Some fan species of mine

[ImperatorZal]

Hello all! I'm new to this forum, and I actually joined for help and constructive criticism on a fanfic that I'm writing ATM. BTW I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post.

A major divergence from canon in my fic is that there is an additional political entity in the Beta Quadrant, called the Shizari Empire. This empire rules over three species, spread out over a relatively modest region of space: the Shizari, the Channekh, and the Lluorsi.

The Shizari are a humanoid race who are physically distinguished by their blue, grey, purple, green, or pink skin, darker spots and stripes on said skin, large, pointed ears, and dark hair, which they often braid jewelry or flowers into. Hailing from the jungle planet of Shizar Prime, their culture prizes the arts, scientific pursuits, and coexistence with nature.

The Channekh are a hexapodal, bipedal race of intelligent reptomammals that come from a neighboring star system to the Shizari. Adapted to the harsh conditions of their desert homeworld of Channarai, they have adopted a martial ethos.

The Lluorsi are from a high gravity world, and are some of the best engineers that the Quadrant has ever known. Their society is largely based on subterranean megacities.

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

Sounds like you have some great critter design. Most of the writers here, myself included, have created new critters (some intelligent and spacefaring) to enhance our various Trekverses - most notably Galen4 and Gibraltar (who I think is the reigning king of critter design.)

Star Trek Hunter includes a few such as the green-bellied chucklehorn, the giant waterbirds of Cophus II, the (extinct) gamorlan, Trillian sporthogs, and the shadowhounds of Avredega.

Looking forward to seeing where you go with yours.

Thanks!! rbs

 

[Bynar0110]

Welcome to forum ImperatorZal. I'm looking forward to reading your fanfic.

 

[ImperatorZal]

I'll reply with the Shizari Empire's domestic politics and foreign relations, just in case anyone's curious.

The Empire is a constitutional monarchy, with both an Empress and a "Grand Assembly" of clergy and clan heads that check her power. The Shizari themselves used to be hardcore "manifest destiny" types, but are now trying to turn a new leaf, with the Shizari even granting the Channekh and Lluorsi substantial political autonomy.

As for foreign relations, the Shizari Empire is an emerging regional power in the Beta Quadrant. As such, they have had some form of history with basically all of their neighbors. They have been at war on an "on and off" basis with both the Klingons and the Gorn for nearly two centuries, as of the time period of my fic (TNG/DS9-era), but they have a much better relationship with the United Federation of Planets. During first contact with the UFP, Shizari historians wrote especially highly of the Vulcans and Trill.

Thoughts?

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

Thoughts?

Looking forward to seeing these ideas fleshed out in story form. You might start with a few un-related short stories and sketches to build them out - like a federation cultural analyst visiting one of their colonies - or a cultural ambassador bringing a group of shizari, channekh and lluorsi to a federation colony to provide a martial arts demonstration. Or a joint shizari/federation rescue mission dealing with a romulan freighter in distress.

There is some similarity with CeJay's krellonians and your shizari. One way CeJay got us closer to understanding the krellonians was to have a krellonian ex-patriot join Star Fleet as a leading character. (His aunt, a power in krellonian intelligence, becomes a recurring frenemy...)

In terms of spatial relationships, I think a lot of writers (and map designers) forget that the Milky Way exists in 3 spatial dimensions and at our point in the spiral arm is 1,000 light years deep. There's a lot more room for civilizations to claim spatial regions than appears on the average Star Trek star chart.

Thanks!! rbs

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

I haven't written anything for them, but here are mine: Serenith

https://www.trekbbs.com/threads/star-trek-frontier-planet-colony-show.312325/

 

[ImperatorZal]

I haven't written anything for them, but here are mine: Serenith

https://www.trekbbs.com/threads/star-trek-frontier-planet-colony-show.312325/

Interesting!

 

[admiralelm11]

I've used Roylans from the Kelvin Universe in the Prime Universe. In fact, one of them is my avatar.

 

[ImperatorZal]

Ok so I just had one of those moments where a more interesting narrative possibility presents itself within my head, but at the cost of changing everything that I thought I had established.

Basically, I'm thinking about having the Shizari take on a more adversarial role within the story, possessing a highly expansionist society that has enslaved the Channekh and Lluorsi. Without spoiling too much, the Channekh revolt and establish an independent Republic, which takes the Shizari Empire's place as a close ally of the UFP.

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

I'm thinking about having the Shizari take on a more adversarial role...

Definitely opens new narrative opportunities. You could have the Ferengi gleefully selling vast amounts of advanced weaponry to both sides... Disgraced former Cardassian soldiers hired as mercenaries having to coordinate with former Bajoran Resistance fighters (also hired as mercenaries...) Cardassian mercenaries hired by one side having to fight Cardassians hired by the other side...

And that's only the tip of the iceberg of possibilities that move would create for you.

Thanks!! rbs

 

[ImperatorZal]

Definitely opens new narrative opportunities. You could have the Ferengi gleefully selling vast amounts of advanced weaponry to both sides... Disgraced former Cardassian soldiers hired as mercenaries having to coordinate with former Bajoran Resistance fighters (also hired as mercenaries...) Cardassian mercenaries hired by one side having to fight Cardassians hired by the other side...

And that's only the tip of the iceberg of possibilities that move would create for you.

Thanks!! rbs

Thank you!! Honestly, the whole point about the Ferengi, Cardassians, and Bajorans getting involved didn't even occur to me at first, but now I'm definitely including it.

Honestly, the main reason I made this decision is because I realized that I invested much more worldbuilding and development into the Channekh, and I really don't want it all to go to waste.

Speaking of, would anyone like to hear about my worldbuilding ideas for this species? I've put some level of thought into everything about the Channekh, from their biology and history to their literature, art, and government.

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

Speaking of, would anyone like to hear about my worldbuilding ideas for this species? I've put some level of thought into everything about the Channekh, from their biology and history to their literature, art, and government.

You might want to reveal those within your story context. New ideas and congruencies, opportunities and flaws will come up as you build your story. The genesis of my STH series was the mushroom planet, which became the environment for Episode 7: The Great Mushroom. By the time I got around to writing that episode, I had made quite a few changes, including the idea that there was only one mushroom, it was intelligent and gave the people who lived inside it premonitions in their dreams.

If you lock down your environments too soon, they can handcuff your writing process. I'd recommend a more organic approach.

I also delayed publishing anything until I had the first 10 episodes (Year 1) of STH drafted, at which point I had a good idea where the story was going. At that point I went back and pretty much re-wrote that part backward and started drafting bits of the ending and key points in Years 2 and 3. Having 10 episodes in the bag before I started publishing gave me the opportunity to keep rewriting the as yet unpublished chapters while I was writing new material, keeping about 10 episodes ahead of my publishing. That allowed me to build a lot of foreshadowing back into the earlier chapters before I published them.

I don't think most writers here do that, though - I get the feeling that several writers pretty much publish each chapter or scene as they write it. Other writers will give you other advice.

Thanks!! rbs

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

One way you could jump start the process is to explore one of the environments through the eyes of, say, a Bajoran mercenary. What does she see when she first gets there? What is she told about things to seriously not do if she doesn't want to lose a paycheck (or her life)? She could see and hear any number of things and have no idea what they are or why they are there. Something she describes as a tree might later turn out to be some sort of cow. What she thinks is a porch might turn out to be a bedroom. Or an uncomfortably public bathroom.

Does she see signs of the occupation of this planet by the Shizari? What are those signs - flags? ships? prisons? bombed out buildings? mass graves? roads? mines? Has she been warned about some of the local wildlife? (In the Carolyn Kirk Savaak Wildlife Preserve on the Colony of Rising Sun, the green-bellied chucklehorn is a small, innocuous herbivore that is cute and quite friendly, but when startled, will kill you with a horrible poison delivered by its cranial horn. Do not feed or pet them. And stay off the grass - they can be quite territorial.)

This doesn't have to be part of your overall story, but it is a narrative way of discovering one of your environments from the POV of someone who is new to it and doesn't understand all of it. It can get you into the swing of writing your story instead of writing about it (a trap I've fallen into more than once.)

Thanks!! rbs

 

[ImperatorZal]

One last thing before I actually begin trying to write this thing: the topic(s) of power, corruption, and authoritarianism have always intrigued me as a writer, and the story that I want to tell is beginning to come together after I thought about these themes in the context of my story.

Basically, 30 years (roughly Star Trek: Online era) after the successful establishment of the Channekh Republic, a veteran of the Revolution (also the half-brother of one of my main characters) is elected President. Unbeknownst to basically everyone, he had previously struck a deal with several powerful Qeilumas (regional Channekh princes whose powers were reduced to ceremonial functions during and after the Shizari occupation) that they would back his absolute rule if he gave them their authority back. That scenario happens, and the President is crowned Emperor.

At this point, I do get a bit stuck. Robert Bruce Scott did give me some brilliant ideas regarding what happens during the Revolution (and I might still do a prequel story on it), but as for what the Federation/my Starfleet Channekh protagonist do about this event, I'm kind of still trying to figure that out.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

The split between them is due to differences over the governance of the planet, or more personal differences? Either way, the tension can be cut with a knife.

Maybe despite their ideological differences, the Starfleet one is accused of siding with their sibling/vice versa. It's not true, of course, on most issues. They're constantly having to distance themselves publicly while trying to become close privately.

 

[ImperatorZal]

The split between them is due to differences over the governance of the planet, or more personal differences? Either way, the tension can be cut with a knife.

Maybe despite their ideological differences, the Starfleet one is accused of siding with their sibling/vice versa. It's not true, of course, on most issues. They're constantly having to distance themselves publicly while trying to become close privately.

I was thinking more along the lines of my protagonist trying to do everything in his power to stop the fall of the Channekh Republic, but everything from bureaucracy to internal Channekh politics and clan rivalries keep getting in his way.

 

[Robert Bruce Scott]

everything from bureaucracy to internal Channekh politics and clan rivalries keep getting in his way.

The one thing you can count on is that the dictator will betray and subjugate those princes. Whether incompetent (Hitler) or supremely competent (Stalin) dictators seeking absolute power create polyocracy in which there are no clear lines of authority. This is deliberate so that all decisions have to be made by the dictator, preventing the princes and generals from building any sort of power centers that could pose a challenge.

I'm linking in a video of Christopher Hitchens telling the horrifying story of Saddam Hussein consolidating his power. This is a great study of what dictators are and do and Hitchens tells the story well. He was one of very few western journalists who travelled to Baghdad and interviewed Saddam Hussein in person while the dictator was at the height of his power.

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If you want to tell a blood-curdling tale, this video should serve as inspiration. Not only the story of the purge, but Hitchens' observations from his travels to Iraq to document Hussein's brutal dictatorship. Just the sheer daily terror of being an average citizen in Hussein's Iraq...

As for the story of the fall of democracy, watch the proceedings of the January 6 Select Committee. If any one of a half-dozen government officials had bent to Trump's pressure - If the Georgia Secretary of State had agreed to find those 11,780 votes - If Mike Pence had not told his Secret Service detail, "I'm not getting in that car..." If Trump's driver had taken him to the Capitol instead of the White House - If the Supreme Court had not refused to hear the election cases remanded to them - If a lone Capitol Police officer had not diverted the insurrectionists away from the Senators and Congressmen by baiting and taunting them. If any of those people had failed, we might right now have a dictator instead of a president.

A good candidate for your lone, frustrated hero would be Nancy Pelosi. Watch the video of her calmly and politely calling generals, the FBI, and governors, only to be told by each their hands were tied because they needed an order from the President. But she kept calling - and finally got the Governor of Virginia to send the state troopers. It's gripping video because she's an island of calm while everyone around her was losing their shit.

Thanks!! rbs