Star Trek: Lincoln 5 (A new series)

[General_Seth]

Welcome to the Gamma Quadrant,
The year is 2395. Lincoln 5, an experimental starship made by starfleet, has begun it's mission, to travel all the way across the Gamma Quadrant, using the Bajoran Wormhole, to search new civilizations and explore it. Recently, the races of the Dominion have split up and have become their own empires which makes exploring the Gamma Quadrant easier and less hectic. Under the command of Captain Phillip J Kirk, great-great grand nephew of the legendary James T Kirk. This journey will take him and the crew of Lincoln 5 on a journey like no other. This journey, will introduce new species, new allies and new enemies. These are the voyages, of Lincoln 5....​

 

[General_Seth]

Episode 1: A Journey Begins
Chapter 1​

June 12th, 2395.
Location, Bajoran Wormhole.​

Today is a day that will be remembered throughout history. Today, Lincoln 5, an experimental vessel designed by Starfleet, will begin it's journey through the Gamma Quadrant. Sitting in the captains chair, was a tall man, with short brown hair, this was Phillip J Kirk, Lincoln 5's captain.
"Sir!" called out a Frengi crew member. This was Lt Gallman, whose is on his first assignment.
"What is it esign?" Phillip asked in curiosity.
"We have an in coming messsage." Gallman responded. Gallman had a nervous look on his face. Lately Starfleet has been considering cancelling the mission.
"Put it on view screen." ordered Phillip, he wondered who it was. On the view screen stood a Vulcan man how had apperead to be very old.
"Ambassador Spock." Phillip stumbled. Ambassador Spock had worked with great great grand uncle, the legenday James T Kirk.
"Hello Captain Kirk." Spock said in the usual emotionaless Vulcan way.
He continued, "I just want to say, I wish the best of luck to you and your crew. Live long and prosper", Spock made the Vucan and jesture and Phillip gave the gesture back, he smiled.
"You too." Phill responded. The view screen switched off. The crew continued their jobs as Phillip sat in his chair.
"Captain, I think we'e ready to begin enter the wormhole!" called out Lt Gallman.
"Excellent." said Phillip, the excitment made his blood pressure rise. He could not wait to explore the Gamma Quadrant. He looked around the bridge. He prepared himself, as Lincoln 5 entered the wormhole.​

 

[sojourner]

Your first 2 sentences, who is speaking them? It seems strange for the narrator to tell us that this will be a day remembered throughout history. Why not have Jake Sisko make these comments as part of a special commentary on the launch ceremony?

You keep switching from present tense to past tense, some times in the same sentence such as:

This was Lt Gallman, whose is on his first assignment.

I recommend staying in past tense.

So, is Gallman an ensign or a Lieutenant? Is Phillip J. Kirk any relation to Phillip J Frye from Futurama? Seeing as this is a federation ship, shouldn't it be called the USS Lincoln 5?

Keep going though. I want to read more.

 

[General_Seth]

I hadn't noticed the eisign thing until you pointed it out. I'll have to work on the things you pointed out.

 

[Alpha Romeo]

Spell check would help too...

 

[hellsgate]

General Seth:

I like the idea. Though I'd have a few paragraphs about the crew first. "Lincoln 5" should be a heavy shuttle, rather than the ship itself. See the link below. I wouldn't go with an experimental vessel either. I'd go with baby-steps toward the Gamma Quadrant as Starfleet & the A.Q. Alliance have no way of being too entirely certain about ~anything~. I'd go with one of Starfleet's first three year missions since their re-dedication to ENT/TOS-era expeditions. I'd go with a few Pandora-Class freighters that have been given Whorfin-Class warp-capability & armed them with scarcely sufficient Nova-Class grade armor, torpedoes and phasers. Maybe a few Mothball Fleet vessels like Loknar-Class explorers. A "Partner Vessel" or two from the A.Q. Alliance such as a Cardassian Galor-Class military escort.
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http://www.geocities.com/trekwriter31/PandoraClass_BW.JPG
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http://wiki.tf-575.com/images/f/f4/Xenon.png
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I'd have your story set among a small convoy of displaced Cardassians, Humans and other refugees, dissidents, et al. resulting from The Dominion War. Starfleet Command has noted a compatible yet already-inhabited system near Idran, and contacted the local indigenous warp-faring government. The Government has have agreed to allow A.Q. Alliance residents into their solar system, as Hortas will be useful in extracting difficult to obtain minerals in rough regions of each of the M/N-Class worlds in the system.

I wouldn't make your crew entirely Human. Add a few Tellarites, Vulcans, Deltans, Edoans/Edosians, Andorians, Klingons, a Horta or two, Binars, and even a Medusan in a specially-built Soong-type android body (as this is set in the early/mid 2390's.) Correct?



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Stardate: 72445.6649543381
Old Calendar Date: June 12 2395
Location: Deep Space 9 - Bajoran Sector
Commanding Officer: Kirk, Phillip J.
U.S.S. Nairobi
Ship Class: Pandora-Class Freighter
Registry: NFT 5210
Starfleet Transport Command Flagship

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Acting C.O. Kirk sat in a bay-style window in the freighter's replimat to thumbprint, (authorizing or confirming-reciept-of,) the first few pages of necessary requisitions and personnel logs as DS9 panned by him to his right.
"Today is a day that will be remembered throughout history. Today, the Nairobi will begin it's journey through the Gamma Quadrant."
"Sir!" called out a Ferengi crew member. Lieutenant Gallman - appointed to the Nairobi on his first assignment.
"What is it, Ensign?" Phillip asked in curiosity.
"We have an incoming message." Gallman responded. Gallman had a nervous look on his face. Starfleet had been considering scrubbing the mission. Using the standard wrist-comm of Starfleet's Transport Command uniform, he accessed 'Communications'.
"Bridge - this is Captain Kirk, I'll take the message here."
"Aye." The Edosian at Communications blinked out from the tiny wrist-comm on Kirk's wrist, momentarily replaced by the wreath & starfield of the United Federation of Planets logo accompanied by the words, 'Stand By'.
He wondered who it was. On the view screen stood a Vulcan man of advanced age.
"Ambassador Spock." Phillip stumbled. Ambassador Spock had worked with a legendary predecessor/ancestor of his, one James Tiberius Kirk.
"Hello Captain Kirk." Spock said in typically stoic manner.
He continued, "I just want to say, I wish the best of luck to you and your crew. Live long and prosper", Spock made the Vulcan gesture and Phillip gave the gesture back, he smiled.
"You too." Phill responded. The viewscreen switched off. Tucking his PADD in his carry-all, he approached the tiny turbolift and asked for the bridge.
The crew continued their jobs as Phillip sat in his chair.
"Captain. Communications reports the convoy's assuming launch position." called out Lt Gallman.
"Excellent." said Phillip, the excitement made his blood pressure rise. He could not wait to explore the Gamma Quadrant. He prepared himself, as the convoy provoked the Celestial Temple to blossom and embrace their approach.