Improved Romulan Ale joke from Nemesis.

[Andy Hong]

So, we all know the Romulan Ale joke from Nemesis. Worf says "Romulan Ale should be illegal!" and Geordi replies "It is!". And then if memory serves, in the novelisation, Worf retorts "Then it should be more illegal!".
UPDATE 28/10/17 - Ok, that first attempt was't too good. Lemme try that again


Wedding reception:
Geordi and Guinan are conversing at a table. They hear groaning coming from another table. It is Worf, who has overdone the Romulan Ale.

Worf: Uhhhh…..

Guinan: Worf? Are you alright?

Worf: Romulan Ale…should be…illegal.

Guinan and Geordi look at each other and burst out laughing. Worf glares at them, as if to say “What is so funny?” But he knows what’s coming…

Geordi: Then you shouldn’t have campaigned so hard to make it legal!

Worf: ....What was I thinking?!

(Groans)

END SCENE



(Below was my first attempt).

Well, I thought this could be improved. So here goes....(unfortunately it's in screenplay format).

Wedding reception:
Geordi and Guinan are conversing at a table. They hear groaning coming from another table. It is Worf, who has overdone the Romulan Ale.

Worf

Uhhhh…..

Guinan

Worf? Are you alright?

Worf

Romulan Ale…should be…illegal.

Guinan and Geordi look at each other and burst out laughing. Worf glares at them, as if to say “What is so funny?” But he knows what’s coming…

Geordi

Then you shouldn’t have campaigned so hard to make it legal!

Guinan

Giving speeches, attending protests, organizing petitions, taking part in interviews and debates…

Worf

....What was I thinking?!

(Groans)

END SCENE.

 

[urbandefault]

That's not better.

 

[Tosk]

 

[sojourner]

Your attempts to make a Klingon funny are Worfless.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Maybe move this to "Tell your best clean Star Trek joke"? I really don't want that thread to die if there's still more jokes to be had...

 

[Andy Hong]

Blast...maybe I made the thing too cerebral?

 

[Orac]

Andy, I think your humour is so complex many are unable to understand it.

 

[Andy Hong]

(Sigh) I must watch too much Daily Show and Colbert and SNL....

 

[Jay Everington]

It's too wordy, IMO. Little jokes like that are best when the dialogue is quick and snappy. When you're writing a script specifically to be read, it's also best to keep the direction to a minimum so that it reads the way it would play out on screen. Otherwise, the flow of the dialogue gets interrupted by the direction.

So, instead of:

Guinan and Geordi look at each other and burst out laughing. Worf glares at them, as if to say “What is so funny?” But he knows what’s coming…

Just use:

Guinan and Geordi burst out laughing.

For example, here's a little joke I put into a Trek script I'm currently working on:

 

[Andy Hong]

Well, I had 2 other suggestions....(Exospeak gags)

1: For Into Darkness, when Spock is trapped in the volcano, Bones could refer to the device as a Cold Fusion device, and Spock could correct him "It is not a Cold Fusion Device ,Doctor. This is clearly an Endothermic Detonator". At which point Bones yells "Not important right now Spock!".

(Star Wars thermal detonator -> thermic detonator -> endothermic detonator. Would this have been a better name? Bit wordy ad cerebral I guess...).

2: Beyond: When McCoy says "cut the horse**** Spock" and Spock replies "Doctor, I fail to see how excrement of any kind bears relevance in our current situation.". I would probably have got Spock to drily remark "I see you prefer the equine version. The Captain prefers the bovine variety". At which point Bones would go "What? Oh right, bull".

 

[sojourner]

Or better yet:

" what is the human preoccupation with herbivore excrement?"

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

That line never made sense to me anyway. In "Inter Arma Emin Silent Leges" due to the Federation-Romulan alliance the trade embargo had been lifted and Starfleet personnel were freely partaking of Romulan Ale. After the end of the war, there's no reason to believe that the old hostilities would've resurfaced, in fact it looked like the Dominion War helped to improve relations between the Federation and Romulan Empire (the fact that Romulan Ale is being liberally served at a wedding between two Starfleet officers kinda shows that some form of trading relationship still exists). Granted its been a while since I last suffered through Nemesis, but I don't recall any indication that the two powers were adversaries once again.

 

[Andy Hong]

Oh yeah....I just thought of something where Spock thinks you have reached for your dessert prematurely? (wonder if I can ever get Zachary to say this? I think there was a MTV round table interview with the cast of Into Darkness where they got Zachary to say things as Spock)
Spock: "I do not think you are ready for this jelly".

 

[sojourner]

I don't get it?