Lunch at the "Big Kahuna"

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Jayson1, Dec 27, 2017.

  1. Jayson1

    Jayson1 Commodore Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2017
    I should note this take places in the Quintan Tarantino Trekverse.

    The elevator to starbase 11's upper level of it's Promenade opened up and Spock and McCoy, aka the the Oscar and Felix of the "Enterprise" walked out. This upper level was dedicated to the the various food kiosks and restaurants. McCoy or "Oscar" was starving but he had a one track mind as to what he was after

    "Could you move any faster! 5 God Dam weeks patroling the netural zone looking out for some shifty pointy earned Motherfuckers! I think I deserve a treat now and then and you can't get anything like a Kahuna Burger with thick fresh tomantos and some Kentucky style lettuce with some magical who knows what kind of shit kind of special sause on the Enterprise."

    Spock or "Felix" replied "Yes you can. You just have to input the Ingredients into the galley's food replicator and it can format a," Spock surpressed the uncomfortable thought of having to say the word, "Kahuna Burger in almost exact detail as you can purchase from any of the various establishments they have opened within the Federation and outside of the Federation" Spock's smurk almost couldn't be contained. "Perhaps I could make the inputed ingredients for you. I am very good at mathematical equations and formating a replicated food item is just math in the end."

    McCoy "Spock you green blooded bastard. I know how to do math. I didn't get my education from dumbass Academy though that might explain some of the Admirals we have dealt with. I'm saying there is something special about going to the joint and getting it made by a human teenager and sitting down and gawking at all the people walking around the mall or hanging out. You ever really look at people and I mean really look. All of them are big mysteries to wonder about. What's running through their minds how fucking stoned are they. What in God's hell are they doing at Fucking shoping mall in outer space."

    Spock wanted to laugh because what he said was funny but would not give him the satisfaction 'Really Doctor, You should try and control your feelings. They will be your undoing" McCoy cocked his head and sort of shrugged."Maybe so but it's better than living life like a moving statue" Anyways enough of this shit. I am hungry"

    Spock and McCoy had been walking during their conversation,Spock knew were the "Big Kahuna" establishment was but he was not going to lead the way. It was more funny to let McCoy just sort of walk and find it on himself and pretend like he knew where it was the whole time. McCoy, after checking the Promenade maps a few times finally found it. The establishment was more of a built in kitchen with a open front. The tables people ate at were a few feet out from it and sat next to vast open space were you could look down at the lower level of the Promenade. It had the Words "Big Kahuna Burger" in Bright Red with yellow lacing above the open kitchen, opening.

    McCoy and Spock walked up to the serving area to the establishment and a 20 something Andorian male in the official "Big Kahuna Burger" attire aproached them and in all business asked "Can I help you sir. What would you like to order?" Spock noticed that McCoy noticed that most of the staff was Andorian. Spock was truly curious if McCoy would say something racist about how the image of human teenagers working at the place, like in the adds was different from reality but to his credit he said nothing. He knew McCoy, despite his bluster was a good man.

    MCoy" I will take One Double Cheese Big Kahuna Delux with a side order or Tiki fries." McCoy turned to Spock. 'What do you want Spock?" He noticed Spock had been glancing in the back of the kitchen" Well hurray up. will you!" he added. Spock focused on the attendent. "Would you happen to serve Pomek Soup?" McCoy literally did a face palm.

    "Jesus Suffering Christ on a Pogo stick! Spock you dumb idiot. Why would they serve Pomek Soup here and what is with you people and you freaking soup. Do they have ponds of steaming Pomek Broth on Vulcan I don't know about?" McCoy said with a raised voice"Just get what I ordered?" Spock replied "Doctor you know I don't eat meat. It's not logical to eat it just because they don't have my requested order."

    McCoy glanced at the Andorian waiter and noticed his eyes were glazed with boredom. Apparently the going on's of the customers lost interest to this fellow, many a boring work days ago. Then instantly shifted back to Spock. "It's not meat. Remember the math stuff we were talking about, just 30 minutes ago?" Spock raised his eyebrow in the way that he knew would always piss off McCoy" That doesn't matter. It's the principal of the matter. If I eat meat based products it condones the practice in reality. Plus this stations staff is 42% Vulcan. It's only logical they would have Vulcan food options.

    McCoy replied 'It's BIg Kahuna Burger" not fucking "Burger King" You can't have it your way. This place has been around since the 20th century and has survived Genetic Superman, Nuclear Bombs and they aren't going to change the menu because some green blooded asshole shows up one day wanting Pomek Soup." The Andorian waiter said "We do have a assorted sizes of Tiki Fries. Some come even dipped in melted cheese, If you would like."

    McCoy smiled "There you go Spock. Get the fucking Fries and shut up." Spock knew this was logical but he wasn't about to give in. "I'm afraid my copper based blood might not react well to the various ingredients in the fries. It could curve my metabolic efficenty down by 2%." McCoy was himself ready to go somewhere else to eat but he wasn't about to give in, either "Spock why do you always have to be so difficult, Can't..." He didn't finish his words before being interupted.

    "You two need to order or go get a room" The words came from Captain Kirk who was wearing the official dress uniform. He apparently had just left not that long ago from a meeting with Admiral Pink on Romulan movement around the Neutral Zone" and had finished it and wanted to come join them. "Come on lets go to the Zed's Bar and Grill on the otherside. I ate their once and trust me you both will like it."

    Spock and McCoy both felt, relief. Neither surrendered to the other. Spock knew he could soon eat and go back to ship a little early and start studying the data from the various sensor scans of the Neutral Zone that the Enterprise and other ships and satelites have been taking for the last 5 weeks and see if he could see any patterns. McCoy could get his precious Kuhuna Burger, tommorow before the Enterprise was sent back to the Neutral Zone. Both would get to enjoy the company of each other and Kirk at this, Bar and Grill, the captain seemed familiar with. It was truly great times for Oscar and Felix.

    Jason
     
  2. Sgt_G

    Sgt_G Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Don't know about that. You made McCoy way too far over the top, especially with the foul language. To quote the Dowager Countess, " Vulgarity is no substitute for wit."
     
  3. Jayson1

    Jayson1 Commodore Fleet Captain

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    Well it is the Tarantino verse so I am thinking that universe is going to be more graphic than we are use to as Trek fans. I think he will play up McCoy's insults somewhat and give him a little more anger. Spock I think will be someone who likes to sort of Troll people abit and his confidence will play as being more cocky. I kind of think Scotty will be the guy who really cusses like a sailor and Kirk will be more like VIncent. Kind of laid back and cool. Chekov will be gullable. Uhura will also be kind of laid back and cool. Sulu will be mysterious.


    Jason
     
  4. Sgt_G

    Sgt_G Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    All the more reason to keep Tarantino far, far away from anything Trek.
     
  5. Jayson1

    Jayson1 Commodore Fleet Captain

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    Mar 21, 2017
    I don't know. I think it's going to be fun and different I see Trek as being open to different things with new creators who will bring some unique stuff we aren't use to. I would love to see a Wes Anderson version of Trek as well.

    Jason
     
  6. WarpTenLizard

    WarpTenLizard Commander Red Shirt

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    As I read this I was imagining (young) Steve Buscemi as McCoy, Michael Madson as Kirk, and struggled the entire time to come up with which Tarantino actor would be Spock. Then I got to "Admiral Pink" and that completely threw my Buscemi McCoy thing off.

    Anyway, this is not bad, for a Tarantino parody of Trek. But, I feel a complete Tarantino "Star Trek" episode would need more violence, more feet, and way more out of order story telling.