The Enterprise is certainly a beehive of activity - and not just because the yeomen are experimenting with new hairstyles. Here are just some of the whisperings overheard over the comms... First, a hearty welcome to all of our new transfers from the Lexington, the McGee and Starbase 88. They would respectfully like to inform the ship's betting pool that none of them have made the acquaintance of our captain previously. Better luck next time. 1 Which medical man was recently caught doctoring his meal card to give himself an extra helping of peach pie? Apparently his vow to "do no harm" doesn't apply to his own waistline. 2 Rumor has it that a certain young ensign is next in line for a promotion. This will be the latest of many accomplishments he can check off his list. It seems that an officer whom we believed to be one of Enterprise's most eligible bachelors may not be as free as a bird as one of our nightingales might wish. What other family secrets might our man of mystery be keeping? 3 We respectfully request that our budding Irish tenor add some new songs to his repertoire. Perhaps let Kathleen see herself home this time? 4 The owner of a green hoop earring would appreciate it if everyone kept an eye out for its mate. Last seen either in the officer's mess or the bowling alley. 5 All hands, rest easy. The biology department has confirmed that the mysterious furry object spotted in main engineering this week was not a tribble, as previously believed. Our sincerest apologies to the Dimoran ambassador for this unfortunate misunderstanding. 6 Rumors abound as to where our next shore leave will be taken. If the responses in our informal ballot box are any indication, top contenders include Denobula, Altair IV, Luna, and Russia. We suspect that this last selection in particular owes its popularity to a single individual, a theory which can be confirmed by a simple handwriting analysis run against ship's records. You have been warned. Our best wishes for a full recovery to our resident musketeer. Given the right lighting conditions, it's entirely possible to mistake a poisonous cactus for a sword-wielding marauder. Particularly if a member of the landing party comes up from behind you and yells, "en garde!" 7 Anyone observed making air quotes, rolling their eyes, mouthing along with or snickering during the recording of the captain's log will be re-assigned to transporter testing duty as the test payload. Due to the success of the science department's recent Christmas party, the operations division has announced a Valentine's dance. It is our wish that the senior staff will be well represented at this function. 8 Our thanks to the individual who left a plate of home-baked brownies in main engineering. They were all consumed with relish in short order. (To avoid straining the eyebrows of certain parties, we feel duty-bound to clarify that "relish" refers to enjoyment, not the condiment.) 9 Lastly, please be advised that the communications department is well-versed in Pig Latin, American Sign Language, and Morse code. Resorting to these dialects cannot guarantee your privacy. Notes 1) The Lexington is the ship Lt. Watley (Julian Bashir's maybe-possibly-probably-not ancestor who he meets in the Enterprise turbolift in Trials and Tribulations) just transferred off of. The McGee is named for Krista Abney McGee, author of the Anomaly series, and (as an afterthought) the USS Admiral John McGee, the name Ellie Bishop submitted for a new aircraft carrier, that of Tim McGee's dad. 2) In The Corbomite Maneuver, McCoy changes Kirk's diet card to salad because Kirk was putting on a little weight. Double standard much? 3) Rumors of Spock's less-than-singleness. A slight nod to TFF and DSC, too. 4) Riley, Riley, Riley. The Naked Time's songster is still warbling. 5) Guess who the owner is? Also, there is indeed a bowling alley on the Enterprise. (also mentioned by Riley in TNT) 6) Dimorus, home to a species of "rodent things" that missed Kirk and shot Gary Mitchell with a poison dart instead. Never described, so I suppose it's furry. 7) Poor Sulu. We learn of his sword prowess in TNT as well. 8) Including Kirk? The science dept Christmas party is the one where he met Helen Noel. 9) The English language is most illogical.