Where would your secret lair be and why?
Inside a Super Wal-Mart in West Bumfuk, Idaho (screw those guys in East Bumfuk; they're too uptight to chill in my lair).
- Cheap, expendable labor with minimal benefits (don't want to pay out insurance on dead henchmen). Good chance that a lot of them need new teeth or limbs, so I'll offer them sharpened steel teeth or serrated claws free of charge.
- I can keep lots of knives and guns on the sales floor for easy access without anyone questioning it.
- I can place my command center's secret entrance and escape hatch in low traffic areas (book and hygiene sections) to avoid notice.
- If anyone tells the government that there's an evil organization bent on world domination operating out of there, they'll just shake their heads and say "Yeah, we know, it's a Wal-Mart."
What would your doomsday weapon be?
The Indescribatron. A weapon so vast and complex, that I literally will be unable to describe what it does when I invite 007 to dinner before his execution and lay out my entire plan. Possibly something to do with weather manipulation, or it could give everyone a genetically modified strain of swine syphilis. I don't know.
007:
"Since you're going to kill me tomorrow anyway, why not tell me your plan, Dr. Saytin?"
Me:
"Damned if I know, Mr. Bond. But it will surely bring about global armageddon, or at least painful inflammation in the groin region. Muhahahahahahahaha!"
And would you fill the tank that you drop the hero spy into with?
A school of my own special breed of Miniature Giant Squid. For the sake of irony. Imagine the welts 007 will suffer!