Mental illness and Neurodiversity Support Group

I didn't go through the entire thread but..

It's not a mental issue, but has something to do with neurology.
About 10 years ago I was diagnosed with MS, Multiple Sclerosis.

I noticed some talk about trauma from early teen years.
At the age of 36 being bullied on 5th and 6th grade still has some effects on me.. even if the other bully is about my best friend these days.

 

I guess 4th-grade is where it all started with my depression. I'd blocked it out by two years later, but I was told that my 4th-grade teacher used to ridicule me, daily, in homeroom.

I can see being bullied in 5th- and 6th-grade having a lasting effect.

I'm glad the two of you were able to work out your differences.

 

I still don't like the other guy. Even if he did apologise many years later.
The friend hasn't apologised but maybe there's no need.

When I was around 25-28 years old and getting the MS diagnosis it all started to bother me much more than ever before. Weird. Before that it wasn't an issue, years later it just popped up. (after nightmares about the school)

Fortunately as time goes by it's easier to forget all that.

 

Time and memories can both heal and enhance realizations (and perhaps resentment).

I've come to realize that my "best friend" throughout junior high school into adulthood spent most of our time together basically using me and bullying me, to a point. At the very least, he would tell me he respected me more than anyone else he knew and yet treat me like shit most of the time.

 

Curious.

There are so many types of people.
Fortunately we don't have to endure everybody, if someone is being a dick, let him be a dick by himself.

 

There are still a few bullies from school, 40 years ago whom I'd love to meet occasionally - to whack them in the face that you can see my fingerprints for the next 10 years.

JesterFace, is 25ish a typical age to get MS? And how did you find out that you have it? What impact does it have on your life? (Don't answer if these questions are too personal.)

 

Some names you never forget, and they still inspire fear even now.

I was lucky. Although I was a prime candidate for bullying, and so long as I could avoid getting my head kicked in during a random dickhead violence spree, I managed to avoid it mostly.

I had my Star Trek and I had my train spotting, two interests that marked me out for ridicule, but I could shrug off the taunts because I loved it, so what of it, sort of thing.

I do sometimes, often, wish that I could go back and slap myself round the face for the times that I myself was less than kind to other children. The guy with bad acne and emotional/behavioural problems, he scared me, with his unseen triggers and flying tables. And the dark haired girl, always in worn out ill fitting clothes and preceded by the scent of urine. No one sat with her, or near her, but she never complained or failed to smile. They needed friendship, and I hope that things got better for them.

 

As far as I know the most common age for MS to start showning itself is around 20-40 years, quite a leap, but it can start earlier or later, "to each their own".

(please excuse the following mistakes in my typing, Finnish guy trying to be doctor in English. )

My first symptom was inflamation in optic nerve in my eye, which is the most common first symptom. Eventually more symptoms appeared, left ankle paralysed (fortunately it works now), weakness in bladder control.
Spinal tap confirmed the diagnosis.

Currently some symptoms have stayed, some disappeared or there has been imrovement thanks to medical treatment.

Some syptoms:
General weakness, fatique. When watching a long distance it causes double vision for me when tired. (fortunately it's not a problem when looking near, no problem watching Star Trek on TV )
Bladder control is weak.
Clumsiness
Balance is not what it used to be, I've had police rang after me more than once after I've walked to my car and started driving.
I don't know if it's a MS thing but particularly my right ear has had tinnitus for over 10 years now.
There might be more..

I retired at the age of 29 after a long sick leave, I just got the info, I wasn't asked about it. Good call though.

 

^^
Continuing a bit to the post above.

With MS some syptoms are common, such as fatique and some symptoms more personal depending on what parts of the brain is "attacked".

I've thought that there are as many different types of MS as there are people with it.

 

I'm not sure, but I think there's a good chance I have aphantasia.

When I try to picture an object or scene or person's face in my mind, the absolute BEST I can do is conjure up a mental image that looks like the satellite picture used to look when you were a kid trying to watch scrambled adult channels, or something about like what Geordi sees through his visor in "Heart of Glory," a confusing jumble that sometimes, just barely resembles an image.

I understand that "normal" people can actually see their mental images pretty clearly. Do you all find this to be the case?

 

It’s difficult to describe the minds eye, but what I tend to see, mentally, is a really clear and detailed image, but projected on to the glass through which I see the real world. If I’m picturing a movie I know really well, such as stealing the enterprise from space dock, I can hear it pitch perfect too.

 

^ I see people vaguely, like with a lot of opacity. It’s easier to picture items than people. I can usually see an intire object in my mind’s eye. That isn’t always the case with people.

 

I am almost blind to faces - I have really big probs distinguishing people. Hence, when I imagine a person, their faces are sort of blank spaces. I concentrate more on particularities in voice, movement or body language.
I can envision places rather well, though, and I have a very good memory for smells and sounds so that I can reproduce/remember/imagine them rather well.
I think on the whole it depends on what is dominating your normal sensual input. A blind person would presumably picture people by the way they sound and feel.

No need to apologize! Quite a lot of us are no native speakers of English. I for one am Bavarian

Rather a lot of the symptoms you describe are familiar to me - I was diagnosed with diabetes after I apparently had it for years. There is some neurologic damage like fatigue, loss of balance and motorical skills. Different causes but same effect. The vision probs you describe are very similar to the way elderly people see - we have diffuculties changing focus from near to far and back. In young people it takes a fraction of a second, in old people it can take minutes. When I knit for a few hours and then try to watch TV, I get the double images you describe. Very annoying when you try to read subtitles.

Getting pensioned off at such a young age must be utterly frustrating! Did they never give you the option to do some sort of re-training for a different job? Apart from brain surgery, tree feelling and raindeer racing you should be able to do pretty much everything, I imagine. Surely, a desk job would have been an option? Or perhaps work as a tourist guide? After all, your English is very good.

 

Thank you for the language compliment. Yours is good too.

Fatique is such a powerdrain in my case that I think pension was the correct way to go. Mental fatique comes along with physical, memory doesn't work as well as before and concertrating may not be what is was when healthy.
Besides, I'm simply lazy, always have been, I was happy to get that letter saying "time to retire".

Fortunatey treatment for MS and for other problems as well have taken big leaps lately. Before the "new wave" of medication I was pretty much always home. New meds have opened up the world again.

 

I know an online forum is no place to get serious help, but as I have no one IRL to say anything to, I need to get it out.

I need help. I don't think anyone here would be able to provide the type of assistance I need, but I'm getting pretty desperate.

I'm currently shaking almost uncontrollably and it's making typing difficult.

I tend to run everyone around me's tank empty. I'm difficult to be around, I admit. The thing is, what people have to offer in way of "help" sends me even further down the pit I'm currently in.

There are several people I would love to atone to, but I get the feeling even approaching them with a heartfelt apology would make things worse. I tend to do that. I say something hoping to try to mend issues and end up creating even more.

I have no idea where to turn at this moment. Not only do I not have the money to pay for services, but every place I've checked that might possibly be able to assist me with my underlying issue also has a months-long waiting list.

Being in an unhealthy living environment is making everything that much worse.

If you've made it this far, thank you for listening. I'm not expecting anything, but I needed somewhere to vent, whether anyone says anything or not.

 

I wish I could say something that would help Scribble. I found thisforum. I don't know if it will help.

 

@Scribble I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I truly feel for you right now.

I’m not in the slightest bit equipped to give you any advice, but I do hope you know how much we all appreciate you and care for you on TBBS. I know things seem really hopeless right now and you feel alone but I promise you you’re not.

I think you are such a special, kind, and talented individual and I hope you know I’m here for you always.

{{{hugs}}}

 

@Scribble

I truly feel for you right now. We care about you and appreciate your presence and as a person on the forums.

((hugs))

 

@Scribble
All I can add to what the others have said is another supportive voice. Take care of yourself, and I hope things improve.