Movie Caption Contest #96: Let's Pretend

[Rat Boy]

Don't worry about it, we'll fix it in post, but now it's time for another contest. First up, let's dub over...

For saying goodbye to the latest Caption Contest character just after we said hello to him, our winner is...

Moments later, Scruffy the Janitor would walk over to the window, lean in, and realize that some asshole never installed the glass, thus causing him to plummet to his death. Scruffy, we hardly knew you.

For perhaps the worst case of mistaken identity for a weapon of mass destruction since someone tried to put mustard gas on their sandwich, our winner is...

Praetor: What kind of fracked-up birth control does that lady need?? What is she boinking, a Legaran?

For looking on the bright side of death, our winner is...

GEORDI:"Look at it this way. At least he didn't have to sit through this entire movie.

Lucky bastard."

And finally, for a Photoshop idea that certainly must have just popped in there, our winner is...

Guy: Oh god, who wasn't thinking happy thoughts...

Congratulations to the winners and here's your updated totals:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 42
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 41
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 32
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 25
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 23
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 21
Triskelion 17
Outpost4 16
Turd Ferguson 15
Diesel Micky Dolenz 13
middyseafort 12
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
DS9Sega 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
BriGuy 9
zephramc 9
LeadHead 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
Tharpdevenport 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Alrik 5
Skywalker 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Peach Wookie 4
TheGallifreyanSith 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
Mistral 2
captain crow 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
Civil Shadow 1
Piper 1
T'Boggan 1
Daneel 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
thedude 1

This week, we've got a pair of shots devoted to the actors we know and love pretending to be people who are pretending to be other people. First up, we have McCoy trying to keep Scotty on subject as the engineer asks Dr. Nichols for directions to the nearest pub. And lastly, we have Picard looking on stoically as Riker reads off Worf's sentence for deserting the crew and joining DS9. Happy captioning:

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy (thinking): My God, you can land a shuttle on that bald spot.

Picard: "Number One, send them a list of our demands!"

Riker: "Aye, aye sir. We'll have twenty Whopper Jr. combos, a number eight, no cheese. Oh, can I get one of those big ones with the special sauce?"

Drive-through box: "Whatkinddrink?"

Picard: "Ah crap." *turns to crew* "Is everyone all right with Diet Coke?"

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the win Rat Boy!

Scotty: All that whistling is making Doctor McCoy uncomfortable.
McCoy: I've never looked so good.

- and furthermore, there will be no pudding until the safe return of the Captain's - ahem - inflatable companion.

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Can my male escort come, too?"

Riker: "Note from the pirate ship, Sir."
Picard: "Read it."
Riker: "Uh, well ..."
Picard: "Read it."
Riker: "Dear Captain Baldfuck, ..."

Scotty: "My assistant needs to buy himself some new pants: where might he find something with a size 26 waist?"

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Scotty, what does a tour of the Hershey factory have to do with building a whale tank?"

"...pompous ass. I don't know why we can't just promote the fucker without all these elaborate holodeck programs."

"What was that, Number One?"

"Beautiful day, sir."

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "I'll be damned. Regulations do call for nude jumping jacks even in this century."

Crusher (off camera): "I told you so!"

 

[Candlelight]

"My friend here would like te try out for ye Village People reunion party ye got going on behind us"

Moments later, the boom arm helped Data become Starfleet's first robotic captain.

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "I'll have a Puerto Rican girl, meself, but my friend here isn't picky. He'll even have sex with the Irish."

Picard: "Imagine what it was like, Will. No engines ... no computers ... no fraternization rules on what Captains and First Officers can and cannot do to each other..."
<Riker blinks, steps back and away.>

Scotty: "I don't know about you, Assistant, but I've not taken a shit in several centuries ..."

 

[Candlelight]

McCoy (whispering): "My God man, you can suggest or even mention Two Girls, One Cup to him... it's twenty years too early"
Scotty (whispering): "Why... how do we know he didn't film the thing...?"

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "We'll give you the formula ... after you do the nude jumping jacks."

 

[Daneel]

NICHOLS: "This formula is going to make me rich! Thank you, Dr. Scott, thank you! How about a hug?"

SCOTTY: "Errr, that's not really my thing. But my 'assistant' here would be happy to provide any physical human contact you may need. Any physical human contact."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Scotty: "All glory to Presidential Overlord Nichols!"

Bones: "1986, not 2016, you idiot!"

Picard: "Imagine what it was like Will. No engines... no computers... no assless chaps."

(Riker sighs in relief).

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Scotty: Meh assistant here would like you to bury it in his part, if ya know what I mean, laddie.

Picard: These fetish parties of yours, Number One, are beginning to become sillier and sillier.

Riker: Says here that the rest of the film is just downhill from this point, sir.

 

[trampledamage]

"My friend here would like te try out for ye Village People reunion party ye got going on behind us"

Moments later, the boom arm helped Data become Starfleet's first robotic captain.

Both of these are brilliant!

 

[Shatmandu]

All went well until Scotty pressed Mr. Nichols to also make him some transparent underpants.

Riker: "... hereby make the following charges against Mr. Worf: that he did knowingly and willingly fuck my old girlfriend ..."
Picard: "Oh, let it go, Numbah One."

Riker: "It's a poll, sir: 'Do Klingon women have big tits?'"

Picard: "The crew have taken to calling me 'D. B.' for some reason, Numbah One. Quite chummy."
Riker: "It stands for Douche Bag, sir."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Riker: "Taking stock, you've got a phaser with only one shot, a navigational computer that doesn't compute ... and no ship."

Picard: "You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of."

Harry Mudd: "Ah, but you have heard of me."

 

[Shatmandu]

Riker: "This is kinda stupid. We should've gone with having Joan Rivers pop out of a cake and sit on his face."
Picard: "Agreed. Computer, end program and initiate new program: Picard Birthday 21, please."

Riker: "Judging from this, the porno of the day was terrible."

Picard: "Is that an IHOP?"

 

[cooleddie74]

NICHOLS: "This way, gentlemen?"

SCOTTY:"If I could go THAT way do ye think I'd need the bloody girdle?

Ah-THANK YOU!!"

McCOY:"You'll have to ignore the Professor. Back home we call him the Epic Fail Worker!"

PICARD:"Ahhhhhhhh, Number One.

These were the days. Nothing but wind...salty ocean air..."

RIKER:"And the sounds of dozens of scurvy-laden men vomiting up blood. Yes, sir. A paradise."

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"Ye got a bloody men's room in here, Dr. Nichols?"

NICHOLS:"Of course! To your left...down that hallway...just to the right of the blowscreen. You can't miss it!"

McCOY:"Unlike your toilet seat."

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "If you're not swayed by the opportunity for fame and fortune, my assistant here sucks a mean dick."