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Post ridiculous summaries of actual things

LitmusDragon

Commodore
Commodore
The Beatles:
The Beatles were four lads from Liverpool, England who decided that they wanted to do what Elvis was doing. So they taught themselves to play guitar and moved to Hamburg, Germany where they played cover songs for two years while taking large amounts of amphetamines. Returning to England, they met Brian Epstein who convinced them to wear suits. This plus a number of hit songs led to their being famous. Later they rebelled against their popular image and wrote songs about the peace movement, but by then they were so popular that people continued to listen to them anyway. They were mostly famous for their mop top hair and tall boots, except for John Lennon, who is famous for breaking up the band with Yoko Ono.

Star Trek:
Star Trek was an idea invented by Gene Roddenberry.
It premiered in 1966 and was largely hated except by some convention types. Later it was tried again and was more successful once the captain went bald. Star Trek often features robots and people who look like elves but they aren't. It also featured William Shatner who is the most awesome force in the universe. The most widely impossible technology in Star Trek is the transporter which in real life could never beam anything anywhere. The Star Trek communicator has been attributed to starting the cell phone, but that's impossible because Alexander Graham Bell wasn't around then.

Communism:
Communism was an idea invented by Karl Marx. At first it was proposed to mean that everyone should be wealthy, but was later amended to only certain people. Communism gave the US a reason to hold hearings in the 1950s. It is also widely attributed to bringing socialized health care to Canada. The only Communists living now are those in the pork-bearing fast food countries. Communism taught us to hate the color pink, or maybe it was red, but either way, it was some kind of color. Communism killed Apollo Creed in the fourth Rocky movie.
 
the trekbbs is the worlds largest Star Trek board boasting a membership of some several thousand nerds. Actual series personalities, such a s Ron Moore, William Shatner, Denise Crosby, Wil Wheaton never register or post here. The board is run by a woman in a black, witch-like costume from Florida and oversees Moderators from around the world. Mostly from America though. If you hurt other nerds with your Klingon words you will receive points that cause you to disappear for a weekend or more. The board broke in 2002 and then turned a gray color. The board is owned by a foreigner, but not Mick Jones. Membership is declining due to Enterprise. trekbbs has smilies that resemble drunks and devils.
 
A disk of bread, topped with mashed fruit, curdled milk, sliced fungus, and ground up bits of dead animals.


That's my summary of a pizza with cheese, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Tomatoes are a fruit, y'know.
 
Captain America is the most awesome man in the world because he goes around smacking people with his boomerang shield, putting right everything wrong, communist, fascist and unjust in the world. Despite being 80 years old, he still looks good. Aside from those goofy wings on his mask. And the stupid curled over boot tops.
 
the trekbbs is the worlds largest Star Trek board boasting a membership of some several thousand nerds. Actual series personalities, such a s Ron Moore, William Shatner, Denise Crosby, Wil Wheaton never register or post here. The board is run by a woman in a black, witch-like costume from Florida and oversees Moderators from around the world. Mostly from America though. If you hurt other nerds with your Klingon words you will receive points that cause you to disappear for a weekend or more. The board broke in 2002 and then turned a gray color. The board is owned by a foreigner, but not Mick Jones. Membership is declining due to Enterprise. trekbbs has smilies that resemble drunks and devils.

I know this is totally out of turn but did you say due to Enterprise??? it's been 6 years since it was cancelled!, 10 since it started! Holding a bit of a grudge aren't we? ;)

Maybe I can contribute to this thread...

Purism - Philosophical doctrine that embraces a static, status quo approach to creativity, progress, change, and life ;)
 
I know this is totally out of turn but did you say due to Enterprise??? it's been 6 years since it was cancelled!, 10 since it started! Holding a bit of a grudge aren't we? ;)
Fear not, John O - In the Enterprise years, I was a weekly and regular uber-fan who participated in practically every single (JohnM) "Enterprise running commentary" thread of the series. And that was back when all I had was dial-up. In fact, I got cable internet BECAUSE of Enterprise. Now that's NX-01 lovin' :mallory:
 
Star Wars:
A sheltered farm kid with daddy issues goes on an adventure with a creepy old man, with the help of a cowboy and his hairy partner.
 
Prequel Star Wars:

A whiny ungrateful prodigy with mommy issues destroys democracy and liberty because he had a nightmare.
 
Avatar: A famous auteur spent almost a decade writing a story about robot suits and blue people fucking each other with their hair. He filmed it, and enough people liked it that it made over one billion dollars.

Star Trek, "And The Children Shall Lead": One of the most important and innovative trial lawyers who ever lived achieved his greatest lasting fame for wearing a shiny mumu and being creepy around children.
 
(Inspired by a news report in the Hitler house thread.)

Adolf Hitler: A former artist, Hitler was elected Chancellor of Germany in 1933 and began a program of economic and political reforms that saw the country return to growth. Referred to by the German people as Führer, Hitler went to war with Europe's two major colonial powers in a conflict that led to the end of their discriminatory empires, and he attempted to overthrow the repressive communist regime in Russia. He was also involved in a war with the United States, a country that was attempting to develop nuclear weapons for use on civilians.

Hitler is remembered affectionately by thousands of comedy writers that enjoy poking fun at his soaring rhetoric and his appearance, particularly his trademark moustache.
 
Coca Cola - A century old caustic, sugar-chocked, carcinogen marketed especially for children and alcoholics.

Deadly to lab rats, "Coke" is a black, carbonated liquid that has a harsh, painful bite when ingested and promotes both tooth and stomach lining decay. A copper penny dropped in a sparkling, ice filled Coke will dissolve in mere minutes. Coke is therefore canned in protective aluminum which, not unlike human intestine, is less likely than copper to melt upon contact with this popular libation.

In the 1970s, advertisements depicted hoards of smelly, draft dodging hippies trying to teach the world to sing on poppy filled mountaintops in perfect harmony.
 
Star Trek Voyager:
This is a television series about a group of humans and aleins who live inside of a large peice of metal that floats through space. At the start of the series strange circumstances pluck the ship out of it's previous location and put it in a new far away location. The denizens of this floating metal container are very concerned and particular about the location of their container and -- unpleased with their new where-abouts -- decide to spend the rest of their lives re-locating their space-faring habitat back to where it was.

The X-Files:
This is a long-running television documentary series from the 90's. It detailed the numerous amounts of monsters, creatures, aleins, and paranormal occurances that exist in our natural world. Our learning experience is guided by two narrators; Mulder, and Scully. Mulder is a very caring man who takes care of Scully due to her fragile mental health and the fact she is in a delusional state and unable to accept the reality of the world around her. Later on, when that burden became too hard to bear, the two were replaced with other characters and continued the documentary series until it's end.
 
Golf: Walking miles in the rain with people you don't really like, whilst trying to hit a small ball into a hole.

Invented by retailers to sell ridiculous clothes that no-one else will wear, which is why the players hide in bunkers so no-one will see them so embarressingly dressed.

Also allows the misled pensioner to squander money on 'needless golfing essentials' in order to get away from the wife/husband for a few hours whilst wishing they had just bought a shed and hid at the bottom of the garden with a radio, a bottle of wine and a good book.

Also used as an excuse for 'networking' and getting the afternoon away from the office. NB ~ most golf caddys now have a pocket for the midway 'refreshment'.

Does provide the occasional bonus of winning the round and collecting 'The Pound' from the other 3 and buying the celebratory drinks which cost much more ~ one day they will realise this :rolleyes:

Has reached the stage where it is so boring they have now invented 'night golf' where you play with fluorescent balls and the course is lit up at some points ~ beware, some have not returned. Or have just run away...
 
Batman

After witnessing the murder of his parents, Bruce Wayne develops dissociative identity disorder. In his environment of absolute luxury, devoid of practical responsibility, Bruce's mental illness flowers. With military hardware funded by his all but unlimited wealth, Bruce's alter ego, Batman, becomes an expression of his subconscious desire to seek revenge for his parents' murder. Disguised as Batman, Bruce terrorizes the undesirables of Gotham City, routinely depriving alleged criminals of their civil rights, often inflicting physical injury, while the Gotham City police commissioner looks the other way. In due course, Bruce develops an interest in young boys, and later in life, in young girls.
 
Chicken (n):

Comical yet tasty bird native to KFC. Unprocessed form resembles miniture baseball mascot. May lay eggs, unless actually a cock - if so, cook the bastard. Known associates include Goosely Loosey and chips. May be eaten both before and after it lives; consumption during life not recommended. Taste described as similar to all known foods, particularly newly sampled types.

Unusually invested in reaching the other side, yet remains less committed than the pig, being merely "involved". Long-running dispute with egg over precedence. Beware: what first appears a chicken may in fact be evil manifest. Known relatives include the turkey, the partridge (but not Alan Partridge), yellowbellies and other cowards, and The Transhuman Condition. Known subspecies include the Nugget and the Kiev. Distant relative of Tyrannosaurus, though marginally less impressive. Established psychological disorder concerning collapse of sky. Also hypnotized by straight lines.

May be farmed or played; the latter more controversial. Beware oversized version - may wear disguise to look like human guys, but is not a man, is a chicken boo.

See also:

Chicken, Bucket of
Chicken, Mike the Headless
Chicken, Rubber
 
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