Funny Airline Chatter

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Any of you ever been on a plane and hear stuff like this? (especially the last one...)

I usually don't. Only time I ever did hear anything like that is when I was a junior in HS and was looking at colleges. I flew to Chicago to check out Northwestern, and on the flight over there (which was a red-eye), there were like six people on the plane and so they put us all in first class. The flight attendant was joking around with us, like "In case we spiral down into Lake Michigan, feel free to place your head between your legs and continue to pray..."

 

[Bloodwhiner]

I was on a flight once to Tegucigalpa, Honduras that after two aborted landing attempts at Toncantin Airport diverted to San Pedro Sula for local crew to board and fly us in to our destination. As the Eastern Airlines crew walked off I heard the pilot say to another crew member "That place is a deathtrap."

Passengers weren't allowed to get off... talk about a nervous flight.

 

[Finn]

^Eastern Airlines is gone. Serves them right.

 

[SmoothieX]

We had a flamingly gay guy read us the safety announcements on a leg of our Alaskan trip last year.

He just made pithy comments along the way. When he talked about using the seat cushion as a flotation device, he said something "...and blue polyester fabric is so in this summer. Fabulous!"

 

[mari]

I almost always fly Southwest, so jokes are part of the script. Some of them I can say along with the crew now.

 

[sojourner]

Heard as I passed the cockpit while boarding a flight once:

"You find the switch for the windshield wipers yet?"

 

[John Picard]

Before 9/11, I always used to board the plane and peek into the cockpit to see if the crew were present. I'd ask if the Navigator was sobered up or if they studied the map and had an idea where we were headed. The pilot/co-pilot would always have a quick quip in response.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Some tips for avoiding the chatty neighbor sitting next to you who won't shut the fuck up:

- Sleep. That usually works best.

- Play dead

- Act like the random street lunatic holding lengthy debates with individual oxygen atoms

- Hit on flight attendant of your own choice

 

[sojourner]

^see, your #3 doesn't work anymore. People just assume you have a bluetooth headset these days.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ Trust me, there's ways around that. Keep clawing at your head. Wear a tinfoil hat (literally). Walk around with your face 5 inches from the ground.

Don't ask me how I know these things.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

Laser, people still like me and I can hold random conversations with myself.

 

[Jim Gamma]

I was on a train to London once, and there were a pair of people running for the train. One jumped on whilst the other went to get the tickets.

The driver tried to close the doors but the woman was holding them open.

He came over the tannoy saying "Please stand clear of the doors." She didn't move.

He waited a few seconds, tried again and repeated the request.

Third time? "GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU BLOODY COW!"

By that time the tickets had been purchased and her friend had boarded, so the doors could close.

This being England, the reaction was a subdued smile from several passengers, and not much else.