Someone Ate Pulaski

[Oddish]

Someone Ate Pulaski
A poem by Oddish

With no apologies whatsoever to Shel Silverstein. Because this poem may be appalling, but the one by him that it's based upon is worse!

Someone ate Pulaski
She did not report today.
Someone ate Pulaski
There's no doctor in Sickbay.
So even though we stop and hark,
We will not hear a smart remark
Delivered with her wonted snark.
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski,
It's truly sad to mention.
Someone ate Pulaski;
She will give no more dissention.
We'll never hear her mocking Data
Or calling him mere automata.
He's more than just a calculat-ah!
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski,
It's absolutely plain.
Someone ate Pulaski;
That's a doctor down the drain.
She did not tell us when she left.
And not one crewman feels bereft,
Despite the fact that she was deft
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski
What a nasty, awful snack!
Someone ate Pulaski,
So a doctor we now lack.
We'll have to contact Beverly
Have Jean-Luc say: "Return to me!
We need a doc for Season Three."
Someone ate Pulaski.

Someone ate Pulaski,
And her massive attitude.
Someone ate Pulaski,
Though a doctor isn't food.
I'll solve this mystery on the double;
T'was Wesley's static warping bubble
That opened without any trouble,
And gobbled up Pulaski.

 

[Bynar0110]

That's sounds much worse than falling down an elevator shaft.

 

[Oddish]

It's worse than you think... the warp bubble reality generated by her thoughts didn't have everyone on the Enterprise disappearing... instead, they all turned into androids, a la "A Fistful of Datas".

 

[somebuddyX]

Love it! The rhythm of the rhyming reminds me of a song but I can't think of it what it was. I was singing this song a bit like They Might Be Giants version of "Istanbul Not Constantinople"

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

I liked Pulaski more than Crusher - what an attitude!

Riot of a poem! Thanks!! rbs

 

[Bynar0110]

Falling down an elevator shaft, is a reference to the infamous episode of LA Law where where Diana Muldaur's character, Rosalind Shays, walks into an empty elevator shaft, falling to her death.

 

[Oddish]

I saw that. One minute, she's just talking, an everyday conversation about her personal relationship with a co-worker, then she turns into an elevator and... bye-bye.

And believe me when I say, I liked Pulaski better too. Were I a crewman on the Enterprise, I would feel bereft at her loss. But it just rhymed better that way.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Weird...but well written. What's the original poem?

 

[Oddish]

"Dreadful" by Shel Silverstein, who also wrote the lyrics to "A Boy Named Sue", the well-loved story "The Giving Tree", and a number of books of poetry.

Here's a link... but don't say I didn't warn you.
https://allpoetry.com/Dreadful