May Challenge - "Notification Letter"

[TheLoneRedshirt]

“Notification Letter”

Stardate 53086.8 (31 January 2376)
USS Bluefin

Captain Joseph Akinola sat in his darkened ready room, illuminated only by a small lamp and the soft glow of the computer screen. Through the viewport, distant stars glimmered like exotic jewels. For the moment, though, his vision was blurred by a mist of barely restrained tears. He blinked, wiping the sleeve of his tunic across his face before forcing his gaze back at the words he had just dictated to the computer.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. McBride,

It is with profound regret that I must report the death of your son, Dale. He was killed during a boarding operation on an Orion raider earlier this day. Dale and his team met with stiff resistance from the pirates, yet managed to liberate the ship and the prisoners on board who were facing certain slavery or worse. Your son’s bravery and sacrifice was instrumental in saving numerous lives, including several children. I am recommending him for the Navy Cross.

I know that nothing I can say will make this any easier for you. But I felt it was important that you know that Dale was not only respected as our Executive Officer, he was loved as a man of integrity, loyalty, honor and courage. Dale has many friends on the Bluefin, myself included. We all share in your grief.

Dale loved his job and he was good at it. You would be very proud of how he has conducted himself on this ship. He has been a leader in every sense of the word and an inspiration to his fellow beings. He will be sorely missed.

I feel both inadequate and saddened to bring you this news. You have lost a son. We have lost our friend and colleague. I do hope we all will be comforted by our memories of him and the legacy he leaves behind.

With sincere condolences,
Joseph B. Akinola, Captain, SFBS Cutter Bluefin

He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was too tight. Taking the coffee mug from the desk, he took a swallow of the tepid liquid. He coughed, clearing his throat, then spoke in a raspy voice.

“Computer, transmit message and save copy to archives.”

Acknowledged. Message has been transmitted and saved.

He turned back to the viewport staring blankly at the starscape. After a time, he spoke again. “Computer, play jazz medley, set twenty two.”

The haunting melody from a saxophone filled the ready room, backed by a soft string bass and percussion background. Akinola allowed the music to fill his mind as his gaze drifted deeper into the dark void.

 

[Mistral]

Very solemn, especially coming from you. You've hit melancholy before but I don't think I've read anything you've done that was this solemn. I'd say, "Good Job!" but I feel the urge to go blow my brains out now....

 

[DavidFalkayn]

I'm thankful I never had to write one of those letters during my time in service. Very, very powerful piece.

 

[CeJay]

I'm kinda split on this one. It is impeccably written and clearly a sad and touching affair on the one hand but I didn't think it was particularly interesting on the other.

That probably sounds a bit harsher then I intended but that's because I can't really think of the right words. Maybe my problem with it is that as an avid fan of Bluefin it doesn't really reveal any new information or provide any additional insights to what we already know and expect.

It's a routine death notification letter sent by a very saddened Akinola to the parents of a dear officer and friend. It's quite good at that.

 

[TheLoneRedshirt]

I'm kinda split on this one. It is impeccably written and clearly a sad and touching affair on the one hand but I didn't think it was particularly interesting on the other.

That probably sounds a bit harsher then I intended but that's because I can't really think of the right words. Maybe my problem with it is that as an avid fan of Bluefin it doesn't really reveal any new information or provide any additional insights to what we already know and expect.

It's a routine death notification letter sent by a very saddened Akinola to the parents of a dear officer and friend. It's quite good at that.

Fair enough - although I would disagree that any notification letter is "routine." I had originally written in a similar segment in Fatal Distraction after McBride was killed, but I didn't think it added much to the story line.

Apparently that's the case here, too.

 

[CeJay]

I'm kinda split on this one. It is impeccably written and clearly a sad and touching affair on the one hand but I didn't think it was particularly interesting on the other.

That probably sounds a bit harsher then I intended but that's because I can't really think of the right words. Maybe my problem with it is that as an avid fan of Bluefin it doesn't really reveal any new information or provide any additional insights to what we already know and expect.

It's a routine death notification letter sent by a very saddened Akinola to the parents of a dear officer and friend. It's quite good at that.

Fair enough - although I would disagree that any notification letter is "routine." I had originally written in a similar segment in Fatal Distraction after McBride was killed, but I didn't think it added much to the story line.

Apparently that's the case here, too.

That was a bad choice of words. I take back "routine".

 

[mirandafave]

I feel both inadequate and saddened to bring you this news. You have lost a son. We have lost our friend and colleague. I do hope we all will be comforted by our memories of him and the legacy he leaves behind.

Such a letter has to be a captain's hardest and most gruelling chore. I personally think the quote from above is the epitome of Akinola's expression or should I say difficulty truly expressing the loss of his XO.
He feels inadequate to bring the news and knows this letter brings no comfort. But he asks that the crew's memories be the comfort and not these words. So I like it for that.

 

[trampledamage]

This is a well-written piece, I did feel the Captain's pain at having to write the letter. My only problem is that as someone who hasn't read any of the Bluefin stories, I have no connection to what has happened - a prologue or introduction would have made it a more complete story.

 

[Mistral]

Y'know, TD, that's the trap of fan fic-writing and encompassing things that WE know about but that a casual reader would find mystifying. I tore up like 4 pages of my Seleya story (current) when I realized it couldn't stand alone based on what I'd just written. Even now, my current needs the background of the first story. (sigh) It happens.

 

[TheLoneRedshirt]

This is a well-written piece, I did feel the Captain's pain at having to write the letter. My only problem is that as someone who hasn't read any of the Bluefin stories, I have no connection to what has happened - a prologue or introduction would have made it a more complete story.

Point well taken. I should have provided a brief prologue. The Bluefin tale, Fatal Distraction, is the context for this letter. In brief, Commander Dale McBride, the XO of the Bluefin, proposes marriage to Lt. Commander T'Ser. Though she loves McBride, she declines, not ready to take that step. McBride leads a dangerous boarding party mission on an Orion raider, attempting to rescue captive slaves. His mind is not fully on his mission, and he's killed in a bizarre twist by a frightened Orion child that McBride is trying to rescue.

 

[Dancing Doctor]

Although having that summary of the story that is connected with the letter helps, it didn't affect the way I read it. Very well-written, and the Captain's sadness is definitely apparent. I'd say that I enjoyed it, but it's not necessarily something enjoyable.