Original sin: technobabble

[martok2112]

Photon torpedoes....
-------------------------------------

Captain Kirk: Mr. Spock, do we have those experimental new weapons aboard?

Spock: You are referring to the "photon torpedoes"?

Kirk: I am indeed, Mr. Spock.

Spock: We are fully loaded with them, Captain, but I strongly recommend--

Kirk: No better time to test them than the present, wouldn't you agree, Mr. Spock?

Spock: I--

Kirk: I'm glad we agree. Mr. Sulu, lock photon torpedoes on target.

Sulu: (looks at Spock, shrugs his shoulders) Ahem....photon torpedoes locked, sir.

Kirk: Uhura, put me back on. Kor, I'm giving you just one more chance to surrender. Your violation of Federation space cannot go unanswered.

Kor: (on screen) I have long waited for this moment, Captain Kirk.

Kirk: Don't say I didn't warn you, Kor. Fire photon torpedo, Mr. Sulu.

Kor: Wait a moment? Did you say.... "photon torpedo", Kirk?

Sulu: (low tones) He did, Kor. Just humor him. (normal voice) Torpedo away, Captain.

Kor: (sits back in his chair, arms crossed) Oh, now this I am most anxious to see.

On the viewscreen, Kor waits with a grin. He then hears a loud "thunk" outside his hull, and his bridge momentarily brightens, and then fades back to its normal light level.

Kirk: (looks back anxiously at Spock) Spock?

Spock: It's a photon torpedo, Captain. It is a tube loaded with light. The most we may have done is mildly dented their hull.

Kor: You scratched the paint on my ship, Kirk!

Kirk: (hunkering back into his chair) Oh, dang.

Kor: If you're through shooting blanks, may we please get down to some real bloodshed?!
------------------------------

Anyone else?

 

[uniderth]

The could be some good ones with reversing polarities. I work in the electronics industry. You do NOT want to reverse polarities. If you do you will end up frying components.

 

[martok2112]

The could be some good ones with reversing polarities. I work in the electronics industry. You do NOT want to reverse polarities. If you do you will end up frying components.

Heh heh heh.... I could see a hidden scene in Star Trek Nemesis now.

Geordi LaForge beams Captain Picard off the bridge, and onto the Scimitar. Seconds after that, the panel explodes in a shower of sparks.

Geordi: That's it. The transporters are down.

(down in main engineering)

Asst. Chief Engineer: Justin, what the hell did you just do?

Engineer's Mate Justin: Well, the power flow to the transporters was fluctuating. I thought if I reversed the polarity.

The A.C.E. picks up a spanner and starts thwacking Justin on the head with it.

A.C.E.: Stupid idiot! How many times have I told you?! "Never reverse the polarity!"

Justin: But....but.....Commander LaForge does it all the time?

A.C.E.: Yes, but only when it actually serves the plot! Did you see any cameras down here dramatically focused on us?! The lowly Assistant Chief Engineer and engineer's mates who are constantly being asked to find a left-handed spanner off screen?! NO! And why?! (thwack...thwack...thwack!) Because we...(thwack) don't...(thwack) rate ...(thwack)... pivotal (thwack) plot (thwack) POINTS!!! (thwack! thwack! thwack!)

Justin: Alright, Chief! I understand!

A.C.E.: Nooooo.... (sounding almost demented)... I don't think you doooooooo....!

Justin: I do! Really, I do! Please, don't thwack me again?!

A.C.E.: Repeat after me, Engineer's Mate Justin: "I will never again reverse the polarity!"

Justin: I--- I will-- n---never-- a--again reverse --- th--th-the polarity.

A.C.E.: With feeling!!!!!!!!!!

Justin: I will never again reverse the polarity!

A.C.E.: (speaking as if nothing untoward had happened) Good. Now please go find me a left-handed spanner.

Justin: (picks himself up, bloodied and disheveled) Aye, Chief.
----------------------------------------------

 

[LadyT'Anna]

Hm. Intriguing, if a trifle dark.

 

[martok2112]

Hm. Intriguing, if a trifle dark.

Indeed....great and dark doings in the lower reaches of the Enterprise.

 

[LadyT'Anna]

Hm. Intriguing, if a trifle dark.

Indeed....great and dark doings in the lower reaches of the Enterprise.

Why dark?

 

[uniderth]

Because they can't afford as much lighting in the lower levels.

 

[martok2112]

Yes, to save on money, the warp core provides the only illumination through the entire engineering section.

 

[LadyT'Anna]

Yes, to save on money, the warp core provides the only illumination through the entire engineering section.

Wait a minute--was that actually true in TOS?

 

[Jedman67]

I think the script must have called for plutonium torpedo's, but the actors messed it up and it stuck.

(Photonic cannons in Voyager, anyone?)

 

[martok2112]

Yes, to save on money, the warp core provides the only illumination through the entire engineering section.

Wait a minute--was that actually true in TOS?

LOL! No, M'lady.

I think the script must have called for plutonium torpedo's, but the actors messed it up and it stuck.

(Photonic cannons in Voyager, anyone?)

More blanks.

 

[Melakon]

Yes, to save on money, the warp core provides the only illumination through the entire engineering section.

Wait a minute--was that actually true in TOS?

LOL! No, M'lady.

On the contrary, engineering personnel with high amounts of radiation exposure were deployed to various sections to provide illumination during emergency situations, due to their tendency to glow in the dark.

 

[Jedman67]

If you replace all mentions of "subspace" in star trek with "magic" you get a much more entertaining show.

 

[LadyT'Anna]

Yes, to save on money, the warp core provides the only illumination through the entire engineering section.

Wait a minute--was that actually true in TOS?

LOL! No, M'lady.

(phew) Thank goodness!

Sorry, martok2112, I was starting to second-guess myself there; I'm better with character motivations than technical specs.

If you replace all mentions of "subspace" in star trek with "magic" you get a much more entertaining show.

Well, yes, but a magic message really shouldn't take three weeks to travel from the Romulan Neutral Zone to Starfleet Command. (See: "The Enterprise Incident.")

 

[uniderth]

Well, yes, but a magic message really shouldn't take three weeks to travel from the Romulan Neutral Zone to Starfleet Command. (See: "The Enterprise Incident.")

That depends on how many layers deep into magic your message is. Magic is slower in the shallow levels.

 

[Jedman67]

Well, yes, but a magic message really shouldn't take three weeks to travel from the Romulan Neutral Zone to Starfleet Command. (See: "The Enterprise Incident.")

That depends on how many layers deep into magic your message is. Magic is slower in the shallow levels.

It depends also on how strong the magic bubble is when the ship is traveling at warp.

 

[LadyT'Anna]

It depends also on how strong the magic bubble is when the ship is traveling at warp.

I need a magic bubble. Where can I find one?

 

[Jedman67]

It depends also on how strong the magic bubble is when the ship is traveling at warp.

I need a magic bubble. Where can I find one?

I can give you a magic powder...

 

[uniderth]

I'd take him up on that otherwise you'd have to go all the way to Megas-Tu. On the other hand if you go to Megas-Tu you could pick up a love philter.

 

[martok2112]

Yes, to save on money, the warp core provides the only illumination through the entire engineering section.

Wait a minute--was that actually true in TOS?

LOL! No, M'lady.

(phew) Thank goodness!

Sorry, martok2112, I was starting to second-guess myself there; I'm better with character motivations than technical specs.

The beauty of Star Trek (or any work of fictional art), M'lady. The many sides that can be embraced, be they character motivations, tech stuff, and all the things betwixt.