Old Fashioned Good Manners

[Jan]

Robert A. Heinlein wrote:

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untravelled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.

I just had a delightful phone call. The caller thanked me for taking his call, addressed me as Ms. Lastname, thanked me for taking care of his issue and wished me a pleasant afternoon at the end.

How sad that something like that sticks out as being so unusual. I didn't do anything unusual for the caller at all but should he ever need something special, you'd better believe that with his pleasant manner, I'll bend over backwards for him.

After that call, I've decided to try to be extra conscious of being well-mannered.

- I'll tell people that they're welcome when they thank me for something instead of a quick 'no problem'.
- I'll remember to be warmly appreciative to service people.
- I'll remember to address people by their correct title until invited to address them by their first names.
- and in general, I'll try to be more kind to people.

Heinlein said it well, I think.

Jan

 

[John Picard]

Robert A. Heinlein wrote:

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.

I just had a delightful phone call. The caller thanked me for taking his call, addressed me as Ms. Lastname, thanked me for taking care of his issue and wished me a pleasant afternoon at the end.

How sad that something like that sticks out as being so unusual. I didn't do anything unusual for the caller at all but should he ever need something special, you'd better believe that with his pleasant manner, I'll bend over backwards for him.

After that call, I've decided to try to be extra conscious of being well-mannered.

- I'll tell people that they're welcome when they thank me for something instead of a quick 'no problem'.
- I'll remember to be warmly appreciative to service people.
- I'll remember to address people by thier correct title until invited to address them by their first names.
- and in general, I'll try to be more kind to people.

Heinlein said it well, I think.

Jan

That part in bold. Irks me when service people address me by name rather than title. Overall, wonderful points you make.

 

[KimMH]

I find it irritating when people tell me "No problem" instead of "Thank you" in a customer service situation. Of course it is no problem, I am buying a product or service from you and the problem arises if I stop.

I always make it a point to end conversations related to transactions with a Thank you because without thier business I might be unemployed. I don't know if it is thoughtlessness or a feeling of entitlement they are expressing, but it irritates me a great deal.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untravelled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.

A very nice quotation and metaphor. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 

[RoJoHen]

Maybe I'm just an informal guy, but I prefer it when people call me by my first name.

 

[WillsBabe]

- I'll remember to address people by their correct title until invited to address them by their first names.

Reminds me of something that happened me the other week when I called my bank. The customer service person at the other end of the line asked me if she could address me by my first name. Let's call it Geraldine. I said that I didn't like to be called by that name. "Call me Gerry," I said. She said that she wouldn't but she would call me "Geraldine". I replied that she could do that if she wanted, but she'd really piss me off. I was more surprised than anything. Why should she insist on calling me by a name that I had asked her not to?

 

[RoJoHen]

- I'll remember to address people by their correct title until invited to address them by their first names.

Reminds me of something that happened me the other week when I called my bank. The customer service person at the other end of the line asked me if she could address me by my first name. Let's call it Geraldine. I said that I didn't like to be called by that name. "Call me Gerry," I said. She said that she wouldn't but she would call me "Geraldine". I replied that she could do that if she wanted, but she'd really piss me off. I was more surprised than anything. Why should she insist on calling me by a name that I had asked her not to?

That's just retarded.

 

[Finn]

I always cringe when people call me Mr. Finn on the phone.

 

[Jan]

Maybe I'm just an informal guy, but I prefer it when people call me by my first name.

I don't mind if I've had a few exchanges with the person (assuming business) but I always hated it back when I had to wear a name tag and perfect strangers would address me by my first name. Don't really know why, though.

Jan

 

[RoJoHen]

Maybe I'm just an informal guy, but I prefer it when people call me by my first name.

I don't mind if I've had a few exchanges with the person (assuming business) but I always hated it back when I had to wear a name tag and perfect strangers would address me by my first name. Don't really know why, though.

Jan

Eh, I thought it was better than "Hey" or "Excuse me." At least if they're using my name I know who they're talking to.

 

[selina]

@ Jan:

I (almost) totally agree with you. I have to admit, that I say "no problem" often. Nonetheless I believe that everyday life would be easier if people were more polite. So I do say "please" or "thank you" a lot, I hold doors open for other people and I help mothers with their children's pushchairs if help is required.

It amazes me how rude people sometimes are, e.g. to get on a train before other passengers get a chance to get off. Or if people bump into you without even apologizing. Sigh.

Edit: Well, hasn't got much to do with customer service, but here are my two cents anyhow .

 

[Miss Chicken]

- I'll remember to address people by their correct title until invited to address them by their first names.

I hate being called my 'correct title' mainly because most people call me Mrs H----. Sorry, Mrs H is my mother. I am not married. Because of my age no-one seems to call me Miss and even fewer people use Ms. I would rather everyone use my first name.

 

[Nick086]

When I'm the customer I find that most cashiers don't say "Hi, How are you?" to me. These are women cashiers in their late 30s and 40s. Once in a great while I'll get one that will greet me. Here I am going to their store buying their clothes and DVDs. Maybe it has to do with my age, but I figure you have to greet people no matter what age they are. Wal-Mart use to ask the customer on the debit/credit machine if the cashier greets you. I would hit no, because they didn't.

 

[John Picard]

Maybe I'm just an informal guy, but I prefer it when people call me by my first name.

As you get older, you'll learn there's a distinct difference between business and personal affairs. I've noticed that when people slack and use the first-name approach, there is an attitude of "we're buddies" they incorporate and service is lackluster, ie Your needs or complaints aren't taken seriously. When Mr/Ms is used, it is a necessary barrier for the service person to remember why he/she is there.

Like others, once we get to know each other then you can address me by first name; otherwise, please keep it professional. I conduct a lot of business selling/trading parts at car related swap meets, and I address everyone, regardless of age or gender as "Sir" or Ma'am" -- that includes when someone's young child might approach me with a question. Teens really light up when addressed like that. I can tell in their mannerism from that point onward. I find it very unprofessional and discourteous when I go to conduct business and some teen/twenty-something says, "What's up, man?" "Yeah, man. We can do that, hold on".

 

[Kelthaz]

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers."

Manners are still around today, but they've changed. Expecting the current generation to have the same customs regarding manners is ridiculous. Saying "No Problem" and using a person's first name are the polite things to do these days.

 

[Jan]

I (almost) totally agree with you. I have to admit, that I say "no problem" often.

I went to one of those mandatory training sessions once where the trainer pointed out that while the service person means "It was no trouble at all to help you", the person served might take it as "It might have been a problem but it turned out not to be". I'm not sure I completely agree with that but I do find that being told that I'm welcome is more satisfying.

I'm alternating "You're welcome" and "My pleasure" at the moment.

Jan

 

[Zulu Romeo]

I (almost) totally agree with you. I have to admit, that I say "no problem" often.

I went to one of those mandatory training sessions once where the trainer pointed out that while the service person means "It was no trouble at all to help you", the person served might take it as "It might have been a problem but it turned out not to be". I'm not sure I completely agree with that but I do find that being told that I'm welcome is more satisfying.

I'm alternating "You're welcome" and "My pleasure" at the moment.

Jan

I sometimes slip in "No worries" in an informal setting.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I usually address people as "Pumpkin". Hilarity ensues.

More seriously, I'm kinda old fashionate regarding names. My fiancée's parents are still Mr and Ms for me.

At work, I usually go on first name basis. In academia, when you find someone who insists on being called Doctor or Professor, it's usually the pompous asshole you would never want to work with. I will allow undergrads to call me Doctor Iguana, tho. It has a nice ring to it...

 

[RoJoHen]

Maybe I'm just an informal guy, but I prefer it when people call me by my first name.

As you get older, you'll learn there's a distinct difference between business and personal affairs.

It has nothing to do with getting older. I'm well aware of this now. Being called by my formal name makes me uncomfortable. I don't care who is doing it or why. It's not my name. I would never call myself that, so why should expect other people to do so?

I'm much more concerned with a person's attitude and their ability to get a job done rather than how formal they are when they do it.

 

[John Picard]

Maybe I'm just an informal guy, but I prefer it when people call me by my first name.

As you get older, you'll learn there's a distinct difference between business and personal affairs.

Being called by my formal name makes me uncomfortable.

Got scolded a lot as a child, eh?