'Open Letter' Thread, Volume 5
- Thread starter Gruß vom Krampus
- Start date
I prefer the phrase "liquor connoisseur."
Alright, Tammy. To think RoJoHen didn't recognise you in your dress...
Dear Sky,
RAIN, you fucker!
That is all.
RAIN, you fucker!
That is all.
Dear Mom,
I know you're going through a hard time, but please stop confiding so much in your daughters. You're putting us in a really awkward situation, and it's unfair.
Love,
Your eldest
I know you're going through a hard time, but please stop confiding so much in your daughters. You're putting us in a really awkward situation, and it's unfair.
Love,
Your eldest
Dear Purple Turtle,
Serve better quality alcohol. Your shitty rum & coke gave me an awful hangover today. I had several cocktails, over a bottle of wine and cognac elsewhere, and was feeling fine and dandy until I ended up trying your cut-price excuse for rum.
Thanks for nothing, you low-rent cheapskates.
Serve better quality alcohol. Your shitty rum & coke gave me an awful hangover today. I had several cocktails, over a bottle of wine and cognac elsewhere, and was feeling fine and dandy until I ended up trying your cut-price excuse for rum.
Thanks for nothing, you low-rent cheapskates.
Dear Family, Friends, and Co-Workers,
Two words: Shut up.
Just SHUT UP! I wish you would just stop yakking once in a while and let me talk for a change. I know I'm not the most assertive guy in the world, but I DON'T like being interrupted when I'm talking or you talking over me while I haven't finished my sentence. My statement has no less or no more significance than what you have to say, so wait for your turn goddamn turn to speak! I give the same courtesy to other people when they talk, and it's not like I talk too much or too slowly. So be quiet for a few seconds and let me talk.
Especially, you brother. In the past few years, I've grown to respect you as you've gradually turned your life around after years of unemployment, drug addiction, and bad company. But for Christ's sakes, let me finish my FUCKING sentence! Shut uuuppppppp!!!! At least our oldest sister listens and isn't constantly talking when we're having a conversation.
Ditto to my very good friend, Madge, and my lunch buddies, Jenny and Choi. Do you people suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder or something? It's like all you do is monopolize the goddamn conversation all the time, you hardly give me a chance to speak, and then you interrupt and ramble on and on. Just. Shut. Up.
Shuttt upppp!!! SHUT the hell UP! Ssshhhuuutttt uuppppppp!!!
Sincerely,
Your brother/friend/co-worker
P.S. No wonder I'd prefer to be all alone most of the time.
Two words: Shut up.
Just SHUT UP! I wish you would just stop yakking once in a while and let me talk for a change. I know I'm not the most assertive guy in the world, but I DON'T like being interrupted when I'm talking or you talking over me while I haven't finished my sentence. My statement has no less or no more significance than what you have to say, so wait for your turn goddamn turn to speak! I give the same courtesy to other people when they talk, and it's not like I talk too much or too slowly. So be quiet for a few seconds and let me talk.Especially, you brother. In the past few years, I've grown to respect you as you've gradually turned your life around after years of unemployment, drug addiction, and bad company. But for Christ's sakes, let me finish my FUCKING sentence! Shut uuuppppppp!!!! At least our oldest sister listens and isn't constantly talking when we're having a conversation.
Ditto to my very good friend, Madge, and my lunch buddies, Jenny and Choi. Do you people suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder or something? It's like all you do is monopolize the goddamn conversation all the time, you hardly give me a chance to speak, and then you interrupt and ramble on and on. Just. Shut. Up.
Shuttt upppp!!! SHUT the hell UP! Ssshhhuuutttt uuppppppp!!!
Sincerely,
Your brother/friend/co-worker
P.S. No wonder I'd prefer to be all alone most of the time.
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Well, I've always been very good at listening. My name is Drone. I tend the bar, and I listen.
I think I'm part El-Aurian in ancestry because although I'm not much of a talker, I acknowledge and listen well to others. The majority of people I know and talk with are more focused on speaking rather than listening to what others have to say. *Shrugs*
I like talkers personally. Sometimes, I get sick of the sound of my own voice. That's probably why I tend to make friends easily. Listeners are rare. Listening is a very affectionate thing to do I find.
Well, I've always been very good at listening. My name is Drone. I tend the bar, and I listen.
Congratulations, then you would fall into the category of "Might Become A Close Friend".
It's a minimum requirement. I know many people like the ones you talk about. Like you said, the majority. Their loss. They'll never know the pleasure of the back and forth of deep thoughts, which only get more colorful by having someone else shine a different kind of light on it.
Aw, thanks guys.
Little boy,
Settle down ...
I love you unconditionally, but you need to settle down, this is not who you are.
I'm trying the best I can to be everything for you. And whatever you do I will keep trying. Please give me a chance to help you calm down. I know you can't control everything you do and for the most you don't understand. All I hope for is that I can understand for you and have you calm again.
I will never give up on you, nor on the roll I want to play in your life. I just hope life will give you some breaks and let you catch up a little. You are such a warm and gentle soul, I will try to guide you onwards as best I can and give you any energy needed.
I love you,
Farsan.
Settle down ...
I love you unconditionally, but you need to settle down, this is not who you are.
I'm trying the best I can to be everything for you. And whatever you do I will keep trying. Please give me a chance to help you calm down. I know you can't control everything you do and for the most you don't understand. All I hope for is that I can understand for you and have you calm again.
I will never give up on you, nor on the roll I want to play in your life. I just hope life will give you some breaks and let you catch up a little. You are such a warm and gentle soul, I will try to guide you onwards as best I can and give you any energy needed.
I love you,
Farsan.
Dear [work colleague]:
This is going to come as quite a shock to you, so brace yourself - although given your colossal ego it's unlikely you're capable of accepting what I have to say.
1. You do not, in fact, know everything. Most people grow out of that notion some time during their teens (or perhaps shortly thereafter), but it's a fact that somehow seems to have passed you by. Listening to you pontificate at great length about all the stuff you (think you) know makes a day seem 70 hours long. Of course, you're wrong about so many things that there's some amusement value in there as well, but not really enough to offset your pompous attitude and arrogant dismissal of anyone who attempts to contradict you.
2. The whole stating the blindingly obvious as though it's some sort of life-altering revelation thing is very, very old, too. You've elevated it to an art form and clearly you have no idea how ridiculous you sound.
3. Everyone knows you have five kids. God knows you find it necessary to mention it at any and every available opportunity. Two things about that:
In short, get the hell over yourself.
This is going to come as quite a shock to you, so brace yourself - although given your colossal ego it's unlikely you're capable of accepting what I have to say.
1. You do not, in fact, know everything. Most people grow out of that notion some time during their teens (or perhaps shortly thereafter), but it's a fact that somehow seems to have passed you by. Listening to you pontificate at great length about all the stuff you (think you) know makes a day seem 70 hours long. Of course, you're wrong about so many things that there's some amusement value in there as well, but not really enough to offset your pompous attitude and arrogant dismissal of anyone who attempts to contradict you.
2. The whole stating the blindingly obvious as though it's some sort of life-altering revelation thing is very, very old, too. You've elevated it to an art form and clearly you have no idea how ridiculous you sound.
3. Everyone knows you have five kids. God knows you find it necessary to mention it at any and every available opportunity. Two things about that:
- going on and on about how expensive it is to have five kids gets boring after the first several dozen iterations. It was your choice to have them. Deal with it.
- having five kids probably does give you some insight into raising them (unless you're even stupider than you seem). However, it doesn't give you the right to tell other people's kids how they should live their lives, what they should do with their lives, or anything else along those lines. [Other work colleague] has perfectly decent parents who are perfectly capable of fulfilling that function in her life - assuming she even wants or needs such "advice" at all, which is doubtful. Butt out.
In short, get the hell over yourself.
That made me cry a little bit, actually.
K'riq Sa
Commodore
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