I Just Dropped a Chili Cheese Frito and it Vanished

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by ThankQ, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. ThankQ

    ThankQ Admiral Admiral

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    Beam me up, Chester. I know, I know, I’m mixing my chips mascots. So I’m sitting here doing some online shopping for por… Portnoy’s Complaint first editions, that’s the ticket, and I’m snacking on a little dollar-sized bag of Chili Cheese Fritos. Still with me? I don’t wanna go too fast and lose you. So I reach into the bag and retrieve a single Frito, a.k.a. FritoSolo to those in the industry, and bring it up to my mouth. Apparently, my success rate of managing to put a Frito in my mouth without any mishaps along the way is not as high as I would have thought. I reached for my mouth yet brushed the Frito against my lip with just the right force, from the just right angle to cause me to fumble my Frito just like I were Mark Sanchez running into a butt.

    But here’s where things get interesting. In my peripheral vision I saw the Frito fall. It fell straight down, as Fritos tend to fall, and struck the outside of the hand-pouch of my hoodie and bounced then to I know not where. No, really, I don’t know where. I roll back in my chair and look down to find the fallen Frito and it is nowhere to be seen. I mean, no where. This is a simple desk with four legs and there’s no clutter about the floor. There are no little animals running about who could have some snatched it before I could find it. There’s nothing on the floor for it to fall behind. It didn’t fall into my hoodie pouch. I checked multiple times. This Frito fucking flew the coop. The Frito has vanished. This is one freaky Frito. I don’t mind telling you, I’m afraid to drop anything else.

    Share with us all your banal curiosities. Put your keys in the fridge and your purse in the oven? Your car mysteriously move to the other side of the parking lot while you were inside shopping? Put our minds at ease so we can rest with the comforting knowledge we’re all equally one Frito away from madness.
     
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  2. cosmic mouse

    cosmic mouse Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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  3. Relayer1

    Relayer1 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    It's true.

    I saw it.
     
  4. Avro Arrow

    Avro Arrow Rear Admiral Moderator

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    I’m still trying to get over the fact that wherever you are from, Fritos come in a Chili cheese flavour...
     
  5. Ar-Pharazon

    Ar-Pharazon Vice Admiral Premium Member

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    I've had them a lot, but never realized it also said "cheese" after "chili". Maybe that's been my ongoing blonde moment. They're damn good, as are the honey bbq twists. I can't say aliens have ever stolen any of my Fritos, though they do drink a lot of my alcohol...the bastards.
     
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  6. Kor

    Kor Admiral Admiral

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    In certain online discussion circles, the disappearing Frito might be considered an example of a real-life "glitch in the Matrix," evidence that the reality we think we know is actually not all it appears to be.

    I used to eat these a lot in high school and college, in the US.

    Kor
     
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  7. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Subspace funnel. It's floating somewhere in a nebula now.
     
  8. Owain Taggart

    Owain Taggart Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Not quite, but I did have a rather embarrassing but funny situation happen a few years ago. So, I went to the store to do an errand, the person I was with decided to stay in the vehicle and I guess I must not have paid attention to where the vehicle was parked. As I was coming out of the store, I headed straight towards a same model/colour vehicle, opened the door and hopped in. Turned to look at the driver and was surprised to find a different person. After a moment, I apologized and exited and resumed my search. The other side of it is, I keep wondering how perplexed they must have been.
     
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  9. Australis

    Australis Writer Admiral

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    There's a subreddit called Glitch In The Matrix That shit happens all the time. "I dropped my pencil and it vanished. Turned up in the spot it would have fallen, but a year later" kinda thing.
     
  10. feek61

    feek61 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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  11. Give-a Give-a Give-a Garland

    Give-a Give-a Give-a Garland Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Some people have magnetic personalities. Some people are inherently repulsive to even the smallest of children. In my case, small objects fear me in ways I cannot comprehend.

    I kid you not--I drop something and it will bounce and/or roll in such peculiar ways to evade recovery. Scampering under other objects, blending in with surroundings, or finding the gap by which to exit the visible surface. Aside from this, I'm also convinced I have the inherent and uncontrollable ability to cause microscopic black holes to spontaneously appear and disappear at just the right timing to take objects away from me forever.

    As such, I've had to compensate by practically tying threads and strings to every small item I have that cannot be tethered to my person or something else. ;)
     
  12. ThankQ

    ThankQ Admiral Admiral

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    So I could get my Chili Cheese Frito back. This is exciting news.
     
  13. urbankringle

    urbankringle Commodore Commodore

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    Sickbay, dammit.
  14. Kor

    Kor Admiral Admiral

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    Now I have to get a bag of those for old times' sake. Thanks a lot, you guys.

    Kor
     
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  15. Jayson1

    Jayson1 Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    When I say this thread title I thought it was a Jayson thread until I realized that's me and I didn't make it! Me I also have had food vanish as well. Am I the only one who has eaten so fast that you forgot you just ate it like a few minutes ago. I made 5 boiled eggs today and when I was eating them I looked down and only noticed I had 2 left. I had no idea I had already ate 3 of them.

    Jason
     
  16. Australis

    Australis Writer Admiral

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    Might be stale though. YMMV.
     
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  17. ThankQ

    ThankQ Admiral Admiral

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    Not unlike ourselves.
     
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  18. Australis

    Australis Writer Admiral

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    Sadly true.
     
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  19. Asbo Zaprudder

    Asbo Zaprudder Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Katy Perry's much less successful follow-up to "I kissed a girl and I liked it"?

    Douglas Adams posited that there's a whole planet where lost biros go. Perhaps there exists a world for each Platonic form that is mislaid.

    ETA: @Jayson1 - you should probably eat more fibre/fiber.
     
  20. rhubarbodendron

    rhubarbodendron Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    You apparently did such an intense online shopping that the computer overheated. The CPU-fan had to rotate like crazy and that caused a tiny wormhole to form. When your frito fell into it, it interrupted the gravitational pull and the black hole collapsed after the frito had slipped through.
    You'll propably find it at whatever point in space all these sock-eating black holes in washing machines stash their loot.
     
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