Mt eldest son

[Miss Chicken]

Sorry, folks but I feel the need to vent.

I have been having serious trouble with my eldest son for several years now. He is a very strange man and I am not sure how much is an act and how much is real.

He arrived at my place on Saturday afternoon and said he was in Hobart for the weekend but had nowhere to stay. I foolishly let him stay for two nights because the weather was bad and I didn't want him sleeping out in it.

However this morning he said he was catching a bus up north. He started to pack up his things but couldn't find his phone. He said 'What have you done with my phone?" I said "I haven't touched your phone". He then accused me of stealing it anf said I was fucking with his head. I told him to stop being so silly. He called me a fucking bitch. I told him he had no right to talk to me like that in my own house. He threw a container of talcum powder at me.

I told him to leave. After saying a few more very hurtful things to me he left but he grabbed my keys as he did and now I can't lock my doors.

I rung up the police and asked them for help. They told me to change the locks. I told them I was scared my son would come back and that he had a record for assault on women. The police looked up his record and told me he had no convictions of assault at all. I said that he went to prison twice for assault on his girlfriend. The policeman said no, he has never been to prison. I said he must have been because the prison had actually rung me and asked if I would accept a phonecall. The policeman insisted that he has never been to prison at all.

So it seems that my son got someone whose voice I didn't recognise to ring up and pretend to be from the prison and asked me if I would accept a call from him. When my son told me that he was in prison for an assault on his girlfriend I told him I wouldn't be visiting him.I have had the fact that I didn't visited thrown up in my face several times since.

I am through with him. I will get my locks change (today if I can) and I am not going to talk to my son again.

 

[trekkiedane]

I am through with him. I will get my locks change (today if I can) and I am not going to talk to my son again.

Good for you! - although; not even talk?

And again: good for you! -There are people in most families like that, and while it being very hard to do with members of the family, it is sometimes necessary to just rid oneself of them…



Say, how come none of you thought to just call that missing phone?

 

[An Officer]

Wow. I think you definitely should change your locks today on an emergency basis... just so you can sleep with a sound mind that he won't be back.

 

[sidious618]

Whoa, that's horrible. I don't even know what to say. I feel terrible for you, Miss Chicken.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I am through with him. I will get my locks change (today if I can) and I am not going to talk to my son again.

Good for you! - although; not even talk?

And again: good for you! -There are people in most families like that, and while it being very hard to do with members of the family, it is sometimes necessary to just rid oneself of them…



Say, how come none of you thought to just call that missing phone?

I believe the phone was turned off because he said he didn't want his ex-girlfriend to ring him.

The reason I won't talk to him is this is the last straw. In the past he has stolen from me and his brothers, he has punched in walls, and three Xmases ago he arrived extremely drunk and when I wouldn't let him in stood on my front lawn calling me a cunt etc. A neighbourt called the police on him.

 

[trekkiedane]

Oh, I see, what a [NSFW-word omitted]!

I believe the phone was turned off

-I have the same problem with my keys!

 

[Video Chick]

I'm sorry you're going through to much turmoil right now. There isn't really a good way for it to go next from the sounds of it. Perhaps if you find the phone you might be able to find some answers....

Hang in there!

 

[Miss Chicken]

He had the phone with him when he left. I am not sure where he found it.

 

[Gertch]

Do you mean prison prison or just a jail overnight? I think if he was really in prison he probably would have said he was going to court or had to scrape up money for a lawyer. How long was he in prison?

Hopefully he leaves you alone. No one needs that stress.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Do you mean prison prison or just a jail overnight? I think if he was really in prison he probably would have said he was going to court or had to scrape up money for a lawyer. How long was he in prison?

Hopefully he leaves you alone. No one needs that stress.

He lead me to believe that he was in prison for three months (this is supposedly the 2nd time he went to prison). He rang me up several times during this time asking me to visit him.

 

[sidious618]

It's possible that your son is a pathological liar.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I know that my son lies a lot but I can't understand this whole thing about being to prison. He had to get someone else to pretend to be someone from the prison. Not only that but he either fooled his girlfriend as well (now ex-girlfriend) or else she lied to me when we talked on the phone about him being in prison.

I rang up the Housing Department to see if I could get the locks changed. They told me a needed a police report number. I rung up the local police station and they said the Housing Department could ring them up to verify that I contacted them but the police said they would not give me a report number because as far as they are concerned it wasn't important enough to make a report on.

I rang the Housing Department back up and told them what the police said. The woman said that she thought it was odd that the police wouldn't give me a report number but said as long as I have contacted the police they will report the theft to the insurance company and the locks will be replaced today. The woman said theft was theft and it should matter if the theft was committed by a family member nor should it matter if I had let him into the house.

I am not sure what to say to my youngest son who had left for work before all this happened. He was annoyed I had let his brother stay over the weekend.

 

[Gertch]

I am not sure what to say to my youngest son who had left for work before all this happened. He was annoyed I had let his brother stay over the weekend.

Tell him one of the toughest things is for a mother to disown her own child. So instead of being annoyed at you he needs to give you plenty of hugs and understanding.

My mother is an enabler for my next youngest brother. It's really hard to be understanding some times but I have to remind myself she is a caring mother and even though he is 43 he is still her son.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I'm sorry to hear all this, Miss Chicken. Hopefully, you can at least lock your doors from the inside while you're home so that you'll be safe until the locks are changed. I hope he never bothers you again.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Re: My eldest son

I guess I often feel sorry for my son because noone likes him. His brothers, my mother, my sisters and brother and my son's cousins want nothing to do with him.

When my father was dying back in 2005 he asked for Daniel to be kept away from him.

I have to remind myself that Daniel is unliked because of his behaviour. He had a falling out with my parents because they wouldn't buy him a car when he wanted them to, and also because he gave them as references when he applied for a loan even though he didn't ask them permission to do this.

 

[Jadzia]

I'm sorry to hear of your upset. I think it will be hard to shut him out of your life completely. After all he is your son, and you will always feel a mother's love for him. You can't cut that out, and your feelings for him will always end up back with this fact. So perhaps the best resolution you'll find for your own happiness is to try to understand your son's behaviour; to understand why he is how he is.

To start, I guess it's possible the policeman you spoke to was wrong. People who work in offices sometimes pull up the wrong files. If your son has given false addresses to either you or the police, then they may have been pulling up the wrong files when you phoned them up.


If this behaviour you speak of isn't usual for your son, it may just be anxiety for whatever reason.

But if this behaviour is usual for him, then it's sounds like he may have a paranoid personality. Does he has a tendency to think ill of people? such as his own mother stealing his phone? Does he normally get ideas in his head that seem to come from nowhere which turn out to be accusative and wrong, like his instinctive answer to a self-query "where is my phone?", resulted in him instinctively pointing his finger at you.

Or perhaps lying is his way of protecting himself from causality, where if he perceives a situation to be threatening then he can disguise his vulnerabilities through deception, so throwing his "enemies" off his trail.

On the other hand, it may be deliberate acting, to manipulate people to his advantage, which would be more of an antisocial/narcissistic personality. Like setting up an argument over his phone (knowing it was in his pocket all along), with the premeditated purpose of having an excuse for stealing your keys... which he may have an intended use for at a later date.

I don't know... Sometimes people develop personalities like this when the feel they are hated, or if they feel they are a failure. To some people, paranoia and exaggerated self interest can compensate and shield a shattered ego.

But I hope you don't loose too much sleep over this incident. It isn't nice when family members fall out. If you have a relative who you can talk to about this incident then you might feel more reassurance from that one-to-one chat than what you get from reading text on a computer screen.

 

[ancientone51]

Zen Hugs, Miss Chicken. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Miss Chicken]

My son comes across as paranoid but I am not sure if its for real or an act.

I once talked to a case worker from the Salvation Army about him. He wasn't sure what Daniel's problems were because Daniel won't give them access to any of his medical records. The guy from the Salvos said he believed Daniel had an alcohol problem but didn't think he was on drugs. However his girlfriend told me he uses methamphetamines but she told me that after they had broken up.

Daniel hasn't lived with me for years (he is 31) so I don't see enough of him to really work out what is wrong with him.

 

[1001001]

That's terrible.

Is he a substance abuser, or mentally ill?

Edit: Sorry, you answered the question while I posting it.

 

[trekkiedane]

I have to remind myself that Daniel is unliked because of his behaviour.

Along the lines Jadzia jotted down: has he ever been checked for ADHD -or something related?
(ETA: Selfmedicating with methamphetamines is frighteningly normal in people with undiagnosed ADHD)