Movie Caption Contest #194: Reassignments

War is obsolete, but there's no danger of that happening to the caption contest. First, let's interrogate...



The jig is up...

Saddle up. Lock and load...

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Decker gets the bad news while Riker gets even worse news: Troi is the Titan's helm officer. Have fun:

 

Decker: "You schemed this whole time to get the ship back? Who do you think you are? Brett Favre?"



Picard: "That boy was our last hope."

Yoda: "No, there is another."

 

DECKER: I remember when you recommended me for this command.

You told me how ENVIOUS you were and how much you hoped you could see me commanding the ship in these tight ball-hugger pajama uniforms.


Well, sir.

It looks like you found a way.




PICARD: Good luck, Will.

Don't let the ready room doors hit you on your bulbous ass on the way out.

 

Decker: You two really are cowboys.
Kirk: What's your problem, Decker?
Decker: You're everyone's problem. That's because every time you go up in the air, you're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous.
Kirk: That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous.

 

Picard: I hate to see you go Will, but damn I love to watch you walk away.

 

DECKER: You'd best get outta my grill, Admiral.

Before I bust a photonic cap in your ass.



RIKER: By the way...

I faked every orgasm.

 

Kirk (looking down): It's a bit smaller than I imagined.
Decker: Shrinkage, sir. Scotty keeps it quite cold in here.
Scotty: Don't blame meh, laddie, for your small grapevine.



Picard: 15 years and the man still can't walk a straight line.



Picard: Give it up, Number One. I know John Wayne and you, sir, are no John Wayne.

 

Picard (mockingly): "Oh, what are you gonna do now? You gonna go pout?"

 

PICARD: What an ass.

 

DECKER: Thats how I define unwarrented!

KIRK: Then you'd better look it up. 'cause it don't mean what you think it does.

 

Decker: "Admiral, this is an entirely new Enterprise. You don't know the difference between your ass and a hole in the floor."



Picard: "Oh sure, go ahead and hog Christopher L. Bennett, Will. I don't even want him."

 

Riker (thinking): Crap. Is he insulting me or coming on to me?!

Picard (quietly): "Heh, heh. That'll have him tied up in knots for days".

 

DECKER: Admiral this is a totally new Enterprise. You don't know him a tenth as well as I do.
KIRK: Her.
DECKER: ... Point made. Welcome aboard.




PICARD: What a dumb ass.
RIKER: I can heeear you!

 

Decker: You want command? Fine, you every hear of a little something called Tales of the Gold Monkey? Of course you haven't, because it hasn't been made yet, but it'll outsine your and your little 'spaceman show' any day of the week.

 

DECKER: The Priest touched me ...Here...
Kirk: Cough...



PICARD: ..and set forth A deep repentance. Nothing in his life Became him like the leaving it....

 

Decker: I find the most pressing problem in command, sir...is how difficult it is to meet someone.
Kirk: There's an Earth girl I know who hangs with whales. I think the two of you could hit it off. I'll arrange it.


Picard: You walk away from me young man, and you'll go to bed without supper!
Will: Whatever, man.
Picard: Don't 'whatever' me, young man! Where are you going?
Will: Out.
Picard: 'Out' is not an answer. Out WHERE? And don't tell me you're seeing that little trollop of yours, the one with the legs. Troi.
Wesley, OS: Kids today!



Decker: They don't call me Decker for no reason, sir. I won't take your FLAGRANT abuse of authority sitting down.
(Insert KIRK's FLAMBOYANT KICK!)
Kirk, '60s era smirk: Well, you certainly can't take it standing UP, junior.

 

Ensign: "Sir, we have an ass-breach on deck five. Three crewmembers just fell through an ass in the floor."

 

Kirk: "Anything else I should know?"
Decker: "Yeah, sometimes when I go on away missions I tend to go all sparkly."
Kirk: "You better not be a fucking vampire."



Picard: "...then set course for Sector 247 where we'll meet with- where are you going?"
Riker: "Teddy's got his hand out, this one's gonna be touch and go- SHIT NOW HE'D TOUCHING CLOTH"

 

Kirk: "Did... did your chin just fart?"



Picard (thinking): "Looks like someone's not watching where they're going... looks like someone's going to Bangkok..."