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My grandmother had a stroke ...

propita

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I do NOT want sympathy from anyone.

The woman is and has always been pretty cold-hearted and downright mean. This is my mother’s mother. Who is 96 years old.

Example 1: Her father warned my father that she would give my father nothing but problems her entire life. She did.

Example 2: She would not let my mother call her any form of the word “Mom” in public, because she didn’t want people to know she had a kid.

Example 3: She told my parents that she had room in heart for only one grandchild. My mom, an only child, had three children. Dad told my grandmother that if she ever said anything like that again, she would never see any of us again.

Example 4: Less than one month after my father’s death, on Mother’s Day while sitting next to my mom, she stated that I was “just like [your] father.” When I said, “thank you,” she said, “That wasn’t a compliment.” I just replied, “Oh but it was. More than you will ever know."

Example 5: She compared me, numerous times and to my face, to “Halfpint” (Laura Ingalls) from “Little House on the Prairie.” She hated that character.

Example 6: When my 76 year old mother drives into LA twice a month to take my grandmother on errands, Mom is verbally and loudly abused and berated in banks, stores, and restaurants. Mom puts up with it because she believes she is supposed to “honor” her mother. Not love her, but honor her.

So, I really don’t care if the old woman dies. I don’t wish her pain, but frankly, Mom has put up with enough from her mother. As it is, my grandmother must go into a home (she can’t understand why my 76 year old mother doesn’t want to be her caretaker) as she no longer can be alone.

Does anyone else have a family member whose behavior goes beyond merely “annoying” or “bad," without being downright illegal?
 
Can't say I've had one that was quite like her.

Sort of a crazy uncle, but he left all us nieces and nephews money when he died, so we think kindly on him now.

But we are here if you have any other stories or just want to vent.
 
My mother's parents were also horrible to her and my mother was the one who ended up taking very tender care of them when they became unable to function on thier own. My mother loved her parents - they don't sound as awful as your grandmother - but she was sorry when they died and she misses them.

I was mostly relieved when they died and I really haven't missed either of them much.

My parents have been very different to my children and are wonderful grandparents - sometimes people can learn from the mistakes their parents can make
 
Or they repeat them. My Grandmother (Dad's mother) would never accept blame for anything she did that was wrong. Consequently, she kept up with behaviors that were outright rude and demeaning. For instance, she had a habit of showing up on one of her kids' doorsteps unannounced and expecting to be allowed to stay for as long as she liked. Both of her sons lived across the country from her, so it wasn't like it was a two hour drive...

My Dad now does the same type of thing. He doesn't drive anymore, so he has to have someone go get him in order to do anything. He waits until you arrive to begin to get ready to go. Consequently, he's always late and makes you late as well. Also, there is only one way to do things. his way. Even if he's proven wrong, it doesn't matter. His way is the only way to do it.
 
My own brothers and sister cannot understand why I take care of my mom. She verbally abused me most of my life, cheated me out of money, refused to speak to me for six months when I chased off my abusive stepfather, etc. But when it all boils down, she is still my mother and it is the right thing to do. I shall take care of her until I am physically unable to do so.

Your mom is right about honoring her mother:
American King James Version
Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. Ephesians 6: 2,3
 
Yeah, I have a grandmother who is just...ugh. Narcissistic and verbally abusive. For some reason she spares me, because I am her only grandchild (and my mom, too, not sure why), but it makes me sick to watch the way she treats my granddad and my dad. I wish she were more at peace and there have been times I have caught a glimpse of who she should've been, but I hate going there to visit and since I started working, I know it's bad, but I have been "conveniently" making sure I don't have available time off when it's time for the family to visit there. I will change that if/when she is put in a home or otherwise not able to spread her reign of terror out on such a large area.

Put simply...I care and I pray for her soul, but I NEED my distance.
 
Wow I thought I was the only one. My grandmother's anger is toward her parents. She won't confront the issue verbaly to anyone, but deep down she knows her parents didn't like her and she was another mouth to feed during the Great Depression. Her parents always favor the oldest son who turned out to be great guy. What ever good she did her parent didn't care or they did make big deal out of it. Her brother would get a brand new bike for christmas while she would just get a scarff or socks for christmas. My uncle was the type of guy that had parties while she never went to parties or did thing that were bad. It had made her a miserable person to be around with all the time.
 
My grandmother (father's mother) was a nasty old woman. She used to keep a book in which she wrote down the dates of any wedding that occurred in her family, or in her town and then when the baby was born she would refer back to her book to see how long after weeding the baby was born.

She used to bring out a photo of one of my father's ex-girlfriends and would tell my mother 'This is the girl Roy should have married".
 
Your mom is right about honoring her mother:
American King James Version
Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. Ephesians 6: 2,3

Mom takes her instruction from the Torah, we’re Jewish. Well, they’re Jewish. I’m sort of ... not so much. So Mom honors her mother, but all this honoring has really been stressing the hell out of Mom, especially since Dad died. So Mom may not get to live as long on the earth as she might’ve.

Thanks to all, and it’s good--but really sad--to know that Mom’s not alone. Best wishes to all who are in a similar situation.

Oh, and Mom DID learn from this. That and having her grandparents nearly raising her--she and my grandmother lived with my great-grandparents. My grandmother wasn’t supported by her parents, she helped in supporting them. Some of you can completely understand what I mean when I say that I know how lucky I am to have my mother as my mother, instead of someone like my grandmother.
 
This reminds me of my step-grandma who seems like she's right out of Cinderella. She favored her two full daughters much more than her step-children, but luckily my dad and his siblings were old enough to get over it. However, she then passed this on to the grandchildren. When my sisters and I were her only grandchildren she would play favorites between us, showering compliments and gifts on two of us and really just ignoring the other two. For example, she believes that one of my younger sisters works so hard and does so much and no one appreciates her, but believes that I have skated through life and had everything handed to me - it's frustrating because I work just as hard if not harder than my sister to get what I have but she just scoffs if anyone tries to say that. When I got an academic scholarship worth quite a bit in college she was actually angry and felt I didn't deserve it even though I busted my ass to get it. I don't know where she gets these warped opinions of us from, it's like she makes up stories in her mind to fit her prejudices.

Anyway, once one of her daughters had children, we were out of the picture. She decided to move away from the town we both lived in, to be closer to her real grandchildren. I was about 15 at the time and had already written her off as a lost cause so I didn't care much, but it was pretty devestating to see my 7 year old sister, who had idolized her and spent almost every weekend at her house (one of her favorites, you see), bawling and asking my mom why she couldn't be a real grandchild.

I hardly ever see her now and really I avoid all calls or invitations from that side of the family because I have no desire to spend time with people who've disliked me since the day I was born, simply because of who my parents are.
 
Anyone to whom I've told stories about my mother has agreed that she's some special sort of crazy.

I won't go into great amounts of detail (because I'll be here all night ;) ), but just as an example, I was never allowed to go anywhere when I was growing up unless she or my father was taking me. My father thought it was ridiculous, but he went along with it. I remember one time, when I was up early and getting ready to go to New York City with my high school band. My father had signed the permission slip, but my mother was adamant that I wasn't going and tried to physically prevent me from leaving the house.

There were many other school trips I wasn't allowed to go on - ski trips, exchanges with schools in Quebec (I was in an extended French programme, so it was an academic trip), and various others. To this day my mother claims that I can't possibly have been the only student who wasn't allowed to go on these trips, but I was.

When I was choosing what universities to apply to, I had stated my intention to apply to Waterloo's math/computer science programme. Waterloo has one of the top math programmes in North America, and I had won a medal in their high school math contest more than once. However, she insisted that I was going to the University of Toronto and staying at home, and that was final.

I got around that by only applying to Waterloo. :lol:

It's been a while, but for some time my mother kept asking me, "When am I getting grandchildren?" like I had to procreate for the sake of her happiness, and that should be my only purpose. I always used to respond, "As soon as I do something grand, I'll let you know." I don't know which of us, myself or my ex-husband, was supposed to produce the grandchild. ;) (Though my mother never acknowledged my relationship. She hated my ex from the moment he told her that the doctor knew better than she did, and if I needed to take two medications simultaneously for two different health problems, then it wasn't likely to kill me.) Of course, this is the same woman who thinks I'm going to die from taking a Lactaid tablet with alcohol, no matter how many times I explain that Lactaid is simply a substance that should be in my body anyway, but isn't, and that if I eat something that's full of cheese without taking the pill, I'm going to be in the bathroom ten minutes later.

Oh, and I remember when I was 15, she got it into her head that I must be doing drugs, and started searching my pockets every day. (She'd be horrified to learn that I've tried pot at all, even though the first time was two years ago, at the age of 41.)

The funniest of all, though... she used to hit me. A lot. She never bruised me, though, because she also insisted that I take karate classes and I got fairly good at defending myself. Now, we had a back door with a rusty lock, and it was very hard to open - I'd have to throw my whole weight at it to loosen it. One day I was doing just that, trying to let the dog out into the back yard, when she came over and started whaling away on me for not being able to open the door. (Not that she could, either - she'd shove me out of the way, try to turn the key in the lock, fail, and make me try again, then hit me again when I still couldn't do it.) Anyway, after about ten attempts to hit me, all of which I'd successfully blocked, she yelled, "STOP BLOCKING ME! I'M TRYING TO HIT YOU!"

So yeah... crazy. And I guess I went into detail after all...
 
Any really horrible things my relatives have done have pretty much been related to mental illness. So I don't think I truly have anyone "bad" in my family. My in-laws are all amazing and I love my husband's grandparents. His paternal grandparents passed before I ever had the chance to meet them and I'm actually a little relieved; I've been told they were quite racist. Probably wouldn't have approved of me!
 
Wow, I cant say anything like that about my Fathers mom as she died before I was a year old.
Mom Moms mom was in her early 90's when she died when I was about 13, but according to my Aunt who's 94 next weekend she was a meddling bitch who broke up her only sons relation ship because she went and saw my late uncle's Girl friends family.
though I think my aunt has become her, I have threated many time to quit as her P.O.A. if she doesn't smarten up on her finances (Until shes proven mentally incompetent all I can do is advise)
so I can relate to a bit of what you are going through.
 
Very interesting thread - not what I expected from the title at all!
Nice to hear that everyone's stuck with at least one bad egg- I avoid most of my family(parents excluded), they're a rather odd bunch - and tbh more than anything I just don't have anything in common. One of my Aunts has spent the last year pretending to be dying from cervical cancer (i'm glad i'm not involved) but the bit I find most exasperating about this is that she's simply decided to ignore her previous lies, so has everyone else! I dont think a grown adult woman should be able to lie about something like that and just have everyone forgive and forget.
 
My father's side of the family is full of crazy. His father was a schoolteacher, the kind that all the kids were scared of (this was in the 20s and 30s). He drove a wedge between my grandmother and most of her siblings, to the point where I don't think my dad ever met some of his aunts and uncles. My grandfather died during WWII and my grandmother turned out to be as bad as her late husband. She was miserable and extremely manipulative, expecting the entire universe to orbit around her. If she didn't get her own way she could literally make herself sick, the way some toddlers can. None of her 6 children, including my father, would ever hear a bad word spoken about either of their parents, but my mother told me that my grandfather was frightening and my grandmother was the MIL from hell (my parents grew up on the same street so my mother knew my grandfather from her childhood).

Of the 6 children from that family my only uncle was the only one whom I was always glad to see. He was a kind, open-minded man who didn't put up with any bullshit from his sisters, whereas my dad, who is an ultra right-wing Roman Catholic and drives me nuts, would let his sisters walk all over him. My aunts were like my grandmother to varying degrees, and apart from sending them Christmas cards I don't speak to any of them directly.

My own MIL is truly one of the most miserable people I've ever met. All my in-laws have never liked me much because I have the audacity to be middle-class and educated, which goes against their working-class socialist labour ideals. The universe is always consipiring against them and there's nothing they can do about it, so they don't. Our kids have always been at the bottom of the pecking order where grandchildren were concerned, to the point where they wouldn't look after our then one-year-old daughter when I was scheduled to be induced with our second child, so my husband was not at our older son's birth. I will never, ever forgive them for that.
 
My grandmother was a fucking crazy bitch. A fucking crazy bitch. She had a house and rented out a room to a pedophile. She had to know he was because she cleaned his room and he had all kinds of books and shit in the room out in the open. And when i wanted to nap she told me to go into his room to nap. I don't know what made that woman tick. I don't miss her one bit.
 
Well, my grandmother is slightly coherent.

My sister texted me “A stroke will not kill her.” I texted back “Nothing will. God does not want her.”

The only good thing is that once she’s released from the hospital and rehab, she’ll be in a home and Mom won’t have to drive in to LA and see her. Unless the hospital nurses continue to ignore everyone telling them “DO NOT ADMINISTER INSULIN.” My grandmother is a diabetic but does not take insulin (it’s not required and she’s not supposed to absent certain conditions)--but the nurses keep insisting that she must have it, despite the chart. WTF? Where the stroke won’t kill her, the nurses will.

So while I don’t care if she dies on her own, I don’t want someone to up and kill her.
 
I had a step-grandmother, my real grandmother committed suizide, when my mom was a kid, and she was mean to my mother. She loved her 4 children, but her 4 step-children she did not like, the boys were not allowed in the home, they got send away and the girls were allowed, but while the rest of the kids got nice things to eat and got to be in the warm room, she and her sister got only the food-rests in the room, that got not heated. She also didn´t allow my mom to get a higher school degree, only the basic, cause then she wanted her to work and bring in money.
Hmm... hard to imagine. I got to know her as a kid. She was not mean to me, she was nice to me, though I remember I did not like to visit there.

My other gandmother was and is an important part of my life. She can be difficult at times and tiring too, but thats all right. She has a good and warm heart and I love her.
My grandfather I loved too. He could be loud and hard at times, but he had a soft heart.
My other grandfather I remember not so well. Only that he was a silent man. Though I know my mom loved her father, so I guess he was a decent man. After he died we had no longer contact with my step-grandmother. I think she died a few years ago.

I feel sorry for those people, who have to be so mean...they must be very unhappy. After all, if you get to know love you can love can´t you? So I guess those people never truly got to know love... or something else terrible happend to them, that they grew so cold. It´s just sad.

TerokNor
 
My own brothers and sister cannot understand why I take care of my mom. She verbally abused me most of my life, cheated me out of money, refused to speak to me for six months when I chased off my abusive stepfather, etc. But when it all boils down, she is still my mother and it is the right thing to do. I shall take care of her until I am physically unable to do so.

Your mom is right about honoring her mother:
American King James Version
Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. Ephesians 6: 2,3

It's called Stockholm Syndrome.
 
My grandmother was a fucking crazy bitch. A fucking crazy bitch. She had a house and rented out a room to a pedophile. She had to know he was because she cleaned his room and he had all kinds of books and shit in the room out in the open. And when i wanted to nap she told me to go into his room to nap. I don't know what made that woman tick. I don't miss her one bit.

That is Fucked up, what did your parents think of this?
 
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