oh my god she's dead

[Tain]

just skimming the news a little while ago and saw an arrest issued for a guy responsible for an OWI last november and killing the passenger in his car. C Licked on it and my ex girlfriend was killed in November.

What a fucking ton of bricks.

This was a high school thing back in 99-2000. Lost contact, haven't seen or spoken to her since 2003ish. She had a hard life. got knocked up, guy ran out on her.

So i pulled up the state court records on her.

My god.

Drug offenses, OWI, licenses suspensions, omitted once for medical evaluation. served a few months in prison.
But god damn it she's dead. at 29.

She's the first. I've dealt with death, cousins, great uncles, etc. but this is the first person to die that was emotionally and physically close to. When we were dating she smoked a little weed so whatever, but it seems she became a pretty bad addict, looks like meth.

I facebook stalked her sisters and dad, and going back even to the day of the accident they were like "ya, its sad, let's remember her healthy and safe, not the way she was the past few years." They were not surprised at all.
God Damn It.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/desmoinesregister/obituary.aspx?pid=167896201

 

[Gov Kodos]

Uh huh. Sorry to hear that. You seem more judgmental of her life than anything else. Perhaps, that's generating a surprising amount of drama what with the brother-in-law and all?

 

[Trekker4747]

just skimming the news a little while ago and saw an arrest issued for a guy responsible for an OWI last november and killing the passenger in his car. C Licked on it and my ex girlfriend was killed in November.

What a fucking ton of bricks.

This was a high school thing back in 99-2000. Lost contact, haven't seen or spoken to her since 2003ish. She had a hard life. got knocked up, guy ran out on her.

So i pulled up the state court records on her.

My god.

Drug offenses, OWI, licenses suspensions, omitted once for medical evaluation. served a few months in prison.
But god damn it she's dead. at 29.

She's the first. I've dealt with death, cousins, great uncles, etc. but this is the first person to die that was emotionally and physically close to. When we were dating she smoked a little weed so whatever, but it seems she became a pretty bad addict, looks like meth.

I facebook stalked her sisters and dad, and going back even to the day of the accident they were like "ya, its sad, let's remember her healthy and safe, not the way she was the past few years." They were not surprised at all.
God Damn It.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/desmoinesregister/obituary.aspx?pid=167896201

Yeah, I can tell you're real broken up about it. I know when I hear about someone dying the first thing *I* do is look up their police records and Facebook-stalk their family and friends.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Ate you going to make a donation to Youth and Shelter Services in her memory, like her family ask people to do in her obituary?

 

[Rhaven]

I'm sorry for your loss, but...facebook stalked and looked at her police record??

 

[USS Triumphant]

I think I understand a bit of what you're going through with this. About 3 years ago, I found out through a mutual friend that I had kept in touch with that my 5th grade girlfriend had died of drug related complications. I was 36 when she died, so was she, and so I did the Google thing, saw some police records, talked to some other people through Facebook who had known her - other classmates, mostly. Then I sent some flowers to her funeral noted as being from my family and me. And that was that - nothing else *to* do.

She was a very sweet, very quiet, tall-for-her-age willowy blonde that one of my cousins who was the same age as me and in our class tried to woo, also (I think mainly because he made a point of competing with me over everything), but she liked me. I *think* she may have been the first of my girlfriends that I ever really actually loved - to the extent that an 11 year old knows what love is. But, my family had moved from that town toward the end of 5th grade because my dad's work moved us around a lot. It was the town my grandparents and some of my cousins lived in, though, because he had been in a lull between contracts when we went there, and it the sort of small town where gossip flows like water. So the last I had heard of her, from my cousins, she had been molested by her step-dad, went to live with relatives in a nearby town, and had a baby at 13. I knew things weren't looking good for her at that point, but I was a thousand miles away and too young to do anything about it, really, and I held on to youthful, naive optimism that maybe that would be the worst thing to happen to her and things would get better from there.

They didn't, obviously. She died with bad drug and drinking habits as a welfare mom of 4. But as silly as it may be, I mourn for her - probably not for whom she was when she died, because I didn't know her, but for the sweet little girl I knew. And while I've been happily married with kids of my own for a long time and wouldn't change a bit of it, some (arrogant? I don't think so, but maybe) part of me stupidly thinks that maybe if I could have stayed I could have made a difference. Or just wishes that she could have found someone who would have.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[wissaboo]

There are few things more arrogant than critiquing the way other people react to death.

 

[Trekker4747]

There are few things more arrogant than critiquing the way other people react to death.

Read the OP. He "grieved" over he death by looking up her court records and Facebook-stalking her friends and family. I don't think anyone is out of place here critiquing the way he's "grieved" over a woman when he's expressed her death with several GD's.

 

[wissaboo]

There are few things more arrogant than critiquing the way other people react to death.

Read the OP. He "grieved" over he death by looking up her court records and Facebook-stalking her friends and family. I don't think anyone is out of place here critiquing the way he's "grieved" over a woman when he's expressed her death with several GD's.

so what? he looked at some obviously open facebook pages and wondered how he ended up where she did. He didn't react "wrong" just because you don't understand what he did,

 

[USS Triumphant]

the way he's "grieved" over a woman when he's expressed her death with several GD's.

He clearly feels strongly. It isn't suitable for public consumption, but given that he just found out that he lost someone he cared about, I'm disinclined to worry overly much with that, personally.

 

[Gov Kodos]

Yeah, my first thought when finding an ex dies is to Facebook stalk, check police records, and post about how broken up I am on a forum I've been barely part of for little more than 4 months. This just after going on about creepy uncles who really are brother-in-laws looking at sister-in-laws. Yup, nothing odd here.

 

[USS Triumphant]

There are few things more arrogant than critiquing the way other people react to death.

+1

 

[Gov Kodos]

I can think of a few.

 

[USS Triumphant]

"Facebook stalk" is usually just a euphemism for going through what is available on someone's Facebook account without saying anything or necessarily 'friending' them. It's a far cry from creeping around someone's windows. And I wish Tain would clarify what he means by "pulled up state court records", but I know that when I saw the girl I knew's records, it was just as a result of Googling her name + the town she lived in when she died. I started out just wanting to see if there were any obits that I could read, but Google showed everything that matched my search terms.

I could be completely wrong, of course, but I just feel like Tain made some poor word/phrase choices in the OP, and others here are nailing him to the wall over some misconceptions of what he did and why. At least, given that that is a possibility, I prefer to think the best of people until proven otherwise. And especially to give them a bit of a pass when they may be in grief/shock and not thinking clearly.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

I wouldn't worry about it, guys. Pending confirmation, but this is 99% likely a dual of a previous poster, and the suspicious threads certainly don't contradict that idea. So, this is closed.