Monkeys in the news again!

[Mallory]

I swear that April must be Monkey Month here in Oregon. A couple of days ago a monkey attacked and scratched the face of a six year old girl in a park down in Salem. In the course of reading the story I discovered that this was a "helper monkey" provided by the Monkey Helpers for the Disabled organization, who ostensibly provides the disabled with "highly trained monkeys to assist with daily activities". They even have a "Monkey College" for training them.

Sure. For now anyway. Right now these monkeys are just doing things like fetching the phone, changing channels on the TV, bringing their owners a banana or posting on the internet. But I can see this developing further with monkeys being owned by everyone, delivering packages, performing landscaping, taking out the garbage, answering telemarketing calls, all kinds of menial tasks. And before you know it, it will be Planet of the Apes time for us humans.

So, how long do you think it will be before the Monkey Apocalypse? I predict it will occur sometime between 2012 and the arrival of Nibiru.

 

[All Seeing Eye]

Planet of the apes required that the monkeys be genetically engineered to be more intelligent. That will never be allowed.

 

[ITL]

Send 'em off to Mars. Them Martians are getting uppity. Let's see how they like it when THOSE DAMN DIRTY APES RUN RIOT ON THE RED PLANET!

 

[Mallory]

Planet of the apes required that the monkeys be genetically engineered to be more intelligent. That will never be allowed.

Who knows what's going on at "Monkey College"? Hmmmm?

Send 'em off to Mars. Them Martians are getting uppity. Let's see how they like it when THOSE DAMN DIRTY APES RUN RIOT ON THE RED PLANET!

I like your idea. A preemptive strike against those rebellious monkeys!

 

[RobertVA]

Aren't monkeys and ape two different kinds of primates? Monkeys have tails, apes and humans don't.

I've seen documentaries that indicate apes and early hominids have/had different vocal structures that prevent them from producing some sounds that are essential parts of modern human languages.

The animals on that comic book cover look like chimpanzees (apes).

 

[ITL]

We know the difference between apes and monkeys. But it's funny to confuse the two on purpose. And when the cover of an old comic gets the two mixed up? Deep joy.

 

[Mallory]

Aren't monkeys and ape two different kinds of primates? Monkeys have tails, apes and humans don't.

Don't go getting all scientific here. We have the Monkey Apocalypse to worry about.

 

[RJDiogenes]

And before you know it, it will be Planet of the Apes time for us humans.

It's the future all over again.

The Monkey Apocalypse could already be happening. In the movies, it started when an ape said "No." Sounds like that monkey was saying "No" to that little girl....

 

[Mallory]

Where's Jayson when we need him?

 

[ITL]

^ Monkey Mafia. Concrete banana skins. 'nuff said.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

*sigh* This is exactly how the Cylons started out.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Where's the Monkey Tennis™?

 

[Plecostomus]

Where's the Monkey Tennis™?

I got your Monkey Tennis right here. (points to cunningly disguised trap)

 

[Omnius]

What we really need are monkeys that post for us on the bbs.

Oh wait..

 

[Mallory]

We do, but they're all in TNZ flinging poo at each other.