestly.
“Yay! Whoo hoo!” Tendi gave a loud wolf-whistle.
“What the heck is going on down here?” Captain Freeman stormed into the room looking annoyed. “I thought I told Shaxs to make you keep the noise level down!”
“Bridge to Captain Freeman,” Commander Ransom was heard over the ship’s comm.
“Yes, what is it?” Freeman tapped her combadge.
“Ah, we seem to have suffered a slight communication error,” Ransom coughed. “Somehow a channel was opened originating from the ship’s bar and broadcast directly to the Klingon bird-of-prey.”
“Uh oh,” Rutherford gulped. “I must have accidentally cross-linked my command to cue the background music with the ship’s external communication relays.”
“The Klingon ship is hailing us, Captain,” Ransom went on. “Should I have it routed down there?”
“Oh boy. Yes, pipe it through,” Freeman rubbed her forehead and braced herself. “Captain Orruq. I apologize for the sudden and completely unauthorized transmission of…”
“leH DuSmey! leH DuSmey! DuSmey parmaq Hoch DaSovQo’a?” A rousing chorus of Klingon voices roared over the comm.
“What the heck?” Everyone in the bar winced at the noise.
“Captain Freeman,” Captain Orruq boomed over the channel. “Your crewman’s unorthodox operatic rendition was magnificent!”
“WHAT?!” Boimler, Mariner and Freeman gasped.
“He has already inspired my entire engineering department to rapidly perform their duties at beyond peak efficiency,” Orruq went on. “They have even solved the intense bass issue with our communication system. Looks like I will not be executing them for incompetence after all!”
“Gee, guess engineers really are alike no matter what species they are,” Mariner quipped.
“Engineers are already their own species,” Boimler rolled his eyes. “They have a culture, language and thought process no one else understands.”
“Sounds like a perfect example of interspecies unity to me,” Tendi chirped.
“Vocally endowed Federation crewman. I commend your rare operatic talents,” Orruq could be heard grinning over the comm. “Keep up the good work! Qapla’!”
“Qapla’!” The entire crew aboard the Klingon bird-of-prey roared.
“Aw, thanks Klingons!” Rutherford blushed.
“Have I mentioned how much I love talent shows?” Mariner snickered.
“I have got to get myself another ship,” Freeman groaned.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks or the song "Make 'Em Laugh".
Note: This story takes place right after the opening teaser of the episode "Temporal Edict".
--------------------------------------
Jefferies Tubes! Jefferies Tubes! Jefferies Tubes!
“Well that was a bust,” Boimler trudged off the stage cradling the broken remains of his acoustic violin. “Literally.”
“Eh, easy come, easy go,” Mariner shrugged knocking back a drink. “Critics break musician’s instruments all the time. It’s not like you can’t just replicate another one.”
“I thought you played very nice,” Tendi smiled at Boimler encouragingly. “Oooh, look! Rutherford’s about to perform.”
“Uh, hi everybody,” Rutherford waved nervously and pulled at his uniform collar. “Um, here I am. Happy to be here.”
“What’s he going to do?” Boimler asked skeptically. “He doesn’t have an instrument.”
“Okay,” Rutherford took a deep breath and braced himself. “This number is dedicated to my one true love.”
“Huh, I thought you said Rutherford decided not to go out with Ensign Barnes anymore,” Mariner glanced at Tendi.
“He did. I wonder who he’s talking about…” Tendi trailed off as music began to play over the bar’s comm system at a modest decibel level.
“Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Don't you know everyone loves the tubes?” Rutherford began to skip around the stage.
“What the?” Boimler gaped at his friend in surprise.
“O-kay,” Tendi’s eyes widened in shock. “I can honestly say I was not expecting this.”
“Man, what the heck was Rutherford drinking before he went on?” Mariner blinked at the sight. “Whatever it was, I want some!”
“People say the bridge is the place to be!” Rutherford smiled twirling around. “But it’s Jefferies’ tubes for me!”
“See, I told you the bridge was lame,” Mariner smirked at Boimler.
“He didn’t say the bridge was lame!” Boimler hissed. “He just prefers spending time in boring old maintenance conduits instead of being where the action is.”
“They don’t seem so boring to me,” Tendi smiled bopping her head to the beat. “Maybe I should consider submitting a transfer to Engineering.”
“Tuning grids! Tweaking amps! Fighting off the near-constant leg cramps!” Rutherford’s eyes twinkled happily. “Treated to a front row seat to the ship’s own acoustics! Serenaded by the resonating coils’ harmonics! While running a set of Level Four diagnostics! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes!”
“Yay! Go Rutherford!” Tendi cheered. “Keep it up! Yeah!”
“I have to admit, Rutherford is making the Jefferies tubes sound a lot more appealing,” Boimler blinked.
“Sounds more like Rutherford could use a nice long vacation,” Mariner quipped. “Like to the Tantalus colony or the Federation’s psychiatric facilities on Elba II.”
“Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Don't you know everyone loves the tubes?” Rutherford beamed becoming more and more energetic. “The deflector dish and warp core are fine! But Jefferies tubes are sublime!”
“Hey! The warp core is plenty sublime!” Boimler protested.
“He didn’t say it wasn’t,” Mariner pointed out. “Didn’t say it was either.”
“I know what I’m finding sublime,” Tendi grinned at the performance. “Oooh, I wish I had a recording of this!”
“Don’t worry. We’ll get a copy from the ship’s internal visual logs later,” Mariner grinned getting another drink. “Stuff like this just demands to be preserved!”
“Wielding tools of all types! Surrounded by GNDN pipes!” Rutherford zipped around like an accelerated Scalosian. “On every starship, station, runabout and starbase! There are easy access crawlways running through the whole place! The greatest works of art that every flew into space! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes!”
“Okay, I think Rutherford is starting to get a little too into this,” Tendi blinked as Rutherford began to ham it up onstage.
“That’s it. We have got to get that guy a date,” Mariner rolled her eyes.
“Something tells me that will be a non-issue after this,” Boimler sighed.
“Jefferies tubes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah!” Rutherford cackled thrusting his fists into the air. “Jefferies tubes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah! Jefferies tubes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah!”
“And to think the captain complained about my performance,” Boimler moaned.
“Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tubes! Jefferies tuuuuuubes!” Rutherford ended with a flourish. He then realized everyone was gaping at him in complete silence. “Uh…”
“Bravo! Yeah! Alright!” The entire bar suddenly whooped and broke out in applause. “Way to go, Rutherford! You da man!”
“What?!” Boimler gaped at the unanimous ovation. “Are you people serious?”
“Hey, what did you expect serving on an engineering-focused utility support ship?” Mariner gave him a look.
“Aw, thanks guys,” Rutherford smiled modestly.
“Yay! Whoo hoo!” Tendi gave a loud wolf-whistle.
“What the heck is going on down here?” Captain Freeman stormed into the room looking annoyed. “I thought I told Shaxs to make you keep the noise level down!”
“Bridge to Captain Freeman,” Commander Ransom was heard over the ship’s comm.
“Yes, what is it?” Freeman tapped her combadge.
“Ah, we seem to have suffered a slight communication error,” Ransom coughed. “Somehow a channel was opened originating from the ship’s bar and broadcast directly to the Klingon bird-of-prey.”
“Uh oh,” Rutherford gulped. “I must have accidentally cross-linked my command to cue the background music with the ship’s external communication relays.”
“The Klingon ship is hailing us, Captain,” Ransom went on. “Should I have it routed down there?”
“Oh boy. Yes, pipe it through,” Freeman rubbed her forehead and braced herself. “Captain Orruq. I apologize for the sudden and completely unauthorized transmission of…”
“leH DuSmey! leH DuSmey! DuSmey parmaq Hoch DaSovQo’a?” A rousing chorus of Klingon voices roared over the comm.
“What the heck?” Everyone in the bar winced at the noise.
“Captain Freeman,” Captain Orruq boomed over the channel. “Your crewman’s unorthodox operatic rendition was magnificent!”
“WHAT?!” Boimler, Mariner and Freeman gasped.
“He has already inspired my entire engineering department to rapidly perform their duties at beyond peak efficiency,” Orruq went on. “They have even solved the intense bass issue with our communication system. Looks like I will not be executing them for incompetence after all!”
“Gee, guess engineers really are alike no matter what species they are,” Mariner quipped.
“Engineers are already their own species,” Boimler rolled his eyes. “They have a culture, language and thought process no one else understands.”
“Sounds like a perfect example of interspecies unity to me,” Tendi chirped.
“Vocally endowed Federation crewman. I commend your rare operatic talents,” Orruq could be heard grinning over the comm. “Keep up the good work! Qapla’!”
“Qapla’!” The entire crew aboard the Klingon bird-of-prey roared.
“Aw, thanks Klingons!” Rutherford blushed.
“Have I mentioned how much I love talent shows?” Mariner snickered.
“I have got to get myself another ship,” Freeman groaned.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks or the song "Make 'Em Laugh".
