Justice has a name, and it's ...
...Judge Bonzie!
Now, here's your host, the one and only
T'Bonz!
T'Bonz: Good afternoon and welcome to the show. Today's plaintiff,
Asyncritus, claims that
Asyncritus wrongfully slandered him in Moderator Actions.
Asyncritus, on the other hand, maintains that the post in question was not slander at all because it was true. First, we'll hear from
Asyncritus. Please tell the court what happened the day of the incident in question.
Asyncritus: Well, Judge, I had just gotten up that morning to check the BBS when I found a "notify mod" message in my inbox. I was about to pop over to TNZ to see what was the matter when I noticed that there was an MA post by
Asyncritus showing up on the front page. Naturally, I was curious, since I knew I hadn't made any posts in MA recently enough to still show up on the front page. So I clicked on the forum, and what do I see? A post by
Asyncritus calling me a dirty, double-crossing scum-sucking son of a bitch!
Asyncritus: But HE --
T'Bonz: Quiet! You'll get your turn.
Asyncritus: See, Judge? This is what he's like! He always interrupts me, and then he starts calling me names too!
T'Bonz: Let's keep this trial on topic, please.
Asyncritus: Yes, your honor. Well, naturally, I responded.
T'Bonz: What did you say?
Asyncritus: Well, I called him a backstabbing whoremonger. Then some of the people from TNZ piled into the thread and started beating on me, and by the time it was over
Neroon had had to use the fire hose to clear everybody out -- but I still received no apology from
Asyncritus!
T'Bonz: And
Asynritus, what's your version of the story?
Asyncritus: Well, first of all, the reason I called him a dirty, double-crossing scum-sucking son of a bitch is because he and his hooligan buddies ganged up on me in QS&F.
T'Bonz: His hooligan buddies?
Asyncritus: Yes --
Asyncritus,
Asyncritus and
Asyncritus. Those four have done nothing but bully me ever since I came on staff.
Asyncritus: That is NOT true, your honor!
T'Bonz: Shhhh!
Asyncritus: But your honor --
T'Bonz: DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE, MISTER!
Asyncritus: Yes, ma'am.
T'Bonz: So you say these four were ganging up on you? Was it just you?
Asyncritus: No, not at first.
Asyncritus stood up for me, God bless his soul. But I haven't heard from him since
Asyncritus took him out back that one night with a baseball bat.
Asyncritus: I object, your honor!
Asyncritus: He doesn't want the truth to come out, your honor! He's afraid!
Asyncritus: Oh please! You wouldn't know the truth if it threw a glass of Klingon blood wine in your face!
T'Bonz: ENOUGH!!! I'm handing out one official warning to each of you for confusing the heck out of this court. Court is adjourned!
Now, let's go to our studio audience to see what they think about how Judge T'Bonz handled this case. What do you think, sir?
Asyncritus: Well, I think he had it coming.
Coming up next on Judge Bonzie: You won't believe who's suing Kass for sexual harassment!
(Cut to commercial)
Oh well, it'll do. 
