As a light rainfall softened the dirt below to mud, through the cloudy morning sky flew Hiphop, the red-and-green bird holding a gun on his beak. Hiphop brought some worms along, and when he arrived the nest belonging to his friend Whipwhop, they shared the worms with also some seeds.
Whipwhop was a lady bird, colorful but not matching Hiphop.
"I am on my way to the launch of the starship Lagwarper," said Hiphop.
"For what?" asked Whipwhop. "You can fly by nature, what good is an airplane to you?"
"I am going to be the pilot. The captain needs someone with flying experience, and I'm the fastest-flying bird around," said Hiphop.
"You're not the fastest-flying bird, but you should be able to pilot a spaceship," said Whipwhop. "Who is the captain, anyway?"
"Who do you think? Jazz Jackrabbit will be captain," said Hiphop.
"You're always coming to Jazz's defense. Do you owe him something?" Whipwhop inquired.
"When turtles had me locked in a cage, Jazz got me out. Otherwise I'd have been thrown in the oven. Whipwhop, I want you to join the crew. Will you?" Hiphop was inviting Whipwhop to join in on the Lagwarper.
"And do what?" asked Whipwhop.
"You'd be the chief of landscaping," said Hiphop.
"What kind of airplane requires a landscaper?" Whipwhop couldn't believe it.
"Just look at this comfortable nest you built, wouldn't you like to build nests on distant planets?" Hiphop said convincingly.
"I'm fine with this one, really," said Whipwhop. "If you want me to join the crew, what will I get out of it?"
"Shiny things," said Hiphop.
"We have a deal." The two birds flew off.
--
At the launch site, on the Lagwarper, captain Jazz waited for more crewmembers to arrive, with the first officer Spaz and the chief of security Lori.
The three rabbits were at the salad bar when Hiphop and Whipwhop arrived.
Jazz greeted them. "Hello Hiphop, how's it going?"
"Steady flying. We had a good breakfast, it's easy to find worms in the rain. I trust the Lagwarper won't have trouble with the rain?"
"Of course not," Spaz replied, "the Lagwarper is equipped with a forcefield umbrella, to keep our furs and feathers dry. Rainstorms in outerspace can be way worse than on Carrotus."
"Who's your friend?" asked Lori.
"I'm Whipwhop, I heard you need a landscaper. I build excellent nests."
"Nice to meet you," said Lori. "Now I'm the only one without a shipmate with a rhyming name."
"This is the whole crew," Jazz stated. "I'll tell headquarters we're ready for our first mission."
"The Lagwarper is meant for a crew of 100s, we're going on a mission with just 5?" said Spaz. "Don't we need someone to do our laundry?"
Jazz said, "It's fine Spaz, Lori is the only one who really wears clothes over her fur."
--
The crew went to the bridge. Jazz went to his station. "Computer, open a channel to Starcarrot HQ."
On the viewscreen appeared Eva Earlong, the queen of Carrotus and the boss of Starcarrot Command. "Hello, captain Jazz. Are the Lagwarper's systems all in working order?"
Jazz said, "The replicator produced my tomato soup cold, when I asked for it hot. I'd rather have you onboard to cook, as you do at home."
"Forget about it, Jazz. There is a binary star system 200 lightyears from us. We've detected a possibility that a planet there might have mineral deposits that can be used in vegetable farms back home. You are to extract the minerals and bring them to Carrotus. If you succeed, next year we'll have a plentiful harvest," Eva instructed her husband.
"Understood," said Jazz. "Is the planet inhabited?"
"You'll have to find out for yourself," said Eva. She disappeared from the viewscreen as they closed the channel.
Spaz said, "This sounds like an easy first mission."
"We're ignoring Eva's orders," said Jazz. "Instead we will go to Sluggion to pickup Zoe Cottontail. She's developed a recipe for slug stew."
Hiphop protested. "So we're disobeying your wife's orders, on our first mission, to go get your other woman instead? I thought we talked about this."
"We did," said Jazz, "and you told me —never let a woman control you."
"You're just letting Zoe control you instead of Eva," said Hiphop.
"Set a course to Sluggion. Full speed ahead," said Jazz.
"Very well," said Hiphop. The Lagwarper darted away from Carrotus into space.
--
Spaz took the opportunity to tell Hiphop, the pilot, about the Lagwarper's unique engine. "To travel at the fastest speed possible, we're able to generate a temporary disconnection field around the ship, that allows us to move without sending any information about our position into spacetime. When we reach our destination, we reconnect to spacetime, and it appears like we traveled the whole distance instantaneously. To everyone else, they will just think our connection is timing out, until we reappear somewhere else."
Whipwhop was skeptical. "So that doesn't mean we move any faster than normal. It will just seem like we appeared out of nowhere.
"You're not the pilot, I am. You don't need to worry about it," said Hiphop.
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The Lagwarper speeded through space, toward the planet Sluggion.
"Sensor readings indicate lifesigns of approximately 472,398 slugs on the surface of the planet. I'm also detecting… 1 rabbit lifesign," Whipwhop stated.
"That 1 rabbit lifesign must be Zoe," said Jazz. "Whipwhop, meet me in the transporter room. I'll beam directly to her coordinates."
On the way to the transporter room, Jazz stopped at a replicator machine. "One bouquet of flowers… Actually, no… One brand-new gun, please. Make it as big as it can get."
The replicator machine beeped once or twice before producing the gun. Jazz took the newly-made gun to the transporter room.
"For Zoe?" asked Whipwhop.
"Indeed," said Jazz. "I was gonna give her flowers, but she'll need this more."
"Ready to go?"
"Energize."
--
Jazz beamed right into Zoe's kitchen, where she was making slug stew.
"Are you so hungry that you didn't even knock?" Zoe welcomed him.
"Heck naw, I'm not eating any slug stew," said Jazz. "I got a starship. I need you onboard."
"Why do you need me?" Zoe wondered.
"Because," Jazz said, "if you don't come with me, you might get captured by turtles again!"
"You're being paranoid. That was a one-time-thing," Zoe mocked him. "What's that you brought?"
"This gun is yours," Jazz offered, "if you join the crew of the Lagwarper."
"Ok, since that's such a big gun, I'll go," Zoe agreed.
"Jazz to Lagwarper. Two to beam up." They vanished, slugs still cooking. Moments later, a raccoon came along to consume the stew.
--
"Excellent, you both arrived safely," said Lori after Zoe and Jazz returned to the transporter room.
A barrage of extra-powered RF missile impacted the ship!
"We're under attack!" Spaz said. "Shields are at 1%."
"Who is attacking us?" Hiphop asked.
"Open a channel," Jazz said.
"Channel open," the computer stated.
"What was that for?" Jazz asked the enemy via the communication channel.
"I gave you command of a Starcarrot vessel, and you're using it to cheat on me?" Eva replied via the comm channel.
"I can explain…" Jazz cowered.
"Too late," said Eva, as she closed the channel.
"They're charging weapons," said Hiphop. "Anymore RF spam and we'll be roasted."
"She's… she's going to kill me…" Jazz whimpered.
"Fire back! Let's destroy that scamp!" shouted Zoe, angrily.
"No! Evasive maneuvers, get us the duck outta here!" Spaz argued.
"How did Eva's ship approach us undetected?" Lori wondered.
Before they did anything, Eva's ship fired electroblaster at the Lagwarper, disabling its shields and destroying its weapon. Then Eva hopped right on over to the Lagwarper, finding Jazz and Zoe on the floor, badly injured.
"Look who got what was coming for him," said Eva. Jazz sobbed in response. "And you, Zoe…"
"Screw you!" Zoe interrupted.
"Please, spare the others, this battle is between us two personally," Jazz begged Eva.
"I think you mean, it's between us three," Zoe added.
"I don't care about the rest of you, but you two deserve what I'm about to do," said Eva.
"Another ship is approaching…" Whipwhop interjected. "It's a turtle ship… It's the Shellicopter."
"What do they want?" Zoe asked.
"They're hailing us," said Whipwhop.
"On screen," Jazz replied.
On the viewscreen, a robot moved around erratically, as if operated incompetently via remote control. The robot beeped, as if intending to form a sentence, but was only capable of beeping.
"This robot may be vulnerable to an ice attack," Lori said. "Freeze water and prepare to launch it at them."
Meanwhile, Devan Shell and Dark Shell transported onto the Lagwarper. While Spaz was getting ice, the turtles shot at Jazz, but they both missed badly. Regardless, Devan kidnapped Eva, and Dark kidnapped Zoe. The turtle brothers transported back to their ship, the Shellicopter, without facing any resistance from anyone aboard the Lagwarper. Then, the Shellicopter warped off into space, while Jazz just sat on the floor, looking dumbfounded.
10 seconds later, the Shellicopter warped right back, to send a transmission:
"If you ever want to see either of them again —"
The message was interrupted by sounds of a robot exploding into a mess of screws and antennaes.
"Ack! I told you to fix that darned robot!" Then the signal cut off and the Shellicopter zigzagged randomly until it was out of range.
--
"What's the next move? Zoe and Eva both got captured by turtles," said Hiphop.
Jazz answered, "Thankfully! If they hadn't been captured, I'd be caught in the middle of their relationship drama. I'm moving on — from both of them."
"Wow, smart choice!" Hiphop complimented Jazz's decision. "Now we can do something productive instead."
"Now that she's a prisoner of turtles, I call Eva's ship," Whipwhop said.
"Excellent idea!" Hiphop answered.
"The Flagholder, it's called…" Whipwhop tried to open the door of Eva's ship, which would accomodate only one person. "The door's locked… Wait… No it's not." Whipwhop got the door open and perched infront of the controls.
"Alright Whipwhop, you lead the way!" said Jazz. "Engage," he confidently declared.
"Lead the way to where?" Whipwhop asked over a comm channel, confusedly.
"Jazz, you hit your head pretty hard," said Hiphop, sympathetically. "I think you should go to sickbay, before we go anywhere."
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"So you really don't intend to rescue Eva or Zoe? That's not like you," said Hiphop. "You've been rescuing rabbit-women from turtle-villains for your entire career. If Whipwhop were kidnapped, I'd be out there looking for her!"
"I also freed the both of you birds from cages along the way," Jazz responded.
"And now you don't care?" Hiphop continued his inquiry.
"Well if you consider that Eva is already pissed off that I went to see Zoe, and that Zoe's been eating her nasty slugs, don't you think it's time they learned to handle themselves?" Jazz explained his opinion.
"But if you don't stop Dark and Devan now, they're going to do something even more malicious," said Hiphop. "They could start capturing all sorts of people."
"We're supposed to be on a mission of peaceful space exploration, I'm not going to be distracted by soured romances. Not again," said Jazz. "Besides, you don't know if those turtles are going to do anything bad. Rabbits change. So do turtles. Birds too."
"Peaceful space exploration. Okay," said Hiphop. "I'll ask Whipwhop to take the Flagholder to lead us away from Sluggion and toward some distant, unknown starsystem."
"Excellent!"
--
Whipwhop piloted the Flagholder, which used to be Eva's ship, by herself at warpspeed toward some random star that she didn't recognize. The dark-purple star made the surrounding planet look like some shady late-night party where chemically manufactured drugs were being exchanged and consumed. When the Flagholder dropped out of warp, Whipwhop opened a longrange communication channel with the Lagwarper, and told them to follow to her coordinates.
"There's a few planets around this star. Nothing that looks dangerous," said Whipwhop.
"We're on our way," said Spaz. Then the Lagwarper appeared for a while to have a connection-timeout, and was reanimated next to the Flagholder.
"I'm detecting the sweet scent of vegetables on the 1st planet. It must be full of carrots," said Lori.
"Let's go to the surface and try and find some," said Spaz. "Fresh vegetables are always good."
They brought the Lagwarper and the Flagholder into orbit of the 1st planet in the system. Rather than using a transporter, Jazz and Lori copter-eared from the ship in orbit, onto the surface. Hiphop and Whipwhop simply flew, landing on a tree above the rabbits. Spaz could neither fly nor copter-ear, but he didn't want to be the only one left out, so he sidekicked off the ship and just crashlanded in the dirt. Like they expected, they were surrounded by 1000s of carrots, growing in a field. The rabbits began to devour many of the carrots, while the birds ate some fruits in the trees.
"This is the best planet ever!" said Lori.
"1000s of carrots just waiting for us," Spaz answered.
"I would like to build a nest in this tree, and stay at least until lunchtime," said Whipwhop.
"How much can you possibly eat? It's not like anyone was hungry before we got to this planet," Hiphop argued.
"We could investigate the other planets of this system," said Whipwhop.
"We can visit the next planet out from here," Jazz decided.
--
The rabbits got onto their hoverboards, while the birds prepared to fly back up to their ships. Their ascent was interrupted, though, by a forcefield surrounding the lot of them.
"It seems we've been trapped!" Spaz exclaimed.
"Indeed," said Lori.
A lizard with a helicopter met them above the forcefield, tossing some bombs their way. The lizard looked slightly disappointed when the bombs bounced off the forcefield and exploded on the ground, destroying some carrots. Regardless, the lizard introduced herself.
"You're the latests pests to be enticed into my trap! The five of you will make an excellent meal," said the lizard.
"Oh these are your carrots? We hadn't realized, so sorry! We'll just be going now," said Spaz.
"Fools, I'm a lizard, it's not about the carrots! Those are there to attract prey, such as yourself! My name is Iggy. You'll be accompanying me to the next planet."
"We were actually about to get on our way over there, thanks for the ride, I guess," replied Spaz.
Iggy placed the three rabbits and two birds into a sack, and closed the sack with the tightest knot she could. Then she sealed the sack with another forcefield. It was very cramped inside the sack. Iggy carried that sack, along with another sack full of bombs, as she took her helicopter through space toward the next planet.
"Welcome to Lizartopia! I'm sure you'll taste great," said Iggy to the sack full of rabbits and birds.
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Jazz, Spaz, Lori, Hiphop, & Whipwhop all squirmed discontentedly within Iggy's sack, as if they were 5 potatos, rather than 3 rabbits and 2 birds. Iggy dragged the sack through the door of her house and into her kitchen.
"You can come out now," said Iggy, releasing the forcefield and untying the knot to open the sack. "Prepare to be devoured," Iggy told them.
Lori glanced around the kitchen and at Iggy, her captor, evaluating the scenario. She saw that of everyone in the kitchen, Iggy was the only 1 without a gun. So she spoke to her.
"You're not going to do anything to us, fool," Lori told Iggy. "Try, and I'll shoot you."
Whipwhop smirked bemusedly.
"But I have another sack full of bombs!" Iggy retorted.
"Those bombs would destroy your own kitchen," Lori calmly replied.
Iggy pondered the statement momentarily. "I suppose you're correct. I won't bomb my own kitchen, and I can't force you to do this. So I'll ask nicely instead. Please, be my supper. I'm willing to pay you, if you want," Iggy offered them.
"Deal," Spaz said, confidently, smiling.
"Shut up Spaz!" Hiphop angrily interrupted.
"No thanks," Jazz said apologetically.
"Alright fine," Iggy sighed in defeat. "Let's go outside, then. I'd like to show you around Lizartopia. It's a lot more fun than a field full of carrots."
"Are there carrots, though?" Jazz inquired.
"You know what, I'm not actually sure," Iggy answered. The 6 of them stepped out of Iggy's house and into Lizartopia. The group walked through the city with a sense of discovery and awe.
"This is a museum, this is a library, this is a restaurant, this is a park, this is a school..." Iggy informed the rest, as they passed various places.
An unidentified lizard approached them all unexpectedly.
"Do you want to buy some drugs?" The random lizard proposed.
Iggy spoke. "No, we don't do drugs."
The drug dealer lizard looked disappointed. He was even more disappointed when Jazz shot him and took his coins. It was a lot of coins.
"That was unneccessarry," Whipwhop said to Jazz.
"I got a lot of coins now though," Jazz explained.
"We better leave before that drug dealer's gang finds out about what happened. They'll probably want to shoot us back," said Whipwhop.
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"?Why are you asking so many questions?" said Jazz to another drug dealer.
"I don't know." Eltendo pointed his blaster at Jazz, and aimed at hizz headband. "I should just shoot you without letting you explain yourself." Eltendo glanced at the target rabbit.
His blaster fired a shot at Jazz.
Quickly, Jazz ate a carrot, in reovery from the bullet to his headband. He replenished his bloodflow and mineral circulation, and returned ammo at Eltendo.
"!Ouch! ?What gives?" Eltendo squealed. "Hey, let me have a healing carrot."
Jazz gave a healing carrot to Eltendo. The carrot was orange and purple.
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... In the pond out by the wayside, a literature-marked floating softball drifted idly along the coast. Hovering above the waterlevel were ~10~ drones, seemingly playing at perpetual motion
... From below the waterlevel, the oceanic vehicle named Lagwarper floated toward the pond surface, observably with focusedly awestriking immediacy
... The playing drones simultaneously shifted their attention from their ballgame to the Lagwarper raft, when it elevated through the simulative plane of the pond's average waterlevel heights
... The Lagwarper's vertical accellerration decreased to an equillibrium soon after elevating above the liquid water field. The Lagwarper communications script sent an unencrypted open-access message:
,,``[[(( GAME...OVER!!! ))]],,``
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-------
... Most of the drones heard the loud broadcast and quit balling out above the pond to start laughing instead
... The Lagwarper hang-glided in midair, then adjusted itself with some rotation while parallol to the average heights of the pondwater, until re-entering the oceans of the pond at a deflective angle
,,`` ?What is that vehicle up to? ?Why did it make us stop our game? ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` I do not know; I am wondering, ?did someone take their ball back? ,,`` - Kshal
,,`` It seems so: whomever's ball that was, it's gone now. ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` ?Is it? ?Or is it? ?Oh is it really? ,,`` - Kshal
,,`` It definitely is. ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` Definitely. ,,`` - Kshal
,,`` Thanks for the recertification. ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` ?Would you like to have a drink of water? ,,`` - Kshal
-------
... On a trench flooring the pond, an unidentifyable softball maintainance operations officer locked the softball of note into its cage
... The literalary markings atoning the softball were embossed and fitted onto a particular region of the softball's playing field orientation
... According to imaginative contemplation, the literalary markings meant:
,,`` ,,`` SOFTBALL PROPERTY OF DENSITY INC ,,`` ,,``
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========
----
- Above the bog; starlight radiates onto the faces of Kshal & Whipwhop ...
They watch the light-rayz reflect; diffract; and distort,
At the panel where the "primordial" mixture of: water, sand & clay --
turns from a liquid solution, into a vaporious atmosphere.
Kshal & Whipwhop
just apear to be at rest, ignoring the aftereffects of their own conversation,
the jackrabbit & the bird
-> The police chief Paulmarshall aproaches the scene.
----
-> The police chief Paulmarshall seems to be aproaching the bog
from the same direction that the path of Whipwhop & Kshal --
| 19:29 | Paulmarshall:
"Yo guyz what's goody"
"Wat's going on i was just outside balling out"
| 19:30 | Whipwhop:
"Ya i kno - we were out there w/ u, nga"
| 19:32 | Paulmarshall:
"¿Oh word? i hadn't seen y'all'z faces"
----
| 19:33 | Kshal:
"We were just out here standing and talking nd tryna figure out
why our team lost in half-court"
| 19:32 | Kshal:
"The other team is suposed to be showing up later"
| 19:34 | Paulmarshall:
"We're gonna need prolly ][ blunts if we're gonna have that many ppl"
----
| 19:40 | Whipwhop:
"Aite that should be str8 then"
... while the squad's focus of perception was still turned toward the bog
it seemed asthough the bog was probably actually the centre
of gravity in their starsystem.
- Paulmarshall spun and faced the other two of them.
"¿is the fire chief planing to join us this evening?"
----
========
----
| 18:00 | Paulmarshall:
"¿so do you guyz wanna run it back over at rucker's or at the armourie tonight?"
- the three of them looked up at the horizon and thought the daylight apeared to kindof
be faking on the idea.
| 19:99 | Whipwhop:
"¿are yall just tryna play smash instead?"
| 20:00 | Kshal:
"There shouldn't be away to do that here."
----
Kshal:
"This place is too peaceful. Let's actually go to the armourie,
and try to decide there instead."
| 14:00 | Whipwhop:
"`Luxroth actually just txtd me and told me
they're shooting around at freepastswamp park 2nite..."
| 14:01 | Kshal:
"¿Are we about 2 lite these ][ blunts there then?"
----
| 21:00 | Paulmarshall:
"i'llwrite"
- At freepastswamp,
Luxroth had been
w8ing 4 the
three of them,
by hisself --
"Yo i actually left
my basketball at the
court so i could go
meet up w/ y'all.
¿How did y'all even
get here?"
; said Luxroth.
"i actually heard someone
say that girls were
gonna be over at the bog
soon so i was like yo i'm about to bounce" - Paulmarshall
| 21:04 | "¿So where r we about 2 lite this blunt?"
While... Luxroth , Paulmarshall ; Whipwhop & Kshal
toked...
they occasionally heard the echoes of dribbling, or the bouncing of balls,
from afar in an audio echo chamber that seemed to have been dampened
by the thick foliage of large trees, bushes and hedges.
It was sonically evident that NO 1-ON-1 games were being played at that time, irrespective
of the aeriely-transduced sound information (( dribbling echoes ))
----
========
----
The woodlands surrounding the basketball team were battlestruck; wartorn & desert.
There had seemed to have been 1 power struggle;
between local alien ravens & treerabbits,
over which alien race would gain priority useage of the basketball court.
A group of sparrows clashed with the jackrabbit b-ball team; eventually the groups
moved onward and passed one another, bolth projecting a kind-of nonchalant expression
of: '...today's gonna give y'all a rough time...'
dashing across the tree branch was a sloth-monkey;
the ravens and the tree-rabbits segregating themselves
by dodging toward oposite sides of the sloth-monkey.
Next; an older, domestic-looking sparrow lands in front of a member of the sparrow peer-group.
The elder-sparrow provide a youngling w/ some information regarding the squirrels & the crows.
Gracefully & bemusedly, the sparrows carried on to their athletic enclosure.
Somewhere else; Paulmarshall, Luxroth, Whipwhop, Kshal
discussed their potentially
viable options for rehydration & nourishment. Two of them got carrot salads,
and all of them drank water.
-innovations had been scarce that day.
Whipwhop was a lady bird, colorful but not matching Hiphop.
"I am on my way to the launch of the starship Lagwarper," said Hiphop.
"For what?" asked Whipwhop. "You can fly by nature, what good is an airplane to you?"
"I am going to be the pilot. The captain needs someone with flying experience, and I'm the fastest-flying bird around," said Hiphop.
"You're not the fastest-flying bird, but you should be able to pilot a spaceship," said Whipwhop. "Who is the captain, anyway?"
"Who do you think? Jazz Jackrabbit will be captain," said Hiphop.
"You're always coming to Jazz's defense. Do you owe him something?" Whipwhop inquired.
"When turtles had me locked in a cage, Jazz got me out. Otherwise I'd have been thrown in the oven. Whipwhop, I want you to join the crew. Will you?" Hiphop was inviting Whipwhop to join in on the Lagwarper.
"And do what?" asked Whipwhop.
"You'd be the chief of landscaping," said Hiphop.
"What kind of airplane requires a landscaper?" Whipwhop couldn't believe it.
"Just look at this comfortable nest you built, wouldn't you like to build nests on distant planets?" Hiphop said convincingly.
"I'm fine with this one, really," said Whipwhop. "If you want me to join the crew, what will I get out of it?"
"Shiny things," said Hiphop.
"We have a deal." The two birds flew off.
--
At the launch site, on the Lagwarper, captain Jazz waited for more crewmembers to arrive, with the first officer Spaz and the chief of security Lori.
The three rabbits were at the salad bar when Hiphop and Whipwhop arrived.
Jazz greeted them. "Hello Hiphop, how's it going?"
"Steady flying. We had a good breakfast, it's easy to find worms in the rain. I trust the Lagwarper won't have trouble with the rain?"
"Of course not," Spaz replied, "the Lagwarper is equipped with a forcefield umbrella, to keep our furs and feathers dry. Rainstorms in outerspace can be way worse than on Carrotus."
"Who's your friend?" asked Lori.
"I'm Whipwhop, I heard you need a landscaper. I build excellent nests."
"Nice to meet you," said Lori. "Now I'm the only one without a shipmate with a rhyming name."
"This is the whole crew," Jazz stated. "I'll tell headquarters we're ready for our first mission."
"The Lagwarper is meant for a crew of 100s, we're going on a mission with just 5?" said Spaz. "Don't we need someone to do our laundry?"
Jazz said, "It's fine Spaz, Lori is the only one who really wears clothes over her fur."
--
The crew went to the bridge. Jazz went to his station. "Computer, open a channel to Starcarrot HQ."
On the viewscreen appeared Eva Earlong, the queen of Carrotus and the boss of Starcarrot Command. "Hello, captain Jazz. Are the Lagwarper's systems all in working order?"
Jazz said, "The replicator produced my tomato soup cold, when I asked for it hot. I'd rather have you onboard to cook, as you do at home."
"Forget about it, Jazz. There is a binary star system 200 lightyears from us. We've detected a possibility that a planet there might have mineral deposits that can be used in vegetable farms back home. You are to extract the minerals and bring them to Carrotus. If you succeed, next year we'll have a plentiful harvest," Eva instructed her husband.
"Understood," said Jazz. "Is the planet inhabited?"
"You'll have to find out for yourself," said Eva. She disappeared from the viewscreen as they closed the channel.
Spaz said, "This sounds like an easy first mission."
"We're ignoring Eva's orders," said Jazz. "Instead we will go to Sluggion to pickup Zoe Cottontail. She's developed a recipe for slug stew."
Hiphop protested. "So we're disobeying your wife's orders, on our first mission, to go get your other woman instead? I thought we talked about this."
"We did," said Jazz, "and you told me —never let a woman control you."
"You're just letting Zoe control you instead of Eva," said Hiphop.
"Set a course to Sluggion. Full speed ahead," said Jazz.
"Very well," said Hiphop. The Lagwarper darted away from Carrotus into space.
--
Spaz took the opportunity to tell Hiphop, the pilot, about the Lagwarper's unique engine. "To travel at the fastest speed possible, we're able to generate a temporary disconnection field around the ship, that allows us to move without sending any information about our position into spacetime. When we reach our destination, we reconnect to spacetime, and it appears like we traveled the whole distance instantaneously. To everyone else, they will just think our connection is timing out, until we reappear somewhere else."
Whipwhop was skeptical. "So that doesn't mean we move any faster than normal. It will just seem like we appeared out of nowhere.
"You're not the pilot, I am. You don't need to worry about it," said Hiphop.
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The Lagwarper speeded through space, toward the planet Sluggion.
"Sensor readings indicate lifesigns of approximately 472,398 slugs on the surface of the planet. I'm also detecting… 1 rabbit lifesign," Whipwhop stated.
"That 1 rabbit lifesign must be Zoe," said Jazz. "Whipwhop, meet me in the transporter room. I'll beam directly to her coordinates."
On the way to the transporter room, Jazz stopped at a replicator machine. "One bouquet of flowers… Actually, no… One brand-new gun, please. Make it as big as it can get."
The replicator machine beeped once or twice before producing the gun. Jazz took the newly-made gun to the transporter room.
"For Zoe?" asked Whipwhop.
"Indeed," said Jazz. "I was gonna give her flowers, but she'll need this more."
"Ready to go?"
"Energize."
--
Jazz beamed right into Zoe's kitchen, where she was making slug stew.
"Are you so hungry that you didn't even knock?" Zoe welcomed him.
"Heck naw, I'm not eating any slug stew," said Jazz. "I got a starship. I need you onboard."
"Why do you need me?" Zoe wondered.
"Because," Jazz said, "if you don't come with me, you might get captured by turtles again!"
"You're being paranoid. That was a one-time-thing," Zoe mocked him. "What's that you brought?"
"This gun is yours," Jazz offered, "if you join the crew of the Lagwarper."
"Ok, since that's such a big gun, I'll go," Zoe agreed.
"Jazz to Lagwarper. Two to beam up." They vanished, slugs still cooking. Moments later, a raccoon came along to consume the stew.
--
"Excellent, you both arrived safely," said Lori after Zoe and Jazz returned to the transporter room.
A barrage of extra-powered RF missile impacted the ship!
"We're under attack!" Spaz said. "Shields are at 1%."
"Who is attacking us?" Hiphop asked.
"Open a channel," Jazz said.
"Channel open," the computer stated.
"What was that for?" Jazz asked the enemy via the communication channel.
"I gave you command of a Starcarrot vessel, and you're using it to cheat on me?" Eva replied via the comm channel.
"I can explain…" Jazz cowered.
"Too late," said Eva, as she closed the channel.
"They're charging weapons," said Hiphop. "Anymore RF spam and we'll be roasted."
"She's… she's going to kill me…" Jazz whimpered.
"Fire back! Let's destroy that scamp!" shouted Zoe, angrily.
"No! Evasive maneuvers, get us the duck outta here!" Spaz argued.
"How did Eva's ship approach us undetected?" Lori wondered.
Before they did anything, Eva's ship fired electroblaster at the Lagwarper, disabling its shields and destroying its weapon. Then Eva hopped right on over to the Lagwarper, finding Jazz and Zoe on the floor, badly injured.
"Look who got what was coming for him," said Eva. Jazz sobbed in response. "And you, Zoe…"
"Screw you!" Zoe interrupted.
"Please, spare the others, this battle is between us two personally," Jazz begged Eva.
"I think you mean, it's between us three," Zoe added.
"I don't care about the rest of you, but you two deserve what I'm about to do," said Eva.
"Another ship is approaching…" Whipwhop interjected. "It's a turtle ship… It's the Shellicopter."
"What do they want?" Zoe asked.
"They're hailing us," said Whipwhop.
"On screen," Jazz replied.
On the viewscreen, a robot moved around erratically, as if operated incompetently via remote control. The robot beeped, as if intending to form a sentence, but was only capable of beeping.
"This robot may be vulnerable to an ice attack," Lori said. "Freeze water and prepare to launch it at them."
Meanwhile, Devan Shell and Dark Shell transported onto the Lagwarper. While Spaz was getting ice, the turtles shot at Jazz, but they both missed badly. Regardless, Devan kidnapped Eva, and Dark kidnapped Zoe. The turtle brothers transported back to their ship, the Shellicopter, without facing any resistance from anyone aboard the Lagwarper. Then, the Shellicopter warped off into space, while Jazz just sat on the floor, looking dumbfounded.
10 seconds later, the Shellicopter warped right back, to send a transmission:
"If you ever want to see either of them again —"
The message was interrupted by sounds of a robot exploding into a mess of screws and antennaes.
"Ack! I told you to fix that darned robot!" Then the signal cut off and the Shellicopter zigzagged randomly until it was out of range.
--
"What's the next move? Zoe and Eva both got captured by turtles," said Hiphop.
Jazz answered, "Thankfully! If they hadn't been captured, I'd be caught in the middle of their relationship drama. I'm moving on — from both of them."
"Wow, smart choice!" Hiphop complimented Jazz's decision. "Now we can do something productive instead."
"Now that she's a prisoner of turtles, I call Eva's ship," Whipwhop said.
"Excellent idea!" Hiphop answered.
"The Flagholder, it's called…" Whipwhop tried to open the door of Eva's ship, which would accomodate only one person. "The door's locked… Wait… No it's not." Whipwhop got the door open and perched infront of the controls.
"Alright Whipwhop, you lead the way!" said Jazz. "Engage," he confidently declared.
"Lead the way to where?" Whipwhop asked over a comm channel, confusedly.
"Jazz, you hit your head pretty hard," said Hiphop, sympathetically. "I think you should go to sickbay, before we go anywhere."
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"So you really don't intend to rescue Eva or Zoe? That's not like you," said Hiphop. "You've been rescuing rabbit-women from turtle-villains for your entire career. If Whipwhop were kidnapped, I'd be out there looking for her!"
"I also freed the both of you birds from cages along the way," Jazz responded.
"And now you don't care?" Hiphop continued his inquiry.
"Well if you consider that Eva is already pissed off that I went to see Zoe, and that Zoe's been eating her nasty slugs, don't you think it's time they learned to handle themselves?" Jazz explained his opinion.
"But if you don't stop Dark and Devan now, they're going to do something even more malicious," said Hiphop. "They could start capturing all sorts of people."
"We're supposed to be on a mission of peaceful space exploration, I'm not going to be distracted by soured romances. Not again," said Jazz. "Besides, you don't know if those turtles are going to do anything bad. Rabbits change. So do turtles. Birds too."
"Peaceful space exploration. Okay," said Hiphop. "I'll ask Whipwhop to take the Flagholder to lead us away from Sluggion and toward some distant, unknown starsystem."
"Excellent!"
--
Whipwhop piloted the Flagholder, which used to be Eva's ship, by herself at warpspeed toward some random star that she didn't recognize. The dark-purple star made the surrounding planet look like some shady late-night party where chemically manufactured drugs were being exchanged and consumed. When the Flagholder dropped out of warp, Whipwhop opened a longrange communication channel with the Lagwarper, and told them to follow to her coordinates.
"There's a few planets around this star. Nothing that looks dangerous," said Whipwhop.
"We're on our way," said Spaz. Then the Lagwarper appeared for a while to have a connection-timeout, and was reanimated next to the Flagholder.
"I'm detecting the sweet scent of vegetables on the 1st planet. It must be full of carrots," said Lori.
"Let's go to the surface and try and find some," said Spaz. "Fresh vegetables are always good."
They brought the Lagwarper and the Flagholder into orbit of the 1st planet in the system. Rather than using a transporter, Jazz and Lori copter-eared from the ship in orbit, onto the surface. Hiphop and Whipwhop simply flew, landing on a tree above the rabbits. Spaz could neither fly nor copter-ear, but he didn't want to be the only one left out, so he sidekicked off the ship and just crashlanded in the dirt. Like they expected, they were surrounded by 1000s of carrots, growing in a field. The rabbits began to devour many of the carrots, while the birds ate some fruits in the trees.
"This is the best planet ever!" said Lori.
"1000s of carrots just waiting for us," Spaz answered.
"I would like to build a nest in this tree, and stay at least until lunchtime," said Whipwhop.
"How much can you possibly eat? It's not like anyone was hungry before we got to this planet," Hiphop argued.
"We could investigate the other planets of this system," said Whipwhop.
"We can visit the next planet out from here," Jazz decided.
--
The rabbits got onto their hoverboards, while the birds prepared to fly back up to their ships. Their ascent was interrupted, though, by a forcefield surrounding the lot of them.
"It seems we've been trapped!" Spaz exclaimed.
"Indeed," said Lori.
A lizard with a helicopter met them above the forcefield, tossing some bombs their way. The lizard looked slightly disappointed when the bombs bounced off the forcefield and exploded on the ground, destroying some carrots. Regardless, the lizard introduced herself.
"You're the latests pests to be enticed into my trap! The five of you will make an excellent meal," said the lizard.
"Oh these are your carrots? We hadn't realized, so sorry! We'll just be going now," said Spaz.
"Fools, I'm a lizard, it's not about the carrots! Those are there to attract prey, such as yourself! My name is Iggy. You'll be accompanying me to the next planet."
"We were actually about to get on our way over there, thanks for the ride, I guess," replied Spaz.
Iggy placed the three rabbits and two birds into a sack, and closed the sack with the tightest knot she could. Then she sealed the sack with another forcefield. It was very cramped inside the sack. Iggy carried that sack, along with another sack full of bombs, as she took her helicopter through space toward the next planet.
"Welcome to Lizartopia! I'm sure you'll taste great," said Iggy to the sack full of rabbits and birds.
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Jazz, Spaz, Lori, Hiphop, & Whipwhop all squirmed discontentedly within Iggy's sack, as if they were 5 potatos, rather than 3 rabbits and 2 birds. Iggy dragged the sack through the door of her house and into her kitchen.
"You can come out now," said Iggy, releasing the forcefield and untying the knot to open the sack. "Prepare to be devoured," Iggy told them.
Lori glanced around the kitchen and at Iggy, her captor, evaluating the scenario. She saw that of everyone in the kitchen, Iggy was the only 1 without a gun. So she spoke to her.
"You're not going to do anything to us, fool," Lori told Iggy. "Try, and I'll shoot you."
Whipwhop smirked bemusedly.
"But I have another sack full of bombs!" Iggy retorted.
"Those bombs would destroy your own kitchen," Lori calmly replied.
Iggy pondered the statement momentarily. "I suppose you're correct. I won't bomb my own kitchen, and I can't force you to do this. So I'll ask nicely instead. Please, be my supper. I'm willing to pay you, if you want," Iggy offered them.
"Deal," Spaz said, confidently, smiling.
"Shut up Spaz!" Hiphop angrily interrupted.
"No thanks," Jazz said apologetically.
"Alright fine," Iggy sighed in defeat. "Let's go outside, then. I'd like to show you around Lizartopia. It's a lot more fun than a field full of carrots."
"Are there carrots, though?" Jazz inquired.
"You know what, I'm not actually sure," Iggy answered. The 6 of them stepped out of Iggy's house and into Lizartopia. The group walked through the city with a sense of discovery and awe.
"This is a museum, this is a library, this is a restaurant, this is a park, this is a school..." Iggy informed the rest, as they passed various places.
An unidentified lizard approached them all unexpectedly.
"Do you want to buy some drugs?" The random lizard proposed.
Iggy spoke. "No, we don't do drugs."
The drug dealer lizard looked disappointed. He was even more disappointed when Jazz shot him and took his coins. It was a lot of coins.
"That was unneccessarry," Whipwhop said to Jazz.
"I got a lot of coins now though," Jazz explained.
"We better leave before that drug dealer's gang finds out about what happened. They'll probably want to shoot us back," said Whipwhop.
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"?Why are you asking so many questions?" said Jazz to another drug dealer.
"I don't know." Eltendo pointed his blaster at Jazz, and aimed at hizz headband. "I should just shoot you without letting you explain yourself." Eltendo glanced at the target rabbit.
His blaster fired a shot at Jazz.
Quickly, Jazz ate a carrot, in reovery from the bullet to his headband. He replenished his bloodflow and mineral circulation, and returned ammo at Eltendo.
"!Ouch! ?What gives?" Eltendo squealed. "Hey, let me have a healing carrot."
Jazz gave a healing carrot to Eltendo. The carrot was orange and purple.
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... In the pond out by the wayside, a literature-marked floating softball drifted idly along the coast. Hovering above the waterlevel were ~10~ drones, seemingly playing at perpetual motion
... From below the waterlevel, the oceanic vehicle named Lagwarper floated toward the pond surface, observably with focusedly awestriking immediacy
... The playing drones simultaneously shifted their attention from their ballgame to the Lagwarper raft, when it elevated through the simulative plane of the pond's average waterlevel heights
... The Lagwarper's vertical accellerration decreased to an equillibrium soon after elevating above the liquid water field. The Lagwarper communications script sent an unencrypted open-access message:
,,``[[(( GAME...OVER!!! ))]],,``
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-------
... Most of the drones heard the loud broadcast and quit balling out above the pond to start laughing instead
... The Lagwarper hang-glided in midair, then adjusted itself with some rotation while parallol to the average heights of the pondwater, until re-entering the oceans of the pond at a deflective angle
,,`` ?What is that vehicle up to? ?Why did it make us stop our game? ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` I do not know; I am wondering, ?did someone take their ball back? ,,`` - Kshal
,,`` It seems so: whomever's ball that was, it's gone now. ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` ?Is it? ?Or is it? ?Oh is it really? ,,`` - Kshal
,,`` It definitely is. ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` Definitely. ,,`` - Kshal
,,`` Thanks for the recertification. ,,`` - Luxroth
,,`` ?Would you like to have a drink of water? ,,`` - Kshal
-------
... On a trench flooring the pond, an unidentifyable softball maintainance operations officer locked the softball of note into its cage
... The literalary markings atoning the softball were embossed and fitted onto a particular region of the softball's playing field orientation
... According to imaginative contemplation, the literalary markings meant:
,,`` ,,`` SOFTBALL PROPERTY OF DENSITY INC ,,`` ,,``
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========
----
- Above the bog; starlight radiates onto the faces of Kshal & Whipwhop ...
They watch the light-rayz reflect; diffract; and distort,
At the panel where the "primordial" mixture of: water, sand & clay --
turns from a liquid solution, into a vaporious atmosphere.
Kshal & Whipwhop
just apear to be at rest, ignoring the aftereffects of their own conversation,
the jackrabbit & the bird
-> The police chief Paulmarshall aproaches the scene.
----
-> The police chief Paulmarshall seems to be aproaching the bog
from the same direction that the path of Whipwhop & Kshal --
| 19:29 | Paulmarshall:
"Yo guyz what's goody"
"Wat's going on i was just outside balling out"
| 19:30 | Whipwhop:
"Ya i kno - we were out there w/ u, nga"
| 19:32 | Paulmarshall:
"¿Oh word? i hadn't seen y'all'z faces"
----
| 19:33 | Kshal:
"We were just out here standing and talking nd tryna figure out
why our team lost in half-court"
| 19:32 | Kshal:
"The other team is suposed to be showing up later"
| 19:34 | Paulmarshall:
"We're gonna need prolly ][ blunts if we're gonna have that many ppl"
----
| 19:40 | Whipwhop:
"Aite that should be str8 then"
... while the squad's focus of perception was still turned toward the bog
it seemed asthough the bog was probably actually the centre
of gravity in their starsystem.
- Paulmarshall spun and faced the other two of them.
"¿is the fire chief planing to join us this evening?"
----
========
----
| 18:00 | Paulmarshall:
"¿so do you guyz wanna run it back over at rucker's or at the armourie tonight?"
- the three of them looked up at the horizon and thought the daylight apeared to kindof
be faking on the idea.
| 19:99 | Whipwhop:
"¿are yall just tryna play smash instead?"
| 20:00 | Kshal:
"There shouldn't be away to do that here."
----
Kshal:
"This place is too peaceful. Let's actually go to the armourie,
and try to decide there instead."
| 14:00 | Whipwhop:
"`Luxroth actually just txtd me and told me
they're shooting around at freepastswamp park 2nite..."
| 14:01 | Kshal:
"¿Are we about 2 lite these ][ blunts there then?"
----
| 21:00 | Paulmarshall:
"i'llwrite"
- At freepastswamp,
Luxroth had been
w8ing 4 the
three of them,
by hisself --
"Yo i actually left
my basketball at the
court so i could go
meet up w/ y'all.
¿How did y'all even
get here?"
; said Luxroth.
"i actually heard someone
say that girls were
gonna be over at the bog
soon so i was like yo i'm about to bounce" - Paulmarshall
| 21:04 | "¿So where r we about 2 lite this blunt?"
While... Luxroth , Paulmarshall ; Whipwhop & Kshal
toked...
they occasionally heard the echoes of dribbling, or the bouncing of balls,
from afar in an audio echo chamber that seemed to have been dampened
by the thick foliage of large trees, bushes and hedges.
It was sonically evident that NO 1-ON-1 games were being played at that time, irrespective
of the aeriely-transduced sound information (( dribbling echoes ))
----
========
----
The woodlands surrounding the basketball team were battlestruck; wartorn & desert.
There had seemed to have been 1 power struggle;
between local alien ravens & treerabbits,
over which alien race would gain priority useage of the basketball court.
A group of sparrows clashed with the jackrabbit b-ball team; eventually the groups
moved onward and passed one another, bolth projecting a kind-of nonchalant expression
of: '...today's gonna give y'all a rough time...'
dashing across the tree branch was a sloth-monkey;
the ravens and the tree-rabbits segregating themselves
by dodging toward oposite sides of the sloth-monkey.
Next; an older, domestic-looking sparrow lands in front of a member of the sparrow peer-group.
The elder-sparrow provide a youngling w/ some information regarding the squirrels & the crows.
Gracefully & bemusedly, the sparrows carried on to their athletic enclosure.
Somewhere else; Paulmarshall, Luxroth, Whipwhop, Kshal
discussed their potentially
viable options for rehydration & nourishment. Two of them got carrot salads,
and all of them drank water.
-innovations had been scarce that day.
