Hard Sci Fi Novelization of the Corbomite Maneuver!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Canon, Jan 23, 2019.

  1. Canon

    Canon Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

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    Hi everyone, this is an adaption of "The Corbomite Maneuver" in a modern "Hard Sci-Fi" setting- I really hope you like it!

    Prologue

    The Spacecraft Enterprise was the first known vessel to venture this deeply into the outer Oort Cloud, but over 4 years into their mission, and the crew was already bored. All except Spock. There seemed to be nothing out there but identical planetoids and comets, but the Enterprise's Science Officer was determined to catalogue every one. They floated alone in the spacecraft's small Astrodome, eyes closed, meditating, as their cyborg components interfaced with the sensors. In their mind's eye, they could see the infinite expanse spread out before them, a puzzle, with all the pieces scattered. Fascinating.

    “1512 days of this now…” said the Enterprises’ youngest and newest crewmember, once a bright eyed, almost childish and naive ensign, now seasoned by the monotony of the mission, which didn't seem to excite her as much as it had in the beginning… “other ships must have made maps of some of this.”

    “Negative, Lieutenant Bayley”. said Spock, distracted from their meditation, but not annoyed. Annoyance was an emotion…

    “...We are the first to reach this far. It is actually very exciting!”

    Bayley rolled her eyes, but stayed to watch the stars with Spock. Suddenly, something caught her eye. “Look!”. Perfect timing- finally, something just a little bit out of the ordinary, to lighten the mood.

    “I am already aware of the object, Lieutenant. The glow is probably caused by a rare mineral deposit.”

    “Corbomite?” wondered Bayley. The stuff of space legends…

    “Negative, Corbomite is a mythical substance. This object here is clearly... “

    “It's moving towards us!” came the voice of Navigator Sulu from the control room. Usually the most confident of the crew (except Spock, of course), now she sounded worried.

    Out the Astrodome, the strange glowing pinpoint of light had resolved into a cubical shape.

    “The Borg?” Bayley wondered once more, with a mixture of awe and terror.

    “Also mythical, Lieutenant Bayley. But this…”

    “...is like nothing we've encountered before!” Sulu finished for them.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2019
  2. uniderth

    uniderth Commodore Commodore

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    Interesting. I like the idea of them only being out in the Oort cloud. But why would Bayley wonder about Corbomite, if that was something Kirk made up in the original episode? Also why would she be wondering about the Borg?
     
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  3. Canon

    Canon Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

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    Thanks! In this story, the Borg are known in space rumors, although the Enterprise itself hasn't encountered them yet. Here, Corbomite is the name of another mythical substance, and Kirk will later use that name for a different purpose...

    Obviously, the original will always be the best, but I thought it would be fun to try a slightly different take on a classic story...
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2019
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  4. Canon

    Canon Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

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    CHAPTER ONE

    The Enterprise was a massive spacecraft, dwarfing the automated cubical craft that had crossed its sensors- and it was a ship with a rather large crew, including several alternating captains. Captain Kirk, commander of the craft's Alpha Shift, still wasn't sure why she had been awakened from cryosleep ahead of schedule.

    The Enterprises’ next destination of note was the M-113 planetoid, the charting of asteroids and comets in the meantime was better left to the primary first officer, Spock, now in temporary command. Kirk was still stuck in the medical bay, recovering her physical strength after nearly a year frozen.

    At least Dr. McCoy, her close personal friend, was still here- although after an hour workout, that seemed like a mixed blessing. McCoy had a tendency for small talk, but she seemed to know as little about what was going on as Kirk did.

    “Looking forward to seeing Nancy, Bones?”

    “Ah, about that, we've had a slight diversion…”

    “... a diversion? Out here?”

    “Spock wouldn't tell me what in blazes it is, but we gotta get your physical done first! You're still not-”

    “Control Room!” Kirk called to the ship's AI, opening an instant neural link to Spock. “What's going on here?”

    Have a look at this, Captain”. Kirk's mind was enveloped in the image of a surprisingly colorful, spinning cube- it reminded her of a toy she used to play with when she was very young, but this was something very different. Something new. Could it be? An alien artifact.

    McCoy sighed. She didn't have the “privilege” of a direct connection to Spock, but she wished that the captain would listen to her for once. “What am I, a doctor, or a moon shuttle conductor”! She continued to ramble, but when she finally turned away from the medical files, she realized that Kirk had gotten up and left for the Control Room- McCoy had been talking to herself…
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2019
  5. Canon

    Canon Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

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    (I just realized I spelled "Maneuver" incorrectly in the thread title- embarrassing! Is there any way to fix it?
    Bayley is also spelled differently, but I think I'll keep that one)

    Captain Kirk rode the lift that passed through the central spine of her great spacecraft, communicating with Spock all the way.
    “Any signs of danger from the cube?”

    Negative. Whatever it is, it seems to want to just hold us here.”

    “Maybe we've finally reached some kind of barrier, a line that we're not supposed to cross? Someone wants to keep us from probing on ahead.”

    A very Illogical statement, Captain. Its motives are unknown to us, but there is no reason to suspect that it is hostile. I suspect that, wherever it came from, its mission is similar to our own.”

    “Well, let's just be careful then, okay Spock? Assemble all the department heads in the Control Room, yes, including Dr. McCoy. I'll be there shortly- Kirk out.”


    Bayley took her station at the main Astrogation console, right next to Sulu, who was too absorbed in her calculations to notice her arrival. But then someone else floated down from behind her- Spock, again, this time disturbing Bayley, just as she had to them.

    “Lieutenant, when Captain Kirk arrives, she will expect a full report on…”

    “The cube's range and position, I'll have it by then!”

    “Quite unnecessary to raise your voice, Lieutenant.”

    “I guess I'm just a little jumpy.”

    “Might I suggest toning down your adrenaline gland? Or have you considered having it removed?”

    Sulu finally noticed the conversation, and couldn't help wryly glancing over. “Try to cross brains with Spock- they'll cut you to pieces every time!”

    Bayley laughed along with her fellow navigator, but inside she felt conflicted. She had been so excited when the mission began, but that excitement had been eroded away by the motonony of the mission, and maybe a few of her “adventures” as well. Now, the excitement had returned, but it was more like fear… fear of the unknown. Also, staring at that colorful, whirling cube was getting extremely annoying. Despite Sulu's surprising attempt to make conversation, Bayley returned to her work. She wasn't particularly looking forward to seeing Captain Kirk again, but she wanted to do a good job anyway...
     
  6. Count Zero

    Count Zero No nation but procrastination Moderator

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    This is a very interesting take on the story. Looking forward to reading more.

    I changed it.
     
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  7. Canon

    Canon Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

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    Thank you! I'm sorry for the break in posting, more will be coming soon!
     
  8. Tenacity

    Tenacity Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Questions.

    Is the Enterprise a sublight only ship?

    If they have been traveling outwards from Earth for four years with the same crew (no transfers) would Lieutenant Bayley still be considered the "newest crewmember?"

    Is the entire crew female? Or is a consistent gender swap with Uhura and Rand to be identified as male?
     
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  9. Canon

    Canon Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

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    The Enterprise is (for now) a sublight vehicle exploring the Oort Cloud-
    However, there was a crew transfer at one point, after the previous navigators' Kelso and Mitchell were killed. (The next section will allude to this somewhat, but I do plan to write a prequel story adapting "Where No Man Has Gone Before". ) But anyhow, that would make Bayley the newest, especially compared to Spock, who has been onboard for much longer...

    I'm afraid the gender of the characters is not consistently flipped- Spock is nonbinary, and Rand is male, if only to try to subvert the stereotypes. Although I don't expect it to really matter with regards to the story, feel free to picture the characters as whoever you want.
    Thank you for reading and interesting questions!
     
  10. uniderth

    uniderth Commodore Commodore

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    Interesting. I thought you were using this as a form of realism by making the entire crew female. As (generally speaking) females are lighter and consume less resources making them better suited for a long distance voyage.

     
  11. Canon

    Canon Lieutenant Junior Grade Red Shirt

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    While I don't personally see that as sexist, I'm afraid my main reason for changing the gender of the characters was to try to make up for the sexism of certain original series episodes. But since Star Trek can be about both social issues and space travel issues, the scientific reasoning for it works too- I was aware of that concept, although I hadn't seen that video before- thanks!

    I think it's important that the crew were selected for their capabilities rather than their physical bodies, though. I also didn't want to sexualize the characters, which is why I changed Kirk's physical scene to an "awakening from cryosleep" scene. I don't think weight would be that much of an issue on a spacecraft as massive as the Enterprise,
    but resources would be, which is why the crew works in shifts with not everyone awakened from suspended animation at the same time.

    It's really quite arbitrary, but this is also supposed to be hard science fiction, so it's really nice to know that in the future something like this could be a reality as well.